“I’ll pass it along.” Priscilla turned to go back inside.
“Like you passed along my other message?” Julie snapped before she could think better of it.
Priscilla’s chin lifted to an imperious angle. “Careful, Julie. I’m being patient because of your loyalty to our family. But you have no standing in this situation. Felix isn’t your child. Beyond that…” she hesitated, then steamrolled forward. “Isn’t it time you made your own life? I say that in the most sincere way, with your best interests in mind.”
Julie swallowed hard.
Her stomach churned as Priscilla’s words ripped through her. Family matter. Nanny. No standing in this situation. Your own life. Mrs. Reinhard was right. Felix wasn’t her child. Fairy godmother wasn’t a legal position. Her only claim on Felix was that she loved him.
Numbly, she turned to go, barely seeing the stairs under her feet.
And yet, Mrs. Reinhard was wrong, too. She didn’t understand love, or people, or children. Or teenagers, for that matter. All she understood was the law.
All these years, Julie had been so careful not to cross the Reinhards. And where had it gotten her?
Halfway down the stairs, she turned back. “I demand to see Felix.”
“Demand?” Priscilla’s spine went straight, as if an iron rod had just snapped into place. “You’re in no position to demand anything.”
“Are you so sure about that?” Julie’s control broke, and a lifetime of diplomacy slipped away from her. “You want to talk about the courts? Any judge who hears the case is going to want to talk to me. I’ve been Felix’s primary caretaker, aside from Savannah, his entire life. They’ll be asking me plenty of questions. And do you know how long I’ve known you, Mrs. Reinhard? I was ten when we came here. I have years’ worth of material I could share with a judge. I know you, I know Felix, and I know Savannah. Are you sure you want to alienate me? When all I’m asking is to see Felix and let him know I’m not abandoning him?”
The shock on Mrs. Reinhard’s face was priceless, but Julie couldn’t even enjoy the moment. She just wanted her threat to work.
“In case you think I’m not serious, I just hired a lawyer. She’s very experienced with custody cases in Jupiter Point.”
Priscilla snorted scornfully. “You can’t afford a lawyer. I heard you were cleaning houses to make ends meet.”
“Indeed. As it turns out, the green-cleaning business is booming. And my mom left me a little money, too. So yes, I can.” Technically, she hadn’t hired Eileen yet. But the lawyer had said she’d do anything for a friend of Ben Knight. Close enough, Julie figured. “Come on, Mrs. Reinhard. I only want to see him for a few minutes. I’m not going to snatch him away from you. You can be there the entire time.”
Finally, the woman relented. Julie nearly threw up from the stress of standing her ground like that. In all these years, she’d never, not once, gotten her way with the Reinhards. How did Savannah stand it?
“Stay here,” Priscilla commanded, then disappeared inside. Julie drew in a deep breath and turned around to survey the front lawn. She’d been so focused when she drove up that she hadn’t realized the place was full of people breaking down last night’s party. Two vans belonged to the decorators, based on the swooping decal logo on the side. A young woman who must be the florist was collecting her vases; she carried two, one in each arm, toward her SUV.
Well, at least Julie had been spared her old task of cleaning the kitchen after a party. That was one advantage of being persona non grata at the Reinhards.
“Julie.” Mrs. Reinhard cleared her throat. Julie turned back to her—and saw that her face had turned as gray as her sweater. “Felix is gone.”
“What? What are you talking about?”
“I think he ran away. His window is open.”
“Ran away? To where? No. It’s not possible. Where would he go, if not to me?”
Mrs. Reinhard narrowed her eyes at her. “Did you take him? Is this all some kind of smoke screen?”
“Are you insane? I can’t even conceive of something like that. Savannah! She must have him.” Quickly, she pulled out her phone and dialed Savannah. When her friend answered, she could tell from the road noise that she was on speaker. “Is Felix with you, Savannah?”
“With me? Does he have magical teleporting abilities?”
“Don’t joke. He’s not here.”
