She nodded her head. “You’re right.” Her body leaned into his. The impact was delicate, tender, and oh, so pleasant. Oh hell, why did she want to forget her promise to herself and just hop back on the proverbial horse?
Look at him! Of course I want him. Shaking herself with the renewed determination, she stepped away from this tall, sexy man and walked to the door. “Ahem. On that note, are you coming?”
“Not yet, but I hope to later.” His smirk said it all.
She couldn’t stop a giggle from escaping her lips.
Me too.
* * *
Dinner was unconventional, sitting on the dock next to Juliet’s pen and eating Chinese food. The night sky was overcast as the marine layer slowly moved in, and only a few stars shone through now and then.
Was it odd hanging out on the dock? Kerry wasn’t sure, as she spent most of her time with the dolphins. Time took on a different meaning, as if being with them was the only way she knew her life had purpose. Days off were filled with menial tasks such as laundry, cleaning, food shopping, and paying bills. Only when she was back here did her existence seem real, as if time started ticking again.
Studying the man next to her, she wondered if Leaper fell into the same pitfall with his work. Right now, his body was turned toward her, but his head was facing the mouth of the bay and the ocean beyond.
She tapped his foot. “Sometimes you get this faraway look. Then, suddenly, it’s gone and you’re back to normal.”
“Sorry. It’s a habit of mine. I get lost in my thoughts.”
“No, it’s fine. I guess I wish you’d talk to me about what’s on your mind,” Kerry urged. “Communication is the cornerstone to…well, everything in life.”
* * *
Yes. Not very subtle, Kerry, Leaper thought. He could appreciate her gentle approach. He did want her to know him better. He could only imagine how tender and kind she was with the marine mammals. She must be an amazing vet. Even now, her comment was sympathetic, implying she was attempting to be nonintrusive, and yet he knew she wanted more information. Hell, he’d known that someday a woman would ask it of him, but he hadn’t perfected an answer as to why he zoned out. It was one of the questions he just never wanted to answer, along with how many people he killed and why he continued putting himself in the line of fire.
He gave her a half smile. “It’s nothing.” His avoidance was instinctive. “Dark night, huh? Wish we could see the North Star.”
“Leaper, trust me. Please.” Her earnestness was compelling. “I want to know you.”
No, you don’t, he thought. It will change everything. How you see me. How we interact. Why would you want to kiss a man—make love to a man—who leads this life?
Her fingers sought his, settling on top and squeezing. Those slim digits were so tiny and deft. Was she fragile or strong? Could he share his life? Would this be too much to ask of her?
He shook his head, attempting to dislodge the question. If she knew… “There are places you shouldn’t go. Think of it as a Do Not Enter sign. Once that door opens, it can’t be closed. There are things you can’t unknow.”
“I get it. Truly, I do. But how am I supposed to understand or connect with the real you if you won’t let me in? Am I supposed to settle for the good-time guy that’s sitting here, making goo-goo eyes and being superficial or take the bold step and dig deeper?” She was quiet for several seconds. “I like you, Leaper. A lot. When I’m with you, I feel connected in a way I never have been before…not with a human being, let alone a man.”
“So you reserve your heart for marine mammals.”
Tears filled her eyes. She quickly wiped them away, but they continued to fall. “Yes. I…I don’t trust easily. Locking my heart from others keeps me safe. There’s a lot I haven’t shared.”
He pulled her into his arms and held her as she wept. It was over quickly. As he moved his head so he could see her face, he said, “You’re not a crier, are you?”
“No. What gives it away?” She mopped her face on his T-shirt, leaving wet spots behind.
“The burst of emotion.” He touched his lips to hers in a gentle caress. “I’m glad you don’t milk it. I don’t handle bullshit and manipulation well.”
“I don’t either.” She cleared her throat. “I’m very straightforward, and I promise I will share my inner self,” she murmured against his lips, “if you do so with me.”
