by Unknown
_______________________________________________________________
He enters the bedroom slowly and quietly, trying not to wake me, stumbling a little in the dark over a pair of his sweats that he left in the floor. He smiles to himself when he sees my naked shoulders and back peeking out from under the covers in the dim light. He loves when I sleep naked.
But his smile fades quickly and he instantly feels like dirt as he stands in the doorway and thinks of where he's been all night, not to mention what he's been doing. Guilt shrouds him as he looks upon me lying in his bed waiting for him, just waiting for him to come home.
It's never been a spoken agreement, but he knows I would never go to a party like that without him, and I wouldn't even think about touching another guy. I would be right there, just like I am right now...waiting...waiting for him.
Creeping slowly across the floor, still trying to remain silent, he crosses the room and leans over the side of the bed, crawling on top of the covers just to lay beside me for a moment.
I stir with a soft moan, rubbing my eyes as I turn my head toward him. I lift my head slowly to look at the illuminated numbers on the clock, and groan as my face sinks back into the pillow and I close my eyes.
"It's four in the morning..." I whine softly and he runs a hand down my face as he kisses my mouth in a silent apology for what he did tonight, because it's eating away at him more and more by the second and I know absolutely nothing about it.
I stroke the back of his head slowly, but as I bring my face to his neck my senses are overwhelmed by the lingering evidence of what took place tonight at the hotel party. My fucking stomach flips.
I pull back suddenly and look into his face, suddenly wide awake. "You smell like a ten cent whore."
He says nothing, just casts his eyes down.
"Lex..." I question him softly, cautiously, giving him the opportunity to set my mind right before it ventures too far, into some place I'm too afraid for it to go.
He couldn't have...he would never...
He swallows hard. "Leala, nothing happened." His eyes meet with mine and he reaches to touch my face but I roll away from him, sitting up in bed suddenly, tucking the sheets under my arms to shield my body from him. I feel sick.
"Lex..." I can't think of anything else to say.
He sits up slowly, reaching for me, but I turn away from him, wrapping myself tighter in his sheets, shaking my head, rage swelling inside of me. I'm humiliated, fucking offended that he would sleep with another girl and come home to get in bed with me.
"Leala...listen to me...nothing happened, I swear. I didn't even touch her," he sighs, reaching for me again but I tear up out of the bed, pulling the comforter off and draping it around my naked form.
"Who, Lex? Didn't touch who?!" I raise my voice, my words trembling from my chest as rage and hurt floods me. He sighs and releases his head in frustration.
"Just some girl at the party. Fabian and the guys were fucking around with me, pushing girls on me. They were all over the place, crawling on anybody just trying to get a hit on a line. You know how it is..." He pulls himself up from the bed slowly, keeping his voice soft. For once he's the one trying to prevent the fight.
"No, I know how you are! At least I thought I did! I can't fucking believe you."
I grip the comforter around my body as I lean down and snatch my clothes from the floor and start to dress myself quickly. I can't stay here with him. I'm disgusted. More than anything, I'm hurt...so hurt because I'm supposed to be his girl.
His defense creeps up as he watches me and realizes that I'm going to leave. "I didn't do anything! I swear to fucking God above me! I didn't touch the girl! I would never do that to you! You fucking know I wouldn't!"
His voice is almost...desperate? He rounds the bed toward me, but I push past him, shoving him hard. I don't even want to listen to him.
But something inside of me snaps. I whirl around abruptly in the doorway and narrow my eyes at him. "Is that why you wouldn't let me go with you tonight!? Huh!?"
"You know I was trying to keep you away from Tony! Don't turn this shit around on me! I was protecting you!" he scoffs.
"Was Tony even fucking there, Lex?" I spit the words at him contemptuously, knowing that he wouldn't have stayed at a party until four in the morning if he got in a fight with Tony. No, he had to have stayed because of that bitch...whoever she is. I fucking hate her.
He hesitates, and then I don't even let him respond because I fucking know the answer already. My emotions boil over.