“Right, because my evil parents took him.”
Mrs. Reinhard’s face twisted, but Julie didn’t have time to worry about her feelings right now.
“No, I’m with your mom right now. She just came from his room and said he’s gone and his window’s open. She’s telling the truth.”
“Jesus!” Savannah’s voice lifted in panic. “Tell Mom to search the grounds. Call the police. Call the sheriff, call everyone! I’ll be there in an hour or so. And Julie…”
“What?” Her throat closed up in fear. This was real. This was happening. Felix was missing.
“I’m sorry. I should have come to Jupiter Point from the start. This is all falling on your shoulders, and it’s not fair.”
When had anything ever been fair? Nothing in her life had been fair, but she didn’t care about that. All that mattered was Felix. “Just get here as fast as you can.”
28
Ben hadn’t felt this nervous since his first solo run in flight school. As he knocked on the door of Room 121 at the West Wind Hotel, his phone buzzed, but he reached into his pocket to turn it off. He was about to see his mother and sister for the first time in twelve years. Everything else could wait.
The door opened—and there she was. His mother, the same but different. Same expressive gray-blue eyes, both vulnerable and hopeful. Same tentative smile. The years and all their emotional toll showed in the form of new wrinkles and a streak of white through her sandy hair. Even though she was thinner than before, the flesh around her neck and face was looser. She wore a blue cardigan over a loose tunic and wide-legged harem pants.
The outfit made him nervous. It reminded him of the “bag lady” clothes she used to wear when she was heading into one of her dark spells. If she dressed like a homeless person, her kids knew to be extra well-behaved around her.
But when she spoke, she sounded perfectly lucid. “Ben. My goodness, you’re a man now. So tall and strong, and handsome. Cassie, come here. He’s so handsome! Are you really my little Benny?”
“No one calls me that anymore,” he muttered. Then winced. That wasn’t exactly the most welcoming thing to say. “It’s good to see you, Mom.”
That wasn’t especially warm either. God, he didn’t know what to say. This was a freaking out-of-body experience.
Her eyes clouded. “I’m so sorry about the Winter Ball. It sounded wonderful in theory, but then I thought about all the people there and what they must be thinking of me. And really, I just want to see you and your brothers. If…” She hesitated, looking so uncertain that the ice around his heart broke open.
“If we want to see you? Yeah, we want to.”
He opened his arms, leaving the next step up to her. Yes, he’d been hurt by her leaving. He was still hurt, still wanting to understand. But he couldn’t find one corner of his heart that didn’t ache for her.
With an exclamation, she stepped into his arms and he closed them around her.
Her scent flooded his senses. All these years, and she still smelled like his mother—how did she do that? He couldn’t even put a name to it, though it had a touch of rose, a hint of patchouli. But he’d know it anywhere, whether he was blindfolded or staring right at her.
They didn’t say anything else for a long moment, just held each other close. A tremor kept running through her body, maybe from emotion, or release of tension, he didn’t know what.
Over her shoulder, Cassie stepped into view.
Ben had to blink a few times to clear the tears from his eyes. Also, he barely recognized her at first. The gawky teenager was gone, replaced by a vibrant young w
oman with a smile as big as California.
“Holy shit. Cassie?”
“Ben!” She stepped toward them and flung her arms around the two of them in a big group hug. Moisture still prickled his eyes, but he fought them back. Any sign of tears and they’d all be balling in a few minutes.
Finally, they unwound themselves from the hug.
“You look good, Mom. Healthy.”
“So do you, my sweet boy. I’m so proud of you.” Her forehead crinkled. “It feels so odd to be called ‘Mom’ again. Cassie often calls me Janine now.”
He glanced at Cassie, who nodded. “Is that weird? I can go back to ‘Mom.’”
Their mother smiled ruefully. “I haven’t been much of a mom to anyone in a long time.”
He tried the name out. “Janine. Yeah, it’s a little weird.”