“Damn.” His mouth tightened. “I’m not an angel. They don’t call SEALs when there’s something gentle that needs to happen. We’re… We do things that need to be done, eliminating threats and completing tasks even when the odds are stacked against us. We use bullets, knives, bombs, lasers…”
“You’re evading, Leaper. Rip the tape off faster. Say whatever you need to say.”
He took a long deep breath and exhaled slowly. “I’ll give you an example.” He folded his hands together, needing them to be occupied while he visited this memory. “I was on my third tour. We were watching a group of insurgents who were targeting a large family who were American sympathizers. We knew these bad guys were slowly killing this family one member at a time. We wanted this family to stay safe, so when we received Intel that the bad guys were going to strike the family and wipe them all out, my Team was sent up to ‘handle’ the situation.”
He licked his lips. “It was the driest time of the year. Being in the desert was like sitting in a clay oven and baking from the outside in. We’d broken into four groups—two-man Teams—and my Teammate was shadowing me. A group of nomads was approaching, and there wasn’t much cover. We’d found a decent place that had some shade from rocks, and when we dug into the sand and earth. Thankfully, it was slightly moist. We were probably better off than most of the Team, so we radioed in and hid for the day. It took a while for the nomads to arrive, and when they did, we identified several insurgents. These terrorists stopped about fifty feet away. They took a shovel to a spot that revealed a hidden well-spring, where they replenished their water supply and refreshed themselves.
“I speak Arabic, French, Spanish, Latin, and Russian, and I could understand them as they spoke about the group of boys with them and how they were going to pick the oldest for his ‘act of glory.’ Fuck, how it filled my blood with ice! When they called him up, they joked around with him. His name was Gabir, and he was twelve. They told him that when the bomb exploded, the charge would go forward, and only the infidels would die. Because he was a child, his life would be spared from the explosion. This is the reason they design a charge like this, and all Gabir had to do was to walk to this place and stand very still, facing a compound. They told Gabir he would live in glory for his action. And this boy”—Leaper’s face contorted momentarily, and then his features smoothed as he regained control—“agreed readily and laughed along with the men, oblivious of the fact he was going to die. Gabir smiled broadly, a big toothy grin. He stood tall as they strapped explosives to his chest, and he just didn’t care.
“The whole night, Gabir strutted around proudly as they celebrated and offered praises. The other boys looked on with such outright anger and envy. The men sang songs about death and its glory, about how little life here on earth meant. They said living was nothing—absolutely zero! Their power was, and is, their willingness to embrace death when others are so scared of it.” His knuckles were white from squeezing his hands together. “There were forty insurgents. We didn’t have enough ammo to take them all on, and we couldn’t make contact with the rest of the Team, without someone hearing either our movements or our words. As the boy was finally sent on his way and the elder keepers lay down to sleep, and the rest of the group settled down too, we could finally ease out of our hiding place. We crept forward and dispatched as many as we could with our Ka-Bars, and then we followed the boy. We needed to stop him before he reached his goal. We ran like our pants were on fire until he was in our sight.
&nb
sp; “We were closer than I thought, and I must have made a noise, because Gabir spun on me. He looked at me sharply, and his lips twitched at the corners as if to say ‘Gotcha.’ But before he could pull the trigger, my Teammate had thrown his knife and speared Gabir’s kidney. It forced an inhalation, making it impossible for the boy to cry out. I was at a different angle, but I had thrown my knife too—it was a reflex—and it entered Gabir’s heart up to the hilt. This small boy crumpled.” Leaper’s voice wavered, full of emotion. “The bomb did not go off. I rushed forward and dismantled the explosives.” He cleared his throat and his voice steadied. “I took what I could and deposited it in my pack so they couldn’t use it on another kid. Then I lifted Gabir into my arms, and my Teammate and I took him back to the rendezvous point to meet up with the Team.”
