Whispering Minds

by A. T. O'Connor

  The door slammed shut behind me.

  I swung around to face it as a hand gripped my shoulder and jerked me backward.

  A scream ripped from my throat.

  Chapter 19

  Strong hands shook me. Voices fell over themselves as they vied for my attention.

  I turned my blurry eyes toward the sound. Travis stood before me. My head pounded, and I ran a hand through my sweaty hair. It felt as if I had been caught in a thunder storm without an umbrella.

  “Gemi?” Trav’s voice cut through the night, louder than usual and with hard edges. “Gemi!”

  I jumped up, tripping over a chair in my haste to get clear of danger. “Where am I?”

  “My house. It’s well after midnight, and you were screaming.”

  I shook my head, pulling a memory free of Brutus tugging at his bonds. “Night terror. I get them all the time.”

  But Travis wasn’t convinced. “What are you playing at?”

  I peered around the room. We were in the kitchen, not the bedroom where I’d fallen asleep earlier. I gripped the edge of the table to steady myself, thankful that something made sense. “I walk in my sleep sometimes. No big deal.”

  “Maybe not. But lying is.”

  The hair raised on the back of my neck. I didn’t like his implication. “What are you talking about?”

  “I followed you out here. You were typing.”

  I turned toward the table and the eerie blue glow of a computer screen. My protest died on my lips.

  “What were you doing?”

  “My psych project?” The explanation sounded plausible. “I couldn’t sleep. I must have crashed at my computer.”

  Travis nodded, but the firm set of his jaw told me he didn’t believe me. “Whose computer?”

  I had no idea. My messenger bag lay on the floor beside the table. The tiny net book would fit neatly inside my bag, taking up so little space it would barely be noticed. I must have purchased it, even though I didn’t remember doing so. Travis stared at me, waiting for an answer. I gave him the only plausible thing I could think of. “It’s mine.”

  “You’ve never even talked about one, let alone said you bought one.”

  “I got it this fall. For my psych project, which I was just working on.” The lies came easily as if handed to me specifically for this instance.

  “No you weren’t.” Travis spoke with so much authority it scared me.

  My body quivered, and I couldn’t answer for the lump in my throat.

  “I watched you.” His words chilled me.

  Bile rose up past the lump. One word slipped out. “No.”

  He nodded. “It started out like a bad dream. The kind where little kids whimper and scream and stare at horrors through unseeing eyes. You were awake, yet sleeping. And you talked to yourself in different voices.”

  The tacos rebelled in my stomach. I lurched forward and grabbed the table. The screen of the net book came into focus. My heart pounded against my ribs. I could barely hear over the blood roaring through my veins.

  “I heard a noise and came out to find you chatting with yourself online.”

  Finally something I could answer honestly. “Not myself. My friends. The Dozen.”

  “Yourself. I watched you. I heard you.”

  “You’re wrong. Maybe not about the voices—I’ve spooked both Granny and myself with stranger behavior—but definitely about the messaging.” I turned the computer so he could see the open thread. I scrolled up to read from the top. Holiday wishes were exchanged as several members popped in and out of the chat. Only James and I remained.

  My fingers flew over the keyboard. James, something came up. Gotta go now.

  I stepped back, so Travis could see, slipping my hands into my robe pockets to prove my point. Seconds later, James’s response. K. Merry Christmas.

  Relief washed over me. I hadn’t been messaging myself. I glared at Travis. “I’m not crazy.”

  Now it was his turn to look confused. “I thought…I saw…. Christ, Gem, it looked like you were possessed.”

  “I woke you up with a nightmare. I do that sometimes and have been known to get freaky crazy when I sleep, but I never remember it in the morning. I don’t remember typing this to be honest.”

  “I’m sorry. I didn’t know.” Travis raked his hair away from his face, his jaw still tight. “You scared me to death.”

  He still didn’t believe me. Vestiges of Brutus tied to the bed haunted me, and I didn’t believe my story either. “I scare myself on occasions.”

