“Sorry.” She was a good cake decorator, and she wanted to make the cake perfect for Taylor’s wedding. But it looked more like a Rorschach paint splatter than a rose. She scooped off the splotch, smoothed the layer of frosting, then started again.
Evelyn was putting the finishing touches on the last batch of appetizers. They’d been cooking for a week now. But today, the day before the wedding, Taylor was absent. She couldn’t see the cake. That would be bad luck. She was at home finishing the lasagnas. The food wasn’t gourmet, but it was inexpensive and good. Taylor made the absolute best lasagna. Even the newcomer, Randi, had her assignment. She said she couldn’t cook, so they had her cut up the cheese for crackers and the vegetables for dipping. There was something comforting about the camaraderie of the Jackson womenfolk getting everything ready. At least it would have been serene if Mitch hadn’t torn her heart out.
“I’ve never known anyone that can make a wedding cake look so pretty.” Randi sucked at her finger where she’d accidentally nicked herself with the knife.
“It’s easy,” Connie said. “A steady hand and a careful eye.” Which is why she’d muffed the rose. She wasn’t steady, and she wasn’t being careful. A broken heart wreaked havoc on cake decoration.
With the last of the sausage rolls in the oven—they’d reheat them in the oven at the hall—Evelyn stood by the freezer door.
“Heaven above, I forgot to get the spinach for the dip.”
“I’ll go get it,” Randi offered.
Evelyn flapped a hand. “No, no, you finish chopping the veggies, then start on cubing the French bread. It won’t take me more than a few minutes.”
The kitchen was silent once more as Evelyn’s car roared away.
“Connie, can I ask you a question?”
“Sure.”
Randi was almost family, or she soon would be if the way David looked at her meant anything. Connie figured the girl had the right to ask whatever she wanted. As long as it wasn’t about Mitch and the awkward state of their marriage.
Could she really leave him? Or was it a threat to get him to toe the line? Connie wasn’t sure. The only thing she did know with any amount of certainty was that life without Mitch would lose its joy, except for the kids.
“David told me about Lou. And I don’t want to say the wrong thing. He said I couldn’t possibly say the wrong thing, that after three years, all of you had worked out your issues over Lou’s passing.” Randi dipped her blond head, concentrating on bite-sizing the cauliflower. “I really don’t want to upset Evelyn or Taylor by making some stupid remark tomorrow.”
Connie smiled, trying her best to bury her own inner turmoil. Yep, this girl was meant for David, sweet and caring and worried about other people’s feelings.
“I have to admit that things were a bit dicey for a while.” She started another rose. “Gosh, even as recently as a couple of months when Taylor and Jace first started...” She hesitated. How did one describe what Taylor and Jace had started doing? “When they started dating.” Which wasn’t really correct because they’d never dated. They started sleeping together. Well, not sleeping. She sighed. “David was a little upset about the whole thing.”
Randi laughed. “The way David tells it, he went ballistic and said a lot of really hurtful things.”
Connie raised a brow. David had come a long way if he was admitting that aloud. But then, he’d been a different man since meeting Randi. He’d lost that somber, angry façade he’d worn since Lou died.
“You could say he was upset.” Freaked and ballistic described it, though Connie hadn’t actually witnessed the event, only heard about it from Evelyn. “But you know, that seemed to fix everything for everyone.” She shrugged. “Well, not fix exactly. But it was like the turning point where everyone could finally put him to rest and move on, if you know what I mean.” Except for Mitch.
“Oh. That’s good to hear. David seemed to think Mitch was still having problems, what with popping all those antacids and downing heavy-duty aspirin like it was candy.”
Connie just stared at her, the icing tube still in her hand. “He’s a worry wart. He’s always been like that.”
“Oh.” Randi sliced another carrot. “David seemed to think it had gotten a lot worse lately.”
David. He’d been telling everyone how they’d screwed up since Lou died. Where did he get off talking about them to Randi? Connie sucked in a breath, willing herself to calm down.
