by Dave Schultz
Epilogue 2: Cast and Crew
“Now thanks be unto God, which always causes us to triumph in Christ, and maketh manifest the savour of his knowledge by us in every place.” 2 Corinthians 2:14
THE CAST
Dr. Solomon Glory continued to practice psychiatry in the swamp until his retirement, living happily with his frog-wife Martika, a renowned chemist in her own right. After they retired, they worked on translating classic novels into Frog-language: they finished a spectacular, award-winning version of Hop on Pop, and had started to work on Bang the Drum Slowly... Oh, but then they got eaten by a heron.
The Butcher, the Baker and the Candlestick-maker started their own restaurant, in the town of Chair. It was such a success, all the celebrities went there. Then the Candlestickmaker got arrested for underage issues, and the Butcher converted it into a pizza joint (meat lovers pizzas were always half price) after the Baker left too, which happened on this wise: One day Jean l’Artiste, tired of Tofu, came to their restaurant instead. They met, became friends, and the Baker started going to church with him. He realized there was more to Sundays than he had thought! Eventually, he even moved to the place called The Garden, where he could live every day like Sunday, when he saw that they were advertising for a chef who could make foolycake, and felt a call.
The Good People of Chickakookacowamaugamungabunga finally realized being a Serbian protectorate wasn’t very good protection, and decided to band together with several other pushover powers for mutual defense, uniting with the gentle sister republics of Manitoulin and Mackinac (no such thing as a silent c on the p.p. of T, btw), the energetic and entertaining village of Boomshakalaka, and (why not?) the very cool Queendom of Petralunga. A new name was in order: Kookacowapetramanimackichickaboommungamaugabungalungashakalakatoulinnac. This was about the same time the Hun raids stopped anyway, so they credited the new union and new name with “creating fear and dread in all men.” And figured if it had worked that well, why not annex the breakaway Finnish province of Kekaleinen, and the Children’s Village of Tickleburg? (Neither were much good in battle, but they were both fun to have around.) After this they became Boomchickakookamackicowamanipetrakekatickletoulinmaugashakalakanacbungamungalungaleinenburg. At this point, they struck fear and dread into the hearts of school-children, who learned to memorize their street addresses much earlier than their counterparts in other nations--thus defusing the pants-peeing question “Where do you live, Sally?” by answering simply, “Third Street!” The name was also useful in teaching high-school students their perm’s and comb’s, coz they tackled that unit right at the height of their period of silliness150 and had great fun rearranging the name while they learned. ‘What? Our name, silly?’ protested the loyalists. Unfortunately, the International Olympic Committee thought it was too. For that matter, the whole tourism industry suffered, because the name couldn’t be squeezed onto a bus ticket, and the bus driver kept dropping off their visitors at a neighboring kingdom with a similar name. (It could happen.) But they made up for it with a great mail-order industry, selling clothes with the inscription “My parents went to ___ and all I got was this lousy T-shirt.” Eventually that fad petered out, but just in the nick of time they saved their economy by annexing the mining town of Flin Flon; the little valley of Wocka Wocka (capital of the budding video game industry); and a tourist haven, the communal Genies’ Paradise of Mekka Lekka Hai. Work it out for yourselves. Centuries later, after more annexations, amalgamations and mergers, they finally gave up and just called the whole place “Streetsville”.
Paul the Gaul, Mike the Viking, and Pete the Geat, all found what they were secretly after, wedded bliss. Paul met a nice girl named Anna who not only showed him love, but showed him the Lord. Mike got married to a statuesque beauty named Katrina, who challenged him with a ‘My God is bigger than your God’ type attitude. Though he hated to lose any contest, Mike finally admitted sheepishly “I don’t have a God”. “Well that settles it, then” she proclaimed triumphantly, and generously shared her knowledge of the real One. And Pete met a wide woman named Shtrudel who could really cook.
Raymond of Corbeil was happily married to the equally renowned ‘Tracy of Callander’, and even helped support them by practicing Law for a while, if you can believe that. Until, that is, he was extended a personal invitation to replace Bert Loreword as linebacker-blitzer for the Hun-Country Huns. Sack records fell almost as quickly as opposing quarterbacks.
