by Zara Chase
“You sure you want to know?” she asked.
Chapter Eight
“We’re sure,” Pascal answered for them both.
“You might not like me much if I tell you.”
“My guess is that we’ll like you even more than we already do,” Kai replied. “Come on, darlin’, confession’s supposed to be good for the soul. Besides, we’re good listeners and discretion is our middle name.”
“Okay.” Nicole took another large swig of her wine, followed by a deep breath. “I’m responsible for my dad killing himself.” A stunned silence greeted this confession. “What, nothing to say for yourselves?”
“Plenty,” Pascal said, scowling. “I doubt for one minute that it’s true. You were what, twelve at the time.” She nodded, her eyes swamped with tears. “Well then, I rest my case.”
“You don’t understand.” She leaned forward, moist eyes glowing with passion. “My mother was the center of my father’s universe. She left him because of me and he couldn’t live without her, so how is that not my fault?”
Pascal shook his head. “Bullshit!”
“I beg your pardon.”
“You heard me.”
“Come on,” Kai encouraged. “You’d better tell us the rest.”
“My dad was a tennis coach. Mum worked as a waitress at the country club where he was employed. She was gorgeous and apparently all the guys fancied her. But Dad was a real charmer.” She smiled at some private memory. Without the glasses or severe hairstyle, her face was transformed by the gesture. She suddenly appeared unreachable, out of their league, causing Pascal to have a moment’s self-doubt about their ability to persuade her to stay with them and live the life of a shifter. “He made her laugh, treated her like a princess, and…well, they married six months after they met.” She shrugged. “I put in an appearance five months later.”
“Go on,” Kai said, reaching for the wine bottle and topping up her glass.
“Dad put a tennis racket in my hand almost as soon as I could walk, but I was useless at the game. No eye-to-ball coordination, you see. But swimming…well, I took to that, literally like a duck to water. Dad encouraged me and I can’t remember a time in my childhood when I wasn’t getting up before dawn on freezing mornings to go training before school. And after school, too. That’s what it takes if you want to excel at any sport nowadays. You get robbed of your childhood.”
Pascal nodded. “Yes, but you didn’t mind that?”
“Not in the least. I was totally focused and Dad encouraged me every step of the way. It was him who got me up and drove me wherever I had to go.”
“And let me guess,” Kai said. “Your mom resented the attention she felt you took away from her.”
Her eyes widened. “How did you know that?”
“It’s a common reaction from self-centered people,” Pascal replied. “I’ve heard of attractive women who resented their children before. You were not only as attractive as her, but you were also younger and you had a talent she couldn’t compete with. She felt neglected, even though she probably wasn’t, and couldn’t complain to your father for fear of sounding mean spirited.”
“Well yes, I suppose, but Dad idolized her. I can remember how it was to be in a room with the two of them. It was like I didn’t exist. She had no reason to be jealous of her own child.” Nicole shook her head. “I’ve spent hours trying to figure out why she felt that way and if there was anything I could have done differently to stop her from leaving, but I still don’t get it.”
“So your mother took off with another guy,” Pascal said. “Someone who gave her his complete and undivided attention.”
“Yes, and Dad was a broken man. He hadn’t seen it coming, blamed himself not her, and never got over it. I heard him crying at night when he thought I was asleep. It tore me apart, but there was nothing I could do except to feel guilty. Then…well, then he ended it all and—”
“And you found him.” Pascal risked running his fingers gently down her arm, encouraged when she didn’t pull away from him. “That was a selfish and cowardly act.”
“That’s what Gramps said, but I don’t think Dad meant it that way. He wasn’t in his right mind, you see, so can’t have been thinking straight.”
“He was your grandfather’s son?”
“Yes. Gramps never liked Mum much. He told me that much later on, on one of the rare occasions when he spoke to me about either of them. Said he could see right through her and knew from the start that the only person she loved was herself.”
“Sounds to me like he knew what he was talking about.”
“Perhaps, but I don’t remember Mum being anything other than kind to me. She was a bit distracted some of the time and I guess Dad always took more of an interest in my activities than she ever did. Still, she’d turn up at swimming galas, dressed to the nines, and turn heads every time. I felt proud of her.”
“She liked the glory but not the grind of your training regime,” Kai said.
“I guess.” Nicole sighed. “I wish I’d realized.”
“It wouldn’t have changed anything, not unless you gave up swimming,” Pascal said. “But even that wouldn’t have satisfied her. You inherited her looks and would have had boys swarming around you. That would have reminded her she was getting older, which wouldn’t have gone down too well, either.”
“You make her sound self-centered and shallow.”
“Wasn’t she?” he asked softly.
“Perhaps, but it’s not the way I like to remember her.”
Nicole hadn’t flinched when Pascal touched her arm, so he picked up her hand and squeezed it, taking his time to let it go. “Do you know where she is now?”
“I didn’t hear from her at all after she left. Not even when…when Dad died.” Nicole paused, gulping back her anguish. “Then she turned up at Gramps’s funeral, acting as though we’d never been apart.”
Kai’s face looked like thunder. “The hell she did!”
