by Kelly Myers
As soon as we both start to chat and relax, it all starts to feel real. In a good way. I’m not faking. I’m not pretending to be anyone else. Leo and I are just...together.
Obviously, I know there’s a lot that needs to be said, but I start to look forward to the conversation with hope and not dread. Something about us just works. Even during that two hour car ride when my feelings hadn’t fully grown for him, we were good together.
Yes, it isn’t expected. Leo and I might go against logic as a couple, but that is the kind of thing that makes life exciting. I start to imagine Leo and I being a real item. I imagine how I would tell my friends. I would keep the story full of all the twists and turns. And once they actually met Leo, they would see his good traits.
I mean, we’ve managed to convince an entire wedding that we’re a good couple, surely we can convince my friends.
After dinner, the band starts playing, and everyone heads out onto the dance floor. I’ve struck up a good conversation with the girl on my left, and Leo has gone to fetch drinks.
I love to dance, but I assume Leo is not interested. However, when he gets back to the table, he sets down the drinks and offers me my hand.
“Really?” I ask.
“You don’t want to?” His teasing smile lets me know that he suspects that I’m the type to adore dancing. He’s not wrong.
I grab his hand and eagerly move onto the dance floor. Leo is about as atrocious a dancer as I could have imagined, but he’s not self-conscious. He knows he’s horrible, but he’s happy to just sway and move his arms to the pop songs.
As we move towards the center, I feel my sense of fun come out. I start to do all my favorite moves, and even get Leo to spin me a few times. He doesn’t seem to mind being my prop.
Of course, after a few upbeat songs, the music slows. Everyone couples off. Without any hesitation, Leo pulls me closer to him and places his hand on my lower back. I settle my hand on his shoulder, and we start to sway.
I smile up at him, and he smiles back. We still need to talk, and there’s a lot of unknowns, but in that moment, it’s enough that he’s smiling at me.
As I lay my cheek against his shoulder, it occurs to me that this is the reason he brought me. He wanted to be out on the dance floor with an undeniably great partner. My heart sinks as I remember that he’s paying me to be here. We still haven’t discussed that. I’m no longer sure I can accept his money.
I push that thought to the side and force myself to just enjoy the present. I savor the feel of Leo’s strong shoulder under my hand, and his firm grasp on my back. I feel the burst of desire within me. I want to sleep with him, again and again. It’s terrifying to want someone this much, but also exciting. And it makes me think that it can’t be one-sided. Maybe I’m the one for Leo. Maybe he is realizing it right this moment, and he’ll tell me, once we finally get some privacy.
After dancing, we mingle some more and chat with more people, and as the night wanes, we end up back at the table, watching the fireflies dance out on the lawn.
I’m getting a little drowsy when Leanne appears at my elbow. She’s clutching a glass of wine, but from her wobbly walk it’s evident that she doesn’t need any more alcohol.
“Marianne, you should sing for us!” Her gushing carries to the remaining guests. “I heard you are such a good singer!”
Apparently, word travels fast, because a bunch of other guests, most of who are well past tipsy, chime in that they heard I was an amazing singer too.
“No, really,” I say. “I don’t need to.”
But they keep insisting, and then one guest gets a member of the band to loan his guitar, and finally I realize that I’m making more of a scene by saying no than if I just sing something real quick. I see Vince join the crowd. This was his doing, but he kept quiet.
I glance over at Leo. This is definitely not in his Ideal Fake Girlfriend playbook. He just nods at me though.
“Go on,” he says. “I want to hear too.”
I strum the guitar a few times. To be honest, I never miss an opportunity to perform. I’ve whipped my guitar out at social functions with far less encouragement.
I decide to sing a love song I wrote a few years ago. It’s pretty and catchy, and all my friends like to hear it during this time of night, as the party starts to die down.
