"See, this is what I mean. This is why I didn't want you anywhere near her."
"WHY? You're not telling me what the hell the problem is!"
"The problem is you're my friend. At least you were. And she's my sister. And you're the only two people in my life that I can count on, that I can go to. And now you fucked it all up. Now I don't have either of you, okay! That's why, Noah. 'Cause now I'm all fucking alone. That's why!"
I'm even angrier than I had been, because now I can see it. Now I can understand. But now I don't have a choice. I can't stay away from Lexi, and if she gives me another chance, I won't give her up. Not even for Cooper.
"Then you should never have left us together like that. If you thought you saw something years ago you should've been smart enough to see this coming."
"She hated you. At least that's what she said. And you complained that she was such a bitch all the time. I never thought it would all change so fast."
"Well it did. And, Cooper. She means a lot to me."
"Great."
"Coop, what if it works out?" His eyes bore into me. "Seriously. What if instead of losing us both, you have me for life, as your brother?"
"You want to marry her?" He sounds as if he can't believe his ears.
"I want to see where things go. I want a chance with her."
*
My heart's racing. The cab pulled away, and now there's only one thing left to do, face Lexi. I know she's on the other side of the deep mahogany double doors. I rub my sweaty palms along my shorts.
"This house is huge, who lives here?"
Boy is he in for the shock of his life. Before I can answer, the door is opened from the inside by a man in his mid-thirties. He looks us over from head to toe before speaking, and I can't help feeling like he's checking me out, making sure I'm good enough for Lexi.
"Sutton residence," he says stepping out of the way and sweeping his arm out toward the interior for us to enter. Even though he's acting like a butler, or some sort of hired help I'm not fooled. I know that's Mr. Sutton's fiancé, Stephan.
"Cooper!" Mr. Sutton is standing to the side as we enter the foyer. "Son, it's so good to see you." He pulls Cooper into a long, affectionate hug. I don't look at Coop. This is one more thing he's going to be pissed about, but if it all works out in the end, it's totally worth it.
"Dad?" He asks in disbelief. "Lexi's here?"
"Yes, son. She's out by the pool. I know you want to speak with your sister, but I'd like to have a few words with you first, if you don't mind."
Cooper shrugs, as if it's no big deal.
"Great," Lexi's dad claps his hands together. "Would you mind taking a seat in the living room for a minute while I speak to Noah?"
I see the questions forming in Cooper's eyes. "How?"
"I'll explain later."
Cooper allows his father to lead him into the other room, while I wait to hear what he has to say.
"You didn't tell him?" he whispers when he returns.
I shake my head. "Were you able to get everything I asked for?"
"And then some. Noah, I want you to understand something. I may be gay, but that doesn't mean I can't kick your ass if you hurt her."
I nod. "Understood. But I have no plans of hurting her."
"I'm sure you didn't plan on it a few days ago either, but she's still here isn't she?"
I swallow hard; my nerves are getting the best of me. "And from everything I've heard, from both Lexi and Cooper about their mother, I think this is the best place in the world for her."
"Good luck, son," he slaps me on the back. I know it's just a term, that there's no real meaning in that last word, but I hope like hell I can change that in the future.
"You, too."
He directs me to the kitchen where Stephan is rummaging through the picnic basket sitting on the counter.
"Is everything in there?" I ask hoping my impatience doesn't show. I'm so grateful to these men for helping me, but I can't wait to see her. Four days without Lexi are four days too long.
He starts ticking the items off on his fingers, "Blueberry champagne. A slice of pecan pie, I have it neatly wrapped in a plastic container. A fork. Glasses. Napkins. It's all in there."
"Thanks. Has she eaten? Food's an issue for her."
"I see that. She held down a few bites this morning."
I nod, and take a step toward the sliding glass doors that lead from the kitchen out to the backyard. Stephen holds his hand up to my chest to stop me.
"Wait. There's one more thing."