"You are a fucking piece of shit! I fucking hate you! I can't believe you would do some shit like that!" I storm out of the bedroom.
"Leala, wait! Wait goddammit!" he shouts, chasing me down the hall.
Just as I reach the front door he grabs my upper arms from behind and I spin around, shoving him hard in blind fury before I can process my actions. He steps back toward me and it's a crime of fucking passion as my palm cracks across his face. I've never hit him that hard before, but I'm so fucking hurt, playing a scene over and over in my mind of him fucking a coke whore, despite the fact that he swears he didn't.
His face snaps back to mine and he grabs the wrist of my hand that assaulted him. I must be fucking crazy, but I bring my other hand across his opposite cheek just as hard as the first one.
He seizes my other wrist and pushes me back against the door, holding my hands up against my shoulders. "STOP!" He shoves me harder, even though my back is already against the door. I clench my jaw, my chest heaving as I pant with exertion from fighting him, but I'm also breathing just to force my tears back.
Why am I getting so emotional? Why is my fucking heart breaking?
He hangs his head, catching his breath a bit before slowly raising his eyes to mine. "I didn't do anything..." he croaks out the words pleadingly. His eyes search mine, but I just shake my head, lip trembling and tears welling up, threatening to spill over my bottom lids.
He sighs, touching his nose to my cheek, "Please, Leala."
I almost believe him. God, I want to believe him. He's always been straight with me. He's never lied.
I swallow hard, blinking my tears back, trying to strengthen my wavering voice. "I wanna go home."
"Tell me you know I didn't do anything." He pulls his head back to look into my face. Fuck, I know he didn't. He's never looked at me with this much sincerity. "Tell me...tell me and I'll let you go."
I sigh. "I know Lex, ok. I know."
But he doesn't look convinced. Reluctantly, he drops my wrists with a sigh, defeat plaguing his features. God, he knows just how to look at me and rip my insides out. I just shake my head without a word, turning to leave, slamming the door behind me.
Chapter Six
I know he didn't do it. I knew it last night, lying in my bed for hours not being able to sleep after I left his house.
His eyes...the way they looked at me so pleadingly.
"Please, Leala"...the way he breathed it against my face.
I know he didn't do it.
He even called me twice after I left, which he never does. But of course I didn't answer. Call me a bitch, but I was still hurt. He smelled like another woman. That killed me. I've never been so completely taken over with emotion because of him. I'm usually so numb, unless we're fighting or fucking. And that's all we usually do.
I want revenge. I want it badly, just because. I'm a female, we do shit like that.
I call Kyle. Out of all of Lex's buddies, he's the one I trust to maybe keep his mouth shut. Then again, maybe I want Lex to find out what I'm doing...maybe he'll get a little jealous. It wouldn't kill him to think for a second that maybe I'm not as tied down as he thinks I am. Cause that's sure as hell what I thought about him last night.
"What up?"
I sigh when he answers right before his voicemail catches the call.
"Hey...I got a question," I reply nervously. Fuck, I probably shoulda talked myself up a little more before I just went off and called
him about some shit like this.
"Aight..."
"Who's a good hookup around town? Besides Lex," I grind out the last part and bite my lip awaiting his reaction.
He scoffs a bit in response, "What the fuck, Leala?"
I know he has no idea what I mean by any of this, but I don't want to explain it to him. I just want answers. "Shut up...just tell me. I need some good shit," I'm short with him, pushing him through his inquiries impatiently.
"Yeah, but what about Lex?"
God dammit. Why does he have to pull the loyalty card?
"What about him?" I deadpan.
"Are you ok?"
"Kyle...just do this for me, ok?" I sigh. The more questions he asks, the more I question myself. But I don't want to back down. Not this time.
He hesitates for a moment, but finally gives in. Thank fucking God. "Ok...there's this guy named Trent, he's got a pretty legit product. I don't know why the fuck you wanna swap dealers though, you know that shit is dangerous."