I take a breath and begin to sing, the lyrics I wrote flowing off my tongue with ease. I feel myself enter my comfort zone as a performer. I may be all sorts of stressed and confused about Leo, but I know who I am when I’m singing. I know I’m doing what I’m supposed to be doing.
When I finish, there’s a stunned silence. Then everyone bursts into applause. Drunk audiences are the best. They’re always so enthusiastic. I smile and accept their praise with humility.
“I told you,” Vince says. “A true songbird.”
The only person who doesn’t say anything is Leo. I just feel him watching me. His eyes never leave me, as if he’s seeing me for the first time.
I set the guitar aside and turn to him as everyone starts to chat about their own days in college acapella groups.
“You’re really good,” he says. “You wrote that.”
I’ve never been one for false humility, so I smile and nod. “Thank you.”
“How do you keep doing it?” he asks. “When it’s so much rejection and so uncertain?”
He’s not asking in a judgmental way. I can tell he’s genuinely curious.
“Because I love it,” I say. “And I can’t do anything else. I don’t want to do anything else.”
“Want to take a walk?” he asks.
I nod. “Let me just grab my purse.”
I get up and head back to the table where I left it. As I pick it up, I see Leo chatting with a friend, but he’s keeping one eye on me. Nerves erupt in my stomach. I really have no idea what he is thinking.
“Marianne, you were even better than I remembered.” Vince is standing next to me, his hands in his pockets.
“Oh, thank you.” I give him a polite smile, but start to walk back to Leo.
“Wait, Marianne, I have to say something.”
The earnestness in his voice makes me pause. He leans close and smiles at me.
“What?” I whisper.
“I know,” Vince says. “I know you and Leo aren’t really dating.”
25
There’s a roaring in my ears and the rest of the party fades into the background as I stare at Vince’s face. The idiot is smiling as if he hasn’t just ruined my entire weekend.
One thought crystallizes in my head: we are so screwed.
The whole fake relationship, all the ups and downs of this weekend, it was all for nothing. Vince knows. I have no idea how he found out, but he knows. Which means the whole wedding will know by the end of the night, I’m sure of it. Leo is going to be mercilessly mocked. People are going to think I’m a bottom-feeder and total scum. I’ll be that crazy girl who was so desperate for money she let Leo pay her to be his fake date.
I open my mouth and close it. I hate the idea of begging Vince, but I might just do it if he hasn’t already spread the rumour. “Vince, please don’t tell anyone.”
“It’s ok, I haven’t,” Vince says. “Seriously, don’t worry.”
I furrow my brow. I don’t know if I should believe him. And I’m still confused as to how he found out. Leo says he hasn’t confided in anyone, but maybe he was lying to me. The thought makes my head start to ache.
I need to get away from him. I need to talk with Leo. I take a step, but Vince is still in my way.
“Look, I know it’s a super crazy situation,” Vince says. “And Leo is legit psycho to hire you, but I feel like I would kick myself if I didn’t take this chance.”
Now I’m just confused. I look around in a daze, wondering where Leo is. Shouldn’t he come storming over here all jealous? I want him to lug me away and kiss me again, like he did last night.
“You’ve got to sense this thing between us,” V
ince says. “And since you’re not with Leo, I want to ask you out. For real.”
Vince lets out a little laugh at Leo’s expense, and I want to slap him. Leo is twice the man Vince will be, and he’s not pathetic. He just got unlucky enough to have some really horrid friends.
“I don’t think this is appropriate,” I say.
“Come on, stop pretending,” Vince says. “Abby told me everything.”
I freeze. I stop scanning the crowd for Leo. “Abby told you? How did she know?”
Vince blinks. “Well, Leo told her. After the lake yesterday.”
My mind is going at a mile a minute. There’s only one reason I can think of that Leo would tell Abby our relationship was fake. He wanted her to know he was single. He was telling her he was available. I was just a ruse.
I swallow hard and feel my throat burn. I don’t know if I want to scream or cry, but I do know I can’t do either. Not here. Not in front of so many people.