The woman with the garden eventually got older and tireder, and spent less time in the garden, and more time in the house. She had big new windows put in, and revised her earlier statement ‘It’s better to help them grow’, to ‘It’s better to watch them grow’.
Moriarty the Barracuda ate a leg, a fish, a salmon, an ankle, a fish, some garbage, puked; ate a leg, a toe, a fish, an eel, a hubcap, a kneecap, and a couple more fish, and then proved the old adage “Old barracudas never die, they just swim off into the sunset--biting as they go.”
The bald dirty factory-coming-home-guy still works in a factory, and lives happily near Detroit with his virtuous daughter Jobi, his valiant son Charlie and his vonderful vife Sheryl.
The Caveman gave up on Law School (it’s hard!) and just devoted his efforts to being the best caveman he could be. Oh, and to practicing his free throw shooting: Then he played a couple of years of pro basketball and made more than a lawyer would make anyway. Having no need of money, he gave it all to the much-maligned Boy Scouts.
Brennan Howard X got into politics, ran for Senator a couple times on a radical ‘extinct-animal rights’ platform, and lost, then finally settled for being a Union Rep.
Electric Man made it to Australia and had a good time. The non-conducting rubber suit actually made him get hit by lightning less often, so he eventually started to lose his electrical charge. He was a little relieved, but also sad that he wasn’t as special anymore. But he was happy again when his pretty Australian girlfriend promised, “You’ll always be special to me.”
Europa Callisto the accountant finally took account of her own life, and finding herself less than perfect, she gave her life to God, who alone is perfect. Then she spent the rest of her days counting his miracles, and tabulating eternity! Meanwhile, her son Jupiter Moon, finding himself “underqualified” for a career as a Titan, worked as a bouncer instead, while his sister Io grew up to be a mortgage lender for a finance company called Loan John Silver’s: where she ambitiously married the founding partner, but prudently kept her last name.
After getting tired of too much libraryin’, MK moved to Calgary to work in Residence Life, at the University. Coz she liked the outdoors, and “they have a lot of it here.”
Eagles moved to Greece, where the warm Mediterranean climate meant lotsa bugs. He hung out at the Hotel Hough, where the ex-hockey players admired his bloodthirsty ways and adopted him as kind of a mascot. But he perished in a hailstorm: you can go all around the world, but you can’t escape justice.
After her work in Chicago and on the Bus to Glory was done, Hosanna started a band with her sisters. Hosanna played piano, Gloria sang, Allie Lou played cello, and their half-Latin, half-Slavic, half-Hawaiian half-sister Luna Kalina played the drums151. Once the phonograph was invented, (by an Edison-esque inventor named Spoony), they sold a million records, blessed a million hearts, strengthened a million souls, and made a million dollars--which they gave to their friends The Good Guys, to pay for a million flowers, to reach a million sinners, less one--some really stubborn hard-hearted wretch named _____. (Not you I hope?)
Yassin Amal, the blind painter, fortunately was able to sell the camel picture later in the evening, then buy cheese, and summer sausage, and apples, and trois baguettes, and return proudly home to his passionate English wife Ann, and their hungry Irish setter Howie, and his wife’s shiftless Welsh ex-half-step-second-cousin-in-law-once-removed (“But churl not gif river me so eassy, nozzle dive, solbered up a pit!”), who was staying with them while he was between jobs. After splitting
the meager provisions four ways, poor Yassin was back in the alley working again the next morning. Such is life.
Gepetto’s Kid got up to some typical childhood mischief. Nothing most of the rest of us haven’t done when our parents weren’t watching, right?
Brian the Tofu Anarchist and the Poetess Emily the Kid got married and lived happily ever after. The Tofu Anarchist inadvertently contributed something useful to society by inventing the camera, even though his intentions were anarchist-pure: “I just wanted to take a picture of how messed up everything is.” It turned out OK, coz the extra money he gained from his invention allowed Emily the Kid to quit her job and concentrate on writing delicious, seditious poetry full-time. It was cutting-edge stuff, which is why nobody else understood it. That’s how you know you’re a good writer.152
She was too good, in fact, for With-it Larry, whose work had become formulaic and stale. Not one to settle for being only the second-best poet in Chair, With-it Larry eventually gave up the rivalry and was instead elected mayor after Mayor Willy retired.
