by L. B. Reyes
“Maybe she just needs time alone,” Carter said. “She wasn't ready for something like that.”
“Why would she be?” I asked. Despite what her family had done in the past, deep in her heart I knew Evelyn still believed and had hope for them. She didn't think they would ever purposely hurt her, not like this.
The one thing I was sure of was that as soon as Evelyn was found, Josh would get what he deserved. As would Hannah.
They were pitiful, immature people, hurting others for their own benefit. They didn't care who they damaged or destroyed in the process and for that, they would pay.
The buzzing of my phone brought me out of my thoughts.
“Oh, fuck. It’s Evie,” I said, standing up. “Evie, oh, thank God. Are you okay? Where are you?”
“Hey. Nope, not Evelyn. But, I know where you can find her,” the woman on the other line said. “You ready?”
***
I walked into Tessa's frantically searching the place. She immediately spotted me, a concerned expression was etched all over her face, one that I had never seen before in the time that I had known her.
“Where is she?” I asked.
Tessa motioned for me to follow her as she led me through a small hallway into what I knew was her office. I frowned, raising an eyebrow in question.
“She's not herself,” Tessa said in a quiet voice.
I didn't wait for her to explain what she meant and opened the door. Evelyn was sitting on top of the desk, a large bottle of vodka in her hands and a smile on her face.
“Darn it,” Evie shrugged, taking a sip of the alcohol. “You found me.”
“She's been drinking a lot. I figured if she was going to do it she could do it here, where I could keep an eye on her.”
I swallowed. “Thanks. I'll take it from here.”
Tessa nodded, throwing one last supportive glance my way before shutting the door behind her.
Evelyn looked like a completely different person. It wasn't the alcohol or the crazy bun she wore, but the distant look in her eyes. She smiled, standing up and stumbling my way. I caught her, making her giggle for no apparent reason.
“You always catch me,” she said, digging her index finger in my chest. Evie wrinkled her nose and took another swig of the liquid before freeing herself from my grasp. “You really shouldn't any…more.”
As funny as she looked removing the shoes from her feet and tossing them with no coordination towards the desk, I couldn't bring myself to feel the slightest bit amused. She really wasn't herself at all.
“Why shouldn't I catch you?” I asked, dodging the next shoe.
She smiled and then started laughing hysterically. For a few minutes, that's the only sound that met my ears, the laugh that other times could make my day, give me a reason to keep going. Except for this time the laugh was anything but real; it was forced. Pained.
“Because I'm not worth it anymore,” she slurred, as her laugh quieted down.
“Evelyn—”
“I'm trash.” Evelyn looked down at the bottle in her hands as she leaned against the wall behind her; her sad, desperate eyes meeting my own as she sipped once again. “I'm someone everyone's seen now, like a prostitute. Someone who can't be for your eyes only anymore because everyone knows what type of trash-”
“No,” I stopped her, snatching the bottle from her hands. She glared at me, stumbling as she tried to take the bottle back.
I tossed the bottle in the trash can, hearing it break and the growl that left Evelyn's throat.
“That was mine. Just like my privacy, but that was taken from me too,” she hissed.
“I'm not going to watch how you drink yourself away, Evie. I won't allow that.”
“Fuck you,” she spat. In an attempt to rush towards the door she tripped, landing in my arms again.
“You're drunk, Evelyn. Let me take you home.”
She laughed again, but this time her eyes filled with tears. “You mean so my sister can tell me what a burden I am, how many problems I cause? So my mom and dad can tell me that I'm a disappointment and a slut for fucking you of all people? No, thank you. Besides, I don't have a home anyways.”
I shook my head, cupping her face in my hands. “Evelyn, don't speak that way. You are not a slut. You are not a disappointment.”
“Don't lie,” she sniffled. “That's all I am. If not, why else would someone do this to me? Who would hurt me like this?”
“A stupid, stupid person, Evie, but that's not your fault.”
“But why?” she was sobbing. Her pain was finally making its way through. Shoulders shaking with the intensity of her crying, Evie fell to her knees, burying her face in her hands. “What did I do to deserve this?”
I knelt beside her, taking her into my arms. She no longer fought. Instead, she held onto to my shirt as if her life depended on it.
“Let me take you somewhere else, hm? I won't take you home. I'll rent a hotel room or something, does that sound okay?”
Evie nodded, hiccupping against my chest.
I carried her out of Tessa's and into my car, calling Carter and Jenna so that they would know that Evelyn was with me. After that, I drove to a hotel, rented a room so that we could stay the night. I helped Evie get out of her clothes down to her underwear. She giggled for a moment when she couldn't get out of her jeans and then lay down, covering herself with the sheets.
Drunkenly, Evie stared at me as I undressed as well. I climbed into bed with her and pulled her to my chest, hearing the relaxed sigh that left her lips.
“Evie?”
She hummed, closing her eyes as the exhaustion began to take over.
“You'll always be worth catching.”
