Piper
At just before seven o’clock on Friday, I stood in Bridget’s apartment with a stack of one dollar bills filling my purse. It had been weeks since I’d had a chance to hang out with my Iron Orchids, now that Ariel, Stella, and a few others were married it seemed that they didn’t always have time like they used to. I wasn’t upset by it, truthfully, I was jealous. I wanted to find someone the only problem was that I’ve never got the tingles in my belly from any man. Well, I did one time, but I was in elementary school and Liam Kain would walk me to the bus stop every morning. God, the name alone, Liam Kain, sounded like a hero in a romance novel. But one day he was gone. He’d walked me home from the bus stop one afternoon and the next morning he never showed, not ever again. I clutched my stomach, it was crazy that twenty-two years later that I’d still feel a twinge.
I scrolled through my phone while Bridget finished getting ready and we waited for Kat to get here.
“So exactly who all is going?” Harley asked
“Funny you should ask that’s what I was just doing, I was counting how many people we had, it looks like twenty-four in all. Sergeant Lang’s wife and Lieutenant Christakos’s wife plus all of his sister-in-laws. Vivian, you know her, she owns Sixes, and she’s bringing Mikki the waitress that works for her. My friend Everly who works for the fire Department is coming and she has two others coming with her. Oh, and you know Adeline and those girls, plus a group from the army base that work with Leo’s husband.” All of us knew Leo since we rode Harley’s not just as deputies but for fun as well, Leo was our mechanic.
Kat came in while I was going through names and took a seat.
“I’m glad we’re all here now, so before Aiden gets here what are we doing to embarrass him?” Harley asked as she tapped one finger against her cheek.
“Leave me out of it, that’s between the two of you.” Bridget pretended to wipe her hands clean.
“What do you have in mind?” I was worried, because I worked with him and she didn’t, well not yet.
“We can start a game of Padiddle, my version.”
“No,” Bridget demanded. “Your version ends with someone butt-ass-naked.”
“We’re just going to start it and scare the shit out of him, come on, it will be fun. It’s not like we’ll play until someone wins. We’re not driving that far so it isn’t as if we’ll have enough time.”
“Fine, but I’m grabbing a few more pieces of clothing.” Bridget stormed off back to her bedroom. As she walked down the hallway, we all heard her phone ding. “Great, my brother is here. Tell him I’ll be right out.”
“I’m borrowing some clothes from Bridget,” Kat announced.
“Me too,” said Sadie.
“Me three,” I added.
“Not me.” Harley waved and then headed out.
“Fuck, forget it, grab me whatever, I’m going before the two of them kill each other,” I hollered as I ran already laughing at the scene that I was imagining in my head.
“Over here, Harley, Piper,” Aiden yelled out the window.
“When did you get a Tahoe?” I asked
“I didn’t, it’s my ma’s.”
Harley opened the front passenger door and got in. “The rest will be right out, last minute potty breaks.”
I jumped in and climbed to the far back row, since I was obviously going to have the least amount of clothes, I wanted to be hidden.
By the time the rest of our posse piled in, and we were on the road it was after seven. “Thanks, Bro, the show is supposed to be over at eleven,” Bridget informed him. “We appreciate this.”
“What kind of show?”
“A cultural show,” Kat said but it was hard to understand her since she was giggling.
“Cultur—”
“Padiddle,” Sadie shouted as she punched the roof.
I was sitting at an angle and could see Harley as she moved her hands to her shirt, she was obviously unbuttoning her shirt. “Whoa, what are you doing?” Aiden questioned.
“Harley,” Bridget barked. “You could start with your shoes.”
“Whatever, the rules are clothing and shoes aren’t clothing,” she defended.
“What, what’s going on here?” Aiden glanced around and caught my eye in the rearview mirror, I gave him a half-hearted smile. “Put your shirt back on, these windows aren’t tinted.”
“I have a bra on, chill. It’s no different than a bikini top.”