Mayor Willy served a couple more terms as mayor, and then moved south to enjoy a happy retirement sipping drinks in the Caribbean sun, living off all his hard-embezzled campaign funds. Before he left, he actually helped behind-the-scenes with With-it Larry’s campaign, “despite his moronic political beliefs.” Coz Willy became convinced Larry sought the mayordom mostly from vanity, and, having long approved of the beatnik’s use of big words, Willy compromisingly admitted: “Two out of three ain’t bad.”
Jean l’Artiste began sharing his faith with people in restaurants, but was hungry for a larger forum. After the invention of the camera made his sketching biz obsolete, he turned his artistic talents to stained glass and architecture, and built Cathedrals all around the world with the construction assistance of the incomparable Jonnathinn Halley, master of all trades, jack of none.
The Right Honorable Scrapper Jim survived an attack by the Cuban assassin Macmillan, but perished at the hands of a deviously attractive assassin named Sarah, whose special talent was making people die of a broken heart. (Aww!) He was succeeded by his equally formidable brother The Right Honorable Scrapper Tom, who, after the rout from Hun-Country, realized that there was more money to be made in professional sports than in war. He turned the Penetanguishene Raiders into a pretty good football team which enjoyed a bitter but lucrative rivalry with the perennial champs the Hun-Country Huns.
The Gatekeeper and Murphy lost their jobs and got thrown into the Instinkerator for their good deeds, but they sang hymns and praised God for the privilege of suffering as Christians. When they got out they spent forty days fasting down by the river (it took them that long to get clean, and to get their appetites back anyway.) There, God poured out the Holy Spirit upon them and used them to help found the ‘Church of God in Christ in Penetanguishene’, where they played an instrumental role in the worship service--Murphy played bass, the Gatekeeper played drums. Among their first penitent converts were The Right Honorable Scrappers Jim (just in time) and Tom. Thus they succeeded, with God, where Luke on his own had failed.
Cardinal-Bird kept doing what he did best: singing, and soaring, and praising God. He also taught the children to do the same. Always room for more volunteers to sing in the branches of God’s “pretty big tree”!
The Tree aspired to be that tree!
Sheenagh the Banshee floated on up to heaven, said the magic word, and got in. It wasn’t what she said, so much as the way she said it--with sincerity and contrition.
Rasheed blew out a knee in an exhibition game, and had to return to pumpkin farming. Thank goodness for signing bonuses.
Mr. Schultz married “the woman with the windows and the garden” and had four weird kids. Enough for a golf foursome, except none of them shared his extraordinary golfing abilities. Good thing teaching school had taught him so much patience, huh.
Mr. Sutton married a beautiful damsel named Deb, and they lived happily ever after, serving the Lord, loving each other, and teaching the children of the world, one at a time, about kindness, patience, wisdom and dignity.
The beautiful Ms. McRitchie was blessed with a beautiful life. She loved her husband, loved her children, loved her job, and loved the Lord. Sometimes there were diseases, but God healed them all in due time. Sometimes there were doubts, but an unbreakable faith in the good word of God eventually prevailed. Sometimes there was even betrayal, but she took out her Bible and read, “Persecuted but not forsaken; cast down but not destroyed,” and fought through this also, with her own pure heart shining and the eternal love of God remaining.
Mr. Young taught school for a few more years, but decided he just couldn’t hack it. He caught a job as a receivers coach for a new professional football team in Sagueneen.
The Wildflowers were born again. (Every summer)
Gynander the Gnome ticked off the wrong pack of prairie dogs. Talk about Run, run you better!
Horse the Mystery Horse got a job transporting the Pope. Like Shadrach, he just showed up one day, with a desire to serve. (And a coupla big jewels of his own?) Meanwhile Pony Meroni stayed at the circus, with the rest of the Circus People: havin’ fun and eating popcorn. Ah, the good life.
Peter Crowfoot worked his way up to full partner in the Rancho de la Raunchy Lawrence Ranch. Which meant he got 50% of the profits. Most years he would have been better off with an hourly wage! But then when Lawrence finally passed on, Peter inherited the land. ‘In your patience possess ye your souls.’ In your patience possess ye your land too.
