by Nicky Shanks
“Okay, how about meatloaf and mashed potatoes? My grandmother taught me how to make this delicious recipe and I’ve never made it for anyone before. This’ll be my first time.”
All I hear is her last sentence and it sparks my insides.
“Whatever you want, baby.”
Her giggle reaches for me through the phone. I want to spread her across my desk so fucking bad it’s killing me not to tell her to just forget the fucking grocery store and come straight here. I’m already in hot water with Vern—I don’t want to introduce him to my current girlfriend before he meets my future ex-wife.
I put my head in my hands. “A quiet night at home actually sounds really good right now.”
“Should I pick up some wine? You sound like you’re having a hard day.”
A wicked smile creeps across my face. Something fresh about Heather punches me in the gut and releases the butterflies that zip around my stomach when she shows her sensitivity.
“Bourbon.”
She smacks her lips together. “Oh, it’s been a really, really bad day then. No worries, I will take care of everything. I’m just getting out of class, so dinner should be ready by the time you get home.”
“You don’t have to do all of this.” I check the clock on the wall for the time. “I’m not expecting you to make me dinner and have it ready by the time I get home, Heather.”
“I know.” I hear her car start. “And by the way, I’m still loving this car.”
Last week—after we returned safely home—I was wracking my brain trying to figure out a way to make up for the danger I put her in. I thought of three pages full of ideas, but nothing was even close to what I owed her. She swore up and down that she didn’t want anything until we passed a used car lot and I noticed her checking out a maroon-colored SUV. Three grand later and I felt like I’d redeemed myself for ever taking her out into the woods in the first place.
“I’m glad you like it, babe.”
“I’m still going to find a way to pay you back.” Her voice is quick. “I don’t like that you have to pay for everything. I really should get a job.”
“No.” A twinge of annoyance packs itself in my voice. “I want you to finish school. That was the deal.”
“I know, I know.”
I roll my eyes at her silliness. She’s exactly what I needed to spice up my life enough to pull me out of the dark Julie funk I’d been in. I’m so mentally exhausted that I can’t stand it; the clock ticking loudly on the wall puts me in a deeper trance and I almost fall asleep sitting at the desk.
“Well, I guess I’ll let you get back to work. I’m sure you’re busy, right?”
I frown as I look at my desk full of files and paperwork. “You could say that.”
“I’ll see you later tonight.” Her voice penetrates deep inside my mind. “I love you.”
I let out a moan and quickly regret it. “I love you too.”
It’s like night and day, being with Heather after being with Julie. I never had to question anything with Julie—it was always automatic and I didn’t have to try hard at all to keep her.
Well, until the very end.
Heather makes me wonder about everything. She’s gorgeous—so is Julie in her own understated, vanilla way—and she knows that men know it. We can’t go anywhere without some loser checking her out, and it freaks me the hell out. I’m trying so fucking hard to let it go and not worry about it since that was one of the reasons I lost Julie, but it’s hard. It’s hard to watch someone you love get excited about another man looking at her.
Dammit.
“See you later,” I mumble, and she hangs up the phone. I throw the device back down on the desk and it makes a hard thump when it hits the surface. I’m not bothered by the fact that Heather wanted to hurry up and end our call; I’m bothered by the fact that she’s not smothering me like she was a few weeks ago. Maybe I’m getting bored of her, I don’t know.
…No, that’s not it.
I groan out loud and stand up from my chair, looking around the room. My office is smaller than Vern’s, of course, and I don’t have diplomas on my wall like he does. I have old mint-condition movie posters that Julie had framed for me when I first got promoted and earned this space.
That’s it.
Julie is everywhere.
She’s on my office walls; she’s even in the fucking picture frame that sits on my desk, staring at me. What is wrong with me? Why haven’t I cleansed myself of her by now?
You know why.
You’re still in love with her.
You can love Heather and still love Julie.
I know I’m supposed to be making things work with Heather—and I want to—and I’m supposed to be moving way far along from Julie—again, I want to—but there’s something wicked inside of me that won’t let her go. It’s different now; I don’t feel like she belongs to me anymore, but I do feel like I’m responsible for her somehow. Maybe it’s because of the way I treated her when we were together, maybe I feel guilty for making her feel so small that she’s become a soft-spoken anti-socialite.
Maybe.
I bend over my computer and send a quick email to the secretarial pool, hoping that one of them will find a box and bring it to me like I’ve asked. I’m ready to purge myself of all that is Julie from this office, and even though my space will be bare…at least I’m making good strides toward trying to get over it.
A few minutes later, a small knock at my door rings through the office and Carlie, a small-framed, red-haired young secretary pops her head through the doorframe and looks so nervous I think she’s going to wet herself all over my floor.
“Mr. Whitehouse?” She clears her throat. “Here’s the box you’ve asked for.”
I swiftly take the box from her and frown. “Is this the biggest one you could find?”
She nods. “Yes, sir.”
I wave her off. “Call me Brandon.”
The flush on her cheeks makes me smile; it’s nice knowing that I can still make a woman nervous. She touches her cheek and feels the heat, making them glow even more. “Is there anything else I can do for you, Brandon?”