“Yes, yes, it is. Bikini tops aren’t made of lace and I can’t see the red circle around your nipples in a bikini top.”
“Stop looking and drive Aiden,” Bridget hollered.
“I’m so glad that I’m back here.” But I was dying, this was hysterical, I’d never seen Aiden so flustered.
The red circles? I mouthed to Kat who had climbed back and sat next to me.
“Shit.” Kat punched the roof. “Padiddle.”
“Whoa, stop,” Aiden practically shouted.
Harley wiggled her fingers and then moved her hands up and down pretending to contemplate between unsnapping her bra or removing her jeans.
“You do either one of those and I’m pulling over, you five will have to call Ubers.”
“Fine.” She leaned forward and took off her shoes.
“Exactly what are these fucking rules?” Aiden snapped.
“If you see a car with a missing headlight, you shout padiddle and punch the roof, if you’re the first person you don’t have to remove anything but everyone else has to take off a piece of clothing. If it is a taillight then the first person to call it gets to put a piece of clothing back on,” Bridget recited the rules.
“Who the hell came up with this game?”
“I don’t know, it’s an actual game, we played it in college,” Harley defended.
Aiden finally pulled into the parking lot of where the show was being held and we all started get our few pieces of discarded clothing back on.
“Cultural? Hmmm, Thunder Down Under isn’t cultural.”
“Yes, it is, they’re from Australia, that is culturally diverse.” Kat didn’t finish because our doors were opened.
“Yo, bitches, ‘bout time you got here. Hey, Aiden.”
“Hello, Stella, how’s married life?” he asked.
“Wonderful as ever. Thanks for dropping them off. You ladies ready to party, got your gifts? I can’t wait to see who gets stuck with mine.”
“Hey Stella, I’m Harley. I wouldn’t hold your breath if I were you, I think mine is the creme de la creme.”
“Cream? Did you say cream? I think I like you. Come on, let’s go, the others
are in line, we’re still waiting for Lara and her group as well as Vivian.” Stella stepped back and I grabbed my bag as well.
“Thanks, Aiden,” we all called.
“See you at eleven,” Bridget reminded him.
“Hey, Harley, come here.” He waved her over, but we followed not wanting to miss one barb. “Since you’re wanting to undress, too bad you have to be here, you could have done it in my bed.”
I was dumbfounded. Holy shit. But Harley was speechless for several seconds.
“Wait, what?” Harley looked back at us. “Love y’all but I’m out of here. Bye.” When she turned back around Aiden’s window was rolled up and he was pulling out of the parking lot. “Fuck.”
“You and my brother are going to kill each other and not by physical force but by frustration,” Bridget said as she looked back over her shoulder toward Harley.
I was smiling, happy about our evening, when a bright red sports car came racing through the parking lot just as Bridget stepped forward, unfortunately she was several feet ahead of me. I saw it, or at least I imagined it, the car crashing into her, Bridget flying up, and then the scene in front with blue strobe lights changing into a haze of red as Bridget’s red hair mixed with blood on the red car. “Stop,” I shouted as I took off.
Fortunately, Bridget saw the car in time, but I didn’t care, I kept ru
nning up to where the driver had just pulled under the porte-cochère. As a Valet attendant came around to greet the woman, I held one hand on her door and snagged her keys from her hand. “What do you think you’re doing driving so fast? You almost hit her.” I pointed over my shoulder to Bridget who had just ran up behind me along with Kat, Sadie, and Harley.
“Back off bitch.”
“In such a hurry that you think it gives you a right to act like an asshole?”
The woman ignored me and turned to talk to her friend who was getting out of the passenger side door. “Hey, can you come get last year’s wonder-woman-wannabe off my car, I need a drink?”
I’m not sure who was more shocked by her utter lack of remorse, my friends or the crowd that had seemed to gather and were now watching.
