by Riana Everly
But what of Lizzy’s own tortured heart? Did she dare tell Jane of her discovery about Mr. Darcy? Jane loved her cousin Samuel as much as Lizzy did, and knew about the challenges the young lad faced in his dealings with others, but to have such intimate knowledge of a loved family member was so very different to sharing similar knowledge about a stranger. It did not require much contemplation for the decision to be made: Mr. Darcy’s secret must remain his own, and must not be shared, even with Elizabeth’s greatest confidante.
That decided, Lizzy then pondered what, if anything, to reveal about the strange courtship that Mr. Darcy had been carrying out without Lizzy’s knowledge, and about his proposal, her refusal, and of course, that letter. Her fingers worked their way into her reticule, where they met the edges of that cherished and scolding letter, now protected by the hard covers of her book.
She had to tell Jane something of the matter; if she did not unburden her heart to someone, she felt it might burst from keeping so much inside it. But not yet; not until she had further time to contemplate her own feelings on the matter, feelings which were still most unsettled within her breast. She could not yet regret rejecting Mr. Darcy, but she was most distressed at the pain she had caused him—pain which at the time was given with full intention, but which she now realised was undeserved. And what of Mr. Wickham? How would Jane accept that information? It had been Jane, after all, who had counselled Lizzy not to form too rigid a dislike of Mr. Darcy, not to accept too blindly Mr. Wickham’s words of the gentleman’s supposed perfidy, to find, perhaps, a way in which both men might be vindicated. Jane could scarcely think ill of anybody; to learn of Mr. Wickham’s lies and deceptions would be a hard blow indeed. That too, Lizzy decided, must wait.
By now, the carriage was rumbling over the cobblestone streets of London, and within a few minutes they would arrive at her aunt and uncle’s townhouse. She was desperate to see her sister again, and longed for the comfort of her dear aunt’s undemanding but intelligent conversation and her uncle’s good humour and good sense. Summoning up a cheerful expression, she quickly rehearsed all the amusing and interesting anecdotes she might relate about her six weeks in Kent, without disclosing any unpleasant information about her visit.
Before much more time had elapsed, they had stopped, and a flurry of pastel skirts and cheerful faces tumbled from the front door to the house as Jane, Aunt Gardiner, and various and assorted cousins rushed out to greet the travellers. Almost before she had a moment to step foot onto the street beneath the chaise, Lizzy was in Jane’s arms. “Oh, I have missed you!” Jane cried into her sister’s ear.
“And I, you, Jane! Oh, how I could have used your kind heart and ready ear! But look, my cousins!” She pulled back from her sister’s embrace to regard the four children clamouring for her attention.
A little girl with golden ringlets not quite held back by a ribbon at her nape was tugging at Lizzy’s skirts. “Wizzy! Pick me up! Up!” she called in a high voice. Elizabeth scooped the three-year-old into her arms and nuzzled her soft neck. “How is my sweet Julia?” she cooed back at the little girl and was rewarded by a wet and somewhat sticky kiss on her cheek before Aunt Gardiner stepped in to the rescue.
“Julia, let Cousin Lizzy put you down now. I’m certain she wishes to come inside and rest after her journey.”
“Up, up!” was Julia’s reply, and Lizzy reassured her aunt that carrying the youngest of the Gardiner children was a pleasure and not a burden.
As she walked, she was careful not to trip over Helena, who was nearly seven and only slightly more aware of her behaviour. The two boys stood back slightly, but were clearly just as eager to greet and play with their favourite cousin. Jane was, of course, loved dearly by all, but she was a bit too serene and proper for these energetic children. Lizzy, they knew, would happily sit down on the floor with them, or fold paper boats in the back garden to release in the bird bath, or jump rope or make mud cakes. Ten-year-old James grinned a toothy smile that spread sunshine across his freckled face, and Samuel, more serious and feeling almost a man at the advanced age of twelve stood as still as a statue, only the slight twitch of his fingers betraying his excitement at being reunited with the cousin who had worked so hard with him, and whom he loved almost as much as his mother.
The party made it up the stairs to the entry hall with no incident, and formal introductions were made between the Gardiners and Maria Lucas, who immediately took to the little girls. Before they had a chance to sit down to tea, the girls and Maria had already made plans to decorate a bonnet that Helena had recently received as a gift.