I shake my head. “I’ll let you know if I need something. Thanks, Carlie.”
Shocked that I even care to know her name, Carlie leaves the office and shuts the door behind her. The box she found isn’t big enough for the posters on the wall, but the picture and knickknacks around the office that remind me of Julie fit perfectly inside of it. I don’t know what the hell I’m going to do with this shit, but it’s better off out of here than constantly punching me in the face with reminders of what a fucked-up person I’d been.
I take the box into the elevator with me and nod toward Carlie as the doors close. She doesn’t bother asking me questions or looking too long at me; she knows I’m a private person and if she wants to stay on my good side, she’ll look the other way. Maybe that’s how I got into this mess. If I had one person—besides my only friend left, Nate—telling me what an idiot I was being, maybe I’d still have Julie.
But now I have Heather.
And she’s better for the person I am now.
Leaving work early usually isn’t my forte, but if Vern finds out…I’m sure he’ll understand why. I can’t shake the feeling that he knows more than he’s letting on, but there’s nothing I can do about that now. All I can do is enjoy this weekend with Heather before getting divorced on Monday. The sick feeling grows in my stomach when I replay the night I dragged Julie into that twenty-four-hour chapel and kept her liquored up enough to say “I do.” A pain stings in my chest when I pass the security guards downstairs and see Julie’s face in my memory.
She’s miserable.
I can’t fucking dwell on this anymore.
The box sits in the passenger seat, staring at me like it knows all about me and my faults. It haunts me and taunts me into opening it and looking at its contents one more time before I throw it all away. I don’t want Julie like I used to, but that doesn
’t mean I never loved her. She was my best friend for a long time and I drove her away…that stain on my heart will never fade.
I take out her picture and toss it to the side. After that, I look at each individual thing like it’s the last time I’ll ever see it.
It is the last time you’ll ever see it.
None of this shit matters to me anymore. I don’t feel anything when I sift through the pieces of my former life because that part of me is dead.
Dead and gone.
I turn the car on and hit the call button on the dashboard and tell the robotic woman who comes over the speakers to call Heather’s phone. It rings a few times before she answers, out of breath and people talking in the background.
“Hey, sorry, I’m at the store—”
“I want to take you out to dinner tonight.” I look at my dark gaze staring back at me in the rearview mirror. “Can you cook tomorrow night?”
She hesitates. “Sure, why the sudden change?”
“I want to take you out, does there have to be a reason?”
She swallows loudly into the phone. “I guess not.”
“I love you.” The words fly from my lips. “I love you and I want to show you that.”
She says nothing.
I almost hang up the phone before I hear her softly breathing. “I love you, too. I’ll pay for these things and head home to meet you.”
Just like that.
Smooth and serene.
For now.
Chapter Five
Casey
I was a damn fool to think Julie would ever choose me over Oliver.
I wouldn’t even choose me over Oliver.
Still, I thought we had something, but that was apparently all inside my twisted mind. Man, these women and their mind games are really starting to piss me off. Nora won’t answer my calls and I hear she has a new boyfriend. It’s interesting how quickly she can move on from me, even though the things she said to me felt like forever. Lucy hates my fucking guts and I don’t blame her. I ruined a perfectly good thing with her by being the biggest jerk on the planet…besides Oliver.
And Julie.
The unicorn.
She makes me feel alive and peaceful and like candy wrapped around a cloud.
I groan and click the TV in my apartment off. She’s made it perfectly clear she’s done with me and we can’t even be friends. If I was really honest with myself, I would admit that I don’t blame her. I hate that I know she’s just protecting herself from the ones who are supposed to support her and I’ve screwed everything up.
Again.
The apartment is silent and dark; it’s nearly nine but I don’t bother turning on any lights. The darkness consumes me and I like the feeling of quiet and still air; it clears my head and helps me forget my inner monster for a little while. A series of electronic noises rings through the quiet space and my phone goes off in my pocket.
Harley: Hey man, Victor and I are down at The Tavern. Haven’t seen you in a long time. Catch up?
I sigh. I can use a drink to drown myself in.
Casey: Be there in fifteen.
I’m not in any rush to meet up with Harley or his twin brother, Victor, but any company is good company right now. I only live a few minutes’ walking distance from The Tavern, so I change my clothes and run a comb through my thick sandy blonde hair before squinting at my reflection in the mirror.
I don’t recognize myself anymore.
Tomorrow is Halloween and the chill in the air nips your skin like needles; it takes a few minutes for me to find my leather jacket and I’m almost late getting to the bar. When Harley sees me, he gives me a quick and silent look to confirm that I won’t spill my guts to Victor about Oliver taking Lucy home from here only weeks before.
I grit my teeth and nod.
Julie deserves to know.
Oliver doesn’t deserve to win.
“Casey!” Victor’s high-pitched voice finds me. “Man, I haven’t seen you in months!”
I scoff as I sit down on a stool across from them and gesture for a waitress. “That’s because you’ve been balls deep in some actress in the city. How is your little one-hit wonder?”