Without pausing or skipping a beat, I grabbed her hand that she’d extended toward me in an attempt to push me away and used her own force to turn her. Pressing one hand against the nape of her neck, I pushed her face against her car. “This last year’s wonder woman, goes by the name Deputy Dupont and I believe that you were just leaving, isn’t that correct?” She didn’t answer me. “I’m sorry, I couldn’t hear you. You were just leaving. Deputy Lazar,” I referenced Sadie by her last name, “Can you please call for assistance since this lady can’t seem to find it in herself to answer my question. I think perhaps she may need help.”
“No, no, I’m leaving.”
“Let me see your ID before you go.”
“Why? I said that I’m leaving.”
“Because if anyone else has problems with your attitude then they will know that it is a habit of yours. This is what we call retraining, I hope it works.” I took her license and called in the information, mainly to make sure she had no warrants and would add my notes on Monday.
“I need a drink,” I said as the asshole drove off.
“I love this job, I fucking love this job,” Sadie chanted over and over.
“I want to be a cop,” Bridget whispered.
Kat
“Hello, ladies, I see that you all have gifts, is this someone’s bachelorette party?” the man at the front door asked as we walked in.
“It’s hers.” Stella pointed to me. She leaned down and whispered into my ear, “This is why no one ever walks next to me, they’re afraid of what I might do.”
“Oh no it isn’t.” I held up my left hand. “Look, I’m not wearing a ring.” Stella, this woman that I had just met and was quickly coming to the conclusion that I wanted to put an APB out on her wrapped one arm around me.
“Kat, I told you that just because you took your ring off wouldn’t improve your chances of getting laid. You have that, I’m getting married glow doesn’t she have that glow about her?”
The man at the door nodded and so did everyone else in our party. “Your name is Kat? I’ll add that to our VIP list. Here you go, Kat.” He handed me a hot pink sash that read VIP. “All right ladies, Josh will show you to your tables.”
“If you ladies will follow me.” A man wearing blue jeans, a vest, and no shirt, waved us to follow him.
They had arranged us in the front toward the right of the stage. There were so many of us that our tables were arranged in an L-shape curving around the corner.
“Let’s get this party started, we need shots.”
“Did I hear shots? What can I get you ladies?” another man, wearing something similar to Josh asked. “I’m Frederick and I’ll be your servant tonight.”
“Servant, I like that. Well, Frederick, we need to start with blow jobs,” Harley announced.
“If you insist.” Frederick pretended to unzip his pants.
“Perfect choice that is always my go-to drink as well, we have two prego’s though.” Stella said as she caught Fredericks attention. “Make that twenty-two blow jobs, and two chocolate milks with whipped cream on top in a shot glass.”
“Coming…right up.”
I smiled at Frederick’s double entendre. We all took our seats and set our bags in the middle of the table. “Let’s get this game going,” Piper announced. “Since Kat is our bride-to-be.” I flipped her off for saying that. “I think that she should decide who goes first.”
“Then whoever’s gift is selected they will go next and of course the last person can steal from anyone. One rule, once you pick the gift up then it is yours, no dropping it back down, you’re stuck with it. Okay, go.” Piper waited for my answer.
“Since you’re standing you should go first.” I gave her a cheeky grin.
She reached forward and grabbed a bag, removing all of the tissue paper she pulled out a T-shirt that read: Finger food that’s meant to be played with, and then there was an arrow pointing down toward her vajayjay. I read the shirt again and then busted out laughing.
“Oh, hell no, I’m not wearing this.” Piper tossed the shirt down.
“Oh, hell yes you are.” Stella stood up and pointed her finger at her, now go change.
“Ah fuck a duck. Can I at least wait until more of you have embarrassing shit as well?”
We all agreed, and Stella grabbed the next bag, it was a Hawaiian lei made out of paper mâché penises with a light up sign that read, I need a lei. One by one we grabbed, when Sarah, a paramedic got my gift which also happened to be a T-shirt, it took everyone a moment to catch onto the meaning. Okay, so I wasn’t as funny as everyone else. The shirt was covered with musical notes and what at first glance appeared to be tiny shooting stars, on the back was the title song Come on Eileen. On the front of the shirt, was a giant name tag that read: Hello, my name is Eileen.