"Yeah, yeah, I didn't call for a lecture. I know the guy you're talking about...he runs over on the Magnolia Park side of town, right?" I question quickly. Now we're getting down to business.
"Yeah, over in that alley behind the 7-Eleven on Magnolia right before the 170."
"Yeah I know exactly where you're talking about. You and the boys are going out tonight right?" The last thing I need is for Lex to be sitting at home with nothing to do and decide he wants to come looking for me.
"We ain't got shit to do. We'll prolly get baked and ride around town. You gonna sneak off while we're gone? While the cat's away, the mice will play..." His voice is teasing, and I huff out a perturbed sigh. All of those boys think Lex has me under his fucking thumb.
"Fuck you. I can do what I want. Lex doesn't own me. He made it clear last night that he can do whatever he wants. So why can't I?"
"You know nothing happened with him and that girl. Nothing. I was there."
I wince at his words, guilt consuming me for only a moment before I put my guard back up. "I don't care. Stop trying to talk me out of this."
"That's fucked up, Leala. You know Lex is gonna be pissed."
I hesitate for a moment, then offer him the only suggestion I can think of. "Well...then don't fucking tell him."
_______________________________________________________________
"Hey bitch! Don't get ashes in my back seat, you fucking pussy licker!" Lex shouts to Tyson from the driver's seat of his truck, chuckling as he eyes him in the rearview mirror. The boys giggle from the backseat, blazed out of their minds, passing the blunt back and forth.
"Fuck you! I'll put this blunt out on your fucking seat if I want, and you can suck my dick," Tyson yells back through his chuckles, reaching over to the window with the blunt to ash it.
"Lick my sack, douchebag. Just like you lick a cunt!" Lex laughs.
"I think you're the only one in this truck who has a girl, so I think that makes you the pussy licker!" Bruce chimes in, taking the blunt from Tyson, and all the boys snicker, leaning on each other and tapping fists.
"Yeah I'm the only one who has a girl cause y'all are a bunch of fucking homos! I don't lick snatch, assholes," Lex grumbles, checking his phone discreetly for missed calls. He's been waiting for me to call all night.
"Hey, Lex...where is Leala, man?" Seth asks from the passenger's seat. Kyle peers inquisitively at Lex from the back seat, holding his tongue, waiting for his response.
He just sighs, "I don't know. She's mad at me for some shit...cause you motherfuckers pushed those coke groupie bitches on me the other night at the party! Fuck every single one of you queers!" he chides, looking around at all of the boys in his truck, pointing his finger in accusation.
"So what's she doing tonight?" Seth inquires further, prying at the subject and Lex scoffs a bit, casting him a sideways glance.
"I don't fucking know, why don't you call her ass if you're so concerned." He shakes his head.
"You don't know where she is?" Kyle asks, and that's enough for him. He doesn't know why everyone seems so damn concerned about me tonight, and it starts to make him a little nervous.
"No...why? Why is everybody trippin' the fuck out about it?!" His eyes widen in confusion, looking around with questioning glances, baffled by everyone's behavior.
"I'm just saying..." Kyle mumbles, trailing off.
"What? You got some shit to tell me, Kyle?" he asks, narrowing his eyes a bit.
Kyle fidgets, looking around before pursing his lips nervously.
"Why are you fucking twitching, you weird ass motherfucker? Do you know some shit that I should know or not?" Lex raises his voice as the situation settles into his bones. Something is going on, and everyone seems to know except him.
"I'm just saying–"
"Where the fuck is she, Kyle!?" he explodes, palm slapping against the steering wheel, finally overcome with frustration at Kyle's reluctance to just tell him what the fuck is going on.
"Shit, Lex...I wasn't supposed to say anything!" he shouts, pushing roughly against the back of the passenger's seat in frustration.
Without a moment's hesitation, Lex whips his truck into the next parking lot that he sees, throws it into park, and flips around in his seat, narrowing his eyes at Kyle. "Well you better start talking, bitch! And I mean now!"
