by Nicky Shanks
“That’s because for once I’m being truthful.”
The old woman stares at me with knowing eyes. She knows all the horrible things I did to Colin and Oliver; she knows my most shameful moments of my entire life. She’s been there for them when I should’ve been, and I’m actually thankful that Oliver had her in his life when he couldn’t have a real mother to love and nurture him.
That’s all my fault.
She groans and stands up to stretch out her legs. “All right, come on. You’re coming with me.”
“I told Oliver I would leave town.”
Her frail fingers wag at me, back and forth. “Not like that, you’re not. I don’t blame him for letting you walk away looking like that.” Her cold eyes look my body up and down. “But I can’t let you walk out of here without a clear conscience.”
I sip the water the bartender puts in front of me. “You’ve already done more than enough for me over the past twenty years. I hardly think you owe me anything else.”
“You owe me, that’s why I’m helping you. You owe me more than just humoring an old woman, let’s not forget that.” Her eyes narrow at me. “First, we need to get you into a hotel for the night and get you cleaned up. Then we can make a plan and I can let you go without feeling horrible about myself.”
I frown at the water glass. “I don’t want Oliver to hate you too.”
The old woman scoffs and picks up a bright pink walking cane. “Grab my purse and let me tell you a little something about the son you left behind. He’s loyal and I treated him well—he’ll never forget that. What you couldn’t give him, I tried my best to do. There isn’t much I can do to make him hate me.”
A smile finds my lips and I don’t hide it. Mrs. Atchley is actually a remarkable woman, but I never gave her the chance to hear that from me. All I felt for her was betrayal because I thought she’d brainwashed Oliver against me and ripped his soul from mine. As time wore on and wore me down, though, I realized…she was the mother I couldn’t be.
I owe her everything.
“If he finds out I didn’t leave town—”
“I’m not scared of him.” She gestures for me to follow her. “There’s a middle-class, three-star hotel just around the corner. Where’s your stuff?” She looks around and frowns at the lack of luggage trailing behind me. “It doesn’t matter, we’ll get you fixed up. We’ll make a few stops along the way to pick up some clothes and shampoo…” She sniffs the air around me and shakes her head. “…and soap that doesn’t contain someone else’s DNA.”
I blow out air from my lungs, making her short, gray, and curly hair blow in the light breeze. “Are you sure you want to do this? Why are you trusting me? Most people don’t even want to be alone with me.”
She hobbles out of the building and into the quiet, dark night. Once she hails a cab on the side of the road, she turns to me and wipes a tear from the corner of her eye.
“You missed out on raising a hell of a kid. I feel sorry for you that you didn’t get to see it. Oliver is one of the best people I know, and it’s just a tragedy that you had no part in that.”
“This isn’t comforting.”
“It’s not meant to be. I’m giving you a chance: a chance to make things right.”
I snicker and she flips her coat over her small, fragile body. I shiver in the icy October air and hand her the purse she ordered me to grab. “He doesn’t want to see me. He won’t even speak to me like a human being, let alone forgive me and live happily ever after.”
“Some things are never as they seem. He may surprise you…you have to try.”
I think of Mac and what he would always say to me when I was feeling down.
Get over your bullshit and stand up for yourself. No one else is going to take better care of you than you. You know what you need and you know what you want.
Now go and get it.
Chapter Twelve
Brandon
I barely got any sleep the entire weekend; I was too busy worrying about the hearing and watching the minutes tick by on the clock as they counted down to the time I had to leave for work today.
Monday.
I hate Mondays now too.
Jesus, my palms are sweating and I’m so nervous that the next eight hours are going to be fucking torture. Heather tries her best to make me more comfortable, and I fucking thank her for that, but damn it if I’m not freaking the hell out.
I’m nothing more than what I am now.
“Hey, it’s going to be okay.” Her smile reaches me before she does. I let her wrap her arms around my neck and kiss my lips before faking a quick smile. “No matter what happens, I’ll be here waiting for you. I got Rita—the owner of the dress shop—to give me an interview for some part-time work, so don’t worry about things, okay?”
I growl. “I don’t want you to get a job.”
She scoffs because she doesn’t care what I think about that. “Well, get over it. I want to have some money of my own and I want to help out around here. You don’t get to just decide that you’re the sole breadwinner of the house, do you? What am I even going to school for if I’ll never work?”
She’s right, but I don’t fucking like it.
“Fine.” I give up and put my hands into my pockets. “But only part-time. I don’t want anything getting in the way of your bigger dreams, okay? You’re going to school to get a better job than working part time in a dress shop, that’s why you’re going.”
Her grunt makes me think she’s accepted that this conversation is over.
As she leaves the room and doesn’t bother looking back at me, I know she knows it’s over.
When I shove my feet into the nicest, slickest black dress shoes I own and the smoothest gray suit that I’ve hardly ever worn, Heather’s eyes light up when I enter the kitchen behind her. She shakes her head at my tie and runs back upstairs to fetch a darker version of the one I just had on.
“Thanks, babe.” I smile and peck her lips. “What would I do without you?”
