by Ella Miles
He comes right after me before collapsing on top of me. Our bodies stay pressed together for several minutes. In these few precious moments, our bodies are one.
And I know now that he will hurt me. As soon as he gets up and goes to clean himself off, he will rip me apart, taking a small part of me with him I can never get back. Because that was the best sex of my life. That’s how sex is supposed to be. I just hope when he does finally leave, it only leaves a small hole in my heart instead of a gaping wound in his wake.
Heat creeps up my neck, waking me. I try to move, but I can’t. Killian’s body is heavy on top of mine. His stubble scratches against my chest when I try to move.
We fell asleep. I try to glance at a clock, but I don’t find one. How long have we been sleeping like this? I try to move, and I find he is still buried inside me. Although he doesn’t fill me quite the same way he did before.
This can’t be happening. He was supposed to leave as soon as this was over. If anyone catches him leaving my room in the morning, we are going to be out of time to decide what we want to do. My grandfather will force us into getting married when that’s clearly not what either of us wants. So, why did Killian fall asleep on top of me then? If he doesn’t want to be with me, why is he still here?
“Killian,” I whisper. I don’t know why I’m whispering. Maybe it’s because I’m ashamed of what we just did. I don’t sleep with strange men—although Killian isn’t a stranger anymore. I don’t do this though. I’m a good girl. I don’t sleep with someone on the first date—except I just did.
“Killian,” I say louder.
He stirs slightly, but my voice isn’t enough to wake him.
“Killian!” I say even louder.
His eyes open wide, and his body jerks off of mine. We both wince at the loss we feel as soon as his body leaves mine. I close my eyes and take a deep breath. I will not let the pain overtake rational thought. I will not.
“You need to go,” I say without opening my eyes.
I feel his hand against my cheek, brushing my hair off my face. “If that’s what you want,” he says softly.
I keep my eyes closed, afraid I will cry if I open them. I refuse to be the woman who cries after sex. I will not let that happen. I will prove to him I can be just as heartless as him. I can sleep with a man without losing a bit of myself, without expecting more than one night.
“You need to go,” I say again.
“Okay,” he says.
I feel the bed shift as he stands from the bed. When I hear the bathroom door close, I open my eyes. I take another deep breath before getting up and walking to the closet. I slip on pajama pants and shirt. I grab a hair tie and quickly gather my hair in a bun on top of my head.
I glance at my phone. It’s three in the morning. I sigh. I’m not going to get much sleep. I probably won’t get any more sleep as soon as he leaves. But I need him gone before I do something stupid that will reveal I can’t do this, just like he said I couldn’t.
He comes back from the bathroom, but I don’t glance at him as much as my body wants one last peek at his tight abs and impressive cock. I won’t. I had my fun. Now, it’s time to move on.
“I’ll be in the living room,” I say. I walk through the bedroom door and into the living room. I don’t look back.
It only takes him a minute to get dressed. I glance up from my spot on the couch when he enters the living room. He’s dressed. His hair is combed. He looks exactly like he did when he came to pick me up, completely unaffected by what just happened. He probably isn’t affected. He does this once a quarter with different women all the time. I’m just his whore for the night.
Killian walks to me. He bends down and softly kisses me on the lips. “Sleep well, princess.”
He walks to the door. I don’t get up. I refuse to walk him to the door. That’s what girlfriends do. That’s what women in love do. I’m not in love, not even close.
My eyes follow him though. They follow him to the door. They watch as he pauses for just a second before he opens the door. His eyes meet mine. I swear they look sad, or maybe that’s just my imagination. Probably just tired. I don’t know. But then he opens the door, and he’s gone.
I stay on the couch as one tear falls. It hurts, seeing him go.
Tonight was a mistake. I shouldn’t have had sex with him…because I think I just fell a little for him. And if I fall for him, then that gives him the advantage. That means I will do whatever is in his best interest instead of what is in mine. I can’t do that. I have to stay strong. I have to do what I need.
