by E K Woodcock
Finally, Bridget can’t keep her disdain to herself anymore. "You are a world-class idiot, you know that," she scolds with a head shake. "Where in the world did you get the idea that Skylar was trying to replace Willow? She's got nothing but respect for you and your boundaries!"
There’s a ringing in my ears and the start of a headache at my temples. "Well, great way of showing it by giving my daughter an angel necklace with both of their names engraved on it, as if to say from now on I'm watching over you." I rub my temple as I battle with a warrior.
"Oh, my God, there's no words…” she huffs. “This is ridiculous. Mom, tell him how ridiculous he's being right now." Bridget turns toward my mother and urges her to make a comment.
"We will talk about this when we get home, not in front of Everly," my mom says with authority in her voice that I've only heard when she means business, and continues to soothe Everly.
We travel the rest of the way in complete silence, everyone stewing in their own misguided emotions. You could cut the tension with a knife. Finally, the turn off to our road comes, and I can’t escape this car fast enough.
We get out of the car. Bridget slams her door shut and heads straight inside. I huff my displeasure at her behaviour and follow suit by slamming my door shut as well. Once inside, I try to get Everly to bed, but she's inconsolable.
"You wuined everything, Daddy. You are a ruinew."
"Honey, please," I plead with her, but she wants nothing to do with me.
"Nooooooo, I want Grandma!" she screams.
I sigh in resignation; this night has been nothing but unpleasant, and this is no surprise. “Good night,” I say and leave her to her screaming. She’ll eventually fall asleep. Yes, I’m letting my three-year-old child cry herself to sleep because I'm ready to cry myself to sleep.
This entire night has been one disappointment after another and now I must face the music. I grab a cold beer out of the fridge and head upstairs.
"Are you actually going to make her cry herself to sleep?" my sister asks in a judgemental tone.
"Yes, I am. And before you ask, no, you may not go down there to console her. She needs to learn how to soothe herself."
"Wow, big brother, is there a reason for the level of assholeness today?" she asks with an eye roll.
"That's enough out of both of you," our mother says firmly from the kitchen. She comes out with two glasses of wine, one for herself and one for Bridget. She motions for us to sit, and we do as we’re told.
I sigh loudly, and she looks at me. "What happened tonight? Everything was going great, and then you flew off the handle." Her tiredness is evident from the irritation in her voice. She’s usually a calm and cool person, and it takes a lot to frazzle her.
I shake my head in shame because I upset my family. "Mom, that gift was so unwelcome."
"Why do you feel that way? Did you even let her explain to you what that gift meant?" she responds, taking a mouthful from her glass of wine. I can feel Bridget nodding in agreement with my mother, even though I’m not looking at her.
"It clearly shows what it’s about," I argue with her. “I mean, she didn’t even ask if she could buy my daughter a piece of jewelry!” I exclaim, feeling defeated, and this is where my sister decides to chime in.
"Let me tell you something,” she starts. “Skylar came to me before she bought that necklace and asked if it would be overstepping if she got it for Everly."
That bit of information piques my interest but before I can say anything, my sister silences me with a finger and adds, "At first, I thought the same, that she was trying to steal a claim on Everly and was about to tell her that too, but then she explained to me her thoughts behind the necklace."
I open my mouth, ready to argue the fact that she bought something so personal and expensive for a three-year-old before consulting with their parent, but she silences me once again.
“Look, I know it is a personal gift, and this won’t change the fact that it’s a personal gift, but it’s gold-plated and it meant a lot to Skylar to share something with Ev,” she adds softly.
I sigh and lift an eyebrow with an expression that clearly says get to the point.
"She told me the angel represents Everly in Skylar's life, and the engraved names and the date represents the date they met," she explains.
"So?"
She rolls her eyes. “How thick are you? How can you just say ‘so?’ Do you not get it?” Looking at her like she just grew three more heads, I shake my head. “Must I spell it out for you? She was trying to say Everly is her guardian angel, and since she's found her shoe at that mall, everything has been going her way. Her lifelong dream came through, she's met you… are you following me?" She has a growing grimace on her face when she finally finishes her rant.
