by ANDREA SMITH
hard. Sharp pain then I hit the water face down.
I felt myself sinking and sinking. Everything was a blur.
(I can’t swim! I can’t swim!)
I could see the tiny bubbles escaping from my mouth. I managed to paddle my hands in the water, for all of the good that was doing. It was eerily quiet under water, and since it was dark, there was virtually no visibility whatsoever. (Is somebody coming to get me? Is anyone out there?)
Why didn’t my feet move? Paddle your feet my mind screamed at me.
(Paddle your damned feet!)
I paddled my feet trying to remember what it looked like when I saw others doing it; thinking I was probably doing it all wrong. The best I could do was to keep my mouth shut. I hoped that I didn’t need to breathe anytime soon.
It was then that I finally saw something. It was a bright light. It was shining for me. This must be it for me. I knew about the bright light people saw as they crossed over
into death. Somehow, I thought it would be more brilliant, more sparkling, more beckoning. Someone was in the water next to me. He was all in black.
(The grim reaper?)
He grabbed me around the waist with strong arms, propelling me upward along his side. I tried to hold my breath longer, but I couldn’t, I just couldn’t. Everything went blessedly black.
The first thing I felt was something pressing heavily on my chest. There was pressure again and again. A mouth was on mine. Then more pressure.
(Fuck it hurts!)
I was hacking up water then sputtering. I was rolled over onto my side where I proceeded to vomit up wine coolers, chewed up hot dog and what tasted like baked bean gravy. I heard a voice, a semi-familiar voice.
“That’s it, Tylar, good girl, let it out, let it all out baby.”
(Baby? Baby? Who the hell is calling me ‘baby’?)
I groaned, at least I think it was me. It hurt; my chest hurt, my throat hurt, and my freaking head was pounding. I
heard someone else talking now.
“I think she’s coming around.”
(Now that voice was Clint’s, I was sure of it.)
“No thanks to any of you idiots!” the semi-familiar voice hissed.
Silence followed.
“I damn well want to know who the hell is responsible for this.” the voice hissed again.
(Wait a minute. I know that hiss!)
I tried to say something, but all that came out was a squeaky croak. Strong arms turned me back over onto my back. I was being cradled against a hard chest. I could feel a heartbeat pounding; mine fluttered. Some other voice was talking, a woman’s voice, one that I didn’t recognize, asking if I should be taken to the hospital. Then it was Clint’s voice again.
“Here’s a blanket, sir.” Clint sounded scared.
I immediately felt warmth as the blanket was wrapped closely around me and tucked under my chin. I willed myself to somehow find a way to open my eyes. They were so heavy, but I needed to see and know for sure. Whose arms were around me?
Slowly my eyes fluttered open and my vision was clear enough that I could see those beautiful sapphire eyes staring into mine.
(Oh my.)
I remembered the bright light now – the one I saw just before . . . just before I died? Was this heaven, or somewhere in between? I remembered vomiting. No, I didn’t think puking was a requirement in order to pass through the pearly gates.
Something was different in those blue eyes now. There was no anger in them. The earlier anger was now gone. I saw fear and concern in the depths of those blue orbs now. Was that for me?
I lifted my hand out from under the warm blanket and gingerly caressed his chin stubble with my fingers. I needed to know if this was real or imaginary. It felt real enough.
“Trey?” a voice croaked.
I realized the voice was mine.
“Hush, baby,” he said softly, stroking my face with his long fingers. “Everything’s okay. We just need to get you to the hospital.”
No! I didn’t want to go to any hospital. I
wanted to stay right where I was, warm and safe in those strong, lawyer arms. I wanted his blue eyes gazing into my soul. I wanted his lips on mine. I wanted to stay here in heaven with Trey.
I snuggled closer to him, burying my face into his chest. I felt the warmth of him and I knew it was the best thing I had ever felt in my life. Trey tucked the blanket back underneath my chin, my hands were back inside. I was shivering as I sank into darkness once again, hearing the sound of a siren wailing close by.