I should be angry with Killian. He lied to me. He took away another bit of my freedom. And I am. I am angry. I’m angry I didn’t get to experience dating Eli for longer than I did. I’m angry I didn’t date other men after Eli. I’m angry Killian is the only man who has ever made me feel loved…except it wasn’t love. It was anger and passion. That’s what made the sex so great. It wasn’t real.
I wipe the fallen tear from my cheek, and then I grab the remote and turn on the TV. Tonight, for the first time, I don’t think of my father and how much I miss him. Instead, I find a new hole in my heart, a hole that can only be filled by Killian. But it’s a hole that will never be filled.
13
“Good afternoon, princess.”
I freeze at the words. I was hoping I wouldn’t see him today. Most of the executives don’t work on the weekends. But, of course, that doesn’t include Killian. Of course, he works on weekends. That’s probably why he’s so high up in the company at such a young age.
“What do you want?” I sound annoyed and angry. I’m both of those things right now. I didn’t sleep a second after he left. I lift my coffee to my lips, trying to keep my aggravation and exhaustion at bay.
Killian raises his eyebrows. “Well, aren’t you pleasant? Didn’t sleep well?” He smirks.
My eyes shoot daggers in his direction, and he holds his hands up in defense, like I really was shooting something in his direction.
“What do you want?” I ask again, letting my anger I never got out last night bubble to the surface.
“I have a crisis I need your help with.”
I roll my eyes and look back to the computer I finally figured out the password to. It was princess. I should have known.
Killian walks to me. “I’m serious. You are the only one who can help with this. I even have your grandfather’s approval.”
That has my attention, although I don’t know why Killian would suddenly be helping me. Maybe he feels guilty for tricking me into presenting in front of half of the company when he knew they would destroy me with their questions. Maybe he feels guilty for the breakup between the only boyfriend I ever had and me.
“What is it?”
“Come on, and I’ll show you.”
He reaches his hand out to me, but I don’t take it. I stand and follow him out of my father’s office. I follow him out to the pool at the back of the casino. That’s when I realize what he wants.
“No,” I say.
“Come on, Kinsley. Our other model got sick at the last minute. It’s you, or we will have to pay thousands of dollars to have them come back to reshoot next week. It will also mean the ads will be delayed. We need you.”
Damn it! I hate his pleading expression and puppy-dog eyes. I can’t say no to him.
“Maybe,” I say, sighing.
He smiles. “I’ll take that as a yes.”
I shake my head, but he takes my hand and leads me over to where people are standing around, doing nothing.
“Here’s your new model,” Killian says, thrusting me into the center of the group.
The man in charge smiles when he sees me. “You’re Kinsley Felton. You’ve modeled for Seventeen.”
I smile. “That’s me.”
The man’s eyes light up. It feels good to be known for my modeling career and not because I’m Robert Felton’s daughter.
“I’m Brock Parry. I’m in charge of the shoot.”
“But wait…will you do this shoot for so little money?”
I raise my eyes. He has no idea who I am. It makes me laugh.
“I’m Robert Felton’s daughter, the owner of the casino. Don’t worry about paying me. I’m doing this to help the company.”
Brock smiles with a small flush on his cheeks. “Sorry. Let’s get you back to wardrobe.”
I follow him, but I feel Killian’s eyes on me the entire time as I walk back to a guest room serving as a makeshift wardrobe room. I just hope, when I come back out, he isn’t still here because I’m not sure how I’ll be able to do this job with him here.
I don’t know why I didn’t expect to be mostly naked in the ad. Maybe because this is a classy casino, but I guess I should have expected this. I should have expected I would be wearing a scantily clad bathing suit. My hair is teased and curled in large waves. I’m wearing more makeup than a hooker. I look sexy, I realize, as I stare back at myself in the mirror.
