by Laura Acton
A doleful expression covered Dan’s face as he halted mid-way across the room. “Ya gotta be an insider to find out why though, right? No one will tell me why. Guess I’m not … thought I was. Must be wrong. Wanted to be included … I like you guys. Should’ve realized this is all too good to be true. Why don’t you want me … to know? I can keep a secret. Gots lots of them, never told even when they tortured me. Master Corporal Daniel W. Broderick bravo one zero dash two three one dash nine three eight.”
Confused by Dan’s ramblings, Jon picked out a few things to address. “Dano, you’re wanted, not keeping secrets from you. Cats are mean, have claws and teeth, and hate me. Mutual dislike. Now, where are the presents?”
“No secret? Just don’t like ‘em? You really want me on the team?” Dan swayed, and his glassy eyes assumed a hopeful puppy dog countenance.
“Yep.” Jon maintained a calm demeanor. A high Dan is interesting and disconcerting at the same time. Dan’s shields tumbled down, and Jon witnessed insecurities in full measure. “You said you had presents for me.”
“In there. You like guns … so …” Dan waved a lethargic hand towards a cabinet as he tried to sit on the floor.
Jon held him up. “Oh, no you don’t. I’m getting you out of here, buddy. You’ve inhaled enough of this crap. Bram, check the cabinet, I’m taking Dan out.” He slung Dan’s arm over his shoulder and guided his rookie out of the room. Wonder how Dan will react when he comes down off his high. Most likely will be embarrassed … need to act like this is no big deal to help him cope.
Bram opened the storage cabinet and surveyed the contents. “Their weapons. All accounted for, Boss.” He gathered the guns and followed as Jon guided a sluggish Dan, Nick assisted an uncoordinated Lexa, and Ray steered a babbling Loki out of room four twenty and outside to awaiting paramedics.
Weird Crap Only Happens to You
47
December 22
TRF HQ – Briefing Room – 2:40 p.m.
Jim finished checking Dan’s pulse and blood pressure—heart rate elevated but the other within Blondie’s normal range. Jim blew out a relieved breath as he removed the inflatable cuff. Dan, Loki, and Lexa had been checked out on scene by another paramedic team and released. However, during cleanup of the cannabis storage area, the fire crew’s HAZMAT inspector found additional chemicals warehoused in the room. Two paramedic teams had been dispatched, one to re-evaluate the Lieutenant Governor and his staff, and another to recheck the constables involved.
When Jim learned Alpha Team had been the ones affected, he volunteered himself and his new trainee partner to repeat the constables’ exams. Several reasons compelled Jim to be the one to examine Dan. Foremost, he was familiar with Dan’s medical history and his adverse reaction to many pain medications. There was also his deep concern because of Dan’s prolonged inhalation of smoke and chemicals, which might compromise his lung function.
His brother fought a hard battle to rehabilitate his lungs and return to TRF after being shot last summer. He’d be damned if he would let Dan try to snowball another medic with ‘I’m fine’ assurances. On top of all that were Dan’s recent injuries and current analgesic use. All factors he took into consideration as he assessed whether Dan required a visit to Dr. Fraser.
Using his stethoscope, Jim listened intently for any rails, crackles, or constrictions in air flow. Finding his brother’s lungs clear and no other acute signs of life-threatening distress, Jim stood and let out another relieved sigh. “Brother, this weird crap only happens to you.”
Dan swiveled back and forth in his chair and gave Jim a lopsided grin with unfocused eyes. “Na uh. Lokster, Sexy Lexie, Blue, Toke, and Blunt, too.” He snickered. “We all toked blue blunt in room four twenty.”
The team all chuckled at the coincidence of the names and how they all referenced pot as Jim picked up a cookie and shoved it into Dan’s open mouth to silence him. “Eat and shut up.”
Dan bit the cookie, as he spun the comfortable chair around full circle then stopped to stare at the patterns the afternoon light created on the glass briefing room walls. Vivid, colorful distorted shapes danced about, fascinating him.
Loki’s eyes tracked Dan a moment after Jim took one of his sweet treats and gave it to Dan. He pulled the box of Florentines that Bianca made for him close, surrounding his cookies with his arms. “Mine! Not sharing.”
