“To your house?”
He furrowed his brow. “She felt bad about it being so close to the deadline and didn’t want me to have to travel to the center. She was being nice.”
“That’s awfully nice.”
“Yeah, she’s nice.” Carl said the word slowly as he studied Anaya’s dangerous expression.
“I’ll bet. I mean, she comes over here early in the morning smelling like a Victoria’s Secret factory, smiling all hard and hand delivering something she could have mailed. Very nice.”
“Ny, the deadline is tomorrow. She would miss it if she mailed it—that’s why she brought it over. Didn’t you hear me say that?”
“Yeah, I heard you. I saw her face too.”
“I’m not sure what you mean,” he said, and his expression looked hurt.
Anaya felt her indignation melt a little. Surely Carl couldn’t have a thing for this twenty-two-year-old girl trying to get custody of her nephew. Anaya was probably overreacting because she’d been hiding her new working relationship with Jeff. Her guilt about that loomed large, and she leaned against the wall. I can’t go on like this.
“Never mind.” Anaya walked back into the living room and sat on the couch. She remembered what had happened with Jeff last night. They had kissed. She squeezed her eyes shut and curled into a tight ball.
A moment later, a warm hand rested on her knee. When she opened her eyes, Carl stroked her cheek. “Do you still want this, Anaya? Want us?”
“Yes, of course, I do.” She sat up and looked into his eyes. What was he talking about?
“I will give you anything you need, Ny. If you need time, I will give it to you. I want to make you happy, so I’m asking you to tell me what you need. I love you and will be whatever you need me to be, but we have to be honest with each other.”
Anaya shoved away her thoughts of Jeff and let her heart fill with the safety and love she felt whenever she spent time with Carl. “I agree. I love you, and this is where I want to be. This is it. I’m sorry about the Zendaya thing. I know you better than that.”
And she meant it. At least, she did until Carl pulled a small box from his pocket. She wanted to be here with him, but as boyfriend and girlfriend. She stopped breathing for a moment.
When Carl tilted the open box toward her, a diamond pendant glittered up at her. She exhaled in relief.
Carl tilted her chin up so they were looking at each other. “This is my commitment to making our relationship work. I know you aren’t ready for marriage, but I’m committed to making sure we get there.” He removed the delicate necklace from the box and fastened it around her neck.
She looked down at it, then up into his trusting brown eyes. “I love you so much, Carl.”
“I love you too.”
NINETEEN
“Slow down!” Catie called out, interrupting Anaya and Sophie’s conversation about curl patterns and natural hair products.
“My bad,” Anaya said, looking back at her pregnant friend. She and the girls were walking around the lake instead of having brunch. The trio looked like a Lululemon advertisement with Catie sporting the maternity line. “I’m used to running, so it’s hard for me to walk at this pace. It doesn’t feel normal.”
“It doesn’t feel normal,” Catie mocked as Anaya turned back to Sophie.
“My hair is always so dry,” Anaya complained.
“You are a 4b, so you should try the LOC method. That way, the moisture gets locked in, and you will hold your curl,” Sophie replied.
Anaya nodded. “I’ve heard of that! I’m going to try it.”
“And don’t forget to deep condition. That’s the holy grail for keeping natural hair moisturized.”
“Have you guys ever done Kegel exercises?” Catie interrupted, catching up to them.
Anaya had wondered how long it would take for her to change the subject. Catie’s hair was straight, so she didn’t care about co-washing or length retention. For the past fifteen minutes, she had walked behind them while replying to emails from her clients, giving Anaya and Sophie plenty of time to realize they both needed to drink more water and get their ends trimmed regularly. Curly hair was both a blessing and a curse.
“Yep,” Anaya answered.
“No. What are those?” Sophie asked.
“They are exercises to help keep you tight,” Catie replied.
Sophie scrunched her nose. “Ew. In your vagina? That’s not exactly a civilized topic for morning tea.”
“Yes, in your vagina, and it’s a perfectly acceptable exercise, but it is completely different when you are pregnant. It’s scintillating.”
