Not when I was who I was.
“Sebastian travels a lot because of his job,” Isabella said. “If you stayed with us, you wouldn’t be able to go to school and make friends. But I’m sure we can find you a good home.”
Amanda bit down on her lip, but then she nodded.
When Isabella looked at me, I inclined my head.
She always knew how to say just the right thing, didn’t she?
“You’re coming with us for now,” I said, and Amanda’s eyes lit up.
“But what if my parents call the cops or something?” she asked. “They might not want me anymore, but they don’t want their friends to think they’re heartless.”
“They won’t call anyone.” I’d make sure of it.
Mr. and Mrs. Evans were going to find out exactly who I was and what I was capable of if they didn’t do what I told them to.
“Come. Let’s get out of here.” Isabella placed her arm around Amanda’s shoulders.
When Isabella glanced back at me, I wondered how she felt about this whole thing.
For some reason, she was willing to lie and pretend everything was okay in front of Amanda. She could’ve disappeared into the darkness and left.
But she hadn’t.
Deep down, I wished all the lies were true, and that I was just a regular businessman who was lucky enough to have married such a wonderful woman like Isabella.
We’d have a future then.
All of us.
I shoved those thoughts into the darkest corner of my mind.
It was stupid to even think about something like that.
I didn’t regret who I was.
A normal life would’ve never worked out for me.
Chapter 26
I WAS SITTING ON THE bed in Sebastian’s room, which was very similar to mine, except it had a huge TV on one of the walls, a balcony, and a private bathroom.
Sebastian entered the room with two ice cream containers, and he handed one to me.
“Mmm. Chocolate,” I said as I dipped the plastic spoon into the ice cream.
“I’m glad you like it.” He flashed me a smile as my mouth closed around the spoon.
“Love it.” It was like eating the tastiest piece of heaven.
“I think I found a family for Amanda,” he said.
“Oh?” I perked up as he settled next to me.
“It’s one guy who used to work for me until he met his wife. She runs a very successful business. Legal one. And they have two kids of their own. They also recently got approved for fostering. I know them, and I think they’ll be a good fit. I’ll pull some strings to make sure there aren’t any legal issues.”
“Sounds great,” I said. “What does Amanda think?”
“We’re going to find out. I don’t want to just ship her off to someone she doesn’t know, even if I’d trust the guy with my life. But first she’s going to spend a few hours with them and see how she feels about them. If things work out, then she might go on a vacation with them. After that, hopefully, it will be a permanent thing.”
“That’s a good idea. But what’s going to happen in the meantime? Can she stay here with us? Your guys might be good at hiding their weapons around her and making themselves scarce, but if the cops show up and if she gets curious—”
For now, Amanda thought that Sebastian was just a super-rich businessman who was so successful he needed bodyguards. The guards were now mostly on the first floor, so she’d only see them if she went out for a walk.
But if the detective showed up with a bunch of cops, there’d be a problem.
“We’re safe for now. If there’s any news about the detective or the cops, I’ll have to speed up the process with Amanda and say I’m going away on a business trip that can’t be postponed,” he said.
“Good plan.” I could see how it could work out.
Actually, I was impressed with how Sebastian had handled the whole thing. He might want to make everyone believe he was a monster, but he wasn’t.
Monsters didn’t care about anyone other than themselves, and they would’ve never gone through all the trouble to save a teen girl.
“I hope it’ll work out.” He sighed, and I placed my hand on his leg.
My fingers trailed up.
Sebastian narrowed his eyes at me, his eyes filling with desire. “If you keep that up, you’re going to wake up the beast.” He grinned.
“Oops,” I said as I stroked him through his pants, feeling his erection grow under my fingers.
He snatched the ice cream container from me and put it on the nightstand along with his.
“Now you’re in trouble,” he said, getting to his feet and going to his closet.
I bit down on my lip as I watched him pull out a rope.
“Undress,” he ordered.
I got up and slowly took off my clothes, piece by piece, as he watched me with hungry eyes. Once I was completely naked, he pushed me down on the bed on my stomach.
He wrapped the rope tightly around my wrists behind my back, and then secured my ankles and legs too.
After grabbing one of the pillows, he lifted up my hips and placed the pillow under me, so my ass was sticking up.
When I heard him pull his belt out of the loops, I instantly burned with desire and anticipation.
The belt landed on my ass, making me yelp, but the sting quickly turned into something else.
He brought the belt down again and again, and fire spread through my cheeks and my whole body.
I couldn’t avoid his merciless blows, and when he finally stopped, I was trembling with need. I heard him come closer, but my hair was in the way, and I couldn’t see what he was doing.
When his fingers slipped between my legs, I let out a groan of frustration because I couldn’t spread them wide and give him more access.
But it was a sweet, sweet frustration.