“You havta share.” Lexa held a fist up to punch Loki’s bicep when he scooted the treats further away from her, but her aim was way off … she missed Loki’s arm and almost fell out of her chair.
Nick grabbed Lexa before she could tumble, pursing his lips trying not to laugh as he settled her in the chair. Exposure to the chemicals caused Lexa to become a bit aggressive and impaired her coordination. The grin peeked out as Lexa began to pout, behavior he had never witnessed from her before.
Bram placed a plate of chocolate chip cookies in front of Lexa. “Here, these are for you. Chocolate should soothe the wild beast.” He couldn’t help the chuckle that escaped.
Lexa’s expression turned haughty as she picked one up and waved it at Loki. “Ha! I have my own now, and I’m not sharing these with you!” She bit off half and happily chewed the chocolaty morsel.
Jon turned amused eyes to Jim. “How long do they need babysitters?”
Reviewing the notes from his trainee regarding Lexa and Loki, Jim was unable to keep the humor from his voice. “Several more hours. Overnight would be best and safest, given their altered states. Their heart rates are still a little elevated, but not serious.
“They’re all quite buzzed, but won’t need a trip to the hospital. Just make sure they eat something and drink plenty of fluids to help flush out their systems. And in the case of Dan, hold off on pain meds until bedtime. He isn’t feeling any pain right now anyways. Right?” Jim glanced at Dan.
“Uh huh, noooo pain. Level zeerrroooooo, Patchy poo.” Dan spun his chair again. “Wheeeee!” He repeatedly spun, gaining speed, until something jarred him to a halt. Dizzy, his glazed and reddened eyes squinted up at Jim who appeared to waver in and out of focus. “Hey! I was having fun.”
“Yeah, it’ll be fun until you start puking. Behave,” Jim ordered.
Sulking, Dan crossed his arm and hunched over, dropping his head, but his eyes glared up at the medic. “Killjoy!”
Jim shook his head. This is funnier than Blondie’s hallucinated purple people eaters, maybe even more so than the plaid pythons. Never seen him high and can’t wait to tell the guys about this when we surprise him the day after Christmas.
Turning his attention to Sergeant Pastore, Jim continued his report, “They won’t be fit to handle weapons or drive until tomorrow morning, but after a decent night’s sleep, they will be alright. I’m off shift in an hour. I can come back and take Dan to my place for tonight.”
“Un uh. Going to Kent’s concert. Right, Cattus forti Venator?” Dan turned to Jon and squinted, trying to make two Jon’s into one. Whoa! Duo forti venatores catti … spinning not so good. He squeezed his eyes shut.
Jon tried to decipher what Dan said. “Did he say cats for ten ventilators?”
Bursting out laughing, Jim shook his head. “No.”
“What the hell did he say?” Jon eyed Dan who was staring at the wall again.
Still chuckling, Jim translated. “No idea why, but he called you a Mighty Cat Hunter in Latin.”
“Fits you perfectly, Jon,” Bram snickered.
Nick smirked. “Probably inspired by yesterday’s call at the zoo.”
Jon chuckled. Dan and his languages, wonder how many he knows? “That’s right, Dano, but only if you’re up to going. Perhaps a catnap is in order beforehand and some dinner.” He addressed Jim. “Dan can stay in my guest room tonight. I’ll make sure he’s safe.”
Both Nick and Jim nodded, and Nick said, “I’ll inform Gambrill of their health status.” He strode out of the room.
Colton wandered in and studied the three glassy-eyed officers munchi
ng on cookies. He grinned. “I miss being on Alpha Team sometimes. You seem to take the weirdest calls.”
“Yeah, we do. This one is in the running for this year’s award. Actually, we’ve had several in the last few days.” Ray turned and eyed Loki, wishing he didn’t have plans tonight so he could take care of him.
Bram nodded, “Our first call might go on the list. A report of someone being tortured ended up being caterwauling from eleven teenage bagpipers.”
Colton chuckled. “Sounds like that might be Loki’s eleventh verse.”
Loki’s bloodshot eyes widened as he heard Colton. “My song!” he squeaked out in an over-excited voice.
“Oh no, Loki’s winding up.” Ray stood, prepared to contain his best friend so he didn’t ricochet off the walls again. The effect of the cannabis combined with the other chemicals made Loki hyperactive, and the team had trouble keeping Loki in his seat until they brought in the cookies.