Tea was accompanied by light conversation and general inquiries on the part of Mrs. Gardiner and Jane about the travellers’ visit to Kent. Mrs. Gardiner had known Charlotte well, for on several occasions Charlotte had accompanied Lizzy to town for a visit, and she was most anxious to hear about her niece’s good friend. She had not really known Maria, the girl being some years younger and not part of Lizzy’s group of friends, and she also was most attentive and desirous to know the wide-eyed girl.
Once she had lost her natural trepidation at being in new company, Maria was happy to speak and expound on all her experiences and observations about her sister’s new home, giving Lizzy the opportunity to sit back and observe the room. The little girls, her sweet young cousins, were exactly as she had expected, having seen them only recently at Christmas, and James was just what a ten-year-old boy should be—keen, learning his manners, and only sometimes inappropriate with his words and actions.
But now she looked at Samuel with new eyes. She adored this young man, so quiet and serious, but possessing a keen intellect and, when comfortable, a biting wit. Recalling all the weeks and months she had spent with him and Miss Pierce, all the frustrations and successes, she celebrated his victories, and thought anew of what might become of him. He would, she decided, be remarkably successful in his father’s business, should he chose to take that line of living. He knew his strengths and weaknesses and would know how to surround himself with people who might balance out his shortcomings. But more than that, Lizzy now knew how he might present himself socially. Having seen Mr. Darcy and having watched that man battle with such similar troubles as young Samuel did and emerge victorious, she felt an optimism that was new to her. Mr. Darcy was, all his difficulties aside, a good man leading a good and useful life, with friends and family who cared for him, and Samuel would as well.
“You are wool-gathering, Lizzy,” she heard her aunt exclaim. “What has you daydreaming so?”
“Oh, Aunt,” Lizzy prevaricated, “I was merely enjoying watching the children. They are growing up so beautifully. And, I admit, I am somewhat fatigued from the journey. Oh no,” she added quickly as she saw her aunt about to rise to call for a maid to lead Lizzy to her room, “I do not need to rest. I only let my mind wander for a moment as I let my weary bones settle into the chair. Do not be alarmed!”
“Well, my dear,” her aunt countered, “you may wish to rest before dinner. We are expecting a guest, a most unusual young man, who brought himself to our notice about two weeks ago. He very presumptuously knocked at the door one day and introduced himself, and has become most good friends with our Sam. Despite my initial misgivings, I must now say that I approve most heartily of this budding friendship, and if you have no objections, Sam will join us at the dinner table, rather than eating in the nursery.”
Lizzy smiled. “I would be honoured to dine with my cousin. Some of my wool-gathering dealt with how grown-up he has become since last I saw him. Tell me more of this new friend of his, if you will.”
“I believe you know the gentleman,” Aunt Gardiner said with a sly smile. “You know him quite well, if I am not mistaken. Sammy,” she called to her son, “Would you tell Cousin Lizzy the name of your new friend?”
“I would be happy to do so, Mama,” the lad replied. He turned to Elizabeth and intoned in his most proper voice, “His name is Mr. Fitzwilliam Darcy.”
Chapter Twelve<
br />
Unexpected Company
It was not until the children had been sent up to their rooms, and Elizabeth was in her own chamber chatting amicably with her dear aunt and beloved sister, that she finally broached the topic of the evening’s dinner guest. “Aunt, you must tell me how he came upon your notice! I can scarcely believe the gentleman I know would comport himself thus!” She thought of his discomfort in new company and his expressed disdain at the very notion of interacting in social discourse with people he deemed below his rank. The role-playing activity with Richard and Anne, when she had suggested an interaction with a wealthy merchant came immediately to mind. How he had disdained even the suggestion of pretending to fraternise with his social inferiors! Likewise, his proposal, that odious and ill-advised proposal, had dripped with shame and contempt at the abasement of allying himself with the merchant class. Why, even she—the daughter of a landed gentleman—was deemed a threat to his status. Was this some joke? Surely the man she knew would not have stooped to come within a mile of Cheapside.