She snorts. “Crash and burn. Listen—” She snuggles into my chest and I like the way her body fits against the silky fabric of the suit. “—I meant what I said. No matter what happens today, I love you and nothing is going to change that. I don’t care if we have to move to California or Florida or wherever we want…I’ll always want to go with you.”
I kiss the tip of her nose. “I love you too. I have to get going.”
She narrows her eyes at me. “I mean it, Brandon. Walk tall and proud.”
A chuckle escapes my mouth as I quickly kiss her cheek and grab my car keys. The drive into the office was normal but I sure as hell don’t feel normal. It’s like I’m hovering over my body in someone else’s body and I’m screaming to get the hell out.
This is going to be a damn disaster.
I sit in the car for what seems like forever; my co-workers pass me and give me slight waves and nods as if they know the feeling of needing a fucking second before going into this place. No matter how I look at it, I agree with everyone. Heather is right, I don’t need to work for a man who thinks it’s his business to be up in my business like Vern is.
Speaking of…
A loud knock on my window startles me. Vern’s round body leans down as I roll the window down and put the fakest smile on my face I have, but he isn’t as fake about it as I am. His frown reaches eye level with me, but I keep my smile painted on my lips as much as I can.
“Something wrong?” His eyebrow rises.
I shake my head. “No, sir. Just soaking in the quiet before heading inside.”
He grunts and pats the top of the car. “Are you sure that’s it? You sure you’re not nervous about your hearing?”
I scoff. “Why would I be? Julie and I want to be divorced, it’s amicable. She’ll be here and we aren’t fighting, so really there’s nothing to be nervous about.”
“I guess we will find out.” His expression is cold and he walks off without saying another word. The tension doesn’t automatically leav
e with him and it holds onto me as long as it can before blowing away. He knows more than he’s willing to tell me, and that scares me to my core. I want to be the man who doesn’t care if he loses his job…a man who’s confident enough to say that he’ll be able to work it out and find a new job quickly, but that’s not going to be the case.
I’m not a lawyer; I just pretend to be one.
Blowing out the air from my lungs, I watch Vern greet some of my co-workers and then enter the building. I give him another five minutes to get to his office before I slide from the car and slowly make my way inside. My office is on the third floor so it doesn’t take long to get to and honestly, I thought something would jump out at me once I opened the door.
I half-expected to see the rest of my shit packed in boxes, waiting for me to arrive. Instead, the office is quiet and people will hardly look me in the eye. Even Carlie, my favorite secretary, can’t stand to be near me for more than thirty seconds.
“Hey, what’s going on around here?” I pull her aside after my second cup of coffee. “People are acting really fucking weird.”
She blushes. “I’m not sure I know what you mean.”
“Carlie.” I jab her name at her. “Just tell me.”
The small-framed woman pushes me inside of my office and closes the door behind her. She’s nervous; the words that want to escape her mouth know better because the look on my face isn’t the friendliest I’m sure. She pushes her black-rimmed glasses up her nose and finds the courage to look at me, her eyes are wide and unsure.
“There’s a rumor around the office that you’re getting a divorce.” She bites her bottom lip and searches my eyes for answers. “Everyone is talking about it.”
“Fucking office gossip,” I groan and find my desk chair to fall into. “I can’t believe this shit. What exactly are they saying?”
She shrugs. “Just that. Oh, and that you’ve cheated on your wife with someone in the office.”
Shit.
“Who? Who are they talking about?” I demand.
Carlie is uneasy and quaintly sits in the chair across from me. “They aren’t naming names, I don’t think anyone knows for sure. Is it true?”
I run my fingers through my hair and lean my head back on the chair. “Just the part about my divorce. I didn’t know it was public knowledge and I definitely didn’t fucking know it was an obligation to tell the entire world about it.”
She blushes. “I think people should mind their own business.”
I smile at her because I’m thankful for her words, regardless if they’re true or not. “Thanks, Carlie. I appreciate that. Is there a rumor that I’m getting fired by chance?”
She shakes her head. “I haven’t heard that one.”
“Good.”
Her smile is small and dorky but it comforts me just the same. I feel bad that I haven’t taken the time to get to know her better—not that I was doing much of getting to know anyone except Rachel around here—and I find a smile to suit hers.
“You’re a good person,” I say. “Most people around here would join in the gossip and twist and turn it into something ridiculous.”
She giggles. “It already is something ridiculous. I just know how the rumor mill around here works and it hurts people. I nearly quit last year when that rumor went around about me and Kate down in the mailroom, I couldn’t take the stares and the talking behind my back.”
I scratch my chin and kick my feet on the desk. “What rumors about you and Kate?”
She laughs. “Seriously? Well, I can’t blame you for not knowing…you had your own drama going on it seems. Before it was public knowledge that I’m gay—” I don’t mean to, but I gasp and my eyebrows rise. “—Kate and I were seeing each other. No one knew about either one of us and it was still pretty new to the both of us too. It got so bad that Kate left and works for the post office now.”
I snort. “At least she found a job.”
Carlie shakes her head. “Yeah, but at the expense of what? Other people’s entertainment?”
“Jesus, I didn’t think of it like that. I didn’t even know you’re gay…where was I when this happened?”
