by Mary Smith
He nodded. “At the time, nothing hurt me more, but she was old enough to handle herself. We talked almost every day and soon after she graduated high school.”
“She told me long ago she went to Boston because of you,” Mikayla said.
“Fat good it did her,” he mumbled.
“You can’t blame yourself for her rape.”
“She should have gone to a different college,” he countered.
“Oh, because girls only get raped in Boston?” Her sarcastic tone was meant for him to understand that sexual assault was a crime everywhere.
“Then she went to New York City, but you know she just kept herself locked in the apartment until she came to New Hampshire with me.” He sighed with disappointment. He thought she should be in college and living the good life.
“I know Joy and she’s happy being your assistant. She loves you,” she confirmed.
“I love her.” She had been the only constant in his life, and he couldn’t imagine her not there for him or vice versa.
“Where are your parents?” she asked.
“Last I heard somewhere back in the northwestern part of the country. But I’ve not spoken to them in many years.” He knew they were his parents but there was no real connection as any standard parent and child would have with each other.
“When did you first have your sexual fantasy?”
He thought she’d ask more about his parents but welcomed the change of topic to something more fitting. This question made him think for several seconds before answering, “I don’t know the exact when, but in my teenage years, I’d seen a few videos of the BDSM world. I never wanted the whole bag, just a taste. In Maine, I found a sex club. However, trying to explain I wasn’t a ‘real’ submissive, but enjoyed parts of it, seemed strange to many people.”
Mikayla sat intently, listening to him.
“Then there was one dominatrix who seemed to understand my uniqueness. She compared it to men who liked to be spanked. It doesn’t make them part of the true BDSM world. Just on the cusp. There are many different variations of what defines those who enjoy being struck.”
She grinned and it slowly grew to a full smile.
“What?” He chuckled.
“You sounded very technical. As if you had to convince me.”
“Sometimes I get on a roll.” Leaning back, feeling slightly embarrassed. “For whatever reason, it helps clear my head. I didn’t know it until I had my first caning.” He went on to tell her everything that had happened. The dominatrix was highly impressed with how long he lasted before finally shouting out his safe word.
They paused and let the silence float around them.
“When did you fall in love with me?”
Jarvis stared into her beautiful eyes. “Truthfully, the first night we had sex. But according to many, I’m an asshole and couldn’t admit it to myself or anyone else.”
“You are,” Mikayla confirmed. “Thank you for the honesty.”
Nodding, he waited for her to say something else because he couldn’t exactly explain her expression. When she stood and made her way to the kitchen, he watched her instead of following.
“I’m hungry,” she announced moving through the kitchen.
He didn’t respond to her. Instead, he went out to the front porch. Sitting on the swing, he had no recollection of ever sitting on one before. He had no memories of ever being in a cabin, staring out to the trees, and listening to nature. The occasional bird and the wind rustling the green leaves on the branches of the large trees made him push against the porch swing, and it began to move. The chains softly squeaked. He didn’t know how long he sat out there until he heard the screen door closing and was jolted out of his thoughts.
“Come with me.” She held out her hand, lacing their fingers together. She led the way to the back of the cabin to a door he hadn’t noticed off the bedroom. When Mikayla opened it was a screened back porch with a table and chairs. She already had it set with a pasta dinner on the plates.
“Wow. Impressive.” Jarvis walked further in.
“Hopefully, neither of us get sick from the food,” she joked.
He’d eaten her food before in the past and always thought it was good. Holding out the chair for her, she took a seat. He sat to the left facing out to the woods. They ate in silence.
“You’re mad,” Mikayla finally spoke, setting her fork down.
“No,” he said. “I’m not mad at all.”
“Then what?”
“Irritated,” he told her. “I told you everything, but you just got up and started dinner. It feels a bit one-sided.”
She nodded but said nothing. Only staring out at the view. Jarvis pushed the food around his plate, but his stomach was in knots. This trip was meant for them to connect and what if they weren’t connecting at all. What if she decided to leave him?