Kyle sighs as all eyes in the truck fall onto him. He lowers his gaze, color rising in his cheeks as he mumbles regretfully, "She called me up today and asked me for another connection. She's meeting Trent over on Magnolia."
Lex swallows hard, pushing down the rage rising inside of him as his voice trembles, "You better be fucking lying to me..."
"No. That's the honest to God truth. She told me not to tell you."
Almost before he can finish, Lex puts the truck back into driving gear and peels out of the parking lot tearing back onto the road quickly.
He grips the steering wheel tight, clenching his jaw as his eyes dart around anxiously before fixing on a stop for the Metro that will take the boys back into town. He pulls over immediately, throwing everyone's weight forward as he slams on the brakes.
"Get the fuck out." He's still facing straight ahead when he says it quickly and quietly.
"What?! That's fucked up!" Kyle shouts from the backseat.
"Shut up. Get out. Everybody," he replies dryly, his posture becoming more and more tense as he envisions what's going to take place just moments from now when he gets across town. "Get the fuck out!!" he finally growls when no one moves on his initial command, and suddenly there's a panicked shuffle of doors opening and shutting and bodies sliding quickly across the seats until their feet hit the sidewalk.
Before Lex pulls back out onto the road, tires screaming as he races to confront the situation Kyle had just informed him about, Seth leans into the open passenger's window, hesitating as he takes in Lex's face, stone cold in rage. He knows how hostile Lex gets over situations that involve me, especially if other men are mentioned.
He swallows hard and sighs worriedly, "Lex, don't do anything fucking stupid."
_______________________________________________________________
He races back across town, running every yellow light, never staying under the speed limit, not even caring about the drugs in his car or the fact that his gun is under his seat, either of which could land him in jail. He doesn't think about the laws, even though he knows he's breaking them. He's not even mad about Trent...whipping his ass hasn't even crossed his mind.
No, he's furious...
At me.
Me, the one who almost fucking cried on him just last night at the mere suspicion of him being with another girl...where the fuck do I get off turning right around and doing some shit like this? To him, this isn't just going after another guy...this is getting my business elsewhere.
This is me trying to show him that I don't need him.
But as he gets closer and closer, anger isn't the emotion eating away at his insides...
/> No, it's fear. He doesn't trust anyone but himself...not when it comes to drugs, and especially not when it comes to me.
He can see it in his mind...me taking some bad shit from another dealer, tripping out in an alley somewhere with no one around who gives a fuck. Lying there til morning before I wake up...
Or don't wake up.
Shit.
He presses the gas pedal harder.
Chapter Seven
I step behind the small corner store and into the narrow alley slowly, cautiously. It's fucking filthy back here. Large dumpsters full of black plastic bags stand pushed up against the outside of each building, creating a maze of sorts as I weave in and out of them in the darkness, only a single streetlight illuminating my path.
He's standing there under it, head down, beanie pulled tight over his hair, his entire form a shadow underneath the angle of the streetlight. I quicken my steps to approach him. As much as I have a point to prove, I still want to get this over with quickly.
But as I stop in front of him he keeps his head down, not moving a muscle, not meeting my gaze, his features shadowed by the light beaming directly down over him. I fidget a little in discomfort. God, I'm uncomfortable in my own fucking skin right now, because this just isn't like me. But it's sort of thrilling in a sick way, the whole thing. Coming here behind Lex's back, but telling one of his boys. Waving that shit right there under his nose.
That dull surge of guilt creeps up again. Fuck, I've been forcing it down all night because I've convinced myself that he deserves this.
He deserves this shit.
I wait for Trent to notice me standing before him; I clear my throat and tap my foot anxiously, and after a tense minute he snaps his head up to fix his gaze on me. I nearly jump out of my skin, gasping loudly when his piercing blue eyes meet mine.
Holy...
"Weren't expecting to see me here, huh?" The voice is all too familiar.