CHAPTER FOUR
My dreams had haunted me for as long as I could remember. They didn’t seem like normal dreams.
In my freshman year at college, I had taken Psychology I as part of my degree curriculum. One of the chapters we studied dealt with body rhythms and mental states covering dreams. Apparently, even the psychological experts couldn’t come to a definitive agreement on the purpose of dreams.
Some believed that dreams were unconscious wishes; some thought dreams were efforts to deal with conflicts or problems; others thought dreams allowed conflicts to surface in disguised ways, but had no problem-solving ability. Others
explained dreams as simply being the product of the sleep process called REM.
I was not sure which of these theories I supported, but I definitely felt that my dreams were an expression of something. I was afraid of something but I wasn’t sure what it was that frightened me.
It seemed like I had been dreaming for days. My dreams had been interrupted routinely by voices, lights, people touching me, prodding me, lifting me. I heard buzzers and beeping; phones ringing and footsteps, even someone snoring.
The dream I was having now was pleasant enough. I recognized this dream! It was my senior prom night! I had begged my mom for a new dress, strapless. She told me that
I would have to pay for it myself, because she couldn’t afford it. I had picked out a peach satin sheath that was above the knees, and form-fitting. It was strapless and the bodice was cut straight across. It was the most money that I had ever spent on clothes.
It was prom though, my first and only one I would ever have. Working after school and saving every penny was what I had done for this special occasion.
I was going to prom with my steady boyfriend, Daniel Henderson. We had been seeing each other my entire senior year. He was from a good family, and had a scholarship waiting to attend Purdue University in the fall. I knew that we would not be together forever, obviously, but, Daniel meant a lot to me and god knows he had been patient.
We hadn’t done more than make out. I had let him feel me up inside my top and finger-bang me a couple of times. He was good looking, with dark brown eyes, and sandy blond hair. He was built, too. He had played football all four years of high school, and would be playing football for Purdue. I owed him a night to remember on prom night. I was determined to give him one.
My dream was unfolding now. It was as if I was the spectator, watching it in full cinematic 3-D with Sony Surround Sound:
I slip my freshly bathed and waxed body into my new peach silk underwear and bra. My Mom helps me fasten up my peach satin sheath in the back.
“I want you to have these pearl drop earrings, Ty.” Mom hands me a blue velvet box. I open the box and there are two glistening pearl drop earrings nestled on a pink satin pillow.
“These are beautiful, mom, thank you!” She fastens them into my ears for me.
“They are perfect,” I say, looking at my reflection in the mirror. Mom fusses with my hair a little bit more. It is piled up loosely on top of my head. She releases a few tendrils from each side and frames them around my face.
“There now, that’s better, gives you a little bit of a ‘tousled’ look, now don’t it?”she says with satisfaction. Mom spins me around to take a full look. Her forehead creases a bit as she taps her index finger several times against her bottom lip.
“Needs one more thing,” she says, scurrying off to her room, retu
rning a moment later with yet another blue velvet box. She opens the box and lifts a gold necklace out that has a single tear drop pearl hanging from it. She tosses the box over onto my bed, and places the necklace around my neck, fastening the clasp.
“Your daddy gave me this, along with those earrings, Ty,” she explains. “About the only things he ever did give me, besides you of course. Seems only right that you should have them to keep. There now, baby girl, you look gorgeous.”
I glance over to the mirror again, and feel pretty. My make-up is perfect, my dress allows a bit of cleavage to show, but nothing overly daring. My hair looks shiny and playful. It’s the earrings and necklace that make it all perfect.
“Thanks, mom,” I say, putting my arms around her and hugging her tightly. Mom gets that uncomfortable look like always when I show her affection, but she hugs me back for a moment, patting my back with her hands. A doorbell chimes in the distance, breaking up our rare mother and daughter moment. I grab my clutch from the bed and start for the door. Mom stops me with her hand.
“Tylar, honey, listen and don’t get mad, okay?”