“I’m sorry, Connie. This isn’t any of my business. I really just wanted to ask your advice to make sure I didn’t say the wrong thing. And now I’ve said the wrong thing.”
“It’s all right.” But nothing was right. Mitch had always managed their money closely, but after Lou died, he’d gotten downright maniacal about her spending. A few times, she’d risen in the night to find him sitting at the kitchen table pouring over bills and statements. Antacids and extra-strength aspirin had become a regular on the grocery list. That’s when he’d started squawking about not being ready for another baby, too.
And she’d answered his fears with anger.
“I’m glad everything’s better. It was a terrible tragedy. I don’t have any brothers or sisters, but I can imagine how that would devastate a family, especially the way it happened. But your family,” Randi spread her hands, “well, I’m totally amazed at how you’ve all helped each other through the grief. Most families would have fallen apart. But you guys”—she shrugged helplessly, as if she couldn’t find the right words—“wow.”
Randi’s little speech said a lot about her own family, but it said a lot more about what Connie had done. Or hadn’t done. Something cringed inside her. She and Mitch had never talked through his feelings about Lou’s death. She’d told him he needed a psychiatrist, and when he denied it, she’d told herself it was out of her hands. All she’d ever done for him was get angry at his penny-pinching ways and his refusal to have another child.
Randi was looking at her, the vegetable knife still in her hand as if she expected some sort of comment.
“Yeah, this is a great family.” She felt sick. All the praise Randi had heaped on the family didn’t cover Connie’s own actions. But Randi needed reassurance right now.
“And you don’t have to worry about saying anything that will upset Evelyn or Taylor. Evelyn’s ecstatic that Jace and Taylor are together.”
She barely heard Randi’s answer.
She’d been so stuck in her own needs and wants that she’d let Mitch stew in his grief for three years without even trying to help. Even though she’d known he needed help.
Her heart contracted. She’d been so selfish. But realizing that now didn’t fix her marriage. She still wanted a baby. And Mitch didn’t. She didn’t see a compromise anywhere in that.
* * * * *
Mitch ached. His head, his eyes, his heart.
Connie was so beautiful in her bridesmaid dress, pale pink satin that made her skin glow and left her legs bare. Taylor had chosen a style that Connie could use again, for a cocktail party or an evening out at a fancy restaurant.
Connie wouldn’t be wearing it with him. She hadn’t talked to him, other than what was necessary, about the kids, the wedding, or a chore that needed doing. Even as he’d walked her back down the aisle after the vows, she hadn’t said a word and she left him the moment they reached the church steps. He knew Connie inside and out, knew her moods, when she was PMSing, when she was happy, and when she was angry. The anger had lasted a week. Then suddenly, last night, before the wedding, it changed. His wife showed a side he wasn’t sure he’d ever seen before. She’d seemed lost in her thoughts, moving in a daze.
And that’s why he ached. Her mind was going round and round about how she would leave him, who would get the kids, whether they’d have joint custody, how they’d split the possessions accumulated over the years.
She could have everything. All he wanted was the right to see Rina and Peter as often as he could.
Yet a tiny voice in his
head kept whispering: Tell her you didn’t mean it, tell her you want a baby.
It wouldn’t work. She wouldn’t believe him. And God, he wouldn’t really mean it. Fear would eat at his gut and his soul and in a short time they’d be right back where they’d started.
But she was so beautiful. On the dance floor, Connie held Rina in one arm, chubby legs wrapped around her mother’s waist, and with the other hand, she gripped Peter’s fingers.
It was the mother-and-child dance. Mom was out there with David doing...what was that dance? The Funky Chicken? Even Dad had been persuaded to take to the floor with Randi. That girl was a little weird, sweet but weird. Her skirt was skin tight and her blouse made of spandex. But at least it was white.
The deejay played oldies and elevator music because it was easiest for everyone to listen and dance to, young and old. Taylor was on the dance floor, too, with Brian and Jamey, each one holding a hand as they danced. She hadn’t chosen a traditional white wedding gown, but a cream-colored dress that also could be used for other occasions.
