by K. Langston
Reaching for some tissue paper, I gather enough to dry my eyes and nose. Being here again has resurrected so many memories. A time in my life when I was the happiest. But with it also comes incredible grief and pain. The memories of that night are still so vivid and lucid. I had hoped that with time they would begin to fade some, at least enough to allow the good ones to prevail, but they feel more prevalent than ever and the pain is just as crippling as it is terrifying.
Opening the door of the bathroom. I hear the echo of Justin’s and Teddy’s voices speaking quietly so I hang a right instead of left and take the back stairs up to my old room. Everything is just as it was when I left.
The dollhouse Teddy built for me sits in the corner. One of my favorite Judy Blume books rests on the bedside table with a picture of my mama holding its place.
I step farther in the room, running my hand across the foot of the bedframe, remembering a time when life was simple. When I was oblivious to the evil of the world.
“Hey,” Justin calls from the doorway. He rounds the foot of the bed to stand in front of me. Bringing his hand to my face, he tilts his head to the side. “You okay?”
I nod.
His eyes hold mine and I can see the uncertainty there. “You sure?”
“It’s all just so overwhelming. Being back here, there are so many things I’ve forgotten,” I say, the tears falling once more. “So many things he took away from me.”
Justin’s hand reaches out to cup my neck, holding my eyes. “I know this is hard for you. The last several days, everything that has happened, but I need you to know one thing right now. No matter what happens, wherever you go, whatever you do, remember—no one can steal that fire out of your soul, the stars from your eyes, or the passion in your heart. Those things belong to you, babe.”
The words tumble from his mouth, crashing into my heart one at a time. Licking my lips, I turn my head to kiss the palm of his hand.
His eyes grow heavier as a grin slides across his face. “You need to lean on someone, you lean on me, but don’t you ever talk about what anybody took away ever again, because I promise you, I’ll give it all back.”
“You have already given so much.”
“I’m nowhere near done. Come on, Teddy wants to show you something.”
Justin leads me back into the kitchen where Teddy is waiting, his arms open wide. Releasing Justin’s hand, I rush into those arms, finding the same comfort and love that has always been. That will forever be. There is only one man who could ever be a father to me and it’s Teddy. He smooths his hands over the top of my head as the tears fall onto his plaid shirt. “Would you like to see her?”
Lifting my head, I blink up at him. “She’s here?”
“I had her buried out back, on the edge of the property.”
A sob tears from my lips as I hug him tight once more. “Yes, take me to her please.”
Teddy tightens his grip on me, kisses the side of my head and whispers, “I’ve waited for this. I’ve waited so long to reunite the two of you.”
Releasing his hold, I slide out of his warm embrace, reach for Justin’s hand, and the three of us walk outside, toward the old oak tree I used to climb as a child, its trunk and branches have grown thicker with time and the abundance of leaves offers plenty of shade to the stone monument below. Teddy and Justin stay behind as I press forward, falling to my knees in front of her grave. An angel sits on top, the large expanse of her wings cradling the words engraved across the piece of black granite, etching themselves across my heart.
Beloved mother and loving wife
A silent thought, a secret tear,
Keep her memory ever dear.
Time eases the edge of grief,
Memory turns back every leaf.
Earth has no sorrow that heaven cannot heal.
Pressing my fingers to her name, I cry for her. The pain in my heart eased by the memories I hold dear. A mother and wife who loved more than one heart can measure and even in death, a love that is stronger than ever.
After visiting her mother’s grave, they spend the next several hours talking. Sharing memories. I love hearing him talk about the girl she once was. The woman she is now. Curious but quiet. Smart. Sweet. Now I know where she gets her tenacity. To hear him talk about her mother, the two women are a lot alike. I’m also gathering that Selena lived a very sheltered life here as well. Her mother lived in constant fear that Del Marco would find them so she homeschooled Selena and only went into town for special occasions, and even then it proved difficult.
I know she is struggling with all of this. That sad look in her eyes when I went searching for her and found her in her childhood bedroom nearly ripped me in two. The girl has been through so much over the last few weeks. It still amazes me how strong she is. How she tackles each obstacle head-on without fear.
So goddamn strong.
So fucking beautiful.
All I wanted to do earlier was curl up with her in my arms and hold her until the pain went away. But she needs more from me. She needs me to give her the space and independence to feel what she needs to feel in order to heal. It’s becoming clear to me that she never really grieved for her mother. How could she? She was stripped from her home and her family. Thrown into the pits of hell and left to survive on her own. What she needs right now is a rock. A rock to lean on when it all gets too hard. A place to rest when the ground gets too rough. I want to be that place for her.
I still haven’t told her what Higgens told me about her uncle either. Until I know for sure, I plan on keeping that information to myself. However, I did put a call in to Agent Morales to let him know what we found and he assured me they would look into it.
Around midnight, Teddy finally turns in and Selena sets about cleaning the kitchen while I make sure the house is secure, only to discover it’s anything but. Anyone could get in here any time and with Teddy being blind, it’s a wonder someone hasn’t tried. Some of the windows have been broken, the roof is shit, and the security system no longer functions. I won’t be getting much sleep tonight that’s for damn sure. Using some stray boards outside, I board up what I can on the lower level and make my way back to her bedroom where I find her sitting in the middle of the full-size bed, thumbing through the box of her mother’s journals.
