by Julia Bright
If only he could be a part of her, connected forever. His gasps were echoed by hers as they rocked and thrusts, holding onto each other.
“Jackson, I need…”
Her muscles tightened, and her nails dug into his back. This feeling would stay with him for a long time. The shuttering breath from her along with the squeezing of his cock told him what he needed to know. She’d come for him. He thrust in and held, grinding up against her so he could feel her orgasm.
Desperate need forced him to move. He crashed into Marissa. His orgasm stole his breath, his mind, and made everything fuzzy. The loud roar had to be from him, or maybe it was just the blood roaring in his ears.
Her fingers lazily grazing over his back registered before anything else did. She’d gotten to him. He was hooked on her and didn’t want to let go. There was no way they’d have a relationship, he wasn’t that dumb, but she was in his bed again. That was a miracle in itself.
He rolled off her and reached for the condom, realizing he’d forgotten it. He’d never done that before. He met her gaze, and she rolled her eyes.
“I’m on the pill. I don’t like surprises.”
“I didn’t mean to forget.”
She snuggled in close, resting her head on his shoulder. “You’re the first I’ve ever not paused activities and forced them to put one on.”
He lifted a brow and stared down at her. “Forced. Hmm, I like how kick-ass you are.”
Her laughter was like a warm breeze on a winter day. “I try.”
“So what are we going to do?”
The sigh from her seemed final. Like maybe he’d messed up and thought they had something special when they didn’t. It was his luck. Seriously, sometimes he felt like his love life was a sad country song.
“I don’t know. When I’m with you, it sounds cliché, but I can see clearly. With you by my side, I feel like maybe things would be okay. I just can’t be an FBI agent out here.”
Her words were true. If they were together, she’d find out about their plans for Dark Eagle. She would be compelled to tell the FBI about their illegal operations. They’d broken the law when they’d taken care of that pedophile, also when they’d run their other cases. Sure, the pedophile was in jail for the crimes he committed, but they’d be in jail too if the FBI figured out what they were doing because they’d done much worse to the other two guys they’d found in Oregon.
“Sounds like we’re in a difficult place right now,” he said.
“I like this.” Her fingers trailed down his body, and she cupped his cock and balls. The touch of her hand made him moan.
“I like you touching me,” he whispered.
“You fucking me was good.”
It was good. The truth of their situation meant he and Marissa may not see each other for months, or even a year or more.
“By the time our lives lineup, who knows how long that will be.” She sighed as she snuggled closer. “You’ll probably be married with kids by then.”
He scoffed. “I don’t see myself with kids.”
“You’d be a good dad.”
“No way. I couldn’t risk it.”
“Risk what?”
“My dad was abusive. The man is positively vial.”
She lifted up on her elbow and narrowed her gaze. “That’s what would make you good. Don’t discount yourself. You’d be kind.”
He pulled her down, not wanting to think about his family or the way they acted. “When are you heading back to Europe?”
“I have a flight out tomorrow at noon.”
He sucked in a breath, wishing she had more time. “Will you stay here tonight?”
“If you want me to.”
“Yes, please. I’d like to spend more time with you.”
“My boss doesn’t like me being over here. But with everything that happened, I was tagged to travel home with your brother.”
“So, that group, are they all in prison?”
“Most are. We captured many of the members, well, everyone in Europe. Raids are happening across the Middle East and northern Africa now.”
“They were that broad?”
“Yep. The group was supplying slaves to a large market. Here, it’s not common for people to have house slaves, in other areas of the world, that’s just how it is. You have someone you own take care of the mundane tasks you don’t want to do. Then there’s the sex aspect. Those people end up being raped when the owners get angry. It’s terrible for the slaves.”
“I don’t know how people justify it.”
She sighed and snuggled closer. “It’s a dog-eat-dog world out there. Lots of people are cruel. They take advantage of who they can because they figure if they don’t, someone will take advantage of them.”
He ran his fingers down her arm and over her belly to her breast. He cupped one breast and rocked his hips against her. Desire started a slow burn deep in his belly. “I’d hate to live that way.”
“I’m sure you saw plenty of that type of shit in the army.”
“Sure did. That seems like a lifetime ago now.”
They lay together, skin to skin, him stroking her body as his cock grew harder. What would it take to have this every day? Maybe a miracle or two? She was better than anyone he’d ever known so he didn’t think they’d really ever be able to be together. People like him didn’t get girlfriends like her.
After a long moment, she pushed off his chest and swung her legs over the edge of the bed. The pain of losing her touch was almost too much. He sat up and watched her close the door to the bathroom, shutting him out. The door on his heart seemed to slam too. Lost, he closed his eyes, wondering if he could ever recover.
After he heard the shower start, he went into the bathroom and joined her in the shower. Sadness seemed to flow between them. He knew what he’d lose when she drove away in the morning.
His lips found hers in a sweet kiss where he tried to show her how much he cared. A part of him knew it wouldn’t make a difference. She wasn’t his and never would be. No matter how much he wanted her, there was no way to keep her here at the ranch. Maybe he could follow her to Spain, but she hadn’t asked. And what would he do? He didn’t have a job there, and it wasn’t like they were a real couple. He had no doubt he was a distraction for her, someone to make erotic memories with that could be pulled out later for her to get off on.