Anaya held up a hand. “No details needed. Please and thank you.”
“I’m telling you guys. These Kegels feel good.” Catie paused, and Anaya just knew she was doing a few. “If I weren’t pregnant, I’d have a cup of coffee and a cigar afterward.”
“TMI,” Anaya said.
“They feel good.” Catie looked satisfied. “Wait until you’re carrying a little Carl—you’ll see what I’m talking about.”
“Yeah, I’ll definitely wait on that.”
“Speaking of Carl,” Sophie jumped in front of Anaya and walked backward, “when are you two planning to get married?”
Anaya tried not to be defensive, but if she had a dime for every time someone asked her about marrying Carl, she could purchase two round-trip tickets to Senegal. If she said it once, she said it ten thousand times: she wasn’t ready to get married. And Sophie knew it.
Anaya decided to throw them a curve ball. Besides, she wanted their opinions. Maybe talking about it would get the problem out of her head. “Do you guys remember I told you Jeff contacted me to meet him?”
Sophie stopped walking, and Anaya almost bumped into her. “That’s an interestingly inappropriate segue.” Sophie raised an eyebrow. “I ask about the love of your life, and you mention your former lover. Hmm.” She placed a forefinger on her chin in an exaggerated way.
“I’m going to agree with the shrink-in-training,” Catie said. “But to answer your question, yes, I remember you told us he wanted to see you. And I remember you saying you weren’t going to oblige.”
“Well . . .” Anaya began. She finally admitted to the girls that she had gone to lunch with Jeff in July and how he had wanted to check with her before he accepted a contract position with the county. They’d been working together every week for the past two months. She left out the lingering, unprofessional conversations and how often she thought about him. They weren’t quite ready for that part. Even Anaya wasn’t prepared for that part yet. Most of the time she had to force herself to stop thinking about him.
“Are you trying to make me go into premature labor?” Catie sat down on a nearby bench and practiced the breathing exercises she had learned in delivery class.
“I’m sorry.” Anaya stood next to her and rubbed her back. “Was that a lot?”
“Was that a lot?” Catie asked. “Yeah, that was a lot. And I’m in distress because my heart can’t take it. The last time you mentioned this man, you said you weren’t going to meet him. So not only did you not take our advice to not see him, but you met with him, found out that he’s single, and you guys work together now! I’d say that’s a whole hell of a lot.”
“I agree,” Sophie said. “And you’re only now mentioning it to us, after two months! We talk all the time and you haven’t said a word. That’s a little suss.”
“Have I ever told you I hate when you say that?” Catie said to Sophie. “Ima just put it out there. You sound like a middle schooler.” She shifted back to Anaya. “But Sophie is right, Ny, even though her slang is ridiculous. All you ever talk about is Ava and Joe and work and your crazy boss.”
“And the turtle in the living room,” Sophie chimed in.
“And how Natalie talks too much.”
“And how you are fat.”
“But nothing about this dude.”
“I’m so confused. Poor Carl.” Sophie shook her
head. “What does he think?”
Here goes. “He doesn’t know,” she mumbled.
“Did you say he doesn’t do blow?” Catie leaned toward Anaya with one hand cupped to her ear. “Because that’s what I hope you said. Cocaine is addictive.”
“He doesn’t know,” Anaya repeated, looking at her feet. “I haven’t told Carl about Jeff.”
Catie exhaled deeply. “You are being super deceptive and secretive, Anaya Goode. What the heck? You don’t tell us, you don’t tell Carl. I mean, what’s going on? Why all the secrets?”
Anaya held up her hands. “It’s just a working relationship, you guys.”
“I’ve heard that before.” Catie rolled her eyes. “And if it was just a working relationship, you wouldn’t have held on to a lie for two months.”
“It’s not just a working relationship.” Sophie was in therapist mode. “You used to be in love with this man. This is a complicated issue which requires open discussion about your thoughts and feelings. And you kept it from us for a long time. Why are you keeping this secret? Why don’t you feel worthy of love? You need to explore this, Ny. This is dangerous. I wish I had my notepad with me.”