Shutting the door behind me, I begin unbuttoning my shirt.
“She wrote down everything,” she says wistfully. “My first birthday, the day I got my period.”
“Christ, how old were you when you got your period?”
“Nine.”
“I didn’t think that came until much later.”
“Typically it does but my mama told me I was an early bloomer.”
Ridding myself of my undershirt, socks, and jeans, I crawl in bed next to her, resting my chin on her knee.
“Nearly every page has my name on it.” A tear slips down her cheeks onto the journal.
“You were her life. Just like you’re my life now.”
Gently pulling the notebook from her hand, I carefully place it back in the box and set it on the floor next to the bed.
Then I come back to her and lay us down on the bed like I wanted to do earlier. I hold her close as she unloads years of grief and heartache.
Cradling her jaw, I kiss her wet cheeks, soaking up her tears with my lips. Then I slowly move them down to her mouth as she melts against me. I take soft, tender kisses at first, the salt of her tears mixing between us, a reminder of what’s been lost. Then my mouth becomes more aggressive, showing her what she’s gained. What’s waiting for her if she would just reach out and take it.
“Make love to me.” Her breathy words whisper over me, stoking a fire that burns only for her.
I remove her nightgown and panties then tuck us beneath the covers.
Her silky smooth legs cradle my body as I bury myself inside of her tight, wet heat, swallowing each gasp greedily with every thrust. Her sharp nails dig into my back, and I revel in the feel of her clenching tig
ht around me and the burn she leaves on my skin.
Inside of my chest.
“I love you,” I whisper softly, just before I come inside of her.
The words don’t have time to linger between us before she’s repeating them back to me.
“I love you, too,” she replies, and my heart is content, knowing that she will always be mine.
Mine to protect.
Mine to love.
Daylight makes its way through the dusty blinds as a new day begins to dawn. I attempt to blink the sleep from my eyes, smiling as memories of last night filter through my mind. There’s a delicious ache between my legs reminding me of the love this man gave me last night. Yesterday was hard. Harder than I anticipated. But having Justin by my side, protecting me, loving me, has made coming home easier to endure.
“Morning, baby.” His deep, groggy voice washes over me as his large hand fans my hip. If I’m not locked tight in his gaze, his hands are on me.
I can’t decide which I like more.
Flipping over to face him, I press a kiss to his chest, the coarse hair tickling my lips. “Morning.”
The hand on my hip moves to cup my cheek as I look into his soft blue eyes. “Sleep good?” he asks.
I nod, planting another kiss on his neck, inhaling his signature scent. Something very masculine and all him.
“What about you?”
Pressing his lips to my forehead, he pulls me in closer. “I didn’t fall asleep ’til about four.”
“Why not?”
“For one, I had a hard time taking my eyes off of you and two, this house has gone to shit, babe.”
“I kinda noticed that.”
“I think it might be a good idea to talk to him about coming to stay with us.”
I swallow hard. “With us?”
“Seeing how you just reconnected after all these years, I know you want to be close to him.”
“You would do that for me?”
“I would do anything for you. Anything to make you happy.” The conviction in his voice settles like a warm blanket around my heart.
“Being with you makes me happy.”
“I can promise you that as long as I’m breathing, you’ll always have that. I want to see this smile every day for the rest of my life. This sweet good morning smile. The one you give me when I say something funny. Or my personal favorite, the one you give me once I’m inside of you.”
I smile, unable to control myself.
“Fuck yes. And that one right there,” he says, claiming my upturned lips, rolling me over in the bed. He settles between my open thighs. “The one that punches me right in the chest. The one that tells me over and over again you know how much I love you.”
I cradle his cheek, eager to give him those same words back, but before I have a chance to say anything, a crash vibrates throughout the house and Teddy yelps in pain.
My heart sinks.
“Get dressed,” Justin orders, springing into action. He scrambles off the bed to pull on his jeans before reaching for his holstered gun sitting on the bedside table.
I quickly slip my dress over my head, forgoing my bra and panties. Once I’m ready, Justin cracks open the door, taking aim down the hall, nodding for me to follow.
We both creep downstairs, my heart pounding in my chest as we take each step toward the bottom. Justin stops, holding out his arm for me to do the same. There’s a rustling of sorts coming from the living room, I can’t make out the sound but then comes a long groan of agony and I know right away it’s Teddy.
“Jesus Christ,” Justin curses, tucking the gun into his jeans as we enter the living room and find Teddy lying on the floor, dust and sheetrock covering his body.
I quickly rush to his side but Justin stops me, giving a quick glance to the ceiling then me before he helps Teddy to his feet and over to the couch.
I take a seat next to him. “Oh my God, Teddy, are you all right?”
Teddy rubs the back of his head. “I think so. What the hell happened?”
“Part of the ceiling fell. Looks like you have a water leak,” Justin says.
Blood trickles down his temple. “You’re bleeding, let me get something to clean you up. Do you have a first aid kit?” I ask.
