Frosty the Mailman
Making a List, Checking It Twice
Mele Kalikimaka
A Parrot in a Palm Tree
Jingle All the Way
Not-So-Silent Night
Let It Snow
Stink was glued to the weather channel, when out on the porch he heard such a clatter! Thunk! Clunk! Stink sprang from the sofa to see what was the matter. “Mailman!” he shouted with glee. “Somebody got a package!”
“Stink, I hope you didn’t write more letters and order more free stuff,” Judy called after him. “Mom and Dad will be mad.”
“Nope,” said Stink, opening the door and running down the walk to catch the mail truck before it pulled away. He liked talking to Mr. Harvey, the mailman. Mr. Harvey had a ponytail and a dog named Pork Chop.
“How’s Pork Chop?” Stink asked, but when the mailman turned around, it wasn’t the mailman at all. He did not have a ponytail. And he did not look like someone who had a dog named Pork Chop.
This guy had white fuzzy hair and smiley wrinkles. He had a white bushy beard and hairy eyebrows, and he wore a furry hat with the earflaps turned up. He did not look like a mailman.
“Who are you?” asked Stink. “And where’s Mr. Harvey?”
“I’m the new guy,” said the not-mailman. “Glad to meet you. My name’s Frost. Call me Jack,” said Mr. Frost, grinning and winking and raising his bushy white eyebrows.
“No way! You mean you’re Jack Frost? For real? Like the snowman? Like the guy that paints frosty pictures on leaves and windows?”
“That’s me,” said the mailman. “And guess what happens when a dog bites me?”
“What?” Stink asked.
“I get Frost bite,” Jack said, grinning. Stink howled over that one.
Jack Frost handed Stink two more boxes. “Special delivery today. These didn’t fit in your mailbox.”
“Are any from the North Pole?” Stink shook the boxes. One was from the L. L. Beanery and smelled like coffee. The other one was as heavy as books but sounded like . . . fruitcake! Sick!
“Probably just fruitcake,” said Stink. “My grandma Lou sends us one every year around the holidays. Our cat, Mouse, is the only one who eats it!”
“Better luck next time, huh?” Jack said.
“Hey, if you’re Jack Frost,” said Stink, “I was wondering . . . do you think you could deliver snow this year? All I want for Christmas is snow.”
“Snow, huh? Well, you never know. Might be able to arrange it for you this year.”
“You can do that?” Stink asked. “For real?”
Jack Frost laughed and tugged at his white beard, winking and looking up at the sky. “From what I can tell, there’s a low-pressure system moving in. Cold front could get here as early as this weekend.”
“Wow!” said Stink. “So you can predict the weather, too?”
“I’ve been in this line of work for a lot of years. I can feel the weather in my bones.” Jack Frost stuck out his tongue. “Right now, I can almost taste snow in the air.”
“I have a super-good sniffer,” said Stink. “Maybe I can smell it in the air.” He closed his eyes and stuck his nose in the air. Sniff, sniff. He pictured catching snowflakes on his tongue. Sniff, sniff. He pictured a snowball fight. Sniff, sniff. He pictured a great big whopping whiteout. “Yep, I think I smell snow,” said Stink.
Stink and Jack Frost were quiet for a minute. Together they looked up at the gloomy gray sky and sniffed the moist, damp air.
“My big sister says it never snows in Virginia,” said Stink. “My big sister says there’s too much globe warming. My big sister says there’s like a billion-to-one chance for snow this year.”
“Your big sister sounds pretty smart, huh?”
“She thinks so,” said Stink.
“It could happen,” said Jack Frost. “One winter, back in 1980, we got thirteen and a half inches in one day. Broke all the records.”
“Whoa!” said Stink.
“See? You just might get your fluffy stuff after all,” said Jack Frost. “Think snow. Feel it in your bones.”
“Thanks!” said Stink. “It’s lucky I ran into you — you know, to put in my order and everything.”
“Well, I’m not making any promises,” Jack Frost said with a wink, “but I’ll sure keep my fingers crossed!”
“Cool yule!” said Stink.