And Leo. I see him in the crowd. He doesn’t look angry or jealous, but he is watching me. He’s leaning forward slightly, as if he’s about to come over here. He’s concerned. I want to think he’s concerned for me, but I’m starting to think that maybe he is just worried that his little secret is out.
“Look, Leo’s been playing games,” Vince says. “But you don’t need to worry about that.”
I look at Vince, my mouth falling open. The fact that he is telling me to not worry when everything is falling apart is enough to drive me up the wall.
“You’re a total catch, I knew something was up when I saw you with Leo.” Vince continues, totally oblivious to how much I despise this entire conversation. “But you and I clearly suit, so we should blow this whole wedding and just see where the night takes us.”
I hate him. I really do. I can’t believe I even thought he was attractive, with all his bragging about his stupid restaurant. As soon as I’m back in Chicago, I’m going to get Zoe to leave a nasty online review.
The only person I hate more than Vince right now is Leo.
I feel betrayed. I know he has made me no promises, but I still can’t believe that he went to Abby, told her the entire truth in a bid to be with her, and then had the audacity to have sex with me that very night. And, then he acted like he and me could be a real thing all day today.
I halt and start to re-think that. Did he act like we had a chance? Or was it all in my imagination? Now that I go over the events of the day, he gave me no reason to hope. He avoided me and got me coffee, but that hardly counts. Then he danced with me, but only in front of the crowd.
Leo probably thinks it was just sex, nothing more. I’m the one who has been a naive optimist all day, thinking that me and him were going to have this great conversation filled with honesty. I thought we were embarking on a new adventure, but really this sad mistake was just in its death throes.
Leo wants to be with Abby, the woman of his dreams. I’m meant to just limp off-stage, having served my purpose.
I turn to Vince, my only source of information. “What did he tell Abby?”
“Everything,” Vince says. “How he hired you, and you don’t even know him, this is just a performing job for you. Look, I know Leo has issues, but I kinda feel like this is fate.”
I roll my eyes. Usually, I’m into fate. I love talking about destiny and things that are meant to be. Now, I want to kick fate to the curb. If anything to do with this weekend was orchestrated by fate, then it has a cruel sense of humor.
Vince takes a step forward, and I instinctively step backwards. I need to get rid of him. That’s the first step. Then I can figure out what the hell I’m going to do. I can’t stay at this wedding, that’s for sure.
“I think you’ve got the wrong idea,” I say. “I’m not really interested.”
Vince actually looks surprised. I guess I can’t blame him since I did flirt with him a lot yesterday, but I feel like I’ve been pretty cold all day today. But he knows I’m an actress. He probably assumed that was just part of my performance.
“Marianne, come on, don’t play coy,” Vince says. “I get it. You probably think anyone who’s friends with Leo is crazy, but I promise, I’m not like him.”
“He’s not crazy,” I snap. I don’t know why I’m defending him, all I know is I’m sick and tired of Vince and all his little comments.
My eyes leave Vince’s face, and I see Leo on the other side of the tent. He’s done with his conversation, and he’s taken a few steps towards me. My heartbeat picks up its pace as I realize he’s coming over here.
I can’t talk to him. I can’t even look at him. He’s ruined everything. He’s made me look like a fool by revealing our secret to Abby and whoever else she blabbed to. I feel like an idiot for sleeping with him last night, only a few hours after he was confessing his feelings to Abby. How could he have kissed me like that, knowing that he had blown up our entire plan?
Maybe Vince has a point. Maybe Leo is a total psycho. Of course, I would be the one to develop feelings for a crazy and manipulative guy.
“I have to go,” I say.
“What?” Vince furrows his brow. “Where can you go?”
I ignore him and turn on my heel. All I know is I can’t talk to Leo right now. I can’t look him in the face. I’ll just want to scream, and I can’t do that in front of all these people. Half of them probably already know I’m a fraud, but even so, I want to maintain the last shred of my dignity.