“She suggested we have lunch and get to know one another again.” Nicole flashed a sad little smile. “I told her to go take a hike, as you Yanks would say.”
“Good girl!” Pascal and Kai said in unison.
“So after your dad died you went to live with your grandfather and carried on with your training,” Pascal prompted when she fell silent.
“Yes, and I got taken on by a top coach. I put everything I had into my swimming, imagining that my dad was looking on and approving. I had no friends outside the sport, never dated or joined in the other stuff kids of my age were doing—those are the sorts of sacrifices you have to make if you want to get to the top.”
“So why quit?” Pascal asked. “After all the work you’d put it, in makes no sense.”
She paused. “It seems so obvious now, what was happening, but as a kid—one who’d been sheltered from the real world—it didn’t cross my mind.”
Pascal stood up, glowering at a spot above Nicole’s head. “I think I’m ahead of you here,” he said. “This coach, he favored you. Held you back for extra training. Promised to get you to the very top, but in return you had to—”
“Yeah, more or less.” Nicole fastened her gaze on her hands, folded neatly in her lap. “He touched me, kissed me, all the usual, but he made it seem so natural—you know, throwing his arms around me and squeezing me against him if I’d done a personal best, stuff like that, so it didn’t seem inappropriate. We were together so much, both pursuing the same goal, and he was like a father to me.” She raised her eyes and looked at each of them in turn. “I trusted him.”
“That’s what scum like him rely on,” Pascal said, grinding his teeth. “They pick on the vulnerable and needy. I hope the bastard was caught and thrown in jail.”
“Nothing actually happened.” She shrugged. “Besides, I was sixteen. That’s the age of consent in England.”
“But he was caught?”
“Yes, Gramps arrived to pick me up early one day and found him hugging and kissing me. H
e created one hell of a stink and reported the guy. He resigned before any action could be taken against him.”
“That was a horrible experience for you, darlin’,” Kai said, “but you weren’t to blame. Why did you quit the sport?”
“All the others resented me after that and made life pretty miserable for me. They all liked the coach and blamed me for getting him thrown out. They said I must have encouraged him, which absolutely wasn’t true.”
“And I’m guessing that the girls were glad to see you go because they were jealous of your looks and talent,” Kai said.
“And the boys resented you because you wouldn’t get it on with them,” Pascal added.
Nicole shrugged. “Perhaps.”
“No perhaps about it,” Pascal mumbled. “No wonder you hide yourself behind that god-awful disguise.”
She managed a bleak smile. “I didn’t, not immediately. Once Gramps knew I was serious about giving up swimming, we had to decide what I was going to do instead. I loved cooking so I went to catering school, did well, and got a job in a top restaurant, but it didn’t work out.”
“What happened?” Kai asked.
“Same as before. The famous chef running it thought I ought to handle balls that weren’t on the menu.” She shrugged. “Seemed to think I’d be pathetically grateful for the attention he showered on me. He promised me I’d do well if I was good to him and knew how to be discreet.”
“The jerk,” Kai muttered.
“Quite. Make that the married jerk. Why do all men in positions of power think they’re God’s gift to women?”
“Not all of them do,” Pascal said softly. “You’ve been unlucky, that’s all.”
“I guess so. Anyway, I wasn’t prepared to dance to his tune so I downed my spatula and walked out. Decided to try and make a go of it on my own merit, which meant my merit as a cook, not as a woman.”
“Which meant playing down the way you looked,” Pascal said.
“Yep, I’m not my mother. We have absolutely nothing in common. I discovered that when she came to Gramps’s funeral.”
Pascal smiled at her. “I understand your need to prove yourself, truly I do. But there’s nothing to say that you can’t be successful and have fun, too.”
“You can’t possibly understand,” she replied tartly. “The world isn’t as equal as we’d like to suppose and men still make the running. You’re a good-looking guy, but I’m betting you’ve never been expected to trade on your looks to get ahead. I’m also betting your skills as an investment trader have done the talking for you.”
“That’s precisely where you’re wrong.”
“Oh really.” She shot him a challenging look. “Okay, I’ve told you my dirty little secrets. Let’s see if yours match up.”
Kai half rose from his chair. “You don’t need to do this, buddy.”
Pascal glanced at Nicole. He sensed how much it had cost her to talk about her past and knew he couldn’t hold out on her. Especially since he was more determined than ever to make her their mate.
“Yeah,” he said slowly. “I think I do.”
“This requires refills,” Kai said, getting up to fix everyone’s drinks.
“It’s no big deal,” Pascal said, even though it was—at least to him. “I went to college in Maine where I majored in financial economics and graduated magna cum laude. I was born and raised in Impulse but wasn’t sure this was the best place to put my qualifications into practice.”
“You still have family here?” Nicole asked.
“Oh yeah, but they wouldn’t hold me back. I took a job with a major corporation in New York City. Worked there for three years, did real well. A vacancy came up, an opportunity for promotion. I’d been shadowing the guy who was retiring for months and everyone expected me to be shoehorned into the job. I was the best qualified candidate. But it seemed the corporation didn’t have its full quota of females on that pay grade so a woman was brought in over my head.”