The water ran cold, and he finished rinsing her before turning off the flow. He dried her back and chest, then her arms before he pulled her into a hug.
“Come to on the ridge with me and let’s watch the sunset.”
She nodded but didn’t speak. They dressed and stepped out into the main room as the door to the outside open. Adam and Kelsey were there, their laughter spilling in before them.
“Hey, guys. I was thinking about grilling for dinner,” Adam said.
“Sounds good.” Jackson turned to Marissa. “Are you good with meat?”
Her smile hit him full force and his throat filled with thick emotions.
“I love a good steak,” she said.
He leaned in, kissing her cheek. “We’re headed up to the high pasture to watch the sunset.”
“Have fun,” Kelsey called out then giggled.
He rolled his eyes as he grabbed Marissa’s hand and led her to the truck. She slid into the passenger seat, and a memory from a dream hit him. The world seemed to pause. He had to remind himself to breathe steadily as he rounded the bed of the truck to the driver’s side. In the dream, he and Marissa were married and having their first baby. He’d said he didn’t want kids, but in that dream, he’d wanted them. He pushed away from the hazy fog in his mind when he settled behind the steering wheel.
Marissa reached out, placing her hand on his leg. This felt right. Like they belonged together. But it was only for a few more hours. They should be talking. He should say something, but he didn’t know what. Every second that ticked by was time slipping away. Holding on tight wouldn’t help either. Marissa would drive awa
y from the ranch tomorrow morning, and there wasn’t a way to stop her from leaving.
“You’re quiet today,” Marissa said.
He drew in a heavy breath and then sighed. “Yeah. Just wondering how I’m going to deal with missing you.”
They were at the top of the rise, and he stopped the truck and unbuckled his seatbelt. “We can sit on the tailgate and watch.”
He slid out of his seat and rushed around to her side, but she was already out and moving to the rear of the truck. He caught up with her and wrapped his arms around her waist, pulling her close.
His nose slid along her neck to her collarbone. She was too tempting, and he nibbled her delicate flesh at the base of her neck. Her laughter went straight to his balls, and he and pulled her even closer. His lips found hers and the kiss made him think good things were possible. If they had more time together, maybe if he could go to Spain in a month, and then something could work out.
The kiss ended, and his hopes fled. They lived different lives, had different dreams about what they wanted. After seeing heavy casualties in war, he was done with serving the government, but Marissa was still in it.
Marissa cupped his cheeks and shook her head. “I see sadness in your eyes.”
“I hadn’t planned on feeling this way about you.”
“What way?”
Her whispered question tugged at his soul, opening him up to emotions he couldn’t afford. Before going into the Army and becoming a Ranger, emotions had been okay, but as he lost close friends, men he loved like brothers—actually more than brothers, he had to shove all feelings aside. Marissa reached in and opened his heart with her touch. She lit his soul on fire and made him burn. At first, it had been slow, like a candle, but now it was a roaring fire, if he didn’t control it, everything would light up, and he’d be consumed.
“It’s too much,” he said.
She lifted on her toes, and her lips brushed over his so gently he felt like he’d been kissed by a flower.
The sob escaped his lips, and she leaned back, her brows pinched together before she pulled him into a tight hug and held him. He didn’t want to cry, but he was on edge, his life laid bare.
“Jackson, I don’t want to hurt you.”
He squelched his tears and shook his head, wishing she didn’t think this was her fault. “It’s not you. I just… I’ve lost so many people.”
Her hand went to his hip where his remembrance tattoo was. “You aren’t losing me. I don’t know what next week will bring, but if there is a way, we’ll find it. Don’t give up hope yet.”
He moved them to the back of the truck and opened the tailgate. The sun was dipping low, and the sky was lighter.
“When my first best friend in the army died, it damn near killed me. Daniels was funny, caring, he was my brother. I’ll never forget…” he trailed off, not wanting to talk about seeing Daniels dead.
“Your tattoo, that’s for them, isn’t it?”
He nodded. “Ten best friends. There were more who were good buddies. Each eagle represents one man I considered a best friend. After a few losses, I stopped being so close to anyone. I’m surprised Adam opened his house when I needed help. I screwed up a lot, Marissa. I was an asshole and pushed people away.”
“Hey, I get it. I get called an ice queen often. I’m not so cold I don’t have friends, but I’ve learned the hard way to limit my exposure to emotions.”
They both stared at the sinking sun, their fingers woven together, making it look like they were connected. But they weren’t, not really. They needed a commitment to be connected.
As the sun dipped below the horizon, she rested her head on his shoulder and released a heavy sigh. He didn’t want her to leave, but begging wouldn’t make her stay.
“When you arrive in Spain, you’ll text me?”
“Yes. And I’ll keep texting. You won’t lose me that easily.”
He turned to stare at her. There was still enough twilight to see her face. “I never want to lose you.”
Her lips trembled, and he captured them, drinking in her sadness, mixing it with his. Their situation seemed hopeless. When the kiss ended, they didn’t separate. Instead, they stayed close, holding each other in the darkness.