Stink came back inside singing, “Frosty the mailman was a jolly, happy soul . . . Wow! You’re never gonna believe . . . Guess who I just met!”
“Mr. Harvey, the mailman?” said Judy, looking up from her list.
“Nope. Who’s got a beard that’s long and white?”
“Must be Santa.”
“Wrong again. Jack Frost. I just talked to Jack Frost! No lie!”
“Really? Was the Sandman out there, too? How about the Tooth Fairy?” Judy laughed herself silly.
“Hardee-har-har. That’s his real name,” said Stink. “Ask him.”
“Our mailman’s name is Mr. Harvey,” said Judy.
“Not anymore. There was a new guy out there. Mr. Frost. As in Jack. As in Jack Frost. He knows all about snow and everything. And he says I might get snow for Christmas.”
“Stink, I hate to break it to you, but Jack Frost is invisible. Or as tiny as an elf or something.”
“Or something,” said Stink.
“First of all,” said Judy, counting off on her fingers, “you can’t just see him. Jack Frost sneaks around at night or way early in the morning to make frost on windows and maple leaves.”
“That’s what I used to think!” said Stink.
“Second, Jack Frost is NOT a mailman. I mean, what are the chances?”
“Lots of people have more than one job,” Stink said.
“Third, even if he is a mailman, he wouldn’t be in Virginia. He would be in Alaska or Minnesota —”
“I know! What are the chances that Mr. Harvey would just disappear and Jack Frost would show up, right here on Croaker Road, this time of year? But did you ever think maybe that’s why he’s here — ’cause it’s our turn to have snow? I’m telling you — he can smell it coming. His bones told him, too.”
“So this Jack Frost character also has talking bones?”
“Yeah, and he said it would be no pressure to bring snow. Or low pressure. I forget.”
“Stink, believe me, it hasn’t snowed here for like a million years.”
“Not true!” said Stink. “Jack Frost said that one winter it snowed thirteen and a half inches here in one day!”
“When was this?” asked Judy.
“Back in 1980.”
“Okay, so half a million years. Stink, I’m telling you —”
“You’re not the weatherman,” Stink told Judy.
“Neither is Jack Frost. He’s the mailman, Stink.” Judy let out a little puff of air. “Wait — now you have me believing this stuff.”
Judy Moody went back to making a list and checking it twice. Not a think-up-nicknames-for-Stink list. Not a things-to-do-when-you’re-home-sick list.
A T.P. (not Toad Pee) list. A toilet-paper list of all the stuff she wanted to get for Christmas. A Totally Presents list.
It wasn’t easy writing on toilet paper. But T.P. was the only thing long enough to fit all the presents she wanted.
Judy unrolled her T.P. list. It went out the door and into the hall and past Stink’s room and down the stairs. It rolled right across the S encyclopedia Stink was reading for the one hundredth time.
“Hey!” yelled Stink.
“Sorry,” said Judy. “Just making my list.”
“This is like ten miles long!” said Stink.
“So? That means I get ten miles of presents,” said Judy.
&nbs
p; Stink went back to his encyclopedia. He was reading about snowy owls and snowshoe hares. He was reading about snowdrop trees. He was reading about Snowflake Bentley.
Judy didn’t get it. Usually Stink wanted tons and tons of stuff. Piles more stuff than Judy. Miles more stuff than Judy.
“Stink, you better make a list,” Judy told him. “Only five more days till Christmas.”
“I already have a list,” said Stink.
“Where is it?” Judy asked.
“In my head.”
“You better write it down, Stinkerbell.”
“I’ll remember.”
“How are you going to remember? If you don’t write it down, how will I know what to get you? How will Mom and Dad know? And Grandma Lou? And Webster and Sophie of the Elves and any real elves?”
“Fine. I’ll write it down.” Stink tore a blank page from his tablet. He scribbled something in two seconds, then put his pencil down.
“Done!” said Stink.
“Done?” asked Judy. “How can you be done already? I’ve been working on my list for three hundred sixty-something days!”
Judy picked up the piece of paper. Stink had printed just one puny word. That one word was snow.
“That’s it? Just one thing? Snow? That’s not even a present.”
“That’s all I want.”