Something cold fell on my heated flesh, making me jump. I managed to glance at the nightstand and realized one of the ice cream containers was gone.
The hot and cold shock made me wiggle my hips, even if that didn’t help me get any relief.
When Sebastian’s tongue glided over my ass, lapping up the ice cream, I thought I was going to spontaneously combust.
“Oh fuck,” I whispered as he parted my cheeks and his tongue slipped between them.
I thrashed so much from all the pleasure that the rope had loosened a little as I pushed my hips up in a desperate need for more.
Sebastian thrust his finger inside my tight opening, and his tongue followed, probing and prodding until he spilled me over the edge.
He let go of me as tiny convulsions spread through my core and my whole body.
While I was still trying to catch my breath, he flipped me over. He got on top of me when he was completely naked, and he squeezed my breasts and pinched my nipples.
He brought his cock closer to my lips, and I lifted my head a little and stuck out my tongue so I could reach him.
A groan slipped out of his throat, and then he shifted and started rubbing his cock up and down the crack between my breasts. He kept squeezing my breasts against his shaft, using them for his pleasure.
He came all over my chest with a cry, and then he lay down on his side next to me, a smile on his face.
A special kind of contentment and pride built up inside me because I could see his smile in his eyes too, and that was something special.
Something I’d helped him achieve.
I stared deep into his eyes and couldn’t help but think if maybe, just maybe, there was a chance for us.
A chance for something wonderful.
Something I didn’t dare to dream about.
He leaned closer and pressed his lips against mine.
I wanted to ask him if this was just sex for him or if there was something more between us. Because the way I felt when I looked at him didn’t feel like it was just lust.
No, I was sure that there was something more, no matter how insane tha
But if I told him how I felt, what if that ruined everything?
What if he was with me just because he didn’t have anything better? What if he laughed in my face and told me that I was delusional?
Did I even want a life like this? Just trapped in some house and waiting for the cops or Sebastian’s enemies to show up? Did I want to be on the run all the time?
“Do you think you could ever leave all this behind and do something else?” I asked as he moved to untie me. “Something legal?”
“I thought about it a lot, but no, I can’t do it.”
“Why not?”
“If I left, someone else would take over. And they might run things differently. There might be more bloodshed on the streets too if more than one group fights for my territory. I don’t know anyone who could replace me without too much drama, and it’s not easy to leave all this behind. It’s not just about me. It’s about everyone else involved in every aspect of what I do.”
“Oh.” I hadn’t really thought about it like that. “But if it was possible and you could just disappear, what would you do?”
“I don’t know. Maybe I’d build a home for kids who don’t have anyone to take care of them. Maybe I’d take at least some of them off the streets.” His face turned pensive and a little solemn.
When he finished untying me, he picked me up in his arms.
“Let’s get you cleaned up,” he said with a smile, and carried me to the bathroom.
I held onto him, enjoying his warm embrace.
Chapter 27
I STARED AT THE SCREEN of my phone, trying to remember what the fuck I was supposed to be doing.
Isabella just wouldn’t leave my mind, even though I tried to rip her out of it.
If I didn’t know myself better, I would think I was in love with her.
But that wasn’t actually possible.
It wasn’t how things worked in my world either.
People didn’t marry for love.
Like my advisor had said to me before I agreed to marry Isabella, people like us only married because it was convenient, and I was not expected to feel anything for my wife.
Actually, it was preferred that I didn’t feel anything for her.
If I did, it would be a huge risk.
A weakness.
If my enemies found out that I actually gave a damn about my wife, they’d target her immediately.
I could protect her while I was with her and it was my duty to do so in case of an attack, but it wasn’t always going to be that way.
Isabella might be with me right now, but a time would come when I’d have to be on my own and leave her behind. She couldn’t always come with me wherever I went.
I wasn’t supposed to think about her all the time either or worry if something might happen to her while I was away.
She should never come first to me.
And even if, in some wild dream, what I felt for her was love, it didn’t mean she loved me back.
She’d be crazy to fall for someone like me.
I didn’t know what I’d have to do to be worthy of someone like her. It was impossible. She was so sweet and so good.
Pure.
Perfect.
She didn’t have blood on her hands. She had paint.
But maybe I was an idiot, and she’d played me. She had to know that if she ran away, I’d hunt her down.
But if she convinced me to let her go and give her more freedom, then she’d be safe from me.
I didn’t believe that was what she was doing.
Still, I had to show her who I really was and make sure she wouldn’t get any wrong ideas.
She and I didn’t belong together.
I’d have to forget her.
Drive her out of my mind.
Out of my soul.
Out of my black heart.
She was never going to win against my darkness.
No one was.
Not even me.
In the end, it was going to swallow me.
It was only a matter of time.
Chapter 28
AMANDA NEEDED SOME help with her homework, so when she came to ask me if I could do it, I agreed.