“This isn’t one-sided,” Mikayla spoke softly after several minutes of silence.
“Look.” Jarvis sighed, running his hands through his hair in frustration. “I know our love and relationship is unorthodox. No, it’s not like your sister’s. Do you know why?”
He waited for an answer, but she didn’t say anything.
“It’s not like hers because it’s ours. Not every couple starts out the same. Everyone is different. I’m sorry it wasn’t love at first sight. Did I think you were hot? Fuck yeah. Did I want to get you in bed? Absolutely. And when I did, I felt something between us.”
“And then?”
Her question made him pause from his rant. “And then what?”
Mikayla rolled her eyes.
“What was that for?”
“And then…” She glared at him. “You told me to keep it all a secret. Then treated me like shit whenever anyone was around us.”
Jarvis’s reaction went to defense mode. “You didn’t have a problem with it. Fuck, we kept that arrangement for years, Kay.”
“I didn’t like it,” she confessed in anger.
“Well, you said nothing to me,” he barked back.
This made her jump to her feet and run back into the cabin, slamming the door behind her.
“Fuck,” he groaned, tossing the napkin that was in his lap onto the table.
Putting his head into his hands, he wondered what was really bothering Mikayla. It couldn’t be their arrangement all those years. He promised himself to be absolutely honest with her, and he had been. He piled the dishes on top of each other and took them to the kitchen. Clearing off the contents and placing them in the dishwasher, he hadn’t seen Mikayla, which meant she had to be in the bedroom.
He softly knocked on the door. When he didn’t hear anything, he slowly opened it. Mikayla was curled up on her side facing the large window. Not moving further into the room, he studied her. Even seeing her profile, she stunned him. Her eyes were clearly open but didn’t even flicker his way. Jarvis loved her. There was no denying it. She was his in every way. And he was hers. Slowly, moving to the side of the bed, he sat on the edge. His hand automatically brushed a strand of hair from her cheek.
“I am an asshole,” he started. “I’m certain it’ll even be on my headstone. And no, our original dealing wasn’t the right way to handle things. But I was young and only thought with my dick.”
Mikayla gave him a look of derision.
“Okay, I still think with it, at times, but only with you. I only want you. I’m not lying when I said I’d go to the moon for you. I would. I can’t change our past, Mikayla. I can’t make this all picture perfect. But I can make our future the best ever. I will walk by your side until the end. I swear it.” He saw her eyes water and his did as well.
“I’ve made a lot of mistakes.” Her voice cracked.
Jarvis moved from the edge of the bed and bent down to her line of vision. “Tell me someone who hasn’t, Kay. Like I said, I’m looking ahead not behind.”
She touched his cheek. “You’re still an asshole.”
“Yep.” He smirked. “But maybe you
can belt it out of me.” He winked.
She giggled. “I don’t think I have that much strength.”
Jarvis laughed, rising to his feet and climbing into the bed behind her. As he spooned her, pulling her closer, he said, “I love you, Mikayla.”
“I love you, Jarvis.”
Chapter Eleven
Mikayla hadn’t realized either of them fell asleep until the sun streamed in the window the next morning. Jarvis obviously moved away from her during the night because he was on the other side of the bed facing away from her. His breaths were deep and even, and she didn’t want to disturb him. Easing out of the bed, she crept out of the bedroom.
In the kitchen, she grabbed a K-cup and popped it in the coffee maker. As she waited for the coffee to finish brewing, she stared at the front door. She debated whether the cabin had been the best choice. Maybe she should have picked some five-star hotel. If she had they never would have been able to talk because someone would have bothered them. This way, no one, besides Joy and Elexis, knew where they were. This also reminded her of several different horror movies she watched.