He laughs like I’ve just said the funniest thing in the world. “She’s good! She’s sleeping with her friend Anna, though, so that’s a plus for me! Sometimes they let me watch—”
“Jesus…” Harley shakes his head and slaps his brother on the arm. “Have a little couth, will ya? Leave a little to the imagination? Women aren’t only objects, douchebag.”
“So, where’s Oliver’s stupid ass?” Victor smirks and winks at a woman passing us by.
I clear my throat. “He’s laying low with Julie after everything that happened.”
They look confused and I realize they have no idea what I’m talking about. I start telling them the story from beginning to end and by the time I’m finished, their jaws have scraped against the floor and we have a table full of empty beer bottles.
“What the hell? Why didn’t anyone let us know?” Harley growls. “We’re your friends, too, man.”
“I know that,” I snap. “I’m sorry we didn’t think to call you up when we were trying to rescue Julie…or when I got my leg fucked up…or when Lucy left me…”
He holds up his hand in the air. “Okay, I see your point. Still, next time.”
Victor’s infectious laugh fills the air. “Let’s fucking hope there’s not a next time!”
We each hold up our remaining bottles and clink them together. “Let’s toast.” I wipe the wetness from my lips and my gaze trails around the room. “To fucked-up families, loves we’ve lost, and friends that have gone down the rabbit hole of marriage.”
The sound of the bottles hitting each other makes me smile. “What happened with this Lucy girl?” Harley asks as Victor ignores us and starts chasing tail around the bar. He shakes his head at his brother before looking back at me. “He’s going to stick his dick in the wrong place one of these days.”
I nod. “At least he’s getting some.”
Harley smirks. “Ah, come on, man. You get plenty.”
A tall, dark-headed woman with curves and a handful of tits slows down at our table and smiles at Harley. She wants to strike up a conversation with him but he’s clearly not interested, so she frowns and leaves the table without even giving me a look. I shake my head and point to the now-empty space she was just in and frown.
“See that? She didn’t even look at me.”
He laughs. “I’m actually with someone right now. Plus, I’m pretty sure I’ve already fucked that one and I’m almost positive it was in the bathroom here.”
“You remember all the names and faces of the women you sleep with?”
He swigs the last of his beer and snickers. “Uh, that would be a negative. I remember her ass and her legs, that’s enough for me.”
I think of Julie and my face flushes with heat. “What do you think about Julie?”
“I think she’s Oliver’s girlfriend and I think she’s cool, why?”
I shrug. “Just wondering…don’t read into it. The one that just left me, Lucy…she was a firecracker.”
Changing the subject…good thinking, Casey.
“Don’t look now, but there’s trouble heading your way.” He shakes his head and looks behind me. I feel a cold breeze hit the back of my neck before the person gets to our table. “I thought I told you the last time I was here to fuck off? I don’t want anything to do with your kind of trouble, you hear me?”
“I’m not here for you, asshole,” a familiar voice says. “I’m here for him.”
She comes around into my view and I nearly choke on my own breath.
Lucy.
Harley growls. “He sure as hell doesn’t want what you’re selling.”
She glares at him. “I’m not selling anything, and it’s none of your business.”
“Lucy, what are you doing here?” I look around to make sure Oliver and Julie aren’t following her a
round. I know she’s been taking classes with Julie and they’ve become friends. “It’s actually great to see you, you’ve been avoiding me.”
She opens her mouth to answer me, but Harley gets there first. “You know this chick?”
My gaze snaps toward him and warns him to watch his mouth. “This is the girl I was telling you about, the one who left me.” I blush and look at her. “Where have you been?”
“Casey, we need to talk.” Harley’s voice is flat. “Now.”
Harley is the last thing on my damn mind right now, but he’s being so persistent, tugging my arm to get my attention. I break my gaze to snarl at him and Lucy sighs, sitting down on the stool where Victor left minutes ago. He nods to his right for me to get up so we can talk in private. I look at Lucy and point my index finger right at her face. “You don’t go anywhere. I want to talk to you.”
She salutes me and laughs. “Yes, sir.”
Harley pulls me from my seat and pushes me through the crowd completely out of earshot from Lucy. His face is so red, it’s a wonder how he’s not exploding all over the place.
“That’s the girl.” He nods back toward Lucy.
I snort. “Yeah, I already told you that. Come on, stick with me here.” I shake my head and start to walk back to the table, but his massive arm stops me.
“No, that’s the girl Oliver went home with.”
Something inside me clicks and a smile creeps over my lips. “I know that already.”
His eyebrows rise. “You do? Why did you say it like that? What are you going to do?”
“Nothing.” I shrug. “But, that’s the girl I’m taking home with me tonight, so don’t try and stop me.”
He knows I’m a damn liar.
“Don’t do this, man.” He blows air from his lungs and it moves my hair. “Don’t play Oliver against this, just let it go.”
“I’ve known about this for a while now. I think it’s about time pretty-boy Oliver Jackson gets a taste of his own asshole medicine, don’t you?” I chuckle.