Surging out of his chair and bouncing about like a pinball, still gripping his box of sweet treats, Loki belted out his song. “On the eleventh day of Christmas, Alpha Team gave to me, eleven bagpipers caterwauling, ten leopards a leaping, nine ladies flirting, eight maids a gun-running, seven swans a sinking, six geese attacking, five onion rings, four falling birds, three mother hens, two lovey-dovies, and a frozen sniper in a pear tree.”
Ray and Colton raced around the table like keystone cops to catch Loki as he tried to leave the briefing room. If the rabbit bolted, who knows where he would go. Ray reversed direction and had to nearly tackle Loki. He got a good grip and dragged him to the rear of the room away from the door.
While Ray wrestled Loki back into a chair, Lexa and Dan joined Loki singing the verse at the top of their lungs. The team couldn’t help chuckling, the effects on their teammates ranged from Dan being spaced out, Lexa getting a tad aggressive and uncoordinated, and Loki acting like a little kid on a sugar high.
Several minutes later, Nick strode in, having heard his three wacked-out officers singing all the way from the commander’s office. He stopped close to Jon and Bram. “Gambrill says to take them home. We’re all off duty as of now, and Echo Team is being upped early.”
Plopping down into his seat next to Bram, exhausted after chasing Loki about the room, Ray said, “Wish I didn’t have to go to the church tonight to finalize the trip to Jamaica with Father Lopez. Otherwise, I would take these two to my place. Lexa lives alone, and Loki’s ma shouldn’t see him like this. It would worry her too much.”
“I’d offer to watch them, but I don’t think my girls need a lesson in drugs quite yet,” Bram said as he eyed his wasted teammates.
Nick agreed wholly-heartedly with Bram’s comment. “I’ll take both home with me for the night. Safer for them there.”
Bram offered, “I’ll help you wrangle them at your place until they nod off.”
“You all have my number. If you have any issues or questions, please call,” Jim said as he finished packing his gear. He snickered at Dan who was still singing the weird version of the Twelve Days of Christmas with Loki and Lexa as they munched on cookies. His brother appeared happy, though high as a kite. Heather would get a kick out of this too.
Jim grasped his pack with one hand and slung it over his shoulder then patted Dan’s shoulder. “Make sure you take your meds before bed. Call me tomorrow if you continue to experience after-effects.”
Dan nodded with a guileless smile and returned to singing Loki’s song, enjoying the complete absence of pain at the moment.
Concert Hall – 8:00 p.m.
Dan and Jon ambled toward the men’s room. With Dan’s screwy system the effects of marijuana, and whatever the hell else was in that place, stuck with him for longer than he wanted. Almost seven hours since his prolonged exposure, Dan’s reactions remained a little delayed, and he still experienced some distortion in his sense of perception and coordination, which made moving about interesting.
Kent hooted when Dan ran into the wall at Jon’s home as he entered the kitchen to join them for dinner after his nap. Jon, Kent, and Joey howled with laughter when he missed the chair and ended up on the floor. Even Jen couldn’t stop a giggle, though she was more discreet. Dan couldn’t blame them for laughing, it was funny in a way, though his gracelessness discomfited him.
His continued lack of coordination was why Jon now accompanied him to the restroom. Jon played the TL card and insisted Dan was his responsibility due to the fact his current condition resulted from an on-the-job incident, and he couldn’t allow Dan to wander around on his own. To Dan, Jon’s actions embodied those of a mother-hen, but he overheard a snippet of conversation when Jon explained things to Jen earlier.
It shocked him to find out Jon felt guilty that he, Loki, and Lexa, had been exposed for so long. His tactical lead confided to his wife that he believed he should’ve been able to control the situation faster and help his teammates sooner. Dan didn’t blame Jon in any way. The team did everything possible as quickly as possible to ensure everyone’s safety. It wasn’t Jon’s fault.
Though, since Jon believed it was, Dan acquiesced, without complaint, to Jon’s over-protectiveness. He also said nothing because he recalled his childish grumbling about not being an insider. Today was rather embarrassing all around including the need to pee during the concert. Although to be fair, he had been drinking a large quantity of water to help flush his system of the drugs. And Kent’s section was not scheduled to play until nine. So, he wouldn’t miss any of his performance.
