She nodded. “That’s okay.” She was typing something into the big machine and then she pulled up my shirt and tugged my jeans and panties down slightly. The gel she but on my belly was surprisingly warm. Then she was pressing a wand into my lower abdomen and I was grimacing in pain. I felt bloated and uncomfortable as she moved the wand around.
I watched her closely, switching my gaze from what she was doing to my body to what she was doing on the screen. The doctor was watching over her shoulder, nodding. “Okay.” The tech said with a small smile. “We can see a heartbeat. Arms, legs. Spine looks good.” She twisted a nob and the sound of galloping filled the room. “Strong heartbeat…What do you think doctor?”
“Looks like she is right at eighteen weeks…Can you tell the sex?”
I tuned them out for a moment. My gaze entrapped on the screen. The outline of a tiny being stared back at me. A waving hand, a kicking foot. My breath caught in my chest and I couldn’t breathe. Somewhere deep inside of my chest my heart melted and I fell head over heels in love with the creature on the screen.
“Well…” The doctor and the tech chuckled.
My head snapped in their direction. “What?” I whispered.
“Your baby wants to make sure that you know just what it is.” The doctor touched the screen and I saw that the two legs were spread apart. “Congratulations. You are having a girl.”
Tears burnt my eyes and I blinked rapidly to keep them at bay. “A girl.” I breathed.
The tech took a few more pictures, then printed off one and handed it to me. “For your baby book. Baby’s first picture.” She smiled and left the room without the machine.
“Well you are very much pregnant, Em.” The doctor, who I was sure had told me his name but I had been to out of it to remember, gave me a questioning look. “Eighteen weeks and three days by the measurements. That puts your due date on November sixth.” He scribbled something on the iPad he had in his hands.
“Is she okay?” I couldn’t help but think of how sick I had been over the last month. “Did I hurt her?”
He was quick to reassure me. “No. The amniotic fluid is perfect, so your dehydration didn’t affect the baby. It’s probably why you were so sick though. Everything you were able to take in was going straight to her. Her heart rate is good; she’s moving around…You don’t feel it?”
My hand touched my lower stomach. There really was a little being inside of me. A tear escaped and trailed down my cheek. “No.” I whispered. “Is that normal?”
The doctor shrugged. “Every woman is different. Some don’t feel the baby until well into the fifth month. Second time mothers feel it sooner. You seem on schedule…So how are you feeling emotionally about the baby. Your reaction when I told you about the blood work wasn’t exactly…”
I shook my head. “I was scared. Am still so terrified I don’t know if this is a nightmare or not. But seeing her...” I clutched the ultrasound photo to my chest. “That changed everything.”
“It normally does.” He pulled a chair over and sat beside me. “Okay. So we have established that this is a shock, but now that you have seen her you are…Happy?”
I snorted. “I’m not thrilled about this, doctor. But...” I sucked in a deep breath. “But I’m not unhappy about it. If that makes sense.”
“Perfect sense.” He was punching something into the iPad. “Why was this such a surprise, Em? You don’t have a boyfriend?”
“This was a surprise because I have had sex a total of once in my life.” I told him honestly. “And the guy…He doesn’t even remember it happened. When I tell him that I’m pregnant.” I closed my eyes. “He is going to go crazy.”
“Is he still a part of your life?”
“He’s part of my everything.” I glared at the opposite wall. “I don’t know what I’m going to do.”
The doctor opened his mouth to say something, I have no clue what it was because suddenly the door to the exam room was shoved open and in stormed all four of my guys. Before I could even register that news Jesse was beside of me and Drake was pushing the doctor out of his way to get to me.
“Emmie.” Jesse was running his hands over my hair, taking in my IV and heart monitor. He was pale, shaking, and there were tears in his big brown eyes. “Are you okay? Tell me you’re okay, Em.”
“We came as soon as we heard.” Drake was clutching my hand. “I’m sorry we didn’t get here sooner.”
“What’s wrong with her?” Nik was standing at the foot of the bed, his attention on the doctor who was staring at the four of them with his mouth gaping open. “Is she going to be alright?”
The doctor finally dropped his gaze back on her and raised a brow in inquiry. I shook my head, not ready to tell any of them what was wrong with me, let alone that one of them was about to be called daddy. The man cleared his throat. “She came in severely dehydrated. We aren’t sure exactly what is going on, but will be keeping her overnight for observation.”
Jesse turned his gaze on the doctor and I felt sorry for him. Jesse, with his bald head, tattoos and bulky frame was intimidating. “You don’t know what is wrong with her?” The doctor shook his head. “Then get off your ass and do some fucking tests.”
“Jesse.” I captured his hand and linked our fingers together. “Calm down. The doctor is doing all he can. And I’m already feeling much better.”
The fire in his eyes dimmed when he turned back to me. “I just want to know what’s wrong.” He told me in a softer tone than what he had used with the doctor.
“We’re getting her a bed now and she will be moved soon. I suggest that you gentlemen go get some rest and you can see this young lady first thing in the morning. Right now she needs some rest.”