Since Peter Crowfoot was pretty quiet, eventually Raunchy Lawrence the Rancher joined a social club for company, with Reuben and Tito and Admiral Jack--kind of a support group for people with only one arm. For a while some of them got into new age spirituality and eastern religion to try to mellow them out and unstress them and give them peace from their worldly suffering--all kinds of meditation and chanting and goofy ceremonies to make them feel special. Contemplating the sound of one hand clapping was a mainstay. Until finally Tito, who had unfortunately picked this stuff up as an impressionable young mind at a liberal college, came to his senses and announced, “This is stupid. Let’s go to church.” So they went to Reuben’s church, got saved, and praised God. Then they really learned about the sound of one hand clapping! as they clapped them against the pews, against their pants, or against a partner!
Industrial Dave kept his nose to the grindstone (literally.) Eventually he suffered a repetitive motion malady, and cancelled the midnight shift--which gave him time to moonlight in his injury-inspired band, the Ganglionic Tendon-cies. At their peak, The Tendoncies even opened for the infamous all-girl group The Swinging Cradles, whose sound was ‘a lovely mélange of industrial rock and big band music.’
Rebecca moved back to be with her family, only to have Luke show up and sweep her sister away to be his queen shortly afterwards (“Hey!”) So she kind of took over for Jenny, making Terry breakfast and helping him farm, until he reached a ripe old age. Every Christmas they went to Hun-Country to visit Jenny and watch a playoff game. Rebecca also conveniently took over her sister’s old job at the Children’s Center, (kinda like the dude that relieved his brother on Blues Clues), because not only did she have a college degree, but she also met the other important requirement for working with the kids--she was really nice.
Susan and Kip moved out of The Garden into a house of their own after a while, and raised a wonderful family. Inspired by Bert’s rhyme, ambitious Kip made a pilgrimage to Atlantis to get trained as an electrician himself. Which worked out even better, employment-wise, once the good people of the rest of the p.p of T. actually discovered electricity! Susan made the world a brighter place too, with her holy smile, her good home cookin’ (“Put it out! Put it out!”), and by raising her children to ‘shine as lights’ ‘in the midst of a crooked and perverse nation’.
Shadrach the Peasant was reinstated by mercy as Shadrach the Priest, and dispatched to Hun-Country to save the day
, and to save the souls, with some real fire-and-brimstone, shake-’em-up preaching, that set a lot of Huns to thinking. While there, in a stunning completion of a spiritual full-circle, he met up with Bert, the man who had led him back, and he returned the favor, with rough warnings and frightening visions. Their fates somehow linked, they saw fit to work together on a joint new credo, combining Bert’s mastery of poetry (“I am really great at this stuff!”) with Shadrach’s goodness and devotion. Together they wrote the strange triptych, “Who I Was Then”, “What I Have Become” And “Who I Choose to Be”, or as Shadrach alternately titled them, Psalm, Lamentation, Creed. (‘If I can form a one-man union and a two-man mutiny, why not a multi-person poem?’ Bert figured) Then Bert tucked away a copy of the first for his memories, by mutual agreement they burned the middle one and symbolically scattered the ashes ‘as far as the east is from the west’ (Mikki’s spaceship came in quite handy), and they each taped a copy of the third one to their respective bathroom mirror, and vowed to live it out faithfully all their remaining days. (see Appendix I) ,
Kevin and Karla the Troll took a vacation up to Hun-Country to visit Luke and Bert, and while they were there, shrewd Luke signed them both up to play offensive guard on his new professional football team. Sprinkle in ‘Faflak the Destroyer’ and ‘Sammy Pancakes’ at tackle, add Dominic Raiola at center, and together that O-line “Rolled like a five-man war! Like General Sherman in shoulderpads!” Bert proudly observed. The rest of the teams asked for a rule change to ban non-humans at the end of the season, and in order to preserve the league Luke reluctantly conceded. At which point Kevin and Karla retired and stayed on as the Strength and Conditioning Coaches!
The Pope of the Whole World kept on being holy and strengthening the church, visiting congregations all over the world. It kept him pretty busy. Also he took up tennis. Lotta aces.