I don't feel like waiting. I'm afraid if I wait one more minute, she'll find out I'm here and disappear. Stephan reaches into a shopping bag sitting on a kitchen chair.
"Change into this." He slaps a speedo into my chest. "I bought it for myself, but I see we're about the same size."
I look down at the bathing suit I wouldn't be caught dead in, and then back at him, shaking my head.
"I don't think so."
"Trust me, she sees you and she's going to try to run. She's sees you in that, you'll take her breath away and she won't be able to run."
"I don't know."
He crosses his arms over his chest, and I'm getting the impression I should do as he says.
Stephan waits in the kitchen for me to change. I can't help but feel self-conscious as I reach for the picnic basket once again and feel his eyes crawl over my body. God I hope he's not checking me out.
"Don't look at me like that," he warms. "I want to make this special for Lexi. Besides, I don't fool around. Even though you'd be the lucky one, and it would be the best sex of your life."
"What the fuck?" reverberates through the house. I guess Cooper just found out about his dad's engagement.
"Now go." With his hands on my back, Stephan nudges me out the door.
I'm not sure if I'm more nervous or excited to see Lexi. Fear mixes in the jumble of emotions. Fear that I messed up and hurt her. Fear that when she looks at me there will be a void where I once saw heat and passion.
She's lying in a lounge poolside, with her back to me. Thank goodness, because on a scale from one to ten of how ridiculous I feel right now, I'd rate it a fifty. I could fake confidence. I can reach deep inside to pull out the party boy persona she likes to pretend I have.
Lexi's eyes are closed. She doesn't bother looking up when I approach. She doesn't even flinch. I worry her anger is so great she's going to ignore me completely. It takes me a moment to realize she's sleeping, and I allow myself to suck in a breath of relief. I stand frozen in place, studying her. God, she's beautiful. Even more beautiful than she was a few days earlier, in spite of the fact that she's lost weight.
I bend down to set everything up. I start with the champagne and the flute glasses. After I fill them, I set them down on the snack table beside her. Next I pull out the pie and a fork. I uncover it so it's ready to be eaten. Once I convince myself there's nothing left to do but face the music, I sit on the edge of the lounge chair. She's still doesn't budge. It's now or never. I don't know how much longer Cooper's dad can keep him in the house. Once he makes his way out here, he's going to make a scene, and I need her to listen, to hear me out first. That was the point of coming here. Cooper and his father reconnecting is an added bonus.
"Lexi," I whisper, brushing her cheek with my knuckles.
She turns towards my touch with a soft moan. "Noah."
My name slips from her lips, and it's the most beautiful sound I've ever heard. I tell myself she's dreaming of me again to find the courage to wake her. Another sound leaves her mouth, this time its sad, a whimper. Not the whimpers I'd hear from her when we were having sex, those brought me to the edge of a cliff before I'd explode. This sad, heartbreaking sound, doesn't just tug at my heart, it steals a piece and runs away with it.
Words fail me. What can I possibly say that will get her to listen? I swipe my thumb along her bottom lip. Her eye lids flutter, and I can't help myself. I lean in and kiss her.
At
first Lexi gives in, her lips part and she welcomes me. I think that's a good sign. She misses me and realizes I'm here to apologize. Need and lust mingle together inside me. It's been to long, I need more from her. I reach my hand behind her head and hold her close, tight against me. Things change. She changes.
Her hands push against my shoulders.
I don't move.
Her fists pummel my chest.
I want her more.
She swipes her tongue over my bottom lip, sucks on it, and bites down hard.
"Fuck!" I say as I pull away and bring my hand up to my lip, certain she drew blood.
"Noah?" She asks as if she can't believe her own eyes. "What are you doing here? Did my father call you?"
I shake my head. "No. Cooper told me you took off and I thought this was the logical place."
She straightens herself up on the lounge chair, so that she's sitting tall, and takes a good look at me.
"Why are you dressed like that?"
"Stephan. He thought you might," I pause searching for the right words. I think using the term 'wet your panties', would earn me a slap across the face. "He thought you'd be more likely to listen to me if I came out here in a bathing suit."