“Holy shit, I just noticed, those aren’t white shooting stars on your shirt, Sarah,” Sadie hollered out.
“Umm, no, not unless shooting stars have suddenly turned into white creamy things.” Everyone finally cracked up laughing as the meaning to Come on Eileen became clear.
It was my turn, I reached forward and placed my hand on a soft pink bag, it looked almost angelic. Okay, this was probably the gift of some mom who recycled the bag from her daughter so I assumed that it couldn’t be that bad. Glancing around when no one smiled or flinched, so I picked it up and brought it over, still no one commented. The bag was super light, I dug in and found a small box, pulling it out I lifted the lid and nestled inside was a folded piece of paper. I gave a half-hearted smile, apprehension sinking in. Unfolding the note, I realized that it was a receipt for here, tonight, for one lap dance.
“Oh, hell no. No to the no.”
“Um, yes. And that ladies is how you win the game.” Harley fist pumped.
“No no no. This isn’t Amazon.” I was trying diligently to figure out how to get out of this.
“I had a feeling that you would say that. But, you can use your Amazon login and it bills to your Amazon account so technically my receipt shows up on my Amazon account. Booyah. Now sit back, relax, and we’ll enjoy the show.” Harley clapped her hands together. Stella gave her a high-five.
Everyone who had gotten shirts ran off to the bathroom to change, our shots had been delivered and were sitting in the middle of the table waiting for us. Shocked that it had only taken us about fifteen minutes to get through the game, we were less than ten minutes to start time and I was now nervous as hell about my upcoming lap dance.
Bridget
Everybody take one of these bad boys, I helped pass twenty-two blow job shots and two faux-shots around the table. We all grabbed one and positioned it in front of us before standing.
I loved going out with my friends but something about this place gave me the heebeejeebees. Da always told me to trust my instinct, it’s a cop’s most reliable weapon. Okay, I wasn’t a cop, but I wanted to be. I just didn’t know how to tell my family. My ma would have a heart attack. She had just convinced Da to retire, and with Callum a detective, and Aiden on motors, having her only daughter become a cop would probably put her on a crazy farm and bring out the Irish Catholic guilt. I was pulled from my thoughts by a shot glass being thrusted towa
rd me.
“Okay, ladies, don’t disappoint me,” Stella hollered. “On three, one…two…three.” Before I had a chance to bend over and grab my glass Harley’s words penetrated my brain.
“Bridget, your mom is here.”
“What?” I glanced around trying to see if that was the cause of the uneasy feeling I’d had earlier. Maybe I could feel that I was being watched.
“She’s with Kat’s mom.”
Kat’s glass dropped and Amaretto spilled across the table. “Where? Ahh fuck. I hate to tell you all this but she’s here with Aunt Christine.”
Part of me was wishing that I’d brought a video camera. There were a lot of downsides to having my family so intertwined in the sheriff station but there were also some good sides. Like this, we knew everyone. As much as I hated the fact that my ma was here mainly because it would put a damper on my fun. Hello, who can shove one dollar bills down a man’s G-string with their Ma looking? However I wasn’t worried about her fitting in, she had the mouth of a sailor, she was Irish for fuck’s sake.
I knew that she was friends with Christine Christakos, her son, and nephew, worked at the sheriff station so that made sense, and the fact that I’ve introduced them but not Kat’s mom. “How does Ma know your mom?” I asked Kat.
“This is epic,” Stella chortled.
“Mama and Christine grew up together in Greece and were best friends. All four of the Christakos boys call my mom, Aunt Monica and I’ve always called her Aunt Christine.”
“Have they seen us?” I asked afraid to look over for fear they’d see me. Okay, I knew that was stupid, but I was pulling the old Ostrich stunt, I don’t see you, you can’t see me, you know…head in the sand.
Badges Prequel: Iron Badges Series Page 2