Mom—Janine—laughed, then took his hand and drew him farther into the room. “You call me whatever you want. I’m just so happy to see you. I admit, I was hoping you’d show up in your uniform. Julie told me you were an Air Force pilot. And now you’re running a flight-tour business? That’s so impressive, Benny! I remember how much you used to love airplanes, ever since you were little.”
The hotel room had a microscopic seating area containing a loveseat and an armchair. She sat down on the loveseat and curled her legs under her. Ben took the armchair, while Cassie perched on its arm and ruffled her fingers through his hair.
“You used to have a buzz cut, didn’t you?”
“How can you tell?”
“One of my many random jobs was haircutting. I recognize the signs.” She wore denim shorts over patterned leggings, and radiated the same kind of freewheeling zest for life she’d always had.
“I thought you got your mechanic’s license?”
Janine jumped up from the loveseat. “You two catch up for a minute. Benny, you want a soda? You still like cherry vanilla?” She headed toward the mini fridge on the other side of the room.
Cassie bent down and whispered in his ear. “She’s really trying. This is a lot harder than she’s letting on.”
“At first, I thought she seemed better,” he whispered back. “But now she seems so anxious.”
“She’s definitely better. Believe me. And she really wanted to come here and see you all. Especially you, Ben. This is huge for her, it really is.”
It was huge for him, too. So huge it felt surreal. So huge, he didn’t think he’d be able to process it until after he left.
Janine came back with three sodas, and handed him a can of cherry vanilla. He cracked it open. It tasted like his childhood. Like innocence and hope.
And a little like Julie.
Julie had made this happen. He knew it. Not just by making contact with Cassie, but by easing the way. By coming out here and talking to his mother, by sharing her own story.
He took a big gulp, letting the harsh, prickling carbonation fill his sinuses. “Mom, I mean Janine—I’m sorry,” he said abruptly.
“Sorry?”
“That night. I said everything wrong. I didn’t know what I was doing or how to deliver bad news or anything. I screwed it up. I’m really sorry.”
Her expression turned shadowed. “You shouldn’t apologize. That’s my job. That’s why I’m here, to make things right. It shouldn’t have taken this long, but…” she drew in a breath, as if inhaling strength along with the oxygen. “I wanted to make sure I wouldn’t do more harm by coming back.”
“Harm?” His hand tightened around the soda can, drops of cool condensation tickling his hand. That was the last thing he’d expected her to say.
“I wanted to be good for you, not hurtful. Especially Aiden, since the rest of you were grown. And that night…” Her eyes swam with tears. “I remember it all in flashes, you know. I remember waking up because weird lights were flashing on the ceiling. I went toward the window to see what they were, but I couldn’t get there. It was like one of those dreams when you’re running and running but staying in the same place. I think maybe I wasn’t really awake yet. Half asleep, half dreaming. Then I saw the police cars and I knew. I just knew. After that, I don’t really remember anything.”
Ben frowned down at the floor, at the vague geometric patterns in the hotel carpet. It was like static, meaningless background noise. It helped him focus, to block out the emotions of that night.
“And I remember…I remember slapping you. And how terrified I was. Of everything. Of myself.” She rubbed at her forehead, between her eyes. “I should probably stop talking about this now.”
Cassie sat on the couch next to her, a hand on her shoulder. “I was just about to say the same thing,” she said in a voice pitched to lighten the mood. “I want to hear what’s up with you, Ben. Are you back together with Julie? I tried to pin her down, but she didn’t really answer that question.”
Ben rolled his neck to release the tension that had built up. “It’s complicated.”
“Isn’t it always,” Cassie said wisely. “That’s why I have a strict policy of no attachments. We’re always picking up and moving anyway. It works out well because that way, there’s no chance of getting too involved.”
“I’ve been there. More than I want to admit.”
She grinned and clicked her soda can against his. “To meaningless relationships. But don’t tell Mom, she’ll give us both a lecture about true love.”