She rolls her eyes and smiles. "I guess that's why he forced me into this bikini."
"Except I don't need any help listening. I'm not going anywhere. I'm all in Lexi. All in. I'm sorry if you got the impression I'm not, but I am."
She looks away from me. I take her hand. "I know you may not be ready to say it. Maybe you don't even want to believe it, but I know how you feel about me because it's how I feel about you." I slip a champagne flute into her free hand hoping she'll drink it and not pour it over my head. "You try to find some escape, but I'm always there. Little things I say or do jump into your mind during the thirty seconds of peace you thought you found. I possess you, the same way you possess me."
She shakes her head and moves her legs off to the side opposite me, like she's going to get up and walk away. I grab them, pull them toward me, and hug them against my body.
"Do you believe in love at first sight?" I ask.
"Don't even," she warns.
I take a sip from my glass buying time to search for the right words. "I'm not saying that. Just answer the question. Do you believe in love at first sight? At all?"
She sips her drink, shrugs, and then nods. "Yes. I guess I do."
"Good. So do I." I reach for the pie and break off a piece. I offer it to her on the fork, but she refuses. "Eat it, Alexis." My eyes trail down her body for a moment. "You've lost too much weight, and this is delicious."
"I can't."
"You can, and you will." My voice is stern. She needs to eat, and I'll force feed her if I have to. "Besides, I can't get that image of feeding you the eggs out of my mind."
Reluctantly she opens her mouth. This is the best sign of all. I say a silent prayer of thanks.
"I didn't love you the moment I saw you. I want to get that out there."
"Great!" Her eyes cloud over, and I can see she has no idea where I'm going with this.
I break off another piece of pie and wait for her to open her mouth and accept it before speaking again.
"But if we both believe people can fall in love immediately, then we can believe that people can fall in love quickly. Only with us, we didn't fall in love quickly. Things have been simmering between us for years, and maybe they simmered so slowly we didn't realize the heat level was rising. The point is we had a foundation. While it seems like everything happened in a whirlwind over this last week, it didn't. It took years for us to get to this point, so it's not too fast, like I was afraid of. And it's not an illusion, like you're afraid of."
"It doesn't matter."
"Of course it does." I place the pie back on the snack table and take her hand again. "Because if I can get you to believe it's possible, I can convince you it's real."
"This is all bullshit. You talk about this happening over the course of years. You forget how you felt about me years ago. You were never interested in me. Not then. Not now." Her eyes blaze as she leans forward, in the chair, inadvertently bringing her mouth closer to mine.
"And how dare you come here and spew out all this garbage about how you feel for me when you're so embarrassed you couldn't even admit we were together to my brother. Instead you acted like I was some cheap tramp you hooked up with for the night, and couldn't wait to get rid of."
She tries to pull her hand away from me, but I don't let her. I squeeze it tighter instead. "I wasn't embarrassed, Lexi. I was scared. I didn't want him to lose his mind the way he did until he heard all the facts. I wanted you dressed and by my side, and most of all, I wanted Cooper rational when I told him that I'm in love with you."
"You're what?"
I close in on her, bringing my face so close to hers that if I move another centimeter I won't be able to see her clearly. I look directly in her green eyes, with all the focus and intensity I could muster so she can see the emotion in mine. I speak, making sure to articulate each syllable of every word clearly. Concisely.
"I am totally and completely, head over heels, once in a lifetime, I'll cut my heart out and hand it to you in a chest of gold, in love with you."
I don't wait for her to respond. I bring my mouth down on hers, because I need a moment to regain my strength. I need a moment to fill myself with her, so I can find the courage to hear her response. I'm frightened that she might be so pig headed and stubborn that she's going to turn me down, or lock me out of her heart. I don't think I can handle it. She doesn't fight this kiss. Her hands run over my chest and shoulders. Her fingers stretch up into my hair. I close my eyes as she pulls back.