I’ve worn bathing suits in hundreds of ads before, but I never looked sexy. I looked cute and pretty. Right now though, I look hot. I take in a deep breath as I wrap my robe back around me. I’m going to have to channel my inner Scarlett to do this.
It’s what I’ve always wanted—to be treated just like every other model, to be looked at as a woman instead of a girl. Here’s my chance. I’m not going to blow it.
I strut out of the room and into the warm Las Vegas sun. We are shooting in front of the new pool that will be opening next weekend, but despite the pool being closed, there are hundreds of people gathered around, giving their two cents on the direction of the shoot.
I find Brock and am disappointed when I see Killian standing next to him. Brock smiles when he sees me. He hugs me, like he has known me my whole life. I try my best to embrace him back.
“You look fantastic,” Brock says.
I smile. “Thanks.”
“So, Killian was telling me the look we are going for in the ad. We want sexy, hot, spicy. We want people to want to come to our hotel because they think it’s swimming with people as hot as you.”
I glance back at Killian, who is smiling brightly. I roll my eyes. He’s enjoying this.
“I got it,” I say.
“Great. We will start with some dry shots of you posing on the lounge chair, and then we will get you in the water for the film portion.”
I nod. It doesn’t sound too hard. I walk over to where the camera is set up, remove my robe, and hand it to one of the assistants who helped me pick out the red bikini. I feel everyone’s eyes on me. It would make most people nervous or shy—having this many eyes on them all at once, staring at their body. But I don’t feel like that. I like how my body looks.
I lie back on the lounge chair and put my arms above my head. My first reaction is to smile. And then I remember this isn’t a Seventeen magazine shoot. I’m supposed to look like sex. I drop my smile as I arch my back while looking at the camera. The camera clicks, capturing the look.
“Great, Kinsley. Arch your back just a little more, and drop your eyes,” Brock says.
I do.
“Perfect.”
I let my hand fall to my neck as I’ve seen Scarlett do hundreds of times before. More clicks.
“Yes. Just like that!” he shouts.
I stifle a laugh. It’s funny how much it sounds like we are shooting a porno sometimes.
I see Killian standing just behind the camera. His smile is gone, but his intense stare never leaves my body. So, I increase the seduction, wanting him to miss my body as much as I miss his. I want him to regret hurting me.
My hand falls lower until it grazes my breast.
“Keep it right there.”
More clicks.
When Brock gets the shot, I let my hand slowly drop lower down my stomach until it’s just grazing the inside of my thigh.
Killian bites his lip in response.
More clicks.
“Now, move to your stomach.”
I do. More clicks.
“We got it!” he shouts.
I smile and stand. I’m immediately handed my robe that I wrap back around my body.
“That was perfect,” Brock says.
He hands me a small index card with a couple of lines on it. That’s when I realize the video ad will not be solo. I’ll be shooting it with a man. I smile inside. It will give me a chance to see how affected Killian is.
“We will have you get in the water and get your hair wet. Your makeup is waterproof, so you should be fine there, but if we need to do any touch-ups, we will do it then. Then, we will have Cedric jump in and swim up to you. That will be the first shot, and then we will proceed with the rest of the scene after that. We will have cue cards with your lines on it if you forget. Any questions?”
I glance down at my index card one more time, but I already have the simple lines memorized. “Nope, I got it.”
I walk over to the pool and hand Brock my robe before diving into the cool water. I shiver as the cool water prickles my skin, despite the warm weather. When I come up for air, I remember the pool was just filled yesterday. It hasn’t had time to warm up. I flip my hair back, knowing that’s how they will want it for the shoot. I feel Killian’s eyes burning into me as I do, and I smile. He’s definitely affected. Now, let’s see how affected. I swim over to the shallow end where they want me so they can see my body from the waist up.
I glance down to the other end of the pool and see Cedric standing at the edge. I smile. He’s tall, muscular, and tan. I definitely won’t mind doing the shoot with him. I glance over and smirk at Killian’s reaction. His deep frown is clear from across the pool. He either didn’t know Cedric was going to be a part of the shoot, or he forgot. Either way, he doesn’t look happy.