Truth be told, I never want to see Leo again. I’ve been such an idiot, daydreaming all day about how we had a chance at the real thing, just because we had some good sex and slept in the same bed all night. Meanwhile, I was just an easy way to get laid, and he’s probably been plotting the best way to get rid of me, so he and Abby can be together.
I leave the tent and head into the darkness between the tent and the inn. As soon as I hit the path that leads around to the front, I start to run. I scamper around to the side of the inn and duck into a little garden space. I lean against a wall to catch my breath. My dress catches on the rough brick, but I don’t care anymore. My dress can be torn to shred. There’s no point in this stupid performance.
I know I need to come up with a plan, but all I can think of is Leo. He never wanted me, he only ever wanted Abby. I was right last night, and he made me forget my theory when he kissed me. I should have listened to my intuition. I should never have kissed him back.
I wrap my arms around myself and take a deep breath. I need to leave. I have no car, and there’s certainly no public transit all the way out here, but I need to leave. I could call a cab company probably. I can’t pay for a cab all the way back to the city, but maybe it could take me to the closest train station. Not that I even know what that would be.
I bury my head in my hands. Somewhere buried deep in all this sadness and anger and grief is probably a life lesson. I shouldn’t have agreed to a job I knew was morally dubious. What’s more, I should have remembered it was a job. Nothing between me and Leo was ever real, except the money.
I choke on a sob as I think of the money. I won’t let him pay me for this. I can’t accept it. In fact, I want to give him back the money from the bridal shower as well. It will mean penny-pinching for a few months, but I’ll manage.
I shudder as I think of returning to my life. I’ll go back to my crowded apartment and early-morning shifts at Lucy’s and the endless gigging. I’ll be right back where I started, only this time I’ll be even more depressed because I’m clearly so desperate for something good in my life that I fabricated an entire love story with a man who is deeply uninterested in me.
Then I hear his voice.
“Marianne.” He’s close by, but still outside the little garden. “Marianne, where are you?”
He’s not yelling. Leo would never do that, he wouldn’t want to seem unhinged. But there’s a fraught edge to his voice as he calls my name.
As his foot crunches on the grave just outside the garden, I press myself hard against the wall and
pray he doesn’t see me. My prayers are answered. Leo walks on, towards the front of the inn.
He won’t stop looking though. Plus, I’ll need to get to my room to gather my stuff. I bite my lip and decide that if it really comes to it, I would be willing to abandon my luggage. My first priority is getting out of here. I need to leave this entire mess far behind.
26
I walk deeper into the garden until I come to a bench. I’m grateful there’s a full moon, or else I would have tripped and scraped my knees about five times.
Once I’m seated on the bench, I dig through my bag until I find my phone. There’s only one person I can call right now. I only know three people who I want to talk to right now, in all my embarrassment and despair. And of those three, there’s one who is capable of leaping into action and coming up with a way to get me the hell out of dodge.
Zoe. I have to call Zoe. She won’t be the most sympathetic, but she will get me out of here.
I glance at the time. It’s one nine. For some reason, it feels much later, probably because the reception started so early.
I pull up Zoe’s number and call her. She picks up on the third ring.
“I’m in trouble,” I say.
“Marianne, what’s wrong?” Her voice is so clear and determined that I almost burst into tears right then and there.
“Everything,” I whimper. “I need to get out of here.”
There’s a pause on the other end. It’s dead silent, but I know Zoe’s mind is already working overdrive. “Are you hurt?”
“Not physically, no,” I say. “But it’s such a disaster, Zoe, it’s a total mess.”
“Ok, we can go into details when we’re together,” Zoe says. “I’m going to drive up there. You’re still at the inn, right?”
“Yes.”
At Zoe’s insistence, I gave her the address of the inn. She probably has it written down and is within reach. She probably expected something like this to happen. That doesn’t make me feel better. Everyone could predict my downfall except for me.