Bridgette, flirted for a while with Luke’s idea of her as the first ever lady Pope, but eventually decided she didn’t need the stress of worrying about everybody. So she moved down the coast to the Kingdom of Santana where she started a dance studio, and lived out her motto: “I dance when I’m happy and I’m happy when I dance.” Seemed like a good idea to do it all day every day, then, coz that’s how happy she was! Sometimes she had trouble making ends meet, but then she would moonlight as a singing instructor too.
Provoked by the memory of how the missionary ship had been sent to him, ‘because there was a soul in the north they had forgotten about’, Rick the Baffin Islander moved with his wife Nina to Iceland, to try to convert some other forgotten northern souls. They got jobs with the others in the Snoopy Sno-Cone Machine Factory, and preached the gospel to both new friends and old. They also had lots of kids, founded their own city, and even built Iceland’s first golf course. (High time.)
The Laughing One kept on laughing; and kept on living well, seeing joy in all things, and teaching those questing few who showed up at her swamp-step, until at last in her old age, she died and went to Ha-ha-ha-Heaven.
Sister Kitt day by day lived in wonder, and night after night slept in grace, following her own rule: ‘Only good things can happen now.’ (which was later abridged and popularized as “It’s all good.”) The Children made out okay too. Big Nate for example, grew up to become Very Big Nate, and played nose tackle for the Hun-Country Huns: since knocking stuff over remained his specialty.
Tony the sketch artist followed Chief Otis back to Hun Country where he got a job as a police sketch artist, cleaned up on the overtime (some Huns had more trouble adjusting to law and order than others), and retired young.
After visiting his friend Luke and hearing the Word of God preached, The Dragon left feeling renewed and rededicated, and y’know, he did stick his head back inside his own little church a little more often. Later he married a lovely lady dragon named Lakeia, whom Luke had steered his way, after she had shown up at the Hun-Country football stadium a season too late to try out for wide receiver. (“Why? Because I can flat-out fly!”)
King Federico Featherbelly the First reigned cautiously and conservatively over his kingdom until his old age. Then, absent not only heirs, but lacking a challenging quest upon which to send his own three nephews, he finally dared them to take out a really troublesome groundhog. “He’s a pretty big one, though. Watch it now!” After hapless Simon Spongebelly and helpless Timmy Tinkerbelly literally bit the dust, after dashing madly into battle and breaking their ankles stepping in holes that the fearsome beast had dug, young Owen Oozebelly gloriously saved the day--by remembering his uncle’s cheese sandwich story in the nick of time, and making a cheese samwich for the groundhog. He put some rat poison in it. The people of Detroit look forward to more peace and prosperity under the wise and heroic Owen XVI!
Serpent St. Helena was slain by Beowulf in a tragic misunderstanding. (He doesn’t like to be touched.)
After his conversion, Hough sold the hotel complex in order to build and shepherd the new Greek Orthodox Church: which did some fine work in that part of the globe. Chef Roland became the new hotel manager, promoted Gillis to chef/maitre d’, and let Donnelly do double duty as bartender and bouncer. Since they were both drawing two salaries, Gillis and Donnelly eventually saved up enough money to start their own nightclub. But it went belly-up (due to poor business skills and an ineffective advertising budget), so then they signed on as hockey coaches for the Windsor Spitfires: ah, home again.
Dennis the Driver delivered the mail faithfully for many years. Then when he retired, he pulled up his bus to Hun-Country, loaded it full of Bibles hot off their printing press, and drove away into the dangerous distance, never to return. None of the anthropologists and explorers ever quite agreed among what strange nation he met his end, but later heroes who rode off into the distance already found it Christianized. In addition to owning Bibles, some of the various tribes were also found to have some quite intriguing hand-written epistles, sent by a bearded man they referred to as ‘the Apostle Dennis’.
After many more years coaching an as-yet-undefeated Hun-Country Huns football team, and defending the gospel with the Bible in one hand and brass knuckles on the other, Chief Otis did in fact ride off into the distance, like a departing legend. But once he got there, he found that most of the missionary work had already been done by a bearded bus driver. Otis shrugged, sat back, and sipped. “Gives me an excuse to relax and enjoy my retirement, I guess.”