"I love you too, Noah." She shakes her head, "But I don't trust you."
I cup her face in my hands. "It's a start."
"No. It isn't. If I can't trust you there's no point. You hurt me, and I don't think I can get over it."
I run my hand over her hair, down her neck, right over her heart. "I hoped my word would be enough, but I understand that it's not. You've been told lies for years by the people you trust, about the men that love you."
She looks confused.
"You're mother and Cooper. One kept you from your father, the other kept you away from me. You asked me why Cooper would lie. I know now. He saw us in the hall hugging. He heard me promise to steal you away if your boyfriend didn't treat you right. Do you remember that? Please say you remember."
She nods her head.
"That's it. The moment when the heat between us turned up just a little bit. That's when my feelings started to simmer, only it was so slow and subtle I didn't know it until now, when they got so hot, so wild, and out of control, they bubbled over and threatened to scorch everything in their path."
"And he didn't want us together?"
I shake my head. "For the same reasons I didn't want to touch you until I was absolutely sure you weren't going to be a quick fling. He was afraid if it didn't work out he'd have to choose between us, or worse, that he'd lose us both.
"What fucking bullshit is this? You knew you cocksucker?"
Cooper comes storming out from the sliding glass door. He comes toward us at full steam, reminding me very much of a steamroller and stopping dead in his tracks when I come into full view.
"What the fuck?" His eyes open wide as they drop down to the tight fitting bathing suit.
"It was Stephan's idea," I explain.
Lexi giggles at her brother's reaction. We both turn our attention to her.
"How did this happen? How did you and Noah? How did you end up here with Dad? And how long have you known about him?"
Lexi finishes the champagne in her glass before answering. Cooper takes the opportunity to rummage through the basket. Not finding any other glasses, he pulls the bottle out, screws off the top and looks at me.
"I don't know what's worse, the fact that you're trying to sweet talk my sister with this cheap shit, or that it's so fucki
ng girly."
He brings the bottle up to his lips and takes a large gulp.
"I'll answer your questions, after you answer mine." Lexi stares her brother down. "Did Noah ever say I was fat and repulsed him?"
Cooper takes his time, looking us both over. He looks worried, and for a moment, I'm not certain he's going to tell her the truth. He promised on the flight here, but there's nothing I can do if he changes his mind. All I know for sure is this moment right here is a game changer, for all of us. If he lies I'll never forgive him. If he tells the truth, he's afraid we'll never be the same. In the end, I hope I know my friend well enough to trust he's going to do the right thing.
"If he did, don't you know I would've kicked his ass."
"What?"
I can't tell if she's relieved or upset. Her eyes are watering up again. I squeeze her hand to remind her I'm here, right beside her.
"Do you know what that did to me? How I've never felt pretty enough or thin enough for anyone? Hearing it constantly from Mom was one thing, but when you told me Noah said it, you destroyed me, Cooper."
"Then you should fucking thank me. You should give me a gold plated thank you that I helped you save yourself for Mr. Right over here."
"If it matters, I think you are the most beautiful woman I've ever laid eyes on. And I can't get enough of your body. You know what you do to me."
"My sister, dude. You're talking like that to my fucking sister."
Lexi's eyes meet mine, and I can see she's still frightened, still leery. "What if I gain weight again and get fat?"
"You never were fat."
"Noah, I've seen some of the girls you've been with, girls you've been interested in. None of them are curvy or look like me. What if I get lazy and stop exercising so much?"
"The truth is I hope you do gain weight. I hope at some point in the future, you gain thirty or forty pounds, and that you're stomach gets big and round, just like Marlena's. And I hope like hell that I'm the reason for it."
No one speaks. I swear, if a fish blew a bubble miles away in the ocean we'd be able to hear it.
"Not now. Not today. But eventually." I clarify, worried I might have just scared her off. "And if it does work out," I point my thumb at Cooper, "He promised to pay for the honeymoon."
Man Up Party Boy Page 12
