by Amy Rachiele
She squints her eyes, and I know I’m nearing a line I shouldn’t cross. I move my face back slightly and look at hers.
“Do you even know how gorgeous you are?” I move my hand to cup her face. I brush my hand down the side of her cheek. It’s so soft—softer than I ever could have imagined. I want to kiss her. And I do, just like I did in church. I trail my lips against her velvety cheek.
The door opening jolts us. Dino comes out and his eyes narrow at me when he sees us. What the fuck, dude? Go away! Go to college already!
“Megan, do you want something to eat? Alessandra just put out some pasta.” The douche talks directly to her.
“No, thank you,” she says in a low voice. She clears her throat. “I’m all set.” I don’t move away from her. Her breathing is raspy. Hopefully, asshole will get the hint to leave us alone. I don’t give a shit that Dino’s still standing here.
He finally shakes his head and goes back into the house. I whisper in her ear again. “I’ve wanted to be this close to you for a long time.” I continue to brush my lips across her cheek and down her scrumptious neck. I hear a faint moan in the back of her throat. My fuckin’ heart is pumping like the engine of a train. I better quit smoking or she’s going to give me a heart attack. I search her eyes.
“Do you want to get out of here?” I feel her freeze beneath my gaze. “I promise it’ll be okay.” My voice is still low. She doesn’t answer right away.
“I came here with Raven.” She pauses, thinking. “I need to tell her.”
“Let’s go find her.” I lightly take her hand and lead her back into the house. I can tell she’s uncertain at first, but she eventually gives in.
The poker game has broken up, but the music is still on. The house seems to have cooled down. People are mellowing out now. When we get to the living room, a few people are dancing; everyone else is coupled off into their own world. I find Vito making out with Maria on the floor. I kick his outstretched leg.
“Hey, Vito, have you seen Raven?” He breaks away from Maria and she looks at me. Then she drops her gaze and stares at my hand—the one holding Megan’s. Jealous sparks ignite in her eyes.
“Yeah.” He points to a dark corner. “Over there.”
Megan and I walk over. She’s making out with Louie. I look at Megan, and her face is flushed. So I do the honors. I tap Louie. He pulls away from a very glowing Raven.
“Raven, I’m going to take Megan home.”
She just nods her head. I take that as she understands. I get my keys out of my pocket and lead Megan to my car.
Chapter 10
Paesan (pie-zan): friend
Megan
Antonio is holding my hand as we walk to his Camaro. I’m still reeling from his whispers. I have circling butterflies in my stomach. I’m not sure if they’re there because I’m excited or because I’m terrified. My feet stop and I hesitate. I think about what my father said. Antonio notices my apprehension.
“Hey, don’t worry.” He leans toward me again with his smoldering brown eyes. “It’ll be okay. Trust me.” And for some incomprehensible reason I follow him, even after everyone has told me not to.
He opens the car door for me, and I slide in. The car still smells new. The black leather seats are shiny. It’s an awesome car. Well, every car is awesome to me because I don’t have one, but still. Antonio slips in and starts the engine. He’s grinning from ear to ear. He asks me, “You all right?”
“Yes, thank you,” I say shyly. He looks unbelievable. I’ve never seen him smile so wholly before.
“I want to show you something.”
“Okay.”
Antonio drives out of town. I’m thankful—I don’t want anyone to see us. We’re silent for a long time. I stare out the window because he keeps glancing at me while he’s driving and it’s making me feel uncomfortable and exposed.
“You want to listen to some music?” Antonio flips on the radio to a Top 40 station. His hand moves to my lap. He takes my hand into his and places our intertwined hands on the armrest. My nervousness spikes. He looks at me as if to ask, Is this okay? It is, and I don’t move my hand an inch. Antonio’s hand is huge and dark.
He must have observed the same thing. “Wow, your hand is tiny.” I blush. I’m so nervous. I feel like I’m being naughty. I’m going against my father’s wishes, and I feel disobedient—but my rebellion is warranted. Antonio makes me feel like I never have before. He’s beautiful, amazing, strong, and powerful. He can command a room just by walking into it.