Elizabeth’s hands flew as she talked and her eyes were bright. Her aunt, she knew well, was as perceptive as she herself, and had honed her natural abilities in the care of her son. This beloved relation would almost certainly notice her agitation, and would determine to ascertain its source. Too late did Elizabeth attempt to settle her agitated hands and calm her expression, for she could see her aunt’s eyes flicker across her countenance and could nearly hear the thoughts in that lady’s head as she imagined undisclosed affection, some manner of turmoil, or more likely, a combination of the two. Neither could Elizabeth miss the glance between her aunt and Jane, whose mild expression belied her most intense curiosity, and she just barely managed to suppress a groan. She was found out!
With a final and futile attempt at equanimity, she asked, “However did he present himself to you in such an alarming and unaccustomed fashion?”
Turning her pale eyes on her niece, Mrs. Gardiner calmly recounted the first meeting. She seemed to recognise that questioning Elizabeth now would only serve to heighten the young woman’s agitation and so spoke without elaboration. “He came around late in the afternoon some two weeks ago, whilst Jane and the children were at the park with Miss Pierce. I was alone in the salon tending to my correspondence and your uncle was in his study. I believe Mr. Darcy had made inquiries as to when your uncle would be at home, so as to set forth his reasons for the visit and to plead his case. I had been half-expecting my dear friend to visit at that time and upon hearing the door bell, I readied myself for her. You can only imagine my surprise when instead of cheerful and laughing Gwendolyn Dyson at the door, I should be greeted with the sight of tall and taciturn Mr. Darcy!” She chuckled at the memory. “He stood there at the threshold as if waiting to face a firing squad, so stiff and silent, with such a look of terror on his face.”
“Oh, Aunt, I can imagine it,” Lizzy interjected. “I have never seen him terrified, but have had cause to observe him when he is discomfited, and I know well that rigid stance of his, like a statue not quite come to life.”
Jane added in her quiet, calm voice, “He would stand thus at assemblies in Meryton, both terrified and terrifying. I pitied him, knowing there must be something that troubled him so.”
Elizabeth turned to stare at her sister in amazement, whilst Mrs. Gardiner shook her head sympathetically. “Poor man. Perhaps I am more accustomed to such behaviour than many, because of dear Sammy, but my first instinct was one of compassion. I could see the poor man was so uncomfortable, standing in a strange house, introducing himself to people whom he had never before met, or whom he was never likely to meet in normal circumstances. Well, Mrs. Danforth announced him and rushed off to summon your uncle, and it was all I could do to get the fellow to come inside the parlour and sit. Indeed, I thought he might pace a hole through my new carpets before your uncle arrived, poor lad.” She clucked like a mother hen, although Elizabeth realised that her aunt was closer in age to Mr. Darcy than was she, herself. Indeed, Mrs. Gardiner was scarcely ten years Jane’s senior, leaving her only three or four years older than Mr. Darcy.
“Well,” Aunt Gardiner continued, “by the time your uncle arrived, the carpet was still intact, and we convinced our visitor to be seated. He introduced himself as Mr. Darcy of Pemberley and seemed ready to set himself upon a speech which he had clearly written and memorised. I hated to interrupt him, but I had to comment on his estate, for Pemberley is only a few short miles from where I lived as a child, and as we conversed about the area and those whom we might know in common, I felt him begin to be somewhat more easy.
“At length, he stated his reasons for intruding himself upon our notice. He remarked that a particularly kind and lovely young lady of his acquaintance had been guiding him in his quest to become more comfortable in social situations, having disclosed to him her previous success with a nephew.” She looked pointedly at Elizabeth, whose eyes widened and whose fingers began worrying the tassels at the edge of a large pale blue cushion.
“Oh, Aunt, should I not have made mention of Samuel? I meant no harm, only to assure Mr. Darcy that I had some knowledge of helping people ill at ease in company.” Worried now that she had somehow wronged her cousin she found it hard to meet her aunt’s eyes, and wondered if this was how Mr. Darcy felt at every encounter. But her aunt quickly put her at ease.
“Fear not, Lizzy! I was not angry, only curious. It seemed an unusual topic to discuss with a stranger—rather intimate for one with whom you have only a short acquaintance.”
Elizabeth blushed even more deeply now, recalling how readily she had accepted Mr. Wickham’s confessions almost upon their first meeting, and how she had scorned Jane’s attempts to excuse Mr. Darcy’s reported behaviour. She forced her thoughts away from her shame and back towards her aunt, who had asked her how she recognised that Mr. Darcy had similar difficulties to Samuel.