“She’s gorgeous, isn’t she?” Jace set his champagne back down on the table.
“Yeah. Freaking gorgeous.” The dull ache became a jackhammer in his chest. He knew Jace was talking about Taylor, eyes only for his new wife.
Mitch had eyes only for his own wife and children.
“She doesn’t look pregnant, does she?”
Mitch whipped his head around, almost giving himself a crick in the neck. “What? Connie’s not pregnant.”
Jace sighed and gave Mitch a long, slow shake of the head. “Taylor. She’s six weeks.”
Jesus H. Christ. “Are you an idiot or something? You only just got married.”
Jace eyed him.
“Sorry, I didn’t mean that the way it sounded. I was just shocked.” He spread his hands, begging forgiveness for the idiocy that had fallen from his mouth. “Really. I’m sorry.”
Jace suddenly smiled. Man, he was happy, manic even. Maybe he needed drugs. “Aren’t you going to congratulate me?”
Mitch had no business criticizing his brother’s choice even if it wasn’t one he’d make for himself. “Congratulations. But isn’t she going to murder you for spilling the beans?”
Jace smiled, watching her float across the dance floor with her sons bound tightly to her. “Yeah. She’s going to freaking skin me alive. But I couldn’t keep the secret anymore.”
Jace had been the party guy, sowing his wild oats from one end of Willoughby to the other. Until Lou died. The perpetual shit-eating grin had died that day, too. So many parts of the family had been put in the ground right along with Lou. The expression on Jace’s face was neither the shit-eating grin nor the somber smile that never reached his eyes. This was different.
It was the smile Mitch knew had been on his face when Connie told him about Peter. Then Rina. How he’d felt when he first saw his babies in Connie’s arms, nursing at her breast.
It was something he would never have again.
“Do you know what you’re getting into?”
“Yeah, Mitch, I know. Diapers and sleepless nights. And holding my newborn in the palm of my hand.”
“Start saving now. It’s a lot of money.”
“Lou did it. You did it. I will, too.”
“Yeah.” He stared at Connie. He wasn’t sure how he was going to hang around watching Taylor grow with Jace’s kid. How he was going to bear witness to their happiness while his own crumbled to dust? For a moment, he almost hated his brother for having the thing he couldn’t have, for being able to watch the woman he loved grow beautiful with his child inside her. To bring that baby into the world and lavish it with love.
“Taylor thinks Connie should have a baby at the same time.”
“What the hell?” He wanted to puke.
Jace shook his head. “Some weird female thing. Like how they always have to go to the restroom together.”
“We’re not having any more kids.” His voice was flat, without emotion.
So flat, Jace stared at him a moment. “But you always said you were going to have a big family.”
“That was Connie’s idea. Not mine.”
“No, that was you, Mitch. I remember at your wedding. I thought you were crazy.” He paused. “But now I see it from a whole different angle.”
“Right. In a few months, you’ll see it from the financial angle, and you’ll realize how crazy it is.”
“I’m not worried about the money. We’ll get by.”
“Get by, Jace? Are you freaking nuts? You gotta provide. You can’t just hope you’re going to ‘get by.’”
“Mitch, what’s wrong with you?”
He realized his hands were bunched into fists, and his cheeks ached with muscle tension. He did his best to relax.
“Life just made me change my plans, that’s all.”
“Are you happy about the change?”
“What’s happiness got to do with it? A man does what he’s got to do. He outgrows those youthful fantasies.”
He’d outgrown his youthful fantasies, all right, and lost his wife and kids in the process.
“It’s not a youthful fantasy, Mitch. It’s a helluva big responsibility, but I’m willing to do it with Taylor, for us.”
“Yeah, well, it’s different for you. You and she don’t have kids together, so I can understand you wanting a baby. But Connie and I have Rina and Peter.” But God, he’d dreamed of watching Connie grow full with his child once more, dreamed of seeing her nestle the baby to her breasts. Dreamed of watching that baby grow, teaching him or her, reading stories, and throwing baseballs. Swimming lessons and love and laughter.