“Sophia, shut up.” Catie said, exasperated. “I can’t deal with that psycho-shiz this morning, okay? You don’t even know the answer to those questions, but you always want other people to answer them. Do some Kegels and hush. Be a friend, not a therapist.”
“I am a friend, that’s why I’m telling her the truth and asking the tough questions. I’m not going to tell her what she wants to hear. She’s sneaking around with this man and hasn’t told Carl or us anything. Never mind that this is the same man who came between them before. Never mind that he was also married. Have we forgotten all of that? A good friend would not encourage her to go down that road again. And I’m not doing Kegel exercises. I’m already tight down there because despite my colorful dating life, I keep my legs closed!” Sophie stepped back from Catie.
“Bitch, if I could get up from this bench, I’d strangle you.” Catie sat on the edge of the bench and reached towards Sophie’s neck. “Dang it! Now look. You made me cuss in front of my baby again.” Catie touched her stomach as if covering the baby’s ears.
“Even if you could get up, you can’t catch me,” Sophie teased.
“Guys, stop it. Catie, you are hormonal and Sophie, you are clearly not happy about any of this. But nothing is happening with Jeff. And I just haven’t gotten around to telling Carl.” She shrugged, almost convincing herself it was no big deal.
“You haven’t gotten around to telling Carl?” Sophie threw her arms in the air, and Catie’s chin dropped. “This is not like forgetting to tell him you hired a new secretary or added extensions to your hair. For two months, you have been working with a man you used to be in love with. Why is that not resonating in that pretty little 4b curly head of yours? The fact you haven’t told him means it’s a big deal. We need to take a moment to breathe and assess.” Sophie put her ring and thumb fingers together, closed her eyes and breathed through a tiny hole she created with her lips. It sounded like whipping wind.
“I agree, Ny,” Catie said. “Sophie is as crazy as a caveful of bats, but that’s a good point. Carl is going to be pissed.”
“Thank you, I think.” Sophie briefly opened an eye. “And I also agree that Carl is going to be very upset.”
Anaya felt their words sink in and tighten the knot of guilt inside her. She had been wrong about not telling them or Carl about Jeff. She felt tension building in her gut.
“Are you still in love with him? Because you need to decide which man will be this baby’s godfather since you’re the godmother.”
Anaya forced a chuckle. “No, of course I’m not in love with him.” But she definitely felt something. She had to tell Carl soon and get everything out in the open. But how could she when it would hurt him so much? She fingered the diamond pendant around her neck.
“I hate being in this dilemma,” Anaya groaned.
Catie rolled her eyes. “See, there you go with that spoiled, little sheltered-girl crap. Having two successful, handsome men in love with you is not a dilemma, my dear heart. Choosing between cheesecake and red velvet cake is a dilemma. Deciding whether or not to claim tips on your income taxes is a dilemma. A dilemma, no; a great opportunity to get things right, yes. Now help me off this bench before I get hemorrhoids.”
Anaya pretended to pull her hair out.
“Girl, stop that,” Catie said, looking around. “Some of my customers run and walk this lake. Pull it together.”
“I’m just frustrated,” Anaya said, helping Catie to her feet.
“I feel for you, my friend,” Sophie said. “But you brought this on yourself. We agreed that you wouldn’t see Jeff again. You decided otherwise. Breathe and assess, Ny.”
“Yeah, now you look like a fool,” Catie said mercilessly.
“It’s not my fault he works for the county!” Anaya said. Even though I did tell him I didn’t mind if he took the job.
“There’s more to it than that,” Catie said.
“No, there isn’t,” Anaya insisted.
“Don’t try and Jedi mind trick me. Just because I’m pregnant doesn’t mean I’m stupid. There’s more to it, and we all know it. If there wasn’t, you would’ve told Carl by now. It all comes back to that.”
“At least you two have men after you.” Sophie kicked a rock in her path. “I have one who won’t even call me back. He only texts.”