“Not even snow boots or a snow hat or snow pants or snowshoes or a snowboard?”
“Nope.”
“Not even an inflatable igloo with fake snowballs?”
“Nope.”
“Not even a snow-globe kit or a snow-cone machine?”
“Actually, a snow-cone machine would be nice. But no. All I really want is snow.”
“Stink, that is so way boring!”
“Boring? Are you cuckoo? What about snowmen and snow forts and snow angels and snowball fights? What about sledding? And what about snow days off from school?”
“Have you looked outside lately? Hel-lo! The mailman was wearing shorts the other day. And I saw a robin yesterday.”
“What a grinch,” said Stink.
“Stink, I told you it hardly ever even snows in Virginia. What are the chances it’ll snow this year? For real?”
“It better snow,” said Stink, “or I’m moving to Vermont.”
“Last day of school before Christmas!” Judy shouted when she got home from school. Judy and Stink dumped their backpacks on the couch.
“So, what did you do for your last day?” asked Mom.
“Ate candy canes,” said Stink.
“We had an Aloha Christmas party,” said Judy. “Like in Hawaii.”
“Sophie of the Elves was my Secret Santa,” said Stink.
“We drank pink flamingo punch and played Pin the Monkey on the Palm Tree.”
“And I got a snow globe all the way from Vermont!” said Stink.
“Mr. Todd wore sunglasses and a Hawaiian shirt and gave everybody a lei to wear tonight,” said Judy, pointing to her flower necklace. “Don’t forget that tonight is the Tenth Annual Holly Jolly Holiday Happening at school.”
“We made a field guide to snowflakes,” said Stink, digging into his backpack and pulling out a chart with shapes. “Even though no two are the same, a lot of snowflakes have the same shapes. Stellar dendrites are like trees, but lots of other snowflakes have shapes like pencils, prisms, plates, and puffballs.”
“We learned that Mele Kalikimaka means Merry Christmas in Hawaii.”
“We heard this story about a famous guy who figured out how to take pictures of thousands of snowflakes.”
“Was his name Jack Frost?” asked Judy.
“Snowflake Bentley,” said Stink. “He’s in the encyclopedia. Two times. Under S and under B, too.”
“In Hawaii, my name would be I-U-K-I.”
“I Yucky!” said Stink. “That’s the perfect name for you.”
“Ho, ho, ho, Stink. You say it Ee-oo-kee. Your name’s K-I-M-O, pronounced Kee-mo. I asked Mr. Todd.”
“Sounds like Kimo and Iuki both had an exciting day,” said Mom. “Are you both ready for the holiday program tonight?”
“YES!” said Judy. “My class is singing ‘The Twelve Days of Christmas in Hawaii’! Rare!”
“How about you, Stink? Did your class practice the skit for ‘The Night Before Christmas’?”
“Don’t remind me,” said Stink. “I have to be a mouse again. Sophie of the Elves gets to be a sugarplum. Webster gets to be Prancer or Vixen — I forget which. But no, I have to be a shorty-pants mouse. Every year!”
“You could wear long pants,” Judy suggested.
“At least you have a mouse costume already,” said Mom.
“Yeah, put it on and give us a sneak peek. I mean a squeak peek.” Judy cracked herself up.
“Hardee-har-har. I wish just once I could be something like . . . a stellar dendrite,” Stink said wistfully.
“Stellar dandruff! Stink, there’s no stellar dandruff in ‘The Night Before Christmas,’” Judy teased.
Stink went upstairs to try on his mouse costume.
“And a par-rot in a palm tree.” Judy practiced singing while she fed Jaws. “And a par-rot in a palm tree.” Judy practiced singing while she put a jingle-bell collar on Mouse. “And a par-rot in a palm tree.” Judy practiced singing while she set the table.
Where was Stink? Why was it taking him about a hundred million years just to put on mouse ears?
Finally, Stink came downstairs, covering his not-mouse ears. “I thought there were twelve days of Christmas. What happened to the other eleven?”
“Ho, ho, ho,” said Judy. She looked at what Stink was wearing. “Hey, where’s your mouse costume? How come you’re wearing all white? I thought mice were brown.”