CHAPTER 41
Evelyn
A pounding headache was what I woke up with. My body ached, my heart hurt and my mind raced with the memories of everything that happened. I didn't open my eyes, afraid that I would cry yet again. I was so tired of crying, so tired of that pointless, miserable life. It was nothing like I thought it would be. Bit by bit, everything that I wished my life would be was slipping through my fingers with no explanation.
Maybe I was paying for something I did in another life, or maybe I was in the wrong and this was my punishment for not seeing it earlier.
A warm hand touched my face with a gentle caress, making my breath hitch and numbing the pain of betrayal just a little. I could feel his eyes on me, analyzing and gauging my reaction.
You'll always be worth catching.
I lay there for I don't know how long, eyes closed and hiding from the rest of the world. That's all I wanted to do. When someone takes something like your intimacy and your sense of privacy away like they own it, like it doesn't matter, it does a number on your self-esteem.
The world gets a view of your life without your approval, making you feel like you have no right to decide anything on your own. It makes you paranoid, resentful…cautious. I didn't think I would be able to live without worrying that someone was watching me as I slept or as I showered.
It wasn't until I felt a tear running down my cheek that I realized I was crying. My chest felt tight, like all the feelings were just underneath the surface, threatening to burst free at any moment. I didn't want that, I didn't want to cry anymore.
“Open your eyes,” Nathan said softly, his tired and aching voice somehow soothing the wound. “Open your eyes, Evie. Let me see you.”
I swallowed and took a deep breath. Opening my eyes would mean that it was all real. It would mean that there was a reality that I would have to face; I couldn't just hide away and pretend that it was all a nightmare. I wasn't sure I was ready for that.
“I don't want to,” I replied.
I held on to the sheets, trying to shield myself from reality, but reality kept trying to push itself in. Reality wanted me to face it.
“I feel lost,” I whispered. “How do I stop feeling this way?”
“First you need to open up your eyes to see where you're going.
”
My heart was racing. However, I didn't have much of a choice. I could either let myself rot in that bed, wherever the hell we were, or I could try to muster up some strength.
With a sigh, I opened my eyes slowly, tentatively. I was met with the soft light of a lamp, the only thing illuminating the otherwise dark room. And then I was met with gray eyes that swirled with blue, so intense and worried that my breath caught in my throat. More than anything, it was the warm smile that accompanied them that made me falter.
It said everything would be okay.
That he wouldn't leave me, not again.
The problem was that I no longer believed it.
It was in that moment that I realized how broken my trust was. I didn't believe in anyone anymore. When it became too much to bear, I looked up to the ceiling and simply stared. His eyes were still on me but I couldn't look at him; I was ashamed.
“What time is it?” I asked.
“It's only five,” he murmured, brushing my hair out of my face. I tensed, both hating and craving more of his touch. I turned away from him not missing the way his smile fell. “You should rest more. I bet the hangover will suck if you're not at least well rested.”
“I'm fine,” I mumbled, closing my eyes.
I felt like complete and utter shit. There was so much to still confront, and I felt too weak to do it. All my courage was gone.
“Did you see it?” I wasn't sure that I wanted the answer to that question. If he saw it then that meant that not only did my class see it, but others probably had that video in their possession as well.
“David is handling it,” Nathan replied. That was my answer.
“The whole…school?”
“Your professor informed the Dean immediately. I'm sure it's being handled, Evie.”
Scoffing, I sat up, shaking my head. “It doesn't matter, Nathan. Everyone probably saw it already. Besides, you have nothing to worry about. Your face was blurred.”
Nathan stiffened next to me. He looked away and dread filled me. There was more to it, there were things that I still didn't know.
“What is it?” I hissed, pulling my eyebrows together. “Who else got it?”
He lay on his side, head propped up with a hand and the other hand on my bare thigh. Nate cleared his throat as he searched for the courage to say whatever else had happened. “Listen, Evie…David is already trying to handle it.”
“Who else got it?” I asked again, needing to hear the truth.
“The company board members,” Nathan said.
“No,” I breathed, shaking my head. “No. How? I don't understand, who would do that to me, Nathan?” I asked searching for an answer. “I've done nothing to hurt anyone, nothing. Who would—”
My eyes widened at the realization and my heart broke even more. My lip quivered as the cold dose of reality ran through my veins. “No…she wouldn't do that to me.”
Nathan said nothing and that was enough. That was all the answer I needed.
“No,” I sobbed. “No. Why would she do this to me? Why? I'm not perfect but I don't deserve this.”
Nathan pulled me into his arms, wrapping them around me as I cried. I never thought she would do something like that to me, no matter how bad of a relationship we had. I thought she would at least have an ounce of respect for me. However, she truly didn't care and that was the ultimate proof.
***
When I woke up again a few hours later, Nathan had an arm wrapped around me while he was sound asleep. I let myself admire him for a moment; as much as I still loved him, I didn't feel like things would ever be the same between us.
There were things yet to be explained and perhaps that's what was missing, but I was too betrayed to feel anything other than anger or pain. I ran my fingers over his face, memorizing his peaceful expression as he rested. I placed my fingers over his soft lips. Lips I would always remember. Lips that knew my body better than I did.
“I love you,” I whispered, giving him a kiss.