“Jabari still hasn’t called?”
“Not for the past two weeks. I really thought after the last time he came over and cooked me that delicious Italian meal and—”
Catie held a hand up. “We already got those details. That was enough.” She tapped her lips. “Maybe he’s dead.”
Anaya hit Catie in the arm. “What did he say when you spoke to him last?”
“I mean, he texted and said he was busy and he would call me when he had time, but he hasn’t.”
“Has he posted anything on Instagram or Snapchat?” Catie asked.
“How would I know?” Sophie shrugged.
“I keep forgetting,” Catie said dramatically. “You frequent every dating site known to mankind, but you’re scared of Instagram. I don’t understand you. How can you spy on your dude if you don’t have social media?”
“I don’t need to spy on him.”
“The hell you don’t. He’s MIA, and you don’t know where he is. He might be posted up at a Drake concert, and you will never know because it won’t come up on the Match.com newsfeed.”
“Anyway,” Sophie continued, ignoring Catie, “I’ve decided he’s not for me. If it takes him this long to call, then he’s not worth my time. I’m sad and want answers, but I’m restraining myself because I know this is best for me and best for my sanity. Last week, I took a vow of silence for forty-eight hours to give myself space and time to figure this all out.”
Catie rolled her eyes.
“Aw, friend, I’m sorry.” Anaya hugged Sophie.
“Thanks, Ny. That’s why it’s so important for you to nurture the relationship you have. I know Jeff may seem exciting and appealing, but be careful. Make it work with Carl. Trust me, the grass is not always greener on the other side.”
“But sometimes it is greener.” Catie put up her index finger. “And stronger and longer.” She did a body roll.
“Seriously, Catie. I’m giving her real advice, here.”
“Me too, fool. Carl might be Mr. Right Now, but who is to say either one of them is for her? You certainly don’t know, Soph-ee-uh. You don’t even know what a hash tag is.”
“Catie, stop it.” Sophie shoved her playfully.
Anaya felt like she had gotten all the constructive feedback she could and was ready to change the subject.
“What’s up with you and Antoine? Are you guys getting along better?” The last few times Catie had stopped by the Goode house, she had been flying solo. Anaya still couldn’t understan
d how Antoine and Catie were living together but were barely talking.
“I don’t even know anymore.” Catie sighed, her shoulders dropping. “It’s just not working.”
Sophie wagged a finger at her friend. “Catie, I know you don’t want to hear this, but relationships are like houseplants. They need constant attention. Sometimes they need sunlight, other times water. Or they may need to be re-potted. They need different things at different times to grow, or they will shrivel up and die. You need to give Antoine what he needs and let him give you what you need. Please.”
“Well if that’s the analogy we’re going with, we are one of those crispy brown leaves that fall on the floor after the plant has already died. It’s bad, you guys.” Catie buried her face in her hands. “I know I talk crazy and act like I don’t care about anything, but I thought Antoine and I would be forever. He understood me, and I was proud to be having his baby. After months of non-communication, I think we’ve come too far to make it work. I don’t want to be with a man just to say I have a man. You know how some women will do anything just to say they have a man? That’s not me. I want my relationship to mean something.” Her serious expression turned into a smirk. “Look at you, Sophie. You haven’t had a man since before Obama was elected, and you’re fine.”
Sophie harrumphed. “First of all, it hasn’t been that long, okay? And second of all, how hard have you tried? If he’s doing something you don’t like, why don’t you respond differently and see if that helps? It’s easy to blame the other person when the solution can be as simple as changing your reaction. It’s not just him, Catie. It takes two.”
Catie shrugged, her face hardening as difficult memories crossed her mind. “I’m not compromising who I am. I’m independent and strong. I’m not reducing myself to June Cleaver for a man.”
Anaya shook her head. “That’s not what Sophie means, Catie. Kindness is about love, not reducing yourself. Antoine’s a good guy who cares about you. Give him a chance.” She smiled. “You can be scary sometimes, girl. Especially when you get mad.”
Never Too Soon Page 16