“That was so unfair!” she protested hotly.
Pascal shrugged. “Like most people out of their depth, instead of learning from those in the know, she threw her weight about and wouldn’t listen to what any of us tried to tell her. I hate inefficiency, hated even more seeing all the accounts I’d worked so hard to build up being mismanaged, so I quit and returned to Impulse.”
“I’m sorry,” Nicole said. “You must have felt very bitter.”
“For a while, but it worked out.” He smiled, not at her but at Kai.
“Oh,” she said, observing them both closely. “I think I see now.”
“I’m better off being my own boss, like you are,” Pascal said, returning his attention to her. “But this isn’t about me. We were discussing you. You can’t go on denying who you really are, Nicole, it’s not healthy. You don’t have bosses to worry about anymore, so you can afford to be yourself.”
“Women would hate me. Men would want…well, what men always want.”
“Not necessarily. It’s time to let your femininity out of its box, darlin’. I know you want to.”
“Judging by the way you just looked at Kai, I don’t think you’re the best person to know about my needs.”
He offered her a wide, sexy smile. “Trust me, babe, there’s no one better qualified.”
She shook her head. “But you…you and Kai. I thought—”
“You secretly yearn to wear pretty clothes, don’t you, darlin’? You yearn to be loved for yourself, to enjoy the physical alchemy that exists between a man and a woman when there’s deep desire burning between them. Like there is between you and me. Between you and Kai. You felt it the moment you met us, just like we did.”
“Don’t scare her off,” Kai pheromoned.
“It’s okay. I know what I’m doing.”
“We didn’t plan to push her yet.”
“No, but the moment’s right. Don’t you feel it?”
“Yeah, okay, but be careful.”
“No, you’re wrong,” Nicole said, but her protest lacked teeth.
“Never deny your sexuality, sweetheart. It only leads to unnecessary complications. Just because a few jerks have tried to manipulate you, that’s no reason to…say, how many men have you dated, precisely?”
“That’s none of your damned business.”
Pascal flexed his brows, hardly able to believe what he instinctively knew to be the truth. “You haven’t, have you?” he asked slowly. “You haven’t dated at all. You’re still a virgin.”
Chapter Nine
“I’ll be damned!” Kai said, smiling broadly.
“There’s nothing wrong with being a virgin,” Nicole said defensively. “From my impartial observations, I’d say sex brings nothing but trouble into people’s lives.”
“Nothing wrong with virginity at all,” Pascal agreed. “And you’re absolutely right about the destructive part sex plays in a whole bunch of physical relationships.”
“Then why are you both looking at me like I’m some sort of freak?”
“We’re not, darlin’,” Kai assured her. “We’re just surprised and delighted, that’s all. Not many women hold out these days, especially when they look like you do. You must have been inundated…whoops, sorry, I was forgetting about your bad experiences.”
“Why should you care about me, when you and Pascal…Hang on, are you telling me that I got it wrong? The two of you aren’t an item?”
“Oh, he’s my master,” Kai agreed easily. “No question. But that doesn’t mean I’m not equally partial to the female of the species.”
“Your master?” She frowned. “I don’t understand.”
“No, I don’t suppose you do,” Kai replied. “But that’s because I have a secret of my own. I might as well ’fess up. Then perhaps you’ll get the picture.”
“Careful,” Pascal pheromoned. “There’s not much you can say that will make sense to her until she knows we’re shifters.”
“I need to tell her something that’ll make me seem vulnerable
.”
“You? Vulnerable?”
“Last time you had me licking your feet I felt pretty damned vulnerable.”
“No you didn’t, you felt in control and you loved every fucking minute of it.”
“Semantics, lover, semantics.”
“Do tell,” Nicole said, fixing Kai with a curious stare. “This I must hear.”
“I’ll tell it,” Pascal said. “Because my buddy here’s too modest to admit that he’s a mathematical genius. Anything to do with numbers, he’s your man. That’s one of the reasons why we work so well together with the hedge fund. I’m pretty good at picking likely stocks to invest in, but Kai can calculate a split percentage in his head quicker than I can figure it out with a calculator. Those split-second buy/sell decisions make all the difference to our success.” Pascal lowered his voice. “But that’s between you and me, darlin’. Don’t tell Kai I said so. It’ll only make his head swell.”
Nicole looked endearingly bemused. “Right,” she said faintly.
“I’m a bit of a geek,” Kai said. “I came straight back home to Impulse after college because I didn’t feel safe anywhere else. I didn’t fit in, see. Couldn’t seem to chill out like the other guys did, go to a bar, talk sports, chase women, and let my mind drift. I was a fish out of water, not on the same wavelength as anyone else.”
Nicole nodded. “I can relate to that.”
“Thought you might.” Kai smiled at her. “So I came back and started playing with my own money, just in a small way. When I achieved modest success others asked me to help them with theirs, which I was happy to do. Problem was, it wasn’t just my own future I was messing with anymore, but a lot of other people’s, too. I felt the responsibility weighing me down and needed to shift some of it before I went under. Needed some way to relax and not be the one in charge, the one with a quick brain whom everyone came to when they needed answers to the most obscure problems.”