“Why does this feel like a goodbye?” he asked, opening his eyes. I bit my lip, unable to find an answer. It wasn't a goodbye, but it was definitely a break from us, from everything. I needed time to clear my mind, try to get myself together. Try to find myself because I didn't even know who I was anymore.
“I need you to tell me exactly what happened, Nathan,” I said, finally gaining the courage to confront what happened between us. “I need to know everything, why this happened because I—I don't understand where I messed up. I don't get it.”
“I'll tell you everything as soon as you eat something, okay?”
“I'm not—”
“I know you're not hungry, Evie, but you need to eat. Deal?”
The genuine concern in his eyes was what convinced me. He looked so worried. Nathan called room service while I went ahead and brushed my teeth and washed my face. My eyes were swollen and my face was free of any makeup. I looked like a disaster. Still, Nathan kept looking at me with such care that it hurt.
After I put on a robe, we ate in silence, the sun shining through the window trying to brighten up the day. It wasn't working, not for me. I could tell Nathan was struggling, searching for a way to tell me the things that had happened without my knowledge. Still, he was trying to protect me.
But I didn't want to be protected anymore, I didn't want to be shielded from reality. My heart was already broken. What did it matter if there was another crack added?
It couldn't possibly make it worse.
As hurt as I was, I knew I'd find a way to keep going. I never thought I would find a way to recover after Nana's death and yet, as much as it hurt, I was still there. Still breathing. But I had Nathan then.
Now I wasn't sure who was with me.
“Just tell me what happened,” I said quietly.
Nathan took a deep breath, setting his fork down. He searched my face for any doubt or hesitation. When he didn't find it, he started talking, telling me about how my sister bribed him with the video and the divorce. How she'd asked him to end things with me or she'd publicize the video. How they'd all signed an agreement in which they stated no one was to bring the subject up.
What broke my heart was hearing how my own blood had gotten the idiot who had tried to rape me to do the dirty work. She knew how much he'd hurt me and that didn't matter to her. All that mattered was her desire to tear me apart. What type of sick and twisted individual would do that?
I found no comfort in knowing that she supposedly regretted what she had done because I knew she regretted it for the wrong reasons. Ironically, board members had also received the video. It was just what she needed to get me voted off. It was just something that she knew Josh would do. It had been too much of a coincidence to be an accident. And my parents, I expected nothing from them, not after everything. It turned out that I was alone, I only had myself to rely on and it was the worst feeling ever.
“I wish you would have told me,” I said, looking away from him.
Nodding, he took my hand in his, running his thumb over my knuckles. “I should have, and I'm sorry that I didn't. I thought…I thought I was protecting you, but I was stupid, Evie. If I had known…fuck, if I'd known I would have never hidden this from you.”
“I know,” I said with a small smile.
I stood up, walking over to the window. It was so beautiful outside, the type of day you just want to enjoy with your loved ones outside.
Nathan walked up behind me, turning me around and cupping my face in his hands.
“I'm so sorry, Evelyn,” The apology cut straight through my heart..
“It's not your fault, Nathan. I just wish things were different…”
Nathan swallowed, leaning in and kissing me. I sighed, closing my eyes at the tender touch. It wasn't passionate, it wasn't the type of kiss that makes you want to take off all your clothes. It was the type of kiss that's heart-wrenching. The type of kiss that you give when there are no words to express the sorrow and guilt felt.
&n
bsp; A kiss full of uncertainty.
I broke it off, remaining with my eyes closed.
“You were right about one thing, though,” I whispered, swallowing.
“What is it?”
I gave him a sad smile, running my fingers through his hair one last time.
“It is time for us to take a little break.”
CHAPTER 42
Evelyn
Nathan winced as if the words had physically hurt him. As if the words had made contact with his heart and made it bleed. He lowered his hand away from my face and took a step back, creating distance between us. It hurt, but I stayed where I was, realizing that it was for the best. If I was close to him, I'd want him to hold me like he always did. I couldn't risk it. I had to stay strong.
I nibbled on my lip, wrapping my arms over myself as if it would ease the pain that I also felt.
“Frankly, I think that taking a break—it's the stupidest thing I've done,” Nathan said, scratching the back of his head. “I mean, I've fucked up a lot but not being with you is the dumbest choice I've made.”
“I don't know who I am anymore,” I said, trying to keep it together. “I look in the mirror and don't recognize myself. I'm lost, Nathan. I need to figure out who I am and I need to do it on my own.”
Nathan sighed, running his hand over his face. Through the pain in his expression, I also saw understanding.
Pride.
“I get it, Evie. I just wish I could be with you through all of it,” he said quietly.
I took a seat at the edge of the bed, placing my hands on my lap, my gaze set on the floor. Why is it so damn hard to leave the past behind?
Nathan knelt in front of me, tilting my chin up. “I understand, Evelyn. You've been hurt in a way you never were before, you're trying to get through it. It's okay to look out for yourself first.”
“Yeah,” I breathed, unable to find other words to express what I felt. “I feel guilty though. For doing this to you, like I'm being selfish.”