She laughs again and smooths out her pink dress. “Wrapped up in your own rumors, I guess. It doesn’t matter, I just know how these things can hurt someone. I didn’t feel like I had a place for an entire year and then something else happened and Kate and I weren’t a hot commodity anymore.” The smile brightens on her face as she thinks about her girlfriend. “I’m not sorry it happened, though.”
“You’re not?”
She smirks. “No, I’m not. It brought Kate and I closer together and now we’re talking about moving in together. It’s funny how these things can make or break a relationship.”
“You can say that again. My current girlfriend is being way too cool about this, it’s freaking me out.”
Carlie’s head vibrates from the new information. “Current girlfriend? So, you’re with the person you cheated with?”
“Hell no,” I blurt out, “that one is long gone from my mind. I messed up my marriage with her and sent her on her way. I’m a different person now and I’m still paying for who I was back then. Julie and I—Julie is my wife…soon to be ex-wife—we’re in a good place and she gets along with Heather, my current girlfriend, just fine.”
Carlie blows out air from her lungs. “That’s quite a lot to process.”
The moment our eyes meet, our laughter fills the room. “It’s all fucked up.” I hold my stomach and she continues to laugh with me. “It’s crazy how much one bad decision fucks up our entire life.”
“That’s life, though.” She stifles her laughter. “You can only be as good as you are today.”
She’s right.
She’s absolutely fucking right.
You can only be as good as you are today.
And today I’m a fucking warrior.
“You can get through this,” Carlie’s voice breaks through my thoughts. “Mr. Trumbull is a scary guy, but he can’t take your love from you.”
I narrow my eyes at her. “Did he try and take yours from you?”
She smiles and stands up, smoothing out her dress again. “He gave us an ultimatum. Kate had to find another job or else he would fire us both.”
“How can he just do something like that?”
She walks to the door and turns to smile at me before leaving the office. “It’s his building, it’s his company. He’s a powerful guy, Brandon, you know that. Kate didn’t want to work for him if he was going to be that way anyway.”
“I’m sorry that happened to you guys, Carlie. You’re a good person.” I smile. “Thanks for taking the time to talk to me about your situation.”
“Anytime.” She winks and shuts the door behind her. I don’t know if it’s because I know she isn’t into men or what, but her wink means nothing to me. If anything, it makes me feel better about upcoming events rather than turning me on. I want Heather to be here and make everything okay so badly that I think about calling her and asking her to tag along to the hearing, but I decide that would make things a lot more complicated to have her hanging around while Vern is grilling me about Julie.
It’s going to be awkward enough having Julie there.
The clock fucking hates me too. It’s ticking away so damn slowly that it’s killing me. I can’t nap on my sofa because there’s no way I can sleep; I don’t want to work because I’m not giving Vern any of my time until I know I have a job to come back to; I search the internet on my computer for various things to try and keep my mind off of the hearing.
I check my social media accounts and text a few people, but no one responds. My groan echoes in the room and comes back to haunt me…I’m literally alone right now.
Lost in my thoughts, two o’clock finally rolls around and I told Julie I’d meet her in fifteen minutes in front of the courthouse. Vern’s building is only three blocks from there and I hardly want to see his fucking face before the hearing, so I sn
eak out of my office and give an assuring nod toward Carlie before stepping on the elevator to head down.
“Brandon.” Vern’s rough voice finds me in the elevator. “Funny meeting you here.”
Oh, fuck you, Vern.
I fake a chuckle. “Yes, sir. Are you headed to the courthouse too?”
“I am, indeed. Care to join me?” The elevator doors open and he steps out first, gesturing toward the employee parking lot where his Mercedes is parked.
I look around to see who is watching us. “No, thanks. I was planning on walking over to clear my head and all that.”
“It’s November, kid…it’s freezing out there.”
I smile. “I know, I have an overcoat in my car. I’ll grab it and meet you there, okay?” He accepts my bullshit and waddles to his overpriced car. Once he’s sped off, I reach my car and open the trunk to take out the dry-cleaning bag with my overcoat inside. It’s black and long and suits me well—at least for my current mood. I’m hovering over my body as I throw it on and lock the car back up…the time isn’t creeping anymore and in just under an hour my life will come to a screeching halt.
The walk to the courthouse isn’t peaceful. It’s filled with questions zooming around inside my head that I know I’ll have the answers to shortly, but damn if it doesn’t fuck me up in the meantime. My phone buzzes inside my pocket and I quickly check it just in case it’s Vern—by some grace of a fucking miracle—canceling the lunch and wishing me good luck.
Heather’s name pops up and it excites me that she’s worried just like I am.
Heather: Good luck today. I love you.
I smash my fingers on the phone as quickly as I can.
Brandon: I love you too. I’ll call you after.
She doesn’t answer back and I’m okay with that. The less distraction for me right now, the better. As I walk up to the steps of the building, I see Julie walking up in the opposite direction looking just as nervous as I am. When she sees me, I force a small wave and wait for her to join me. I know she’s pissed that she even has to do something like this and no amount of apology is going to suffice for this shit now. I’ve exhausted every angle of getting her to forgive me that I know…now it’s just going to take time.