At the same time, she enjoyed it. Quiet was something she did like and craved at times. When the coffee finished, she mixed in the correct amount of sugar and French vanilla creamer, Mikayla reached in her book bag and pulled out her knitting supplies. Sitting on the front porch swing with her coffee cup on the ledge and out of the way, she started working on a hat for an order. They wanted it to be hot pink, and they also ordered a matching scarf.
She had finished her cup of coffee when Jarvis walked out to the porch in his wrinkled shirt and jeans. She thought no one should be as sexy as him by just waking up.
“How long have you been up?” He sat next to her on the swing, resting his elbows on his knees.
“A bit.” She put her knitting down and rubbed his back, having the urge to touch him all over. “How did you sleep?”
“Apparently, like a rock.” He sat back, pushing the swing. “You?”
“Same.” She laid her head on his shoulder. “Are you hungry?” she asked looking up at him.
“A bit. You cooking?” He slightly turned up his nose jokingly.
“I’m not that bad.’” She pinched his thigh. “But I need to shower first. I didn’t want to wake you up, so I slipped out. However…” She stood and grabbed her items. “I’ve been in these clothes for over twenty-four hours and I’m over it.” She gave him a quick kiss and strolled into the house.
After a shower, fresh clothes, her hair tied up and a layer of makeup, she started omelets as Jarvis jumped in the shower next. Chopping the veggies, she thought about Lakota. Unsure why Lakota had always treated her with such kindness even though she was a dominatrix. But Mikayla always felt Lakota wanted love in her life. Not just a submissive. True love. There was so much to tell Jarvis, and she wondered what would have Lakota done in this type of situation. Honestly, she probably would never be in this situation.
Jarvis opened himself to Mikayla. He held nothing back, and she loved him for it. She wanted that line of communication to always be open between them. No matter how awkward or uncomfortable. Nonetheless, she had yet to spill her life story to him. Telling him she made many mistakes was the beginning…but she hadn’t finished.
Flipping the omelets, she added the veggies and cheese as Jarvis appeared in a tight white T-shirt and plaid blue and white shorts. He looked as if he belonged on a modeling website. In fact, he was on many modeling sites because he was a natural.
“Want coffee?”
“Nah, I’ll get orange juice.” He walked to the fridge. “You?”
“Same,” she said plating one of the omelets and finishing the other. “I made fruit bowls.” She nodded to the two mini bowls.
“I’ve got it.” He placed the glasses on the table and went back for the bowls.
Mikayla plated the other one and carried them to the table. “Enjoy.”
They sat in the same spots as the night before. Again, they ate quietly for several moments.
“I really appreciated our talk last night,” Mikayla said.
“I’m glad I got it all out.” Jarvis took a bite of the fruit.
“Can you tell me about your first time? Your first experience?” she clarified.
“It was at a sex club. A girl I had fucked took me to it.”
Jealousy ran through her. A real emotion. “I didn’t think anyone else knew.”
Jarvis sat back. “Some females know. They’re all part of the circle and are trustworthy,” he explained.
“What happened?” She tried her best to hide the feelings bubbling through her.
“I was taken to the backroom. I never had the thing with the cross. For some reason, it always gave me the willys. So, she laid me out on a bed. Tied me up. I made it through eight strikes of a riding crop before I used my safe word.”
“What is your safe word?” She couldn’t believe she’d never asked him before. Especially when she caned him.
“Unicorns.”
Mikayla had to blink away the shock. “Unicorns?”
“The first dominatrix I was with told me to pick the most outrageous word I could think of. Unicorns popped into my head.” He shrugged.
“I can understand it.” It made sense because Lakota told her the same thing when they began to train together. “So, you like a crop?”
“I do, but I prefer a cane or belt,” he admitted. “I like the bite on my skin.”
Mikayla let his words fall over her and processed them as best she could. “Do you have to get hit to get off?”
“No. Normally, I only request it when I’m under stress or need some clarification on something,” he explained. “Although there are times, I just crave it.”