“That, Aunt, was easy, for he admitted it himself. The moment he explained that he had difficulties catching the tone of conversations, my mind went immediately to Samuel, and the more Mr. Darcy talked, the more I was certain of what plagued him. I had in mind that I might be able to assist him somewhat, and I spoke my thoughts rather more quickly than I ought. But I had to mention my cousin, else why ever would a man like Mr. Darcy accept my guidance?”
A sly smile on her face and with eyebrows raised, Mrs. Gardiner posited, “The gentleman seems rather well-disposed towards you. He might have accepted regardless.”
“Charlotte did always suggest that his glances were admiring rather than scornful, Lizzy,” added Jane.
Now Lizzy’s blushes stemmed from a different source, but she kept her voice even. “Pray tell, what did Mr. Darcy want here?”
“You had mentioned our name to him and he discovered our direction through some rather determined searching, and despite the great unease it caused him, he forced himself to walk up our stairs and ring on the door bell. I believe that took more determination and bravery than many soldiers face going into battle.”
“Oh, I can well believe it!” Elizabeth breathed, before gesturing her aunt to continue.
With a chuckle, her aunt explained that Mr. Darcy had been so fascinated by all he had heard of young Master Samuel Gardiner that he wished to make the lad’s acquaintance. He assured both parents that he would be more than satisfied to always have another person present—as much for Samuel’s comfort as for his own—and after some consultation between them, the Gardiners accepted Mr. Darcy’s request and invited him for luncheon the following day, which would give them time to introduce the idea to their son.
“To our surprise, Sammy took to Mr. Darcy immediately. We are so accustomed to him being most cautious around strangers and being highly agitated in conversing with anyone not very well known, but within moments, the two were chatting like old friends. Miss Pierce and I were both in the room, as the other children were in the park with Nellie, but at no time did Sammy display the first sign of distress. It w
as almost if he recognised something of himself in his new friend. Before the afternoon was out, Mr. Darcy was indeed a friend.”
Mrs. Gardiner looked once more at her niece. “And he is, indeed, a rather charming young man once he becomes comfortable with his company. And quite handsome, if you have not noticed,” she added with a sidelong glance and a smirk as Lizzy felt herself blush yet again.
She continued, “I wondered, at first, at such a great man as Mr. Darcy deigning to be seen in our less exalted part of town, but that seemed not to bother him at all. Indeed, all of his discomfort seemed to revolve around the social niceties of making new acquaintances and attempting to make light conversation, and our different social status has been less than insignificant.”
Elizabeth nodded. “I had wondered about that. I know he thought little of me when we first met and considered me far beneath his notice. He has also had less than complimentary matters to say about my mother…” she let her voice drift off, embarrassed at the memories her words evoked.
“But he has only the warmest words to say about you, Lizzy,” Aunt Gardiner’s eyes spoke more eloquently than her words.
“Oh, Aunt, I can hardly imagine so! Not after I abused the man so violently to his face. I should think that if he knew I were in town, he would find some reason to excuse himself from your planned dinner.”
“What on earth do you mean, Lizzy? Mr. Darcy made no mention of any disagreement between you, and he certainly seemed most eager to attend to the conversation when your name was mentioned. He only had kind words, dearest, and his face would light up when he told us about your lessons together. What happened that you should have abused him thus?”
Thus, shamefaced and with tear-bright eyes, Elizabeth found herself relating almost the entirety of the circumstances around Mr. Bingley’s removal from Netherfield and Mr. Darcy’s proposal to her aunt, omitting only the tale of Miss Darcy’s near-elopement with the wicked Mr. Wickham. “Oh, Jane, Aunt, the words with which I accused him! I, who thought myself so observant and sensitive to every nuance of thought and emotion! I, who prided myself on making such unerring judgements upon short meeting! I, who had the audacity and hubris to claim to teach these skills, which I seem not to possess myself. Oh, how can I ever face him? Surely he will never wish to see my face again in his life!” She reached to the dressing table for a handkerchief to wipe away the tears that her wavering self-control had failed to stop from flowing and turned her head towards the window.