Leaper looked off into the darkness. His mouth was dry, and he could nearly smell the dirt and sand—the scent had filled his nostrils. It suffocated him even now, scratching at his throat and clogging his senses. He coughed hard to stop the sensation. “I buried that boy and said a prayer, one that I haven’t repeated since I was his age.”
Leaper’s eyes sought Kerry’s. “A child raised on dogma that values death above life. How do I handle that? His life was ending that night, whether it was by our hands, the elder keepers, or his own. The politicians in his country blame the lack of religious education and children’s gullibility, but whether that’s true or not doesn’t change the reality. I live with events, hundreds of moments, like snapshots in time. Even though I do this to protect my country and the people in it…it scars me.”
He exhaled slowly. “Despite what the media wants you to believe, soldiers and sailors, we are human beings. I’ll never be this perfect, untouched guy who can walk through life without taking all this…along with me.” He rubbed his temple with his thumbs. “The moral code where one life is sacrificed to save the many… It often haunts me.”
If Leaper could have cried, he would have. Had emotion been buried too long to provide any release? He knew the answer and wasn’t sure why he’d even posed the question. Christ, perhaps this was his punishment, his burden to bear.
Kerry. Sweet, beautiful lady.
Her face was equal parts horror and sympathy, and her body was turned partially away. As she turned fully in his direction, he let out a breath he didn’t realize he’d been holding. He truly cared what she thought of him. So how could he bring his issues to her? Why would he want to burden this amazing woman?
Was he making a mistake, revealing his darkest inner self? He’d never done this before, and for the first time in years, he felt…vulnerable.
“Leaper…” She lifted her hand slowly, bringing it toward his face. He didn’t know what to expect, but he didn’t flinch away. Instead, he waited, prepared to take whatever justice she felt he deserved. Her fingertips were cool and gentle as they stroked his brow and his cheeks.
“I will never know how vast or deep your pain is… I just want you to know that I will bear it with you. I accept it. I accept you. Please don’t be afraid of it or me. I’m stronger than I look.” Her intense hug emphasized the strength of her message. “Our country demands sacrifices from us. Sometimes that sacrifice is a piece of our sanity and our souls.” Her smile was understanding as she leaned forward and kissed him. “Just know that none of us are without…regrets.”
Leaper was shocked. Was this woman real? Was it possible she could truly accept him? If he believed it, this would change everything he thought to be true about relationships.
His eyes searched hers. He could see the sincerity of her emotion. Nodding his head, he accepted her message. It was powerful, and he felt as though an actual weight had lifted from him.
Leaper unclenched his hands. He stretched his fingers and then reached for her. Gently, he lifted her onto his lap.
She pushed her hair away from her face and snuggled closer.
His emotions surged as he leaned in and kissed her. The intensity of passion shocked him, and she matched it with her own. For long moments they kissed, a heated exchange.
“Thank you,” he murmured against her lips. “You have no idea what this means to me.”
Her hands cupped his face. “I do. Truly, I do.” The kiss was unbridled, and each of them explored the other as they sought more intimate contact.
Remembering they were on a dock, he broke the contact. “Is there someplace more private we can go?”
She nodded. “Follow me.”
Cold air tickled his skin as Kerry left his lap. They made quick work of gathering their dinner remains and disposing of them, and then they walked along the dock.
“How do you act so…jovial?” she asked, looking up at him.
“It’s a choice. If I lived in the pit of my pain, I would have ended things a long time ago. I feel I owe it to my brethren who have departed this earth to enjoy my time on this planet. I’d want them to do it in my memory, so I do it in memory of them. I live like every day is my last on earth. One of my goals in life is to feel as much pleasure as possible before I die,” Leaper said candidly.
“Does that mean…you want to have sex with every woman in sight?”
He laughed. “Hell no! It means…I want to laugh. I want to be happy, and whoever I’m spending time with, they have to want to be happy too.” He scratched his chin. “I’m not being superficial. As I mentioned, I’ve seen a lot of fucked-up things. I’ve watched brothers die, seen limbs blown off, and I’ve watched people in relationships struggle with the most trivial things, because they’ve forgotten the point of life: to be happy. I want that for myself, and for whoever I’m with.”