He’d messed up with this one, losing his heart to someone he couldn’t have. It was painful, but he didn’t want their last night to be filled with sadness.
“Let’s go eat. I’m starving,” Jackson said, trying hard to disguise the pain he felt.
“Sure. I’m hungry.”
The drive back to the house was made in silence. No matter how he fought the depression, it was there, twisting around his gut, climbing up his chest, stretching out over his arms and legs, pulling him down, telling him it was over. But she wasn’t gone yet, and there were ways to make a relationship work.
At the house, Marissa pitched in helping Kelsey while he set the table on the screened-in porch at the back of the house. At some point, after they’d put in the screens, Kelsey had hung little lights, making the place homey and inviting. It was chilly out, so they lit two heaters which made the porch bearable.
Adam and Kelsey were trying to keep the evening light and fun. Marissa played along, and he really tried to not dwell on the obvious.
After dinner, they headed to his room where they spent hours learning each other. His body was exhausted, but he wanted to stay awake and discover everything he could about this amazing woman.
The next morning, she wasn’t in his bed when he woke. Panic blasted, and he shot up, stubbing his toe on the desk. Mid curse the door opened, and she was there. He didn’t care that he was naked with the door wide open. He moved fast, pulling her into a hug.
“Clothes, buddy,” Adam said as he walked by in the hall.
He tugged her into the room and slammed the door.
“Hey, you okay?” she asked.
“Yeah, I just thought…”
“I wouldn’t leave without saying goodbye.”
Her words soothed him, but the knowledge she’d be gone soon hurt. She said she wouldn’t bug out quickly, but she owed him nothing. He stepped into the bathroom and brushed his teeth before rinsing his mouth with something that burned away the layer of gunk. After he finished, he pulled her into a kiss. She opened for him, her hands on his back, holding him in place.
“How long do we have?” He needed to know, but he didn’t really want to because it wouldn’t be enough.
“About thirty minutes.”
“Fuck, that’s not long enough. Actually, a lifetime wouldn’t be enough.”
“Put some clothes on and come out for breakfast,” Marissa said.
He shook his head. “I don’t want to let you go.”
“I know, but for now, I have to leave.”
Being with Marissa had healed his heart a little, but he could tell reality would dash whatever healing he’d achieved. In the army, he’d learned how to move past the pain and focus on the goal, but his goal and the pain were woven so tightly it was too hard to separate them.
She handed him his underwear and a pair of shorts. He pulled them on, keeping his eyes on her as he dressed.
“I don’t know when, but I will find a way to see you,” he said.
“We’ll figure it out.”
How could she be so calm? He was ready to tear the place apart to keep her here, but she seemed as cool as a cucumber. He tugged on his shirt, and their gazes met. At that moment he saw the depths of her despair. They had to figure out a way to make this happen. He stepped close, and her eyes narrowed. Maybe it was foolish to think they could actually be together, but he vowed he would make it happen.
7
Marissa should have slept, but Jackson’s kisses and touches had seemed far too important. Now, after waking and showering, she realized that even a lifetime wouldn’t be enough. Jackson was the best man she’d ever met, and they couldn’t be together.
Every minute was painful, every touch scorching. If she could stay, she would. Her li
fe wasn’t simple enough to just drop out and leave her job.
“Adam made food,” she said.
Jackson only nodded. She wanted the pain to go away, but it clung to her heart like wet paper. No amount of cheer would change the situation. She was leaving a man she genuinely cared about. How had this happened?
Breakfast was over too fast, and she was in her car, driving away long before she wanted to say goodbye. The tears lasted until she was close to Denver. How she would survive was a mystery. Jackson had changed everything she thought about relationships. What they had was too strong for her to give up on, but she’d have to make drastic changes, or he would need to make them. For now, she didn’t see either of them being willing to change enough for them to work in a relationship.
The flight to Madrid seemed longer than usual. The second she could turn her phone on, she sent a note to Jackson. Landed, I’m not off the plane yet. I miss you. She pocketed her phone and focused on her surroundings. She didn’t recheck her messages until she was on her way to her car.
Good morning beautiful, but hey, I guess it’s afternoon there. Did you get any sleep on the plane?
She chuckled and typed out her reply. Not much. I’m headed home to sleep, and then I’m back to work in the morning. What’s on your agenda today?
Once in her car, she couldn’t check her phone during the thirty-minute drive from the airport. Three texts were waiting for her when she got home.
The first text read I think we have a security job. Followed closely by I’m looking for times I can come visit, and then Is it okay if I visit?
She chuckled and typed in YES! I want to see you again. Her phone dinged while she was in the shower, washing away the staleness of her trip. Maybe they’d be able to do some type of long-distance affair.
His text read Good, I’m going to plan something. Marissa’s smile stretched wide. She started a load of laundry before heading to bed. It had been too long since being home. The thought of cleaning the refrigerator made her stomach turn. She’d take care of it later, like maybe a few days later.
Before closing her eyes, she typed a message to Jackson. I’m going to sleep now. I’ll talk to you later. Have a good day.