“A mouse can be white,” said Stink.
“Yeah, maybe a science mouse. Like the kind that gets tests done on him. Or runs through mazes. Or gets eaten by snakes. Not a Night-Before-Christmas mouse.”
“A white mouse goes with a white Christmas,” said Stink.
“Not a creature was stirring, not even a science mouse!” Judy roared.
When the Moodys got to the multipurpose room at Virginia Dare School that night, it was decorated with evergreen branches, pinecone wreaths, and candy canes. Blinking white lights twinkled around the doorway.
“The school looks so pretty tonight,” said Mom.
“They did a great job,” Dad agreed.
“It would look better with snow,” said Stink.
“Wait till you see the decorations for our skit,” Judy told her parents. “The whole stage is going to be decked out like Hawaii. And Frank’s bringing in Cookie, his real-live parrot. Cookie talks and everything!”
“Better go find your classes, you two,” said Mom.
“Break a leg,” said Dad.
“Look for me!” said Stink. “At the beginning of ‘The Night Before Christmas.’”
“Stink, I mean Kimo, it’s going to be pretty hard to miss a science mouse in the middle of a holiday celebration,” said Judy.
The lights went down, and the Tenth Annual Holly Jolly Holiday Happening began. Ms. Tuxedo, the principal, welcomed everyone, and the music teacher played “Let It Snow” softly in the background.
Mr. Todd was the announcer, and first up was the kindergarten class, which sang the Kwanzaa Spelling Song. The fifth grade played a jazzy version of “Feliz Navidad.” The first grade recited a Hanukkah poem about eight little candles. The fourth grade acted out a skit about Sinter Klaas from Holland. Finally, it was time for Judy’s class. Judy, Rocky, and Frank stood stage left, beside Class 3T’s blow-up plastic palm tree. A rainbow of pink, green, and blue spotlights shone down on them. They were all wearing shorts, flip-flops, and Hawaiian shirts.
Judy squinted in the bright light. She felt her hands sweat. She felt her neck itch under the plastic flower lei.
“Can you hold Cookie?” Frank asked Judy, holding out his real-live parrot. “I’m too nervous.”
“I’m too nervous, too,” said Judy.
“The parrot has to sit up in the palm tree,” said Rocky. “Like in the song. Hurry up! Mr. Todd’s about to start!”
Frank held out his arm. Cookie flapped her wings, hopping from Frank’s arm onto the palm-tree prop.
“Tonight,” Mr. Todd announced, “we celebrate holiday traditions from all around the world. Class 3T chose to honor Christmas in Hawaii with its very own version of a well-known song.”
Judy took a deep breath. Everyone sang:
“Number One Day of Christmas,
My tutu gave to me
A par-rot in a palm tree!”
Judy smiled and pushed the hair out of her eyes.
“Number Two Day of Christmas,
My tutu gave to me
Two pink flamingoes
And a par-rot in a palm tree!”
“Mary had a lit-tle lamb!” sang Cookie. The audience cracked up.
“Quiet, Cookie,” Frank warned, shaking his finger at her.
“Number Three Day of Christmas,
My tutu gave to me
Three boogie boards,
Two pink flamingoes,
And a par-rot in a palm tree!”
“Mary had a lit-tle lamb!” sang Cookie, bobbing her head. The audience laughed even harder. For eleven whole verses, as soon as Class 3T sang “parrot in a palm tree,” Cookie squawked, “Mary had a little lamb.”
“Twelve ukuleles,
Eleven ice cubes melting,
Ten fish a-leaping,
Nine hula dancers,
Eight Santas surfing,
Seven sharks a-swimming,
Six flip-flops flapping,
Five gol-den pineapples!
Four flower leis,
Three boogie boards,
Two pink flamingoes . . .
And a par-rot in a palm tree!”
Class 3T sang its heart out on the last verse. Just as the audience prepared to clap, Cookie sang out, “Maria tenía un pequeño cordero!”—“Mary had a little lamb” in Spanish! The audience went wild. They roared. They stood up and clapped. They yelled encore!
The Holly Joliday Page 1