Four pairs of eyes turned to glare at the poor doctor. “We aren’t leaving.” They all said in unison. “Emmie is ours. We’re staying with her.” Shane informed him.
The doctor left, annoyed and muttering under his breath. But I felt cherished. Especially when Drake and Jesse gently squeezed me between the two of them in a hug. “I was so scared.” Jesse whispered against my hair. “Jesus Em! You should have seen a doctor before now.”
I clutched him tighter. “It’s nothing. I’m fine now.”
“It isn’t nothing!”
My head shot up at the vehemence in Nik’s tone. He was normally the calm one. The one that kept his cool when the other three were ready to tear things apart. But as I watched he shoved the doctor’s chair so hard it slid the length of the room and crashed to its side when it hit the wall. His fingers raked through his thick sandy brown hair and pulled on the ends like a demented person. “Axton said you were unconscious when he first got you here! Unconscious Emmie! Do you not understand how serious this fucking is? Has it slipped your attention that people die from dehydration?!” He turned away from us and actually punched the wall.
My heart shattered a little at how upset he was. For several minutes we were all quiet, while Nik leaned against the wall he had just punched, breathing hard. Drake tried to keep me calm, soothingly running his fingers through the ends of my hair, rubbing my back. Jesse just stood there, holding my hand. Shane paced, his usual go to when he was stressed.
“Nik…” I whispered his name, unable to handle the distance between us now. I couldn’t go to him, the IV and heart monitor had me trapped in the bed. But I needed him to hold me more than anyone else.
He blew out a long drawn out sigh and turned to face me. His hands scrubbed across his cheeks, telling me that he had been crying. That’s when I saw the blood on his knuckles. They were scrapped. “Nik.” I pulled away from Jesse and Drake and held my arms out for him, silently begging him to come to me.
Drake moved out of the way as Nik crossed to me. He sat on the edge of the bed and I wrapped myself around him. My arms wrapped around his neck and pulled his head down to my chest. “I’m okay.” I whispered against his ear and he trembled. “I’m here.”
Strong arms tightened around me almost painful
ly. “I’m sorry Emmie. I’m so sorry.” I didn’t say anything, just rocked him against me while he cried.
Chapter 7
Dull light was filtered through the window by plastic blinds. I groaned at the disturbance to my sleep and turned on my side away from the window, wanting nothing but to go back to sleep.
The pain in my arm as I moved made me open my eyes again. I couldn’t turn on my arm because my IV line wouldn’t allow it. The events of the evening before came flooding back into my sleep fogged mind and without thinking my hand covered my lower stomach. My baby girl was in there.
Deep snores around the room made me raise my head. The nursing staff had been both aggravated and thrilled at my posse when I was put in my private room the night before. Some of them were Demon’s Wings fans; others were just in awe at having the rockers in the same building as them.
Chairs were brought without having to be asked for, along with pillows and blankets. Now my guys were spread around the room sleeping like the dead. With a happy smile on my lips I reached for the hand that was laying so close to my own on the bed. Jesse actually jerked awake when I touched him. “Emmie?”
“I’m still here.” I assured him.
He scrubbed his hands over his face. “I need coffee.”
“You and me both.” Nik muttered from his chair to my right. He twisted his neck right and left, trying to get the tension out of them. “I’ll go find us some.” He stood and dropped a kiss on my forehead. “Need anything, baby girl?”
“Something cold and lemony?” My mouth felt gooey.
“You got it.” He promised and kissed me again.
I was unable to take my eyes off of him until he was out of sight. Jesse shook his head. “Idiots.” He muttered under his breath.
“Shut up, Jess.” Damn him for seeing everything!
“Just stating the obvious, Em.” He stood, cracking his neck and back until he was able to move around with ease. “Wow, you look better. I haven’t seen color in your cheeks in weeks.”
Drake and Shane were up by the time Nik returned with coffee and a soft drink for me. The lemon lime flavor of the soda was like heaven for my taste buds and I gulped half of it before having to stop and belch. My guys laughed at me because I could belch with the best of them.
A nurse with short gray hair walked in without knocking. A clip board in one hand and a little machine pulled along behind her with the other. She shook her head at my guys, and weaved her way through them to get to me. “Looks like you get to go home, Miss Jameson.”
I let out a relieved sigh. “Thank the gods.”
“Let me get your blood pressure and temperature, dear.” She put a cuff on my arm without the IV and a thermometer under my tongue. While she waited for the vitals to register she glanced around her. “You boys okay with the sight of blood?”
“Yes, ma’am.” Jesse assured the woman. “But what does that have to do with anything?”
“I have to take out the IV in Miss Jameson’s arm. If you can’t handle the sight of blood then I suggest you fellows get out until she’s all bandaged up.”
I shot Shane a quick look. “Maybe you should go get some more coffee.” I suggested. He didn’t have to be told twice. The guy can look at his own blood all day long, but anyone else’s and he tended to lose it.
The nurse laughed as she pulled the cuff from my arm, wrote a few things on her clip board and then reached for my arm with the IV. The thing was taped up nice and tight and I couldn’t help but whimper as the nurse pulled the tape off. Then she was easing the needle from my arm and patching me up with a small bandage.
