by Merry Farmer
Tell me that you love me. She stared at him, unable to speak a single word.
“I’m sure my family would love the idea. They’d welcome you with open arms. You’re practically one of the family already.”
Tell me that you love me and I’ll say yes.
“I can get you out of that dilapidated old house you live in now, Louisa. I can save you from having to move to the other side of the ocean.” He dropped his voice and finished with, “Let me be the solution to all your problems.”
Silence. Even the wind seemed to stop blowing and hover, waiting for an answer. They were both still. Louisa’s heart pounded against her chest, every nerve in her body cried out for him to say the only words she wanted to hear. She waited, leaning forward, poised to do anything, if he would just tell her he loved her.
The smile on his face and the light in his eyes began to fade. As it did her heart began to break.
“Louisa?” he asked again. “Will you marry me?”
He wasn’t going to say it. He didn’t love her. She was nothing to him but a problem that needed solving.
Hope and anticipation crumbled into anger. She pulled her hands out of his, clenching her jaw. She had never been so angry in her entire life. How dare he.
“I don’t want to be saved, Andrew,” she hissed, taking a step back. I want to be loved.
“What?” he stammered, at a complete loss. She took another step back. “Wait, Louisa, I don’t—”
“I’m not another project for you to figure out.” She balled her fists at her sides and stepped toward the stairs leading into the lawn. “I’m not a business venture that you can plan for and execute.” Her eyes began to sting, and even with her glasses she couldn’t see properly. She started down the stairs, refusing to cry in front of him. “I’m not some charity case that you can bring a care package containing a gold band to and make it all better.”
“I didn’t—wait, Louisa!”
She was too furious with him to stay and listen to his protest. He didn’t care about her at all. Every time he had shown her an ounce of friendship it had only been another step in his plan to fix her.
She hurried down the stairs and tore across the lawn for the drive where her bicycle waited. She was a fool to ever let her heart carry her away like this. Life was not a silly child’s game anymore, not for her. She should have known better to think that anyone could ever love her.
As she grabbed her bicycle and mounted it, she heard a scuffle in the kitchen. Moments later the door opened and Gayle and Wren poured out of the house after her.
“Louisa? What happened? What’s wrong?”
Louisa ignored their calls and their questions. She stepped hard on the pedals of her bicycle, pumping with all her might to ride away from Cliff House as fast as she could. She didn’t even blink when she skidded as she made the turn onto the main road at the bottom of the drive. All she knew was that she had to get far away from the fool that she had made of herself by ever imagining that Andrew McBride would truly care about her.
Chapter 8
The skies were dark gray, threatening to open up with rain at any moment. The air hung like a thick, humid sheet over the stretch of beach and the outcrop where the deconstructed lighthouse stood. Andrew raised the worn sledgehammer over his head and brought it crashing down on the last remaining wall of the old part of the lighthouse.
Only a week had passed since the inexplicable scene on the porch with Louisa. It felt like a lifetime ago. It felt like only the blink of an eye had passed. He had been so certain, but things had gone so wrong. He grunted as the rocks of the crumbling wall shattered around him, but it didn’t help. Nothing helped.
Why hadn’t Louisa said yes to him? Why had she been so furious? A week later, and he was still asking himself those questions.
He pounded the wall one last time, then threw the sledgehammer aside and began loading rocks into a wheelbarrow parked nearby.
Construction on the new church was going slowly, very slowly. At the beginning of the project, they had had more than enough volunteers. If the same men had come back day after day they would have finished taking away the old building by now and could have started to build the new. But as the troubles in the Church deepened, they lost more and more members of their workforce. Others had jobs to go to and families to care for. Even Andrew had been so busy preparing to open his own business that working on the church had been a luxury. He was only there on this particular afternoon because he couldn’t stand to sit in his tiny office thinking about Louisa’s fury anymore.
Instead, the ghost of her fury had followed him out to the rocky peninsula and the lighthouse.
He sighed and straightened, tossing a heavy rock on the pile he had made in the wheelbarrow. It was his fault. That was the one conclusion he had come to. He should have stopped Wren and his mother from talking about those less fortunate than them the way they had that morning. He could see that it bothered Louisa. Her eyes had given everything away. In their rich brown depths he could see that she saw herself as one of those unfortunate people who lived by the docks. He should have stopped the uncharitable chatter and told her right then and there that someone was not less of a person, less of a woman, because of the amount of money they did or didn’t have. But as many times as he played the situation over in his mind he couldn’t come up with a way to stop the conversation without giving away Louisa’s secret.
Andrew frowned and wiped sweat off of his face with the back of his sleeve, then pushed the wheelbarrow away from the crushed wall to the rubbish pile closer to the road. Rowan was nearby, watching him so closely that he paused in his own work. Part of Andrew wanted to confide in his brother, to seek his wisdom. But instinct told him Rowan wouldn’t be able to help him, not with this.