“Whomever,” she replied.
“That too.”
“I like it. I agree.” She sat down and stretched out on the dock, legs extended, and propped her hand under head. “It’s hard to find someone who’s living a life that brings them pleasure. Believe it or not, there are people working in the Marine Mammal Program who complain. This job…it’s, like, the coolest experience in the world. There are so many fascinating programs, I just don’t know how someone could be unhappy. Maybe that’s judgmental. I know some people start out wanting to enjoy a job and it isn’t a good fit, but I’ve found a few individuals who are absolutely determined to be miserable no matter what. In my opinion, happiness starts inside of you and branches outward to the rest of your life.” She sighed. “Oh God, I warned you that I’m an eternal optimist.”
He edged closer to her until their mouths were only a foot apart. “Can I kiss the optimist? I, uh, kinda like that about you.”
“Yes,” she said breathlessly.
Their lips met in a tender kiss. Water sloshed over the side of the dock and wet their shoes, and they drew apart. Leaper looked in the direction of the water. Kerry laughed.
The dolphin below them was taking advantage of the rub rope, which was exactly what it sounded like. Leaper nodded. “Looks like a good idea. Is there anywhere here we can…uh…?”
“Do you mean away from the cameras and the guards? If so, the answer is yes.” She took his hand and led him farther along another set of docks. She continued to the far side of a metal building, where a cramped office was tucked behind a small alcove. There was no ceiling, and the stars twinkled above.
He shut the door behind them. “Will the guards come in here?”
“As long as we’re quiet, they’ll stay out. The nickname is the sex shack, not that I’ve ever, uh…”
“Really? Well, virgin territory, then.” A wicked grin settled on his lips. “Challenge accepted.” His arms pulled her in tight. “You seem tense. Are you okay?”
“Claustrophobia. Let’s distract me from the sensation of the small space.”
“I’m good at that. Close your eyes and imagine yourself in a wide open field. The smell of lavender and wild flowers fills the air, and the brush of long weeds tickles your bare leg
s and feet…”
She smiled. “You’ve had some experience with this.”
“Uh-huh. Auditory guy, remember,” he murmured, kissing her cheek, her chin, and her neck, working his way downward. “It’s a vastly difference experience distracting you than a Teammate dealing with a panic attack before an airplane jump.”
“Heavens, I can only imagine.” Her breath quickened as his hands played down her back to cup her backside.
* * *
His touch was magic, Kerry thought as he caressed down the length of her body and then back up again. Dang, Leaper was going to make her scream with delight. His hot trails of passion made her feel weak in the knees. She completely forgot about the small shack and her claustrophobia. Instead, the sensations his fingers—those long, tapered, and tantalizingly strong digits—left behind made her breath catch. As his hands played over her clothing, his mouth wooed her, inviting her tongue to come out and play.
Kerry obliged, allowing the kiss to deepen. Her arms wound around his neck as his hands tenderly opened her blouse and made their way up to her bra. He expertly released the clasp, and her breasts filled his large hands. He toyed with the nipples, bringing gasps of pleasure to her lips.
When her back arched and she felt the first climax slide through her body, he broke the kiss. “May I?” he whispered.
She nodded, watching as his head disappeared, kissing a path over skin and clothing all the way down to between her legs. His ardent kisses left damp patches before he gently pulled the leggings off and buried his head in her most private of parts.
“Yes,” she sighed.
Leaper’s tongue lapped at her clit, sending waves of intensity zipping through her until her breaths released in small, short pants. Again and again her body clenched as he brought her to the peak of pleasure, only to begin again before the sensation faded. Just when she thought she couldn’t take it anymore, he replaced his mouth with a very agreeable alternative that filled her sheath to capacity.
The Power of a SEAL Page 9