“Cabinet above the fridge.”
My heart sinks when I retrieve it. There’s hardly anything in there. Nothing for a cut and even if there was, he wouldn’t be able to take care of it himself. Running a cloth under the cold tap, I make my way back into the living room and begin to clean the cuts and scratches on his face and head.
“I want to talk to you about something,” I say quietly.
He pats my knee. “You can talk to me about anything.”
“Justin and I would like you to come stay with us in Texas.”
Silence looms as he rolls the idea over in his mind. “What for?”
Folding the cloth over, I wipe more sheetrock dust from his face. “Well, for starters, so we can keep an eye on you and make sure you’re safe.”
His hand reaches for mine, pulling it to his heart. “I have missed you so much, my beautiful girl, but I cannot burden you in that way.”
“You wouldn’t be a burden. You could never be. I want to take care of you. And then we could be together. A family. We’ve lost so much time and you’re the only father I’ve ever known.”
“Blood or not, you’ve always been my daughter, Selena.”
I wrap my arms around his shoulders, hugging him tight.
“I don’t know about permanently,” he says, releasing me. “I could never give this place up. It holds too many memories and Vivian is here, but how about I come down and stay for a while? I need to make some repairs here anyway, and I will admit that I do need help with that.”
Leaning down, I hug him once more, my heart overflowing with relief and joy. “I would love that.”
After I get him cleaned up, I lead him to the kitchen to sit at the table, then I put on a pot of coffee before going back in the living room to Justin.
“You talk to him?”
I nod. “He’s willing to come visit for a while and admits he needs help making repairs.”
“That’s a start.”
He pulls me in his arms, kissing the top of my head. I let go of a relieved sigh. “I’m just glad we were here when that happened.”
“Me too.”
“How long until we have to leave?”
“We can stay a few more days. I need to run into town though. Buy some shit to secure this house.”
“I’ll be fine here with Teddy.”
“You should know me better than that by now. Where I go, you go.”
“You can’t protect me every second of every day.”
He raises a brow, eyes hard and fierce. The look sends a tingle down my spine. “Wanna bet?”
Cradling his scruffy cheek, I raise up on my tiptoes to kiss his lips. “My noble protector.”
One strong arm bands around my waist. “I don’t know about noble. I do recall stealing your virtue.”
“You didn’t steal anything. I gave it to you, remember?”
I’d give him everything if it meant being in his arms forever.
* * *
Two days later, we’re on a flight back to Texas, Teddy in tow.
Justin made some calls around town for contractors to sub out the work that needed to be done to the house. We left instructions with his kind neighbor who looked in on him from time to time to let them in and make repairs.
I can’t thank Justin enough for taking care of everything. Making the calls, scheduling bids, paying for it all. And he made sure Teddy was part of the entire process, which made him feel good. That he was able to make these decisions with Justin’s guidance.
My heart surged with unexpected joy, watching the two men bond over the last two days. I’d forgotten that his grandfather was a cop as well. Served for twenty-five years on the force before he was gunned down during a robbery. Teddy’s mother committed suicide
a few years later, the pain of losing her husband too much to bear. He never had any siblings. He was completely and utterly alone. Just like me, only now, we have each other and that gives me an incredible sense of comfort.
We are waiting on Pop to pick us up at the airport, but Justin’s brother Asher shows up instead.
“Where’s Pop?” Justin asks, a sharp bite in his tone.
“He’s down at the VFW with Grady. This must be Selena. Pop has told me all about you. I’m Justin’s brother Asher,” he greets and Justin grunts.
Returning his smile, I take his offered hand. “Nice to meet you.” After introducing him to Teddy, Justin grabs my hand and leads us toward the parking garage.
Asher is the exact opposite of Justin. They both share the same color hair but that’s about as far as their resemblance goes. Where Justin’s eyes are a lighter shade of blue, Asher’s are almost navy in color, shielded by a pair of black rimmed glasses. His charcoal colored T-shirt stretches across his muscular body, accentuating his thick biceps and colorful tattoos that adorn each arm.
Once we have all of our luggage loaded in the back of Asher’s SUV, Justin helps Teddy in the front seat and buckles him in then we climb in the backseat, me in the middle, hip to hip with Justin. I can sense his irritation by way of his tight jaw and tense shoulders.
“You a cop too, Asher?” Teddy asks.
I catch Asher’s grin in the rearview mirror. “Yes, sir. Memphis PD.”
“Memphis? Those streets are rough, son. I had a friend in college who grew up there.”
“That they are, sir, but I like it rough.”
Asher and Teddy make small talk the rest of the way but Justin remains silent until we pull into the driveway.
“You and Teddy head inside. I’ll bring in the luggage,” Justin says.
I nod, unbuckling my seatbelt. “Are you going to be okay?”
He leans over, curling his hand around my neck to pull me in for a quick kiss. “I’m good, babe. I’ll be in soon.”
I do as he says and lead Teddy inside.
“Was it me or could you cut the tension with a knife? Those two have some kind of sibling rivalry going on,” Teddy remarks after we make it inside.