He nodded to Rowan and continued on with his work. The proposal played over and over in his mind. What had been wrong with it? Everything had seemed so clear to him. The solution he had offered would obviously bring joy to everyone. So why had she reacted like he had slapped her in the face?
He dumped his load of rocks in the rubbish pile and turned the wheelbarrow around to take it back to the wall. When he saw Wren striding up to the work site with a basket under her arm, relief flooded him. He paused and left the wheelbarrow where it was to meet her.
“I brought you a snack.” Wren smiled as they met on the path and started toward the worktable together.
He nodded his thanks, searching for something to say and coming up with nothing. He hadn’t been able to find the right words for anything lately.
“Is it just you and Rowan again today?” Wren asked, setting the basket on the table and taking out the jug to hand to him.
With the sun safely tucked behind the clouds, Wren had gone out without a hat. If she only knew how wild she looked with the sea breeze pulling strands free of her long braid, she’d huff and say she wasn’t setting a good example.
“Mark is around here somewhere,” Andrew answered. “And C.J. was here earlier, but he had to leave to take his mother and sister into Boston.”
He accepted the jug and uncorked it, taking a long drink of lemonade. It was cool, and made him realize how thirsty he was. But it didn’t make him feel better.
Wren studied him in silence as he drank. When he set the jug on the table and glanced out over the choppy ocean she said, “Are you sure you’re not working too hard?”
Her voice was so full of concern that guilt grabbed him.
“I’m—” He started to tell her that he was fine, but Wren was one person that he knew he couldn’t lie to, no matter how small the lie.
He fell silent again, setting the jug on the table with a tired sigh. “Maybe it’s time for a break.”
She watched him as he dropped his eyes to the ground, scuffing his foot against the scrubby grass growing out from the rocky sand. She crossed her arms and frowned. The gesture was all it took for him to know that she wasn’t going to let him get away with silence much longer. She
had been staring at him like that all week. He was certain that she knew far more than she was letting on. He sighed again and ran a hand through his damp hair. All week he’d been spinning the situation through his head in vain. It was time to ask for help.
“Wanna go for a walk?” he mumbled.
“Yes,” she breathed in relief, dropping her arms.
He grinned at her reaction and she smiled back at him.
“Come on.” He nodded to the path that led to the beach.
They walked away from the construction site together. He searched Rowan out, and when his brother glanced their way he nodded his head toward the beach. Rowan sent him an approving smile and went back to work. Andrew and Wren started down the weathered wooden stairs to the beach.
The rhythmic washing of the waves against the sand as the tide came in helped to clear Andrew’s thoughts and put his troubles into words. Wren waited patiently for him to begin.
“I think I did something wrong.” He thrust his hands into his pockets, fear of the very answers he was seeking making it hard for him to find words.
“About Louisa?” Wren prodded when the pause drew out too long.
So she knew, or at least suspected.
“She left that day because of something I did, or said. I think.”
He glanced at his sister in time to see her eyebrows shoot up. “I figured you had something to do with it. Only a man can make a woman that angry.”
He ignored her comment with a teasing grin.
“I’m not really sure what I did. I—”
He paused. To tell Wren his secrets would mean telling her Louisa’s as well. And Louisa had specifically asked him not to tell Wren. He didn’t agree with her, but he had promised. He was hopelessly stuck.
“I need to figure out what I did wrong so that I can make it right again.”
Wren stopped. Andrew stopped with her. For a moment she stared at the waves sliding closer and closer to them. Her frown was deep enough to tell him that she was weighing the consequences of what she wanted to say. Finally she bit her lip and glanced up at him.
“Andrew, you know she loves you, don’t you?”
His heart seemed to stop and expand all at once in his chest. “Did she tell you that?”
Wren shook her head. “She didn’t have to. You can see it every time she looks at you.”
He thought back to the expression on Louisa’s face in the first moment when the fireworks had lit her. It had been the epitome of love.
“I know she does.” He sighed. “And I love her too.”
Wren’s eyes flew wide. “You do?”
It was his turn to be surprised. “Well, if you can tell every time she looks at me, like you claim you can, then isn’t it obvious every time I look at her?”
Wren opened her mouth to shoot back a reply, but stopped. Her eyes glazed over, as if she was remembering every time he and Louisa had been together around her. She shut her mouth.
“Yes, actually, I guess so.” Her puzzled frown melted into a smile. “But this is a good thing, right?”
He sighed. “You know what I said that morning that made her so angry? I proposed to her.”
Wren’s whole face lit up for a moment before crashing into a confused frown.
“You proposed to her and she was angry?” She shook her head. “That doesn’t sound like Louisa at all.”
“I know,” he agreed and continued to walk down the beach. Wren followed at his side. “That’s what I don’t understand. I mean, after everything that’s happened this summer, after the Fourth of July … I was certain she would say yes.”
“Then why didn’t she?”
“I don’t know. That’s why I’m asking you. What did I do wrong?”
The frustration of being so close to an answer without being able to grasp one made Andrew want to take off running down the beach to work off the irritation. He forced himself to stay calm and to think about the situation rationally.