“What is it mom?” I am puzzled as to what she could possibly say now to make me mad.
“Honey, wasn’t that long ago that I went to prom, you know? Now, I just wanted to let you know that I stuck a couple of condoms in your purse there.”
“Mom!” I gasp, with a look of shock on my face.
“Now don’t ‘mom’, me. I have given you permission to go to those after prom parties. You think I don’t know what goes on after prom? Well, honey, I do. I just want to make sure that you have protection in case Daniel doesn’t, okay? That’s all baby girl. You have fun, now, you hear? This is your night, baby.”
I turn and head down the hallway towards the stairs, still blushing as I reach the bottom and open the front door for Daniel.
Daniel is gorgeous in his black tuxedo, with peach cummerbund and tie. He places a gorgeous wrist corsage with peach colored roses and white baby’s breath on me and whistles.
“You are hot, baby!” he laughs. “Are you ready?”
I nod, swallowing nervously.
“I am, Daniel,” I say softly, smiling up into his handsome face.
I had been ready, too. I reflected on my dream as it continued. I had wanted to lose my pesky virginity. It had hung around my neck like a heavy albatross. The prom had been wonderful. My dream was not leaving out one detail of that magical night.
There I am dancing slowly with Daniel, my arms loop around his neck; his breath in my ear. We kiss several times on the dance floor. His lips are soft and warm, and he works my mouth expertly. Our tongues explore each other’s mouths, and it feels good. I tingle when he puts his hands on my hips drawing me in closer to him.
I blush when I feel his hardening manhood against me. I like the feel of it. I want to feel more! I look up into his eyes and he knows. He knows that I am his. He leans over and kisses me softly, his fingers placed gently under my chin, tilting my face upward to meet his lips, lightly brushing his tongue across my moist lips.
In this moment, I know that he is mine. At least for tonight. He smells go good, a mixture of Polo cologne and manhood. I am heady with anticipation. I am finally going to see what all the fuss is about.
My dream was fast-forwarding somehow. I was surprised it even remembered this part because I had willed it forgotten a long time ago.
There I am, laughing, giggling and totally wrecked! I can barely manage to stand up, so Daniel is holding me up. He has one arm around my waist, half holding, half dragging me up the walkway to my front door. My heels and clutch purse are in his other hand. I look like a pathetic rag doll, my hair all askew, hanging down my back.
My peach satin sheath is stained with dirt from when I fell getting out of his car because I didn’t wait for him like I was instructed. It has some residual vomit down the front in rainbow colors. That is from the Jell-O shots.
My mom is standing on the porch with the front door wide open. She has her skimpy little black nightie on, the one with spaghetti straps that is cut low, really low. Mom motions Daniel into the front hallway, and closes the door behind him.
“What in the world happened to her, Daniel?”
Daniel smiles and gives her his best attempt at a sober grin. He doesn’t pull it off very well.
“I’m so sorry, Ms. Preston, I really am,” he says. “I didn’t know that they were feeding her Jell-O shots. She’s small and well, I just think she didn’t know her limit. But that’s no excuse! It is totally my fault, ma’am. I take full responsibility for this.”
“Now no more of this ‘Ms. Preston' or 'ma'am."
“You call me Maggie just like everyone else does."
“Ms. --- I mean, Maggie? I think it might be best if we made a bed for her in the bathroom if that’s alright. I’m not sure she’s done tossing yet.” Daniel is smiling at my mom now.
“Okay, sweetie, let me get a couple pillows for her."
"Can you get her upstairs by yourself, Daniel?"
“Sure thing, Maggie,” he winks.
Oh God, mom was flirting with Daniel...my Daniel. My dream continued on to a part that I had never seen before.
It’s me and I am sprawled out on the bathroom floor. I wake up. Someone has taken my prom dress off and put my nightgown on in its place. There is a pillow and blanket next to me. I peer into the toilet; it looks like I’ve puked more rainbow into it. I flush the toilet, no longer feeling nauseous. I am tired and my head is pounding. I grab a wash cloth, wetting it in the sink with cold water. I squeeze out the excess water, fold it over and press it against my pounding
forehead. It feels so good. I am somewhat better and nothing is spinning anymore. I just want my nice cozy bed.
