by Annie West
Her heart tumbled in a rush of amazement and pleasure.
Ravenna cradled him as his breathing began to slow, the hot puff of his breath deliciously intimate on her skin.
She couldn’t believe what had happened despite the evidence of her own sated body. She could lie here for ever.
But already she saw the sky lighten through the French windows on the far side of the ballroom. Dawn was on its way.
How long had they been here, lost in each other?
Too long. Shocked, she remembered today was the day she left Deveson Hall for good. Left Jonas.
Pain cramped her chest, constricting her breathing.
Jonas stirred. Languidly he licked the underside of her breast, then took her nipple into his mouth, suckling gently. Immediately a fine thread of tension pulled from her breast to her womb, tugging her senses into tingling awareness. Molten heat filled her, turned her boneless all over again.
Her breath caught at the sight of him there at her breast and the thread of pleasure snapped to vibrating tautness. Yet it was the emotional connection, rather than the physical, that undid her.
How could she bear to walk away?
She had no choice.
The metallic tang of despair filled her mouth. She blinked and looked away, forcing her arms to her sides. They felt empty without him.
‘We need to move.’ The words rushed out.
‘Ravenna?’ He lifted his head, silver eyes piercing in the gloom. ‘You regret this?’
How could she not?
Yet it was an exquisite memory to hoard for later. Instinctively she knew forgetting Jonas would be impossible.
‘This wasn’t supposed to happen.’ She put her hands on his sturdy shoulders but he didn’t budge.
‘No. But it was inevitable.’
‘Nothing is inevitable.’ Except perhaps her weakness for Jonas. The full import of what she felt for him had hit her hours earlier as she’d swayed in Adam Renshaw’s arms, trying not to stare at the glamorous couple at the centre of the throng. Trying to tell herself she was mistaken—she could never care for Jonas that much. But the hollow in her heart told its own story.
‘You’re going to marry her.’ She saw the shock in his eyes and knew the rumours were true. Pain stabbed.
Again she pushed his unyielding shoulders. ‘You need to get off me.’ She couldn’t bear to look at him now he’d silently confirmed the truth.
‘We need to talk.’ Still he didn’t move.
Ravenna’s fingers clawed at his bare flesh, trying to shift him. How could she think when they lay naked together?
‘Please, Jonas. Let me up.’
For a moment longer he lay there, then abruptly he was gone.
She’d never touch him again, she realised with a tinge of desperation. Slowly, avoiding his eyes, she sat up, naked but for her suspender belt and silk stockings. Frantically she scanned the floor but couldn’t locate her clothes. She couldn’t even recall where she’d lost them.
‘Here.’ Jonas draped something around her shoulders. It was his dinner jacket, she realised as it enveloped her and the scent of his body engulfed her. She wrapped it close, prolonging the moment she had to trust her jelly legs and look for her dress.
Jonas tugged on his dress trousers then turned to her, barefoot and bare-chested. One furtive glance confirmed he looked sexier than ever. And more dangerous, his jaw set stubbornly.
‘First up, you’re wrong. I’m not marrying Helena.’
Her gaze collided with his, a ripple of shock filling her. ‘You’re not?’
A frown wrinkled his high brow. ‘I’d thought about it.’
Again pain knifed her. ‘But you’ve changed your mind. You’ve found another bride.’
Slowly he shook his head. ‘No. I just realised I couldn’t marry her.’ His polished pewter stare pinioned her. ‘Because of you.’
Elation mixed with disbelief in a potent brew that made her light-headed. Ravenna clutched the lapels of his jacket with stiff fingers.
‘I don’t understand.’ She wanted to hope but something held her back. Maybe the confusion in Jonas’ face.
He shoved his hands in his pockets and her gaze dragged down over the bunched muscles in his arms and chest. He’d used that power tonight to pleasure her, taking her with a fervent passion and raw strength that had made her feel positively petite against him. She’d never felt more feminine.