“Action!” Brock yells.
Cedric dives into the pool. I keep my eyes on him as he swims up to me. He grabs me by the waist, and I smile and giggle as his hands make his way up my body as he surfaces.
“Cut. That was great. We will move on as soon as we adjust the camera.”
“I’m Cedric,” the man says, running his hand through his long dark locks.
“I’m Kinsley.”
“I think I’m going to enjoy this,” he says.
I smile. “Me, too.”
Brock walks over to us. “All right, now, we want you two to make out until we call cut. We will probably do it several times here, and then we will move to under the waterfall.”
We both nod. Cedric puts his hands around my waist. I do the same to him. We both know better than to move our hands to each other’s faces. It would ruin the shot.
“Action,” Brock says.
I close my eyes as Cedric’s lips touch mine. He doesn’t tentatively kiss me, like he is just getting to know me. He kisses me hard and fast, like he has done this hundreds of times before. I kiss him back with the same intensity.
He’s a good kisser, I think.
He tugs on my bottom lip, and I can’t help it as a low moan escapes my lips. He smiles against me, tugging harder, moving our bodies closer together.
One of my hands travels up to the base of his neck, deepening the kiss. His hips press harder against mine until I feel his erection.
“Yes, just like that,” I faintly hear Brock shout to us.
But I’m too lost in the kiss to hear Brock. Cedric kisses me harder until my tongue is sizzling.
“Cut!” Killian shouts.
That’s when Cedric and I stop. Our breathing is heavy as I tremble slightly, but I don’t move out from Cedric’s arms.
He is smiling at me. “That was amazing.”
I nod, unable to speak. When I glance back at the camera, ready for the next direction, I see Killian’s face. His nostrils are flared, and his eyes are protruding out of me imploring me to stop as he bares his teeth at Cedric. He’s pissed. I smile and wave at him before diving under the water and moving over to the waterfall. He’s definitel
y affected by me and jealous as hell.
Cedric swims up behind me.
“So, how long have you been modeling?” I ask as we wait for them to move the camera to get the new angle.
“Two years. You?”
“Since I was twelve.”
He smiles. “I could tell you were more experienced than most women I’ve modeled with.”
I smile although no one has ever called me experienced. I’m the furthest from it. Sure, I’ve done hundreds of shoots, but only a few have ever been make-out scenes. Most have been just fun, cute poses.
“Action!” Brock shouts.
We both move under the waterfall. I don’t know why people think this is sexy because it isn’t. It’s the furthest thing from it. I laugh as Cedric moves up closer together until we are kissing again. This time, there is nothing sexy about the kisses. As we kiss, we are both struggling for air beneath the water drowning us.
“Cut,” Brock calls quickly.
We immediately move apart. We both cough up the water that was drowning us earlier.
“We are going to move back to the lounge chair,” Brock says.
We swim to the edge and hop out. I’m still coughing up water as I do. I feel a towel being wrapped around me, and I glance between coughs to thank the person when I see whose arms are wrapped around me. It’s Killian.
“Are you okay?” he asks.
Another cough of water spews out. “Yes, just swallowed some water on that last shot. It’s nothing I’ve haven’t experienced before.”
“You don’t need to do this.”
I smile at him. “Yes, I do.”
“I’m not talking about the shoot. You don’t have to make out with some guy to get back at me for something that happened three years ago,” he says seriously.
“I’m not. This is what you wanted.” My voice drops. “You wanted me to fuck you and then forget about you. That’s what I’m doing.”
I walk away from Killian and do my best to dry myself off before I find Brock standing next to the lounge chair I was on before.
“Kinsley, I want you lying on your back on the chair, like you were before. Cedric, I want you lying on top of her. I want you to kiss and then stroke her hair. Then, I want you both to deliver your lines to the camera.”