I head down the carpeted hallway toward my room, stopping at my mom’s bedroom to see if she is sleeping or waiting up to yell at me. She is not in there. Her bedside clock reads 3:47 a.m.
From downstairs, I hear voices. Oh God, I hope Daniel is not waiting to see if I want to go back out. I pad down the carpeted stairway, and the hall and living room are dark. I see a dim light coming from the den off of the kitchen. I tiptoe quietly across the kitchen vinyl, noticing a couple of half-empty wine glasses, and an empty bottle of Pinot Noir on the table.
The door to the den is ajar, and my mom’s back is to me. I can’t see Daniel’s face because my mom is kneeling in front of him where he is reclining back on the couch. I can see that his tuxedo trousers are down around his ankles.
As my mom moves, I get a glimpse of Daniel’s face. His eyes are closed, and his mouth is slightly open and he keeps rolling his tongue over his parted lips. My mom’s one hand is wrapped around his penis, making a fist, and sliding it up and down, while her other hand is down in her own panties.
I want to look away, but I can’t. I want to wake up from this dream, but I can’t. I close my eyes for a second trying to grip the reality, if there is one.
I hear a soft moan escape from Daniel. I open my eyes and see my mom taking the full length of his penis into her mouth. Daniel's hips start moving; first in a circular motion, then thrusting his pelvis back and forth; back and forth.
His face is flushed. My mom continues sucking his penis, drawing it in and out of her mouth with her right hand. Her left hand is lightly caressing his balls, gently cupping them, and massaging underneath. He catches his breath and his mouth forms a perfect “O”.
Mom scoots closer inside his outspread legs; she places each of her forearms under one of his muscular thighs, drawing him up even closer. His erection needs no help. Her mouth continues to cover his penis, sliding up and down the full length, licking then sucking alternately. Daniel’s breath is ragged as he moans, swiveling his hips around and around.
“Does Tylar do this for you, baby?” Mom questions. “It’s okay, you can tell me.”
“No, ma’am - I mean no Maggie, I swear,” he replies
out of breath.
“You cer
tainly have a nice cock Daniel."
My mom shifts around to face him.
"As much I like what I'm doing to it right now,
I would like to see what it feels like inside of me. How do you feel about that?”
“I think I’d like that, too, Maggie.”
Mom shrugs off her black nightie and panties. She leans down and removes Daniel’s shoes and socks, pulling off his trousers, and tossing them aside. Daniel’s tie is already off, and he peels off the shirt, tossing it in the pile with the rest of their clothes. I see my clutch purse next to the pile of clothes. Mom reaches over and grabs it, opens the flap and removes the condoms she has placed in there for me before prom.
“It’s a shame letting these perfectly good condoms go to waste, don’t you agree, Daniel?” she giggles, tossing one over to him.
He catches it with his right hand and smiles at her.
“Come here,” he whispers, grabbing her arm and lifting her onto his lap.
He enfolds her in his strong arms, pulling her closer so that their faces are nearly touching. They kiss, long and passionately. I know what that feels like. Daniel’s large hands are all over her breasts, while he kisses her lips, her cheeks and her neck. He bends down and suckles one breast. He lifts her off of him, gently pressing her down into the couch. His penis is erect and ready. He bites the corner off of the foil condom wrapper, and spits it out, removing the ring from its package. My mom stops him.
“Here, let me, baby,” she says. “I want to show you how to make sure this sucker don’t come off.”
She raises herself up on her elbows, and grabs his firm buttocks from behind, pulling his pelvis closer to her face. She guides his penis into her mouth once again, licking and sucking it from head to root. She swirls her tongue around and around; along the crown and the ridge. Daniel catches his breath and moans. Mom stops her ministrations and looks up at him.