I bet it’s rare that someone sees him this way—caring, controlled.
He pulls into a park-like area I have never been before. It overlooks the river. The lights from a nearby bridge reflect off the water. He stops the car and we get out. Antonio takes my hand, and we walk toward the river. The rippling noise of the water is serene.
We go and stand in front of the wrought iron railing. The view from here is stunning. Antonio’s arms corral me in front of him. “Megan,” he whispers near my neck. He rubs his nose into my hair. Antonio feels so good. Standing here with him is strange, but pleasant. “I want to… take you somewhere.” Really! My eyes snap open. I wasn’t expecting that. He doesn’t let me answer. “I know you’re afraid of me… but I want to show you that you don’t have to be.” He spins me around to face him. “I’ll take you anywhere you want to go.” He sounds unsure and hesitant when he admits, “I’d like to spend some time with you.”
Antonio Delisi, Jr. wants to spend time with me! I’m so embarrassed at his words. But joy spears me. His brown eyes search mine. He seems uncertain, yet wanting all in the same gaze. My heart sinks when I remember my father’s warning. He’d be livid if he knew I was here alone with Antonio.
My phone buzzes with a text, and I shift away a little from Antonio. He still holds onto my waist. His fingertips send shivers up my spine.
Raven: U OK
Megan: Yes
Raven: U still with him?
Megan: Yes
“Is that your friend?” Antonio asks tightly.
“It’s Raven, checking on me.” I’m still looking at my phone screen, when Antonio comments in a low, seductive voice, “Tell her I’m gonna kiss you.”
I don’t even have a chance to react, as he crushes his lips to mine, and passion explodes between us. My phone clatters to the ground. My arms wrap around him. His muscled back is heaven under my fingertips. He grips me tighter, lifting me up closer to him. The ache that fills me creates a fog over my brain. Rockets of want shoot through me. Antonio’s kisses radiate a kind of cherished feeling that is foreign to me. I’m not sure how long we stand there in each other’s arms, acting on emotion that has been bottled up for a decade.
***
On Sunday morning, it feels like I dreamt everything that happened the night before. Antonio was mystifying. I had always been so scared of him that it felt weird to be that close to him. Those emotions melted away when I saw him on the deck alone in the moonlight. His desire was palpable. And when he leaned down to whisper in my ear like he had at church a week ago? That was my undoing.
I was always attracted to him, just like the rest of the females at my school. People move out of the way for him as if he’s a ruler of a kingdom. He could be with any girl he wants, yet I’ve never seen him with anyone other than Alessandra. And it appears that, after last night, he wants me.
When I left him last night, I felt bereft; I wanted to stay with him. But I decided to have Raven pick me up and take me home. I didn’t want my parents to see or hear Antonio’s Camaro outside the house. I offered to give him my number, but he said he already had it. About five minutes after I got into bed, my phone buzzed with a text from him asking if I got home safely. Warmth spread through my body just thinking about my time with Antonio.
Chapter 11
Andiamo (on-dee-ahmo): Let’s go
Megan
“Megan!” my mom yells. “It’s time to get ready for church.”
Oh y
eah. Now I have to play the harp in front of the entire congregation. Why did I agree to this? My hands start sweating immediately. I shower and dress in long black palazzo pants—the ones that look like a dress but are really pants—and a pink chiffon shirt. I hear my dad moving the harp out the door as I head into the kitchen. Mom is holding the door for him. It’s a good thing my dad is really strong. The harp is heavy.
“It’s a real honor that Father Giovanni asked you to play,” my mother says to me like I don’t know this.
“Yes, it is.”
“You need to do your best for him and for the Lord.”
“Yes, Mom.”
“I think you should wear your hair up. It looks more respectful than hanging down. You look almost wild. Can’t you do something about that?”
“Yes, Mom.” I pass Erin on the stairs.
“Where’re you going? I thought we were leaving,” Erin asks.
“Yeah, well, I have to fix my hair.” I’m aggravated. I twist it up in a clip and rush back to the kitchen.