"Oh, fuck," I say and shake my head at my own stupidity.
"Oh, fuck is right." She claps her hands, leans back, and takes a satisfying sip of her wine, as if to say my work here is done.
To my surprise, my mother nods in agreement. She'd been silent throughout our conversation. "Honey, listen. I know you've had a very rough few years with being a single parent to the best little girl ever, and what happened to Willow. I know how much you loved her and maybe still do love her, but you must open your eyes and see what's in front of you now. You can't live in the past. That's not what Willow would have wanted, nor is it healthy for you."
"I know, Mom." I sigh and take a drag out of my beer. "This woman, she drives me insane. I can't stop thinking about her and that scares the shit out of me. There was so much happy going on, the snow with the lights and the feel of Christmas and the excitement on Everly's face…. She never got to have a Christmas that she can remember with Willow. I… I just got overwhelmed by all of it and the fear… I just couldn't."
I’ve been alone, living in my past for so long, I haven’t realized what was right in front of me. Yes, Willow’s time with me was short, and with Everly even shorter, but we’ve made the best out of those years together. My mother is right; she wouldn’t want this for me. She wouldn’t want me to become a shell of who I was.
But the fear of letting go and stepping into something new with someone new had me paralyzed. The thought of losing Skylar the way I lost Willow forced me into sabotaging myself and this beautiful budding relationship.
I see my mom giving me a sad smile from the corner of my eye. "It'll get better, I promise you, but you need to give yourself permission to move on."
"I know, Mom. But I guess I've ruined that chance. I never thought I would feel this way for another woman after Willow, but I think I'm in love with Skylar." The revelation has me shocked but relieved as well. I take a deep breath, filling my lungs. It feels like coming up from underwater.
"Hallelujah!" My sister first pumps the air. "You blind bastard! I've been back for almost a month now and from the first night I met her, I could see that you loved her."
This reminds me. "Speaking of love… what the hell is going on with you and Trevor?" I ask with a knowing smirk.
She shakes her head. "Oh, no no no, we’re not getting into that now. We first have to find a way for you to fix your colossal fuck-up."
I'm curled up on Jen's couch with a blanket wrapped around my knees, many used and discarded napkins on my lap, a Kleenex box in one hand, and a wine glass in the other.
"What did I do? I don't understand." I sniffle.
After many "it was just a big misunderstanding" and "you'll see he'll come to his senses" later, my parents left to go sleep, and I can see Jen so wants to do the same, but she won't leave my side.
"I'm heartbroken, Jen. My intention was never to overstep when I gave her the necklace.” I sniffle again. “It was just supposed to be a symbol that she's my lucky charm and that my life has finally turned around since I met them. That darn shoe…"
"I know, honey, but listen… your mom and dad, they’re right. It was a big misunderstanding. You two will talk and everything will be okay. I
promise.” She hands me another box of Kleenex. “Can you please stop crying now? I'm running out of Kleenex. Goodness, woman."
I make a half-hearted sound, somewhere between a laugh and a cry. "Okay"
"Tomorrow is a new day, and everything will be just fine. You'll see." She pulls me up, gives me a hug, and gently swats my butt. "Go and sleep. Your eyes look as puffy as feather pillows and red as the devil’s spawn."
Jen has always had the ability to pull me out of my head and bring me back to reality, and I love her for it. I do as she asks and head to the bathroom to brush my teeth and wash my face. A little before-bed eye cream should fix the puffy eyes in the morning. After all, I still have a big day tomorrow.
I stumble toward the guest room and curl into the firm queen-sized bed with the world’s coziest down duvet cover. I make a cocoon out of it and wrap myself in it, but sleep comes late and with difficulty when it finally claims me.