“There are some other things that I think played a part in everything,” he went on.
“Like what?” Wren crossed her arms.
Andrew frowned. Now was the moment of truth. He could keep Louisa’s secret and continue to be frustrated or he could let it out and maybe figure out a way to fix whatever had gone wrong.
“The heart of the issue,” he began slowly, wracking his brain for a way around it all, “is that Louisa’s having a bit of a hard time at the moment. I offered to marry her to help her out.”
“Because her family has lost all of their money.” Wren nodded as if the huge secret was clear as day.
“You know about that?”
Wren sent him a wistful smile. “We all know about it, Andrew. Mother and Gayle and myself. Gayle and I are her best friends. Did you think we wouldn’t notice that Louisa hasn’t bought anything new for more than a year? That she has no time to spend with us anymore? She’s obviously working some sort of job now. And I know where she’s moved to—the neighborhood, at least.”
“Have you been there?”
“No.”
“Well I have.” Wren blinked at him in surprise. “If you think you know what kind of hard times Louisa is going through, you don’t. It’s worse than you could imagine, far worse. I can’t stand knowing she’s cooped up in that tiny house, sewing until she has headaches, with no reward or thanks at all.”
“Is it really that bad?” Wren asked in a hush.
Andrew could only nod.
Wren clasped a hand to her chest, her expression bereft. “And here we haven’t said anything about it because we didn’t want to make Louisa feel any worse than she already feels. She’s so strong and proud that she would—”
A gasp broke her sentence and she threw out a hand to stop him in his tracks, staring him in the eyes.
“No, Andrew. You didn’t.”
“Didn’t what?” He grasped her arm. She was right on the edge of the answer and he couldn’t wait for it a second longer.
Wren winced and held a hand to her forehead. “You offered to marry her to help her out?”
“Yes, of course! I—”
“What exactly did you say to her when you proposed?” she asked, eyes squeezed shut as if waiting for a blow.
“I told her that she would never have to worry again. I told her that my business would be a success, that I would buy her a house, that I would make sure her mother could stay here. I even offered to pay for Henry’s school.”
“Oh, Andrew,” Wren moaned and dropped her arms to her sides, shaking her head at him.
“What?”
She drew in a deep breath, still shaking her head, and shut her eyes again.
“Please tell me that you told her that you wanted to marry her because you love her.”
“I—” It hit him like a blow from a sledgehammer. His chest squeezed tight. “But she knows I love her. She knows it.”
“Does she? Did you tell her? Ever?”
“Of course I—”
He stopped and thought back over all of the conversations he’d had with her since he’d realized his own feelings—the soda shop, the church, her house. Wren had her answer when he cringed and dropped his head.
“Oh, Andrew,” she scolded him, her anger a pale comparison to Louisa’s. “You didn’t offer to marry her, you offered to buy her. You stupid boy.”
As much as he wanted to, he knew he couldn’t argue with her. Suddenly every wonderful promise he had made twisted to the way Louisa must have seen it. Everything was clear as day. She had told him that she didn’t want to be saved.
“I can’t believe I’m such a fool,” he whispered, clenching his teeth. The answer was right there all along, but he was too blinded by his own pride to see it. He clenched his fists in frustration. “So what am I supposed to do now?”
Wren laughed at him. He couldn’t blame her. “Do you really love her?”
“Yes. Of course I do. Wren, I want to marry her. I don’t want to marry anyone else. What should I do?”
/>
“I don’t know.” She threw her arms out. “But I can tell you this. You can’t just walk over to her house and apologize and make it all better.”
“I can’t?”
“No. A week has gone by already, but you haven’t apologized yet. She probably thinks you still believe you’re in the right, or worse, that you’re angry with her for not going along with your brilliant plan.”
Wren sighed and rubbed her forehead, pacing in a small circle, her skirts making a trail in the sand. Finally she squared her shoulders and stepped back to stand in front of her brother.
“All right, this is what you have to do. You have to win her back.”
“Clearly.” He grinned. The affection he felt for Wren, his battle-axe of a sister, went a long way toward soothing the hurt he’d done to himself.
“She’s not going to forgive you overnight, nor should she. Actions speak louder than words, and right now is the time for you to act. You’re going to have to be patient, start by apologizing, of course, and then be by her side whenever she needs you. Do little things to show her you want to be with her, not buy her. It’s going to take a long time, but if you show her you’re worthy, that you know you made a mistake, then.…” She trailed off when she saw the pained expression on his face. “What?”
If he thought that he had been absolved of all of Louisa’s secrets he was wrong. It appeared there was one more that she hadn’t shared with her friends.
“I don’t have time,” he muttered, grimacing as he let the last cat out of the bag.
“What do you mean? You have all the time in the world.”
“No, I don’t.” He shook his head and scrubbed a hand over his face. Louisa already hated him. It couldn’t get much worse. He sighed. “Wren, Louisa is moving. To England.”
For a moment Wren’s eyes narrowed as if she didn’t believe him. Then they flew wide.