It was a good thing I remembered how to solve the math problem in question, and just as I was helping her figure out the last step, I felt like someone was watching me.
I spotted Sebastian at the door.
He was looking at me with an unreadable expression on his face, which meant that he was trying to hide how he was feeling from me for some reason. When our gazes met, he walked away.
“Do you need help with anything else?” I asked Amanda.
“No. Thanks!” She grinned at me. “I only missed a few classes and I already feel lost.”
“Well, then you better not miss any more.” I placed my hand on her shoulder and squeezed.
Once I was out in the hallway, I decided to look for Sebastian. I found him in the living room—one of the living rooms, because this house had one on every floor.
“Hey,” I said from the door.
“Come here.”
I settled next to him on the sofa and he pulled me into his embrace, wrapping his arms tightly around me. “What are you watching?”
There was some kind of show on TV.
“Nothing special,” he said.
“Amanda seems to be doing fine. She looks happy.”
“Thanks for helping her.” He pressed his lips to the top of my head. “She had her first session with a therapist today.”
“That’s good.” Being in Sebastian’s warm embrace made me feel content and safe, and I focused on the screen.
The TV show wasn’t all that bad after all.
I had no idea how much time had passed when a knock on the door made us both jump.
“Um, do you have more of those chocolate cookies you gave me?” Amanda asked as she poked her head inside. “I can’t find them.”
“Yeah,” Sebastian said.
I pulled away from him so he could get to his feet. My attention was back on the TV, but a few minutes later, I heard voices in the hallway.
“You two look so in love! So cute!” Amanda said.
“Whatever,” Sebastian said. “Go to bed. You need to get some sleep.”
“Good night, Sebastian.”
“Good night.”
When Sebastian returned, he plopped onto the sofa next to me with a sigh.
“What was that all about?” I asked.
“Amanda thinks we’re in love, which makes sense because we’re married, and she doesn’t know the details. But that has to be the most ridiculous thing I’ve ever heard. It was hard to keep a straight face.” He grinned, but his smile didn’t reach his eyes.
I tensed. “Why would it be ridiculous?”
“For obvious reasons. You and me, in love?” He raised his eyebrows, his tone mocking. “Come on. Love is for idiots who believe in such things.”
I glared at him. “Do you really believe that?”
“Yeah. Maybe I should tell Amanda the truth about us. She’s going to create some fantasy in her head about us, and she’ll get hurt when she learns how the real world works.”
“What the fuck is wrong with you?” I raised my voice.
“Nothing’s wrong with me. Well, everything is. Maybe I’m just tired of pretending to be someone I’m not. But you’re probably right. She’s too young to understand.”
I got to my feet and stormed out of there before I said something I was going to regret.
Chapter 29
I STARED AT THE EMPTY canvas, but I had no desire to paint. After what Sebastian had told me, I started to question my own sanity.
But I didn’t believe I’d imagined the connection that had formed between us. Maybe it was crazy and a little scary, but I was sure it existed and that it wasn’t just in my head.
I’d thought Sebastian and I were on the same page, but something was up with him, and I wasn’t sure what it was.
Maybe he was stressed out because Amanda was here.
Maybe it was something business-related.
Why the fuck was I trying to find an excuse for him?
He was a jerk.
That was what he was, and there was no explanation other than that.
He’d wanted to hurt me.
What if he’d been playing me the whole time? What if he’d found someone else? Someone more interesting than me?
I threw the brush I was holding across the room. It bounced off the wall.
A knock sounded on the door.
I wanted to yell at the person behind it to fuck off, but maybe it was Amanda, even though she was already supposed to have left for school. That poor kid didn’t need more trauma just because I wanted to strangle my husband.
Besides, would that asshole actually knock instead of barging in like he had every right in the world to do so?
“Come in,” I said, trying to keep my voice as calm and even as possible.
When Sebastian entered, I arched my eyebrows.
Well fuck.
What a surprise.
Except, I wasn’t really in the mood to see him.
“Do you need more paint?” he asked.
“Do I need more paint?” I barked out a laugh. “Are you fucking kidding me?”
“What’s wrong?” The expression on his face was neutral.
“Do you really have to ask after what you told me last night?” I narrowed my eyes at him.
“I don’t get why you’re mad at me. I just told you the truth.”
“That’s bullshit!” I got to my feet. “There’s something more going on between us and you know it! You just don’t want to admit it.”
“No, there isn’t.”
“So you’re just going to pretend that all those moments we shared mean nothing to you? Even if all your actions say otherwise?”
“What do you want me to do, huh? Throw you in a dungeon and leave you there? Would that help you?”
“No!” I curled my fingers into fists. “Don’t deny it. You feel something for me. Maybe you’re not sure what it is, but don’t tell me you don’t feel it.”
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