  The clock chimed four. Travis led me to the couch. I pulled my robe close while he coaxed the embers back to life. A framed photo above the mantle drew my attention. Even from this distance and through the passage of time, I recognized Travis, Clarence and Eli. The three of them were dressed in full Native regalia. Travis held a miniature bow and arrow against his buckskin vest.

  A smaller picture on the mantle froze the stunning features of three women and a little girl. They all shared the same dark eyes, dimpled cheeks and sleek black hair. I could only guess their relationship to Travis: his grandmother, mother and sisters. A dull ping started in my temple.

  “That’s a beautiful portrait.”

  Travis followed my gaze to the pictures. “It’s a beautiful family.”

  “I’m confused. Clarence is your grandpa, right?”

  Travis nodded slowly.

  “And his great granddaughter made that turkey hat?”

  His eyes flashed for a second before settling back into liquid pools of chocolate.

  My heart ached at the thought of causing him so much discomfort, but I really needed to understand my past. Ever since Clarence had shown up at the hospital with that turkey hat, I’d had more questions than answers. “So how does that all work? I mean you obviously don’t have a kid….”

  “It works just like it sounds. Abigail was my sister’s little girl. My niece.”

  “I didn’t know you have a sister.” Shame flushed my cheeks. How could I not know that about my best friend?

  Travis averted his gaze, but not quickly enough that I didn’t see the hurt in his face. He’d told me before. And knowing those pivotal moments in your best friend’s life were essential. Friends cared enough to know, to remember. This wasn’t a basketball score. It was the heartbeat of his life.

  Oh Lord, what else have I forgotten?

  I tried to cover up. “I’m sorry, Travis. I’m sorry for everything I’ve said or done this last week. It’s been the single most difficult thing I’ve ever gone through. I’m not myself.”

  Travis joined me on the couch. “Want to talk?”

  Instead of answering, I retrieved my notebook from his room, thankful I’d written down the few things I had. I avoided Trav’s eyes and settled back on the couch. “I’m trying to get my head straight, Travis, but I need some help.”

  To his credit, he didn’t laugh. I plunged on. “How long do you suppose Granny and Clarence knew each other?”

  “Forever.”

  I shifted uncomfortably and wrote the answer in my book. “And you? How long have you known her?”

  He met my look without flinching. When he spoke, he almost sounded relieved. “My whole life, I guess. I don’t remember not knowing her.”

  The next line taunted me. Friends forever. I closed my eyes against the discomfort in my head. “Why didn’t you tell me? And why didn’t we ever meet? Before four years ago. I lived with her, you know?”

  Travis took the notebook from my hands. “You’re asking some pretty big questions right now, Gem. Are you ready for the answers?”

  My eyes flew open. He did know things. I choked back a sob. “I don’t have a choice.”

  He knelt on the floor in front of me, his arms on both sides of my thighs. He held onto my waist and looked me square in the eye. “You have known me your whole life.”

  I shook my head in denial. “That can’t be. I can’t, I would never forget you. Why would I forget you? Why would
n’t I remember? I don’t understand.”

  “Sometimes we forget things that are painful.”

  “Knowing you could never be painful.” But it was, and I didn’t know why. Tears slid down my cheeks and sobs wracked my body. Bach played in the background.

  Travis cupped my cheeks in his hands. “Stop it, Gem. Stop crying. We don’t have to do this now. Not until you’re ready.”

  I fought against the music and the pain. I heard Travis but couldn’t answer. His face blurred like the smudged church photo. The stench of smoke burned my nostrils. I was losing the battle. I needed something to hold onto. Something to keep me focused.

  I leaned forward until I met the softness of his lips. They parted under mine, and I drank in his essence. I snuggled in and closed my eyes, letting the crackle of the fire warm me on the outside. Inside, a cold terror gripped me.