Inspired by the legends of the Apostle Dennis, the Good Guys tried to emulate his courage and commitment. Their compound was getting fuller of new joiners, new believers day by day, so they adopted a custom: whenever any felt strong enough to leave, to strike out into the world and do God’s will, they would form a group of two or three, and then climb a high mountain with their hang-gliders, and with backpacks full of Bibles, knapsacks full of foolycake, and bouquets of flowers. Next they would pray together, and then literally cast their fate to the wind, jumping off the mountain and letting the breath of God blow them to wherever He wanted the next church to take root. Seeds and harvesters, all rolled into one.
Julie had a good life: doing good deeds, singing good songs, and serving a great God.
The Bus to Nowhere rolled on oblivious, drinking themselves to ruin, partying themselves to pieces...until one Sunday morning, when they were all still sleeping off a drunk, the Bus to Glory pulled up alongside and boarded them suddenly, like Pirates for Jesus! Then they spread out, letting God match one witness to one listener, until the whole Bus to Nowhere had heard and accepted the gospel of Jesus Christ. Then they divided back up half-and- half and there were two Buses to Glory! each looking for another occasion to double once more. “Like a family of amoebae...”
The hitchhiker eventually realized he had a drinking problem. It went a long way towards clearing it up once he decided to not only think of Jesus Christ every morning, but at the end of each day as well! After he added ‘and all points in between’, things really got rollin’.
Hammer eventually turne
d the driving of the Bus to Glory over to Harold and Mary, which quite eliminated the Great Speed Limit Schism (though it did not prevent the later occurrence of the ‘Can We Please Go a Little Faster’ Reformation.) Later he joined the EAHL to play hockey. He led the league every year in both points and penalty minutes (“Hey, he started it. And him... And him…” “And him too?” “Who else?!”) After passing Dale Hunter’s penalty minute total, and finally feelin’ guilty, he set about preaching the gospel door-to-door: “Knock-knock” “Who’s there?” “Cool Guy.” “Cool Guy who?” “Coolg Uy interest you in this lovely new vacuum cleaner?” Once he had gotten his foot in the door with that pretense, his apprehensive customers were usually quite glad to hear the Gospel instead!
Louise left the Garden to ride along with the Bus to Glory for a while. Then later in life, she found a tree-covered hill, and built a quiet cottage, and there shone out the rest of her days. Not quite a ‘City on a Hill’ but it was a start. “Come join me,” she calls.
Janet the Angel keeps going where God sends her: including even Mexico, once, coincidentally.
Herman the German played a pretty good round, and then went home to be with his honest wife Ann.
Mikki flew her spaceship around to many of the planets she had formerly visited, preaching the gospel and planting churches. The ‘Mikki and Bert Gospelseed’ label seemed to fit: they knocked out a string of six or ten planets right in a row. But then they went to Earth, and realized, “This one is gonna take some time!” They began in New York, where no one even noticed or commented on Mikki’s most-unusual appearance. In fact, she even worked briefly as a supermodel to pay the bills during their stay. (Briefly, before violet skin became blasé, and stunning beauty went out of fashion). New York proved a hard target, and that’s about as far as they made it. Eventually, Bert got restless and they seriously discussed letting him take the spaceship back up for a spin...
Jenny Harris already had her bags packed and was tapping her foot when Luke came back to share his life with her. They had a small wedding ceremony: Pixie Crinkles was a bridesmaid, (as always), and Jenny’s sister Rebecca had returned in time to be the maid of honor. Then it was off to a tent in Hun-Country for the honeymoon: Oh how romantic. With guilt but never-before-so-much love, Luke watched her standing on the ferry waving farewell to father, sister, orphaned children and her whole world, with tears in her eyes, and a Bible in her trembling hands. That was the last time for a long time that Luke ever saw her sad, though--coz they did live happily ever after, don’tcha know. And he never again saw her fearful; for once the change was made, she stepped up to the challenge with Hun-huge courage, winning the hearts of all of Hun-Country with her soft voice, and her wise words, and her daring glare153. She made sinners into saints with two-fisted shirt-collar warnings, squeezed-hand weepings, and crown-always-falling-off-while-jumping-up-and-down-singing-and-dancing-praising-God celebrations. Like Paul, she might have said: ‘I have been made all things to all men that I might by all means save some’. Just as importantly, she was made all things to Luke: the noble queen, the faithful friend, the perfect partner, the beloved wife, and the good mother to a thousand generations of gentle children. Gave Luke strength like a sword, a shield, and a boxing glove to boot. Well done lass.