“Did you have to when you decided to tell me the truth?” She wondered.
“I talked to a dominatrix I go to. She did cane me.”
The words—like his safe word—surprised her. “Do you still go to her?” She was curious how many times he went.
“Not for caning. I did have dinner with her a couple of weeks—”
Mikayla jumped to her feet. “Are you fucking—”
“Stop.” Jarvis rose to his feet and followed her. “You’re jumping to a conclusion. Let me finish.”
Mikayla crossed her arms, tapping her foot and seething with anger. She trusted him. She trusted him and he was out having dinner with other women.
“We talked. Nothing else. No one has touched me since we began dating. I swear on the PHL Championship Cup.”
She stared at him for what she thought to be an eternity. Jarvis had never lied to her. They were never exclusive until of late. Joy had told her that he hadn’t been with anyone. He worked out, worked with Joy and was with Mikayla when he wasn’t doing anything else. Even when they were out of town, Joy kept a tight leash on him. She knew he was telling the truth. But it didn’t stop her anger and jealousy.
“I love you, Mikayla. Only you.” He went to reach for her.
She let him grip her biceps with a gentle grasp.
“I’m not lying. I’d never lie to you, Mikayla.”
The seriousness in his tone made it completely clear he meant every word.
“I believe you, Jarvis. I do. It just threw me off.” The assuredness brought relief to his face.
He pulled her closer and she relaxed, dropping her arms. “I love you so much,” he confessed again.
“Jarvis, you don’t have to say it every two seconds. I know. I love you too.”
“I feel you need to be reminded.” He chuckled, making her smile.
When he released her, she didn’t feel like eating anymore. She gathered the plates, cleaned everything, and tried to keep herself focused on a task. Thinking about another woman striking Jarvis shortly before they became exclusive surged her jealousy. Then again, she shouldn’t be shocked. It was Jarvis. A known manwhore. Not to mention she knew he told the truth about not seeing anyone else sexually.
“Why d
on’t we take a walk?” Jarvis suggested.
Mikayla agreed since there wasn’t much else to do. She tied up her gym shoes as Jarvis grabbed a couple of bottles of water from the fridge.
Together they strolled down a small walking trail behind the cabin. Neither talked, just listened to the sounds of nature around them. She almost thought it was a nature app she’d used to listen to when she tried to meditate.
“This is nice,” Jarvis commented after a mile.
“I’m not much of an outdoor person, but you’re right, this is nice.” Mikayla took a small sip of water.
Jarvis stopped walking, which caused her to do the same. “Enough, Mikayla.”
She furrowed her brow. “Enough, what?”
“Why aren’t you communicating with me the way I’m with you?” he called her out.
She never liked to be backed into a corner. It was a technique her parents used a lot on her. However, Jarvis was nothing like them.
“I told you I wanted to comm—” she started, but he cut her off.
“But you’re not communicating.”
“Correct,” she said with a forced tone. “So, shut up and let me speak.”
He hung his head slightly. “Okay, sorry. I’m just irritated because this feels like I’m giving you everything and nothing is coming back to me.”
“You know I was born in Buffalo.” She began her story and continued to walk. “I had a lot of friends growing up because my mother put me on every dance, musical, and sports team. My parents have this thing about status in society. Mother felt the more extracurricular activities I was involved in the better you appeared on paper and to their friends.”
Mikayla’s memories of being toted all around the town with a car full of equipment and instruments gave her a headache to this day.
“Jenessa was the cheerleader, the gymnast, the scholar. On the other hand, I enjoyed book clubs, chess, and the violin.”
“Wait.” Jarvis touched her arm to stop her from walking. “You play chess and the violin?”
“I do enjoy chess still, but I haven’t picked up a bow since I was ten.” She started walking again. “I told my parents I didn’t want to do any of it anymore. You should have seen them. You would have thought a bomb hit our home. After school, I’d hide out at the library. Just to stay away from everyone.”