He spread his arms. ‘I’d planned to marry Helena. She’d make an excellent wife and mother.’ He ticked off points against his fingers. ‘We mix in the same spheres. She’s intelligent and attractive. Warm-hearted too.’
With each point Ravenna’s belly squeezed hard over a knot of pain. It was one thing to realise she’d been right, but quite another to hear Jonas spell out all the reasons Ravenna would never be right for him.
‘I get the picture,’ she said before he could continue. ‘You want the perfect wife for your perfect life at Deveson Hall.’
‘It’s not that simple.’ He inhaled, his impressive chest rising mightily. Ravenna remembered the feel of it, hot and slick, rough with a smattering of hair that tickled her sensitised breasts.
‘No?’ She jerked to her feet, unable to sit, listening to his marriage plans. On still-wobbly legs she crossed to one of the French windows, preferring the grey pre-dawn view to Jonas’ sharp gaze.
‘No.’ His voice came from behind her. ‘Give me credit for some scruples. How can I marry her when I’m fixated on you? All night my attention kept wandering to you flirting with Adam Renshaw, driving me quietly insane.’
Stunned, Ravenna whirled to find him a few paces away. Big, bold and surly—he was the most intimidating male she’d ever met.
‘But you and I aren’t...we weren’t—’
‘Lovers?’ His eyebrows drew together. ‘Think again, Ravenna.’ His look scorched her skin and she pulled his jacket close, as if to hide her wanton eagerness at his possessive stare. He kindled an excitement that turned her bones to water.
‘I want you,’ he murmured in a voice of rough gravel that abraded her senses. ‘I’ve wanted you from the first and I want you now. I tried to keep my distance, especially when I discovered how wrong I’d been about you. The truth about you only made me want you more.’
He took a step towards her but stopped as she held her palm out.
‘That’s why I can’t marry Helena.’ His look was grim. ‘Because I want you here, Ravenna, with me. Will you stay?’
His words knocked the breath from her lungs, leaving her dizzy from shock and lack of oxygen. She put a hand to her thumping heart to stop it catapulting right out of her chest.
He wanted her with him?
He wanted her to replace Helena as his bride?
For a fleeting moment Ravenna pictured herself with Jonas, not just sharing her body, but her life. The picture was so alluring it almost blinded her to reality. For she loved him. She’d fallen for him despite her caution. Fallen for him hard as she learned the sort of man he really was.
Then she remembered what he wanted from life.
She couldn’t give him that.
She could never be the woman he needed.
Her knees loosened and she reached out blindly, steadying herself on the window pane, cool from the night air.
Besides, she’d asked if he’d found another bride and he’d said no.
Sheer willpower made her straighten and face him. ‘What exactly is it you want from me, Jonas?’
* * *
Jonas tried to lock his eyes on her face but they kept straying. Never in his life had he seen a woman so sexy. His jacket hung loose and long on her, but now she’d forgotten to clamp it closed it parted to reveal her satiny skin, a hint of one lush breast and the shadow of her pubis, a dark
arrow between her legs. She shifted, inadvertently revealing the suspender strap that secured one of her stockings and his blood thundered in a storm of need.
Twice hadn’t been enough. Would he ever have enough of this woman who so intrigued and innocently seduced? From the look on her face she had no idea he fought arousal all over again.
‘I want you, here, with me.’ The words felt good. He felt good, admitting the truth he’d avoided too long. Relief filled him and his mouth tugged up in a smile. He saw emotion flare in her eyes and knew it would be all right. Ravenna wanted him too.
Jonas stepped in, lifting his hand to stroke her cheek. She turned her head and shifted away, making him frown.
‘Ravenna?’ What was she playing at? ‘You feel it too—I know you do. After tonight you can’t deny it.’
She swung to face him, her expression guarded. ‘In what capacity do you want me, Jonas?’
He shrugged. Lover? Girlfriend? What did words matter?
‘As your housekeeper?’
He hesitated. He’d thought about asking her to stay and keep the Hall running as she’d done so admirably, but it didn’t seem right.