  Travis smoothed the hair from my face and held me against his chest. He whispered my name and rocked me as the minutes passed. When my breathing matched his own, he pulled back and looked into my eyes. “You’ve had a rough week, Gem, and I’m not sure Christmas morning is the right time for this.”

  My muscles contracted involuntarily then relaxed. Everything hurt, and I wondered if it would be easier to forget. To let the blackouts consume me without fighting them. For the first time, I empathized with my parents and their drinking. The Big Secret had messed us all up. “I’m beginning to think there will never be a right time.”

  “This week, I promise. I’ll help in any way I can.”

  I swiped at a tear. “Write that down.”

  “What?” Travis asked and picked up the notebook.

  “That I knew you. I don’t want to forget that again.”

  Travis scratched a note onto a page. “You’re making progress, Gem. Just trying to reclaim your memories is a big step in healing.”

  But he didn’t know the half of it. He knew I was suppressing memories of a nasty childhood event, and he knew about my forgetfulness. He didn’t have a clue that I was losing time. I had to get a handle on the blackouts before he found out. “Can we go back up to Granny’s? I’m sure she left me something.”

  “Granny’s it is. How does Wednesday after work sound?”

  “It’s a date,” I said and snuggled closer, my fingers tangling in his hair. “But don’t think for a second this lets you off the hook. You have secrets, Travis Stone. Secrets I need to know.”

  “And so you do you, Miss Baker.”

  “Touché.”

  Chapter 20

  I woke to the strains of Bach and the scent of strong coffee and leftover smoke. Neither smelled unpleasant. After showering, I made my way to the kitchen. Travis crouched in front of the oven, the door cracked as he peeked inside. Cinnamon could be added to the list of aromas filling the air. But that wasn’t the only thing delicious.

  Travis stood to grab a potholder. Worn jeans fit snugly over his slim hips. His feet and chest were bared. For the life of me, I couldn’t remember ever seeing him so undressed before. I felt certain that if I had, I wouldn’t have been so nonchalant about our friendship.

  His muscles rippled under his smooth brown skin. A delicate web tattoo hung off his shoulder blade. A spider waited patiently in the center. Whenever Travis moved, the spider came alive. But not in a freaky way. Not like the spiders that filled the bathtub at home, or hung in the corners or crawled into my bed at night. Those I wanted to squash. Not this one.

  Quietly, I stepped up behind him. I had never asked permission to touch him, but to do so now, without it, would violate his privacy. “Can I?”

  Instinctively, he seemed to know what I wanted. He stood still and let me run my hand across the spider web. The shimmering strands felt like silk under my fingers. Or maybe he did. I didn’t touch the spider. Not out of fear, but out of reverence. If Travis placed this creature on himself, he did so out of love.

  Unable to stop my exploration, I traced my finger down his spine. Goose bumps rose on his flesh and his skin fluttered in the wake of my touch. How could I have been so blind to him? I leaned my head against his back, breathing deeply. He smelled as good as he looked. My hands reached his sides, fingers splayed to feel every inch I could. I wrapped them around his front and across his taut stomach.

  His breath hitched in his chest. I felt it, heard it, against my ear, my cheek. My own breath caught when he twined his fingers in mine. I could have stood there forever, lost in his perfection. Maybe we did.

  The buzzer went off, breaking the spell. Travis released my hands, and I stepped away. He pulled the rolls from the oven and deposited the pan on the stove. He turned to me with a question in his eyes, cupped my face in his hands and bent his head.

  His lips found mine.

  My God, he’s hot.

  And I wanted to jump right into the fire.

  He picked me up and set me on the counter, never once breaking his kiss. I wrapped my legs around his waist. His hand found the nape of my neck. His fingers tangled in my hair. His breath was mine, and mine his. My heart, too, belonged to him. Always had, I just never knew it. I wanted to give him everything I had and more. I needed to. I’d been selfish.

  No longer.

  He stopped. Kissed me gently. Once. Twice. And pulled away. “How’d you sleep last night?”

  “Like a baby. Minus the midnight feeding and diaper change. I crashed as soon as Clarence left.”