His dreams died the day Lou did.
“I’m really happy for you, man, but I’m not doing it again.”
Connie twirled on the dance floor, laughing down into Rina’s smiling face and whirling Peter across the parquet.
He’d lost everything the day Lou died. Because this day, the day his marriage ended had its roots in Lou’s death.
It was almost as if he’d laid himself in the ground right alongside his brother. Given up his hopes, his dreams, his ambitions. Everything became about money, about the future.
He was so damn worried about the future that he’d destroyed his present.
“Mitch, you look a little green around the gills. Had too much champagne?”
No. He’d had too much worrying. Too many hours lying awake at night imagining everything that could go wrong.
“I’m fine.”
Jace nudged him. “Dance is almost over. Don’t tell Taylor I told you.”
“And you told me because?” He spread his hands.
Jace looked at him as if his anxieties were tattooed on his forehead. “Why do you think I told you, Mitch?”
Hell, it didn’t take a genius to read a guy’s mind. It took a baby brother who’d suddenly taken the plunge himself. Jace was trying to tell him things could work out if he had faith.
Mitch didn’t answer.
Finally, Jace shook his head and turned back to watch David and their mom herding the kids back to the table while Taylor and Connie headed for the restroom.
A tender smile creased his brother’s mouth. He looked like a guy impossibly, magnificently in love.
“What’d I tell you? Women always have to do things together. You gotta love ’em.”
Mitch did. He loved Connie with all his heart. And he’d given her up because he was afraid. What kind of coward did that make him?
Chapter Eight
Taylor tackled her the minute they were alone in the ladies’ room. “All right, spill. What’s wrong.”
“Nothing’s wrong.” Connie wouldn’t spoil Taylor’s day, not for anything.
“You are such a fibber. You’ve been dragging the whole week. And you haven’t danced with Mitch once today.”
“Let’s talk about it later.” She barely managed to keep the darn quiver out of her lip.
“Let’s talk about it now.
I can’t run around all happy-happy when I know something’s wrong.” Taylor squeezed her hand.
And the awful reality just burst out despite her best intentions. “I think Mitch and I might be getting a divorce.”
“Oh, Connie.” Taylor flopped down in front of the vanity like a hot air balloon without any hot air. “I was afraid you were going to say that.”
Divorce didn’t feel right. Life without Mitch didn’t feel right. Even life with him coming to take the kids on weekends. No, no, no. That’s not how she’d envisioned them all.
“Is this because of the baby?” Taylor wasn’t stupid.
“He says he doesn’t want any more kids. I don’t think I can live with that.” She sank down on the stool next to her sister-in-law twice over.
“So, it’s a deal-breaker, huh?”
Connie pulled her bottom lip between her teeth and stared at herself in the mirror. “He doesn’t trust me. He was checking up on me to make sure I took my birth control pills.”
Taylor freshened her lipstick, then made sure no excess color made it to her teeth. “You can’t forgive him for that?”
“I don’t know,” she murmured. “He broke his promise to me about having a big family, and then he didn’t trust me. How can we have a good marriage if he doesn’t trust me?” How could they have a good marriage if she’d couldn’t even help him through the grief of his brother’s death? “Do you miss Lou?” she whispered. It was a terrible question to ask, a terrible thing to say on Taylor’s wedding day, but she couldn’t help herself.
Taylor put her hand over Connie’s trembling fingers. “After he died, I thought life was over. Everything changed. I didn’t know exactly where to turn. I’d never imagined myself alone. But I’ve moved on. And I love Jace with all my heart.” She pressed Connie’s hand harder. “I have to tell you. We’re going to have a baby. I’m six weeks along.”
Her body flushed, her skin heated, and her head swam. Spots danced before her eyes, and she thought she might faint.
“I know that must hurt you, Connie, especially now.”
Somebody's Wife: The Jackson Brothers, Book 3 Page 7