I move slowly when I wake up the next morning. It feels like I've been hit in the head with a sledgehammer. The eye cream did nothing for my eyes, and they look exactly like Jen said. Red and big, almost like I've got pink eye. The one day I really need to look the part, I look like the love child of demons. I still have pillow marks all over my cheek and I'm pretty sure there's dried drool stuck on the side of my face as well. I need a shower and I need it pronto.
As I'm heading to the bathroom to take a much-needed shower, I run into Jen. "Dude, is that drool on your face?" She reaches to touch it, but I swat her hand away. "Your mom is in the living room, sleeping beauty. Go say hi and then jump in the shower and get rid of that thing on your face."
"Yeah, yeah, I'm going…" I shoo the air between us, motioning that she needs to stop teasing me. "Hi, Mom. How's it going?"
My eyes are half-open, my posture needs work, and someone needs to remind my feet how to work properly, as they’re just dragging at this point.
"Wow, Skylar…" She cringes. "Is that dr—"
I stop her before she can finish that sentence. "Yes. I'm going to have a shower now."
"Make it quick. We have an appointment in an hour," my mom yells behind me. I give her a thumbs up from the bathroom door.
Ten minutes later, when I emerge from the shower, I'm a new person. The eyes are still a bit puffy, but that's nothing a little concealer won't fix. The pillow marks are gone, the drool is gone, and my head doesn't feel like tiny dwarfs are playing drums in it.
Dressed and ready to take the day on, I head to the living room. "All right, I'm ready."
"There she is," Jen and my mom say at the same time.
"Yeah, yeah, settle down, both of you." I smile at them. "What's this appointment about, Mom?"
"Well, you know I can't not go see Aubrey when I'm in town. So, I made us both an appointment. If you’re ready, let's go."
This time, I don't hide my eye roll. "Again? Hasn't she caused enough trouble?"
"She did nothing… Trouble is all in your head. Shoes, mitts, hat and jacket. Let's go."
Just like when I was growing up, I groan and whine, "Mom, I know," as I put said items on.
My mom already turned the car on to warm it up for us. I doubt she's ever turned it off to be honest. It's nice and toasty in there when we get in.
The first few minutes of the journey are pleasantly quiet, which lasts only until the next stop sign.
"So," she starts, and I know exactly where this conversation is going even before it starts.
"Mom, can we not, please?" I whine.
"Oh, Skylar, face the music will you…" She sighs. "Anne called me last night."
"I can’t right now. I just can't be accused of trying to steal a dead woman's daughter," I respond with a grimace.
"Everyone knows that wasn't your intention. That's why Anne called me. She said they know your intention was to show Everly that she's been your guardian angel and lucky charm. She knows it, Bridget knows it, Everly knows, and now Carter knows it too."
Carter knows it. This is news to me. Why hasn’t he called to apologize? Then I realize it’s too late. It’s too late for my happily ever after. "It's just too late. If he understood and knew about the gift and what it meant, he would have called me already.” I’m near tears again when I add, “Even if he knows now, the fact that he even thought I would ever do something so despicable …” I shake my head in agony. “He doesn't know me at all."
"Sky, this isn’t the time to be proud and pigheaded. Hear him out."
"Yeah, whatever." I turn my head, indicating I’m done with this conversation, and start watching the road from the passenger seat window.
It's not long before we’re in the area of what used to be perfectly manicured lawns and white picket fences, but now everything is covered in snow. My mom finds a parking spot and we go knock on the door of house number twenty.
The same woman with the infectious smile and ombre hair opens the door and welcomes us in. "Jolene, it's been so long. I'm so happy to see you again. Hello again, Skylar."
We both smile. My mom gives her a hug. I do an awkward wave thing, and we get into the house.
Aubrey leads us to her little reading room full of dried spices and essential oils. She picks two different decks from her collection of tarot cards, gives me the deck with angels to hold, and hands the fairies to my mother.
I snicker at the sight of the angels and my mother gives me a warning look that clearly promises a very long car ride if I don't start acting like a well-mannered adult. I clear my throat, compose myself, and leave the room with my cards to give my mom privacy during her reading.