Jon reached the men’s restroom before Dan and smirked as he pushed open the door “Wouldn’t want you to run into this now.”
Dan scowled at Jon but couldn’t help the snort which escaped. He was not looking forward to being the object of tomorrow’s repartee. The ribbing he would receive in the morning once Jon told tales of him would be hell. Being the team sniper, he fully expected the guys to tease him about his aim or lack of, as he kept running into walls and when sitting down, missing the seat. Hopefully, my aim has improved, failure to hit the urinal would be mortifying.
As Dan strolled in, Jon snickered but stayed outside. There was no reason to embarrass his rookie further. He might keep tonight’s entertainment to himself. Dan put up with enough today. I should cut him some slack. As the door closed, Jon leaned against the wall and crossed his arms to wait.
No sooner had he done that, than Dan reopened the door and peeked out. Disregarding his charitable thought seconds ago, unable to resist the temptation, Jon teased, “Need help locating a stall?”
Ignoring the razzing, Dan said, “Uh, Jon, you aren’t gonna believe this.”
A whiff of an all too familiar odor from today wafted out of the bathroom, as Jon noted Dan’s incredulous expression.
Jon followed Dan inside and found the air thick with white haze. His eyes landed on five boys standing near the handicapped stall holding partially smoked joints in their hands. Their expressions were defiant and challenging. The song, Smokin’ in the Boys’ room popped into Jon’s head for some strange reason as he studied the youths, assessing they were a little older than his fourteen-year-old son.
Not able to hold it any longer, Dan went to a urinal and asked over his shoulder, “How do you want to handle this?”
This time Jon stopped himself from giving voice to his irreverent and highly inappropriate wisecrack. You should use both hands and concentrate on your aim, so you don’t miss, Dano. Instead, he focused his gun-metal eyes on the boys and asked, “What are your names?”
“Not telling you old man. Mind your own business,” Jerome sneered.
Camren high-fived Jerome and added, “There’s nothing you can do about this. We’ll just flush the evidence down the toilet, and it will be your word against ours.”
Relieved in two ways, bladder empty and he didn’t miss, Dan zipped up. He went to the sink and washed his hands. Becoming spacey inhaling the pot-laced air, Dan gripped the counter and shook his head trying to clear the cobwebs. “Jon, I sho
uld get out of here. Had more than my fair share today.”
“Agreed, I got this,” Jon said as he momentarily flicked his concerned gaze to Dan. The last thing Dan needs is more exposure to magic smoke.
Before Dan could turn and move for the exit, the entrance swung open, and a boy rushed in without looking as he said, “Harry, sorry I’m late, couldn’t get away from my mom. I hope you didn’t smoke it all …”
Bobby stopped dead in his tracks. “Oh shit! TRF. We’re in deep shit now.”
Jerome eyeballed Bobby. “You know these old geezers?”
“Shut up, Jerome. They’re TRF cops.” Bobby huffed trying to calm down.
Jon recognized the teen. “You were one of the boys skinning cats alive earlier today, weren’t you?”
Bobby’s eyes dropped to the ground recalling his humiliating morning when TRF busted into Mr. Pìobaire’s basement thinking their bagpipes sounded like animals being butchered. “Yes, sir.”
Jerome gaped at his friend. “You tortured a cat? Thought you had bagpipe practice.”
Dan chuckled. “Same thing.” He took steps towards the exit, opening it to air out the room. He had no desire to inhale more marijuana today.
Assuming his Tactical Lead persona, Jon commanded, “Flush those, now!”
In the face of the imposing cop, the wayward boys scrambled to flush the half-smoked joints. As Dan stood in the open doorway in the fresher air, Jon searched each boy and proceeded to gather the remainder of their stash.
After ushering the now docile adolescents into the lobby, Jon said, “Stand right here. One by one you will bring your parents out here so you can explain your actions to them. Tomorrow, you, with your parent’s assistance, will enroll in a drug prevention course. I will monitor your completion of the course. If you don’t attend the class within the next month, I will charge you with possession of an illegal substance.”
Dan leaned on the wall, observing as the reluctant boys went to retrieve their parents. Haltingly, the teens confessed what they did to their stunned and outraged parents. Jon laid out the conditions and took the names and addresses of each teen and gave them the TRF address to send verification they completed the diversion course.