  Travis sighed and scrubbed a hand across the stubble on his jaw. He looked so miserable I laughed. “I assume you didn’t sleep nearly so well.”

  “You could say that.”

  “Were you waiting up for Santa?” I teased.

  “Sadly, yes, but he never showed.”

  I slid off the counter to retrieve a gift bag from Trav’s room. Upon my return, I held it out like an offering. “Maybe this will make up for Saint Nick’s no-show.”

  Travis peered inside and pulled out a hand-knit scarf. He wrapped it around my neck, using it like a rope to draw me close. “I love it.”

  Inside, I squirmed like puppy. “I made it myself.”

  “Funny,” Travis said and held out a small present wrapped in red and tied with a silver bow. “I made this myself, too.”

  Carefully, I unwrapped the little carved bear from the store. The cool stone fit perfectly in my palm. My own personal totem. “Thank you, Travis. She’s amazing.”

  “How do you know it’s a she?”

  “She just feels that way.”

  “You might very well be right. In our tradition, the bear is a truth seeker and a caretaker. However, as interesting as the gender of your present may be, I feel it’s of the utmost importance to interrupt this conversation and eat. Otherwise we’ll be late for the Christmas festivities.”

  I slipped the bear into my pocket while Travis scooped up cinnamon rolls. With him standing so near, casual conversation seemed impossible, but I tried anyway. “Do you always cook?”

  “Nah. Dad and I usually take turns. I’ve been trying to impress you.”

  “It worked.”

  Trav’s dimples popped out as he leaned against the counter to finish his roll. “You ready to go back to work tomorrow?”

  “I think so. Seriously, I can’t just sit around anymore. It won’t bring her back.” Not to mention, I didn’t know what I did when I was alone.

  We ate in silence. I polished off two rolls to Trav’s four. Somewhere between the first and second one, I gathered the courage to ask a few questions that had been nagging me. I licked the last bit of frosting off my fork. “Can I ask you something?”

  “Anything.”

  “You remember me from when we were little, right?”

  Surprise turned to joy on his face, in his voice. “You remembered?”

  I shook my head guiltily. “I read it in my notebook. But here’s the thing, do you know what happened in my past? What the big secret is?”

  Travis took my plate without looking at me. “There was a car accident.”


  I knew this. He’d lost his mother in that accident. “When did it happen?”

  “Eleven years ago.”

  When I was six, and Travis was seven. He bent to put his plate in the dishwasher, effectively keeping me from seeing his face. Losing his mom that way must have been horrible for him. Apparently horrible for me, as well, if it had made me forget half my childhood.

  I flashed back to the pictures in the living room. The one with four girls. A grandmother, a mom, a daughter and Abi.

  It was Abi’s first knitting project. She and her little friend made it for my birthday one year.

  The turkey hat. I helped knit that hat. I was Abi’s friend. I was right, Clarence had come to the hospital for a reason. He’d brought that hat to jog my memory. He’d helped Granny keep her promise.

  But why was the accident that killed the beautiful Stone women a secret?

  More information connected by invisible strands, like the spider web on Trav’s shoulder. Somehow his family and my family were linked by this singular event, the ripples spreading out along the silvery strands to snare us all in its sticky hold.

  “It was that bad, that traumatic, that it wiped away all my memories?”

  Travis pried my frozen fingers from my plate. “It was a tremendous loss, Gem. It shook everyone up bad.”

  Even with my broken relationship with my parents, I couldn’t imagine losing anyone I loved. I would have gone crazy being in his shoes. “How did you survive?”

  Trav’s eyes flickered. “I had a good therapist and the support of my family. It makes a difference.”

  “And me?”

  “I’m here for you now.”

  I nestled against him, my hands caressing his skin. His in my hair. He hummed against my cheek, a deep rumble that soothed and excited me. Travis knew I was a mess and he hadn’t deserted me.

  If he hadn’t yet, he never would.

  I lost myself in the moment.