While waiting for my mom to be done, I turn the cards this way and that in my hands, watching out the window. There are two deer eating frozen berries off the tree in the front yard. They’re perfectly content with each other’s existence. Occasionally, one of them lifts their head up and looks around and then continues eating. It’s a peaceful scene to watch, and I’m lost in it so I don’t realize when my mother comes out with what I assume to be happy tears on her face.
"Are you all right, Mom?"
"Oh, never better, dear. Now go in and get your reading done, and we'll go and have a little hot cocoa date after."
Hot cocoa has always been my favorite. My mom knows I won't be able to resist. It's also our good mood food, and I'm not in one of those today. I give her a noncommittal nod of my head and go into the reading room.
"Perfect, you're here." Aubrey smiles. "Let's get started. Shuffle the cards for me please, Skylar."
I do a quick shuffle, cut the deck in half, and hand them over to her. She picks out five cards, lines them up in order, and slowly starts to turn them over.
The first card is an open road surrounded by beautiful snow-covered trees and an angel face where the snow is shining. Aubrey smiles at me. "You have finally moved the roadblock out of your way. I'm so happy to see this. You're following your destiny now."
"You’re right. I did leave behind a lot of things that were pulling me behind, and there was a roadblock, including the deadbeat job I had. In fact, I'm starting my own business,” I blurt out. “Tonight is the official opening. Why don't you come?" This woman, I swear she always pulls the best from me even when I'm in a sour mood.
"Thank you, Skylar. I would love to. However, I do have prior engagements tonight." She smiles and turns another card around.
This one is similar to the first card she’d flipped for me on my first visit all those months ago. It's a coin with Michelangelo's face on it. She hums. "This card is awesome. It symbolizes immense success. What's your business you have started, Skylar?"
"I’ve taken over my mom’s old shop and turned it into a beer and books store. It's a library bar. You can go browse the books, pick one up, order a drink, and enjoy a few minutes of bliss." I can’t keep the happiness out of my voice whenever I mention my new business to someone. It’s my dream come true after all.
"Ah, that sounds amazing. I love books a
nd bliss." She smiles and adds, "Speaking of bliss, this card here symbolizes harmony in your life."
I look at the third card she’s flipped. It's an angel sitting on a rooftop, pointing at the rising sun.
"That looks peaceful and harmonious." I smile sadly.
She flips the fourth card and I can't stop myself from laughing. She looks at me with an arched eyebrow.
"It's just that this card is so real." To say I am shocked at what I see is an understatement.
"What do you mean?" she asks with a knowing smile on her face.
The card is an angel sitting on a willow tree and watching over three people. Two adults and a small child walk down a road covered with blooming trees. And it dawns on me. "This is my family, isn't it? And that angel is our guardian angel watching over us."
She smiles beautifully and nods. And flips the final card.
I laugh. "What are the chances?"
She laughs and repeats the words she spoke to me the very first time. "See a lost shoe, pick it up, and Prince Charming you will find."
There are tears running down my face when I leave Aubrey's reading room. My mother comes to me, wiping her eyes with a crumpled Kleenex, and gives me a hug. “It’s all going to be all right, Skylar. You’ll see,” she says reassuringly.
We both hug Aubrey and wordlessly get in the car to go get our hot cocoas.
The first order of business is to mend Everly’s broken heart. I messed up big time last night and ruined Everly's night, along with many others’. But there are only two people who matter right now and one of them is here. This isn’t going to be an easy task.
I walk into Everly's room and find her playing with her dolls. She acts as if she doesn’t see or hear me come into her room, giving me the cold shoulder.
"Hi, beautiful princess," I say and win a small head lift. I sit next to her and pick one of her dolls up to play. "Hi, Princess Everly." I try imitating a girl’s voice.
"It’s Princess Matilda," she says with an eye roll.
All right, then, let's try this one more time. "Hi, Princess Matilda."