‘Or as your mistress?’
‘That’s a word I prefer not to use.’ It implied payment for services. Ravenna would stay because she wanted to, not because he’d shower her with gifts. He’d been wrong earlier, believing her driven by mercenary motives.
‘Or maybe both?’ Her husky voice rose half an octave. ‘Housekeeper and mistress together? Keeping up the family tradition?’
Jonas shook his head, her words like a smack in the chest. What they shared had been wonderful, incandescent. Why did she twist things?
‘I refuse to do to your fiancée what Mamma and Piers did to your mother.’ Ravenna planted her hands on her hips, anchoring his jacket wide and inadvertently displaying her nakedness. Jonas’ blood pressure soared but he dragged his gaze to her face.
‘I’m not Piers.’ Her expression remained accusing and he felt anger stir. ‘Besides, I told you I have no fiancée. Helena and I have never even discussed marriage.’
Still Ravenna didn’t look impressed. What did he have to do to make her admit what was between them? Didn’t she realise what a huge decision he’d made, ditching his planned proposal? Had she no inkling of what a momentous concession this was for him, pushing aside his long-held plans? All because of her?
‘But you will have a fiancée at some stage, won’t you?’ Ravenna stepped into his space. She poked an accusing finger into his sternum.
Jonas grabbed her hand, flattening it against his chest. He breathed deep of her sweet cinnamon scent, letting it steady him.
‘I want you, Ravenna, and you want me. It’s that simple.’
He lifted his free hand to her jaw then let it slide slowly down her throat, between her breasts, to her navel. He felt her skin twitch and she sucked in a huge breath. Pleasure filled him at her responsiveness but he kept his eyes locked with hers. His hand drifted down her belly then slid between her legs to the damp core of her where he’d lost himself so recently. Where he wanted to lose himself again.
Need juddered through him and his body grew rigid. Still she didn’t move.
‘Remember how good we are together?’ His demand emerged gruffly but somehow it sounded more like a plea. Why the defiant look in her eyes? Why hold herself so aloof?
He dragged his hand away but kept her palm planted on his chest.
‘I’m not asking you to betray anyone, Ravenna. I’m not talking about some tawdry affair behind another woman’s back.’ Relief showed on her face and he frowned. ‘How could you think that of me? After what my mother suffered from my father’s infidelity?’
Ravenna blinked and he thought he read regret in her expression. ‘You have your sore spots. Being treated as a mistress, as the other woman, is mine.’
‘I’d never ask that of you.’
She shook her head and tried to pull away. He kept her anchored.
‘But one day you’ll want what you’ve always wanted, won’t you? The dream you’ve had for years. The perfect wife in the perfect life.’ Her eyes were huge and pleading.
‘I...’ Jonas flattened his mouth. He hadn’t thought that far ahead. ‘I just know I can’t marry Helena when I need you like this.’ He’d never been so honest with a woman in his life. It made him feel raw, almost vulnerable.
‘But I’m not the bride for you.’ Her voice was cool, devoid of emotion.
Everything in Jonas stilled. He stared into her arresting, haunted face and felt something shift, as if the ground quaked and moved beneath their feet.
He looked at Ravenna and saw something utterly, stunningly new. Why hadn’t he seen it before?
‘Why not?’ His fingers tightened around hers, excitement stirring.
‘Oh, Jonas, don’t!’ Fleeting pain shadowed her eyes before she looked away to their joined hands.
‘I’m serious, Ravenna.’ He’d been so caught up with the list of wifely attributes he’d compiled that he’d almost ignored one of the essentials: desire for his wife. No, not just desire, he realised as Ravenna’s hand trembled against him. Need. A sense of connection.
He’d come to rely on Ravenna in ways that had nothing to do with her work. Being with her completed him—emotionally as well as physically.
His mind raced. Ravenna might not have the social network and impeccable breeding he’d once wanted in a wife, but she had other things: honesty, warmth and loyalty.
With her he felt alive, whole.