THE CREW
Admiral Jack soon retired from sailing and whaling, and used his second-boat savings to buy a bus instead. Then he carved out his own trade route on land, coz he could drive a bus all by himself, without having to pay anyone union wages! It was going pretty well until he ran over an anthill and it caused a rollover accident that destroyed his vehicle and his merchandise, and left him bankrupt. He joined Tito’s special support group to help ease his loss and subsequent depression, and he was startled and pleased by his too-happy ending!
Gonzales realized there was no glory, songs, or remembrance of those who serve as lookouts in Crows-nests, so he became an Olympic sprinter instead. It went pretty well until the steroid scandal.
Robespierre fell overboard during a wild party. The crew was fishing him out, when along came a great white shark which ate him. When they saw him sheared gruesomely in two, Kennedy promptly repented, Edwards immediately retired, and everyone else regurgitated. When the shark got a taste of that horrible unwashed sailor, he did all three.
Morel was lost at sea, but that’s nothing new, he was lost everywhere else too.
Aussie Joe moved back to Australia and went into the beachcombing business with his brother-in-law Electric Man. They didn’t make much money. (“You finding anything over there?” “I got some driftwood again. You?” “Some pretty cool seaweed.” “Faaab-ulous.”)
Che Vanier the Cook moved back to the Caribbean, where he would never be cold again! He set up his own bistro on the beach, and mostly just enjoyed practicing his craft. Occasionally however, the Spirit would suddenly move him to preach the gospel to certain tourists. Among others, he converted a guy named Mayor Willy.
Chains received a letter from Luke at Midway, sharing his faith and telling him the good news that Luke hadn’t been courageous enough to share while at sea. Chains took him up on his invitation to ‘Come and See’: At a quiet harbor on the east coast, he shimmied down the anchor chain and left the ship behind, striking out on a spiritual journey of his own, even visiting some of Luke’s old haunts. It was a shorter journey than Luke’s however, coz he didn’t even have the stubbornness to resist the Man of God, and he accepted the Lord right then and there! Then he took a hunk of gold that the Man of God gave him, and used it to buy Jack’s ship. Next, Chains converted The rest of the crew, and led all who were willing on an extraordinary brand new voyage, preaching the gospel on the opposite side of the globe... They finally found the faith to bother with the Don’t Even Bother Ocean!
Bert. With a half-laugh and a sly-twinkling eye: “Ah, he asks about my future...”
Luke the Hun began by calling himself Luke the Servant instead of Chief Luke. The more skeptical Huns thought that title sounded kind of soft and weak, until Luke ‘served up’ some Hun-hospitality in the defensive war against Penetanguishene: He knocked out a coupla dozen of their top warriors, with a big club and the Caveman’s patented technique, the ‘Underhand Unconsci-fier’. He thus spared their lives, and they returned safely home (once someone pointed them in the right direction and reminded them where they lived.) After that, Luke’s authority was seldom questioned, and he was able to use his position of leadership to grow the church. Not that it’s as important, but he also used his other position of leadership to quarterback the Hun football squad to plenty of championship seasons--even doing double duty as both QB and receiver after Bert left--it took a lot of skill and speed, but it worked surprisingly well on delay patterns.
Between politics and family, sports and farming, Luke led a pretty busy life. But never too busy to make room for God! He chose to make Bert’s sestina his own form of devotion, his own type of love poem. He realized he even had the keywords handy, from all his accumulated notes! So he called upon the Hun alchemists and artificers to forge him a mystical 94-sided die, (Sure he could have just put the words in a hat and picked them out, but why not support a fledgling local industry?) and each week he would roll it six times to pick out the framework for his sestina, and then would let the Holy Spirit fill in the rest! (Look for Sestinas for Sunday, on sale soon at a bookstore near you...)
Speaking of letting the Holy Spirit fill in the rest...that good ol’ boy turned out okay.
Glory; praise praise praise praise; praise. Praise; glory praise; glory praise praise!