“Ahhh, much better,” my mother coos. “Softer. Very nice.”
Wow! Praise from my mother!
In front of the church, people are on the steps mingling. My father opens the back of our minivan to get out the harp. I’m just opening my door when I see two people stroll over toward us. The morning sun blinds me.
“Can we help you with that, sir?” one of them asks. I step out on to the curb and it’s Antonio and Vito. Holy Crap!
“That would be great, boys, thank you,” my dad says very civilly. Antonio smiles at me in his well-fitted charcoal gray suit. My face heats when I think of him kissing me last night. The deliciously tight clenches my stomach made with him so close felt so good. Ugh, it was sooo good. My father starts to give them instructions on how to move and carry the harp. My hands shake as I follow Antonio, Vito, and my father up the big steps to the church entrance.
*****
Antonio
So this is her harp. It’s awesome. Vito and I very carefully carry it to the altar. Mr. O’Neill helps us to stand it up just right. Megan and her family sit in one of the first rows. I smile at her as I pass by to go sit farther back with my friends. She looks stunning in pink. My parents are sitting with the Ferrettis on the other side of the church.
Vito and I make the sign of the cross and slip in the pew to sit with Louie and Ronnie.
“So how was last night?” I ask Louie.
He looks at me funny. What the hell are you talking about? is written all over his face.
“Uh, Raven?” I remind him.
“Oh, yeah. She’s cool.” He begins to add more, but Dino Prazzo slides into the pew right behind us with Maria and some of her other cousins. I hear Dino talking to Glenn Prazzo, a junior at our school.
“Hi, Tony,” Maria leans in from behind me.
“Hi, Maria.” I don’t turn around when I say it back. I look at Vito out of the corner of my eye, and he’s rolling his.
Maria doesn’t get a chance to say anything more because the organ starts up and we all rise. Dino and Glenn are still whispering. I want to turn around and tell them to shut the hell up when Father Giovanni calls Megan to the altar.
“We have a very special treat during today’s Mass. Miss Megan O’Neill is going to play ‘Ave Maria’ on the harp for us.”
Megan gracefully walks to the altar, makes the sign of the cross, and gently slides behind the harp.
Dino comments viciously. “Wow, I’d like to be that harp, sitting between her legs… I’d rather put my face between her…”
I’m moving before I even distinguish my fist colliding with Dino’s face. There is an audible gasp from the churchgoers.
“Antonio!” my mother yells.
Vito grabs my arm to stop me from smashing Dino’s face a second time. Ronnie blocks me from jumping over the bench. I am lethal. Dino’s cousins are shocked. Maria is yelling something to me. Dino’s lying on the bench. Ronnie and Vito push me out of the pew. I hear Louie trailing behind, stopping Maria from following. There’s loud talking and commotion. Dad is standing at the end of the aisle, looking really pissed. Vito and Ronnie haul me outside.
I take a deep breath. The air feels good. The sun is bright, making me narrow my eyes to slits.
“What the hell is wrong with you?” my father booms from behind us.
The guys let me go and we stand way off to the side of the church.
“I’m talking to you!” my father yells.
“Dino’s a fucking prick!” I shout back, not looking at him. He whacks me on the head.
“Watch your mouth! We’re at church!” my father scolds. “So…”
“I didn’t like what he said,” I murmur.
“You just punched someone in church! Your mother’s going to be repeating the Hail, Mary for a week! Why did you punch him?”
I don’t respond.
“Answer me!” My father’s face is red from yelling.
I glance at Vito. Ronnie and Louie are standing back like they’re either bodyguards or they’re ready to stop me from pummeling others that are here to pray. We hear the organ playing again and some commotion at the door. Dino’s cousins are walking him out. My anger flares. I jolt, ready to pound him again. Louie and Ronnie make a wall to stop me.
“Whoa!” Ronnie says. I halt, but watch Dino go to the car. Maria looks over, shakes her head, and follows her cousins. My adrenaline is still spiking.
“Take him over there.” My father points to a granite bench. The guys walk me over and I sit down. They’re all hovering. My dad sits down beside me. He’s calmer.