‘Why not, Ravenna?’ The brilliance of it stunned him. ‘Don’t say you don’t want me because I don’t believe it. We’re good together. We could build a wonderful future.’
She jerked her hand free and spun away, walking with quick, jerky steps to the far side of the window. She wrapped her arms round herself protectively and he frowned. What was wrong with her?
‘It wouldn’t work.’
‘Of course it would.’ He started forward but halted, perplexed, at her raised, outstretched hand.
‘I’m not the sort of woman you want, remember?’ He heard an echo of her old jeering tone. ‘I’m not from the right family. I don’t move in the right circles. The only reason I know what cutlery to use at a formal dinner is because my mother taught me to clean the silverware!’ She hefted a deep breath as if waiting for him to agree.
‘I don’t care.’ It was true. None of that mattered in the face of his need for this warm, lovely woman, who for some unfathomable reason tried to push him away.
‘I’m illegitimate. Plus my mother was your father’s mistress, for heaven’s sake! People would talk.’
‘Let them. You’re not a woman to let fear of gossip rule your life.’ He crossed his arms over his chest. He didn’t give a damn what others thought, except for Ravenna’s sake, knowing how comparisons with Silvia and Piers could hurt her. He’d just have to protect her from that.
She shook her head and he saw desperation in her face as she moved into the dawn light. He wanted to cuddle her close and make her forget her doubts, but he respected her too much to dismiss her concerns. After all, he’d been the one who wanted a wife who was aristocratic and socially assured.
‘Ravenna, none of that matters any more, truly. Not now I’ve found you.’ Why couldn’t she understand?
‘It will one day. You’ll wake up and wonder why you settled for me. Don’t you see?’ She flung her arm wide in a slashing gesture. ‘I’ve never worn jewels or haute couture in my life and wouldn’t know how to start. Listen,’ she added when he made to close the gap between them. ‘I grew up poor. It’s what I know, what I’m used to. All this—’ another wide gesture ‘—isn’t me. As a little girl my favourite dressing gown was one my mamma made from a bedspread her employer was going to throw out. I wore handmade clo
thes and made do with second-hand everything.’
‘Which made you resourceful.’ Why did she think that counted against her? ‘Those silk curtains never looked so good before you wore them.’ He grinned, remembering how the fabric had moulded her slim, ultra-sexy body.
‘You’re not listening!’ She stomped her heel, making him smile. He loved her passion.
‘I’m listening, sweetheart. But I don’t hear anything important.’ He stepped closer. ‘Nothing you’ve said makes me stop wanting you. We can build our future together. We’ll be happy, I know it. You love the Hall and so will our kids.’
Excitement sizzled in his blood as he imagined it. But a chill scudded through him as she met his eyes. She looked...defeated. In all the time he’d known her, despite everything he’d thrown at her, he’d never seen her look so bleak. She stretched out her arm to ward him off, her hand cool against his skin.
‘Ravenna?’ Now she worried him.
‘It wouldn’t work.’ Ravenna swallowed hard and her fingers trembled against his chest. ‘You want to make Deveson Hall into the home you never had.’
Jonas nodded, bewildered.
‘You want it to be a real family home, with your children to carry the Deveson blood and traditions into another generation.’ Ravenna’s hand fell. Where her palm had been the dawn chill brushed his skin like a premonition of disaster.
‘You’d have to give all that up if you married me. I can’t be the wife you want. Ever.’ She drew a sharp breath and fear drilled deep inside him. ‘I can’t give you those children, Jonas. Not children of your blood. The cancer treatment left me infertile.’
Her mouth twisted in a pained smile as she took in his silent shock. Then she turned and left the room, leaving him dazed and gutted.
CHAPTER FOURTEEN
RAVENNA WALKED SLOWLY along the meandering street, grateful of the shade cast by the tall houses. With her basket full of market produce she should be planning the lunch she’d cook. Mamma would need it after starting her cleaning job well before dawn and Ravenna needed sustenance before her long shift at the café.