They both looked over at Janine, who was fiddling with the hem of her sleeve. It was a habit he remembered from his childhood, when she would unravel entire sweaters one thread at a time. At least now she wasn’t actually picking it apart.
“No lectures from me. I think I’ve lost that right.” She smiled sadly at them. “But look at Tobias and Will. Julie said they’re both very happy.”
“Yeah, who would have ever thought old Tobias would be walking around with a sappy grin on his face all the time. It’s pathetic. He’s all about his family now, which is Caro and Sarah, her half-sister, who she adopted. It’s a crazy story, I’m sure they’ll tell you all about it. When are you going to see them?”
Janine hesitated, then bit her lip, giving Cassie an uncertain glance.
Ben’s stomach sank into his shoes. “Are you kidding me? You aren’t going to see everyone else?”
She tugged at her sleeve again. “I want to. I really do. I just…”
Ben found himself rising to his feet. “No. Not okay. Not okay, Mom. Janine. You can’t leave without seeing them. What about Aiden? You haven’t seen him since he was eight, and you wouldn’t believe what a great kid he is. Will did such a phenomenal job raising him…and you haven’t even seen Will, have you? He’s been searching for Dad’s killer, and he’s going to want to interview you, see if you remember anything. And Tobias, what about—”
He snapped his mouth shut, appalled at himself. All those years of tiptoeing around his mother, and now he was just letting it all hang out? But he couldn’t stop. “You owe us, Mom. You owe us.” The words ripped from his heart.
His mother looked stricken. She didn’t shy away from his fierceness, but she couldn’t seem to find her tongue to answer.
Cassie spoke up. “Mom gets it, Ben. I promise you she does. She’s been on the phone with her therapist twice a day for the past month. And I already told her I’m staying for a while no matter what.”
“I’m sorry,” he muttered.
“No. No sorries. Just give me a moment.” Janine got up and took her soda can to the kitchenette, where she dropped it in the trash, then headed for the bathroom. Ben resisted the urge to run after her and grab her by the ankle the way he had that night. Don’t leave. Don’t disappear out the window.
He stared down at the carpet, his anger draining away. Why had he thought seeing Mom would fill some kind of hole in his heart and transform his life? That apologizing for his clumsiness would change everything? He was just as clumsy now. You owe us. What kind of thing was that to say, even if it was true? Maybe their runaway mother did owe them, no matter the reas
ons that drove her away. But that argument wouldn’t work. If it did, she never would have left.
Suddenly he wished passionately for Julie, for her soft arms and sympathetic smile.
“You said Will is looking for Dad’s killer?” Cassie asked. Her big blue eyes were fixed on him with a clear message—I know how you feel. Don't give up yet.
“Yes, since the police basically dropped the case a few weeks after it happened. Will left the sheriff’s department and now he’s working as a private investigator. He has a new office and everything; you guys should come see it.”
But his voice held no conviction that it would actually happen. His dream of a happy family reunion felt so silly now. The reality was that his mother was struggling, and probably always would be.
“I want to find Dad’s murderer too, but I don’t know how much help I can be. I was asleep and didn’t hear or see a thing.”
“I get it. But Will’s a really good investigator, so you never know. He managed to pry a memory out of Tobias when they went back to our old house.”
“Really, they went back there?” She shivered and tucked a long strand of strawberry-blond hair behind her ear. “You couldn’t pay me to go back. Life already sucked for me even before the murder. So what was the memory?”
“Something about the hutch. Remember that old pistachio-avocado vintage piece Mom kept in the kitchen? With all of Grandma’s china? Tobias remembered that Dad was gesturing toward it.”
Cassie screwed up her face. Ben remembered how she used to make them roll on the floor laughing with her expressions and voices straight out of a cartoon. “The hutch? That’s a weird clue.”
“Yeah, but then Will and Tobias put it together that Dad kept his medals in the bottom shelf. So he’s been tracking down all the guys who were part of his last mission. The one he didn’t like talking about because they came under fire while he was being carried on a gurney.”
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