“Tonio, I need you to tell me what’s wrong. I can’t fix something if I don’t know what it is.”
“There’s nothing to fix, Pop.” I stare straight ahead.
“Then what is it?”
“You aren’t going to like what I say.”
“Tell me.” The guys move away—far away. At first I think it’s to give us some privacy. Then I think it’s what I am going to tell him, and what they know his response will be.
“Dino said something… disrespectful about Megan.” I still stare straight ahead.
“Megan. Megan O’Neill?” he asks. I nod, still not looking at him. He pauses. Then he realizes what I’m saying.
“Fanabola! Tonio! You can have any girl you want!” He scrubs his face with his hands. “Shit!”
“Pop, we’re at church,” I retort sarcastically, chastising his language.
My mother comes out of the church, stomping toward us in her high heels. “Antonio Rinaldo Delisi, Jr.! What has gotten into you!? You embarrassed me. How dare you? In God’s house!” She makes the sign of the cross and looks heavenward. “You are going to go in there and apologize to Father Giovanni!”
“Ma, ummm.” I don’t know what to say. I know it was wrong, but I just reacted. I didn’t think. I don’t regret it, but I could have waited till church was over to pound his face in. I’m ashamed of where it happened, but not of what happened.
“He’s interested in Megan,” my father announces slowly.
“What? What are you talking about, Antonio?” Directing her attention my father. She’s still pissed. I’m ready for the blow to the back of my head that I know is coming from my mom.
“You wanted him to be interested in a girl. He is… he’s interested in Megan.”
She blinks a couple of times. My mother’s reaction startles me. She’s not mad like my dad. She’s happy. She’s really happy. In fact, she’s beaming at me.
“Oh! Tonio!” She claps her hands and bends down to hug me, her Coach bag trailing on the ground. “Thank God!” She makes the sign of the cross again. “Finally!” With her hands waving, she talks a mile a minute. “She’s smart too. She got in early to Notre Dame. And she’s talented! You should’ve heard her play that harp….”
“Yeah, I should’ve,” I say, feeling shameful at the spectacle I made in church. My phone buzzes with a text. Megan: U OK?
My mother’s eyes go immediately to my phone. “Is that her?” she squeals. My mother is giddy, like a schoolgirl. “How cute! She wants to know if you’re okay!”
I turn to my father. He hangs his head.
“How long has this been going on?” he asks.
“It hasn’t. We saw each other at Alessandra’s last night. I’ve liked her for a while, Pop. I just didn’t say anything.”
“All right…” He pauses for a long time. “I’ll talk to her father.”
My mother uncharacteristically jumps up and down in her heels. I hope she doesn’t twist her ankle. I stand, and she hugs me tightly, the fact that I knocked someone out in church forgotten.
*****
Megan:
I was lucky to get through “Ave Maria” without throwing up. I couldn’t get the image of Antonio hitting Dino in church out of my head. It came out of nowhere. I had just settled behind the harp when the room exploded.
Through the entire Mass, I saw a replay in my mind of Antonio spinning around and punching and Dino’s head snapping back. I wouldn’t be surprised if Dino got whiplash from that. After church, from the backseat of the minivan, I could hear my mother talking to my father about it.
“That kid is no good. He’s got the devil in him!” she spews, still fuming. “If he was my boy, I would take him over my knee, then smack a for sale sign on his fancy car.” She went on and on. I thought I was going to start crying now that the shock was starting to wear off. “You see now why your father told you to stay away from him?” She swivels in her seat to face me and looks at me, pointedly. When my mother gets going on something, there’s no telling when she’ll stop. My father says nothing.
My phone buzzes with a text from Antonio:
Antonio: I’m sorry! Can I C U later?
I quickly text back.
Me: Not sure yet
Sweet elation pumps through my veins at the idea of seeing Antonio. He was gorgeous in his Sunday suit this morning. The searing kisses from last night mingle with the visions of his fist flying. I know I should be afraid, but I’m not. I want him. I don’t think in my entire life I have wanted anyone this badly. One day I’m running from him; the next day all I want to do is run to him.