“Okay dear, these are the doctor’s instructions. Follow up with your personal doctor in the next week. Come back if you start feeling faint, unable to keep liquids down, or develop a high fever.” She tore off the top sheet of paper and handed it over along with a smaller piece of paper. “And a prescription for vitamins. My suggestion is take them at bed time because they tend to upset the stomach.”
“Vitamins?” Jesse frowned. “That’s it? Just vitamins?”
“There isn’t much that we can give her.” The nurse told him as she turned to him.
“Why the fuck not?” Drake demanded, standing beside of the drummer. “She’s very sick!”
“Guys…”
The nurse just laughed and I groaned, knowing that the shit was about to hit the fan. “A baby doesn’t exactly qualify as a serious illness, honey.”
“What…” Jesse.
“…The…” Drake.
“FUCK!” Nik.
“Emmie!?!” Jesse again. He was beside me in an instant. “What the fuck is she talking about, a baby?” His eyes were on fire with confused rage.
I sighed and pushed the hair away from my face, knowing that I had to face this full on. I had wanted to ease into telling them. But now, thanks to the nurse I had to do it now. I wasn’t ready for this! I wasn’t ready to tell them anything.
Of course they would want to know everything.
“I’m pregnant.” I finally told him and watched as his dark eyes widened. His nose flared and I was reminded of a raging bull. Great! I glared at the nurse. The woman muttered a quick excuse and got the hell out of the way. Yes, it was easy to determine who my least favorite person in the world was right then.
“How is that even possible?” Drake demanded.
Despite the seriousness of the situation I actually laughed at him. “You mean you don’t know the how, Drake?”
He gave me a withering look and I lost my smile. “Don’t try to be cute, Em. You know exactly what the fuck I mean.”
“What’s all the shouting about?” Shane demanded, walking back into the room.
“Emmie is pregnant.” Jesse snarled.
“How the fuck is that even possible?” He demanded, turning to me in shock. Yes, you could tell who the biological brothers were in the band.
“Who?”
My eyes zeroed in on Nik and his softly spoken question. “What?”
Those ice blue eyes of his that have always been able to see to my very soul were on fire now. “Who, Emmie? Who is the father?” And his gaze went straight to Jesse. “Or do I already know.”
“What?” I couldn’t believe he would think that Jesse…
“What the fuck, Nik!” Jesse raged at his friend. “You think I would..? Have you lost your fucking mind? She might be hot, but I would never touch her! She’s like my sister.”
“I don’t believe you.” Nik’s voice was ice cold and I knew then and there that he was beyond pissed. Nik only went subzero when he was truly pissed. I wasn’t sure how or even why he was so angry. The rest of the guys were mad, sure. But not like Nik was. “I see the way you look at her. I see how she is always clinging to you.”
“Nik…” I broke off when his gaze turned to me. I couldn’t breathe for a moment as I took in the rage burning in his gorgeous eyes. He’s never looked at me like that. “Nik, Jesse isn’t the father.”
“Then who, Em?” He crossed the room so quick I didn’t have time to blink. He leaned his hands on the bed on either side of me and pushed his face so close I could actually taste the coffee on his breath. “Who the fuck touched you?!”
I couldn’t speak. Couldn’t form the words that he needed me to say. How could I tell him when he was in this frame of mind? Why was he in this frame of mind? This man who has watched over me almost all my life, who has sang me my own lullaby, who has loved me like a sister, and treated me like I was so special…He was looking like he hated me right now and I didn’t understand it.
Drake pulled him back. “Stop it, Nik. Can’t you see that she is terrified of you right now?”
“Just tell me who!”
“Why?” I cried. “Why do you have to know so badly?”
“So I can kill him!” He bellowed.
Tears spilled from my eyes. “What’s wrong with you, Nik? Why are you acting like this?”
“Axton? He was sniffing around a few months ago. Was it
him? I saw him with his hands all over you last night.” He was struggling to get free from Drake now and I was scared that if Drake lost his hold on him he would hit me. “Was it him!?”
“No!”
“Who!”
Jesse put himself between me and Nik, but he turned to me and grasped my hands. “Tell him, Em. Tell him so that he will calm down.”
“I…” I shook my head. If I said it out loud then that would be it. I couldn’t hide behind my walls anymore. Shame burned my face.
“Someone in this room?” Nik demanded. “Is it?”
“Yes.” I whispered and Jesse’s head snapped back as if I had slapped him. His eyes met mine and I knew that he knew so I lowered mine back to the bed.
Nik heard me. It was like he had supersonic hearing because I had barely even heard myself. “Who, Em? Tell me who.” Had his voice actually cracked?
I swallowed hard and blinked away my tears, but was unable to contain them. “Nik…”
“WHO!”
“YOU!”
Chapter 8
If I told you it was possible for me to violate someone I love would you believe me? It’s true. I took something that wasn’t meant for me. I took it, and pretended like I hadn’t. I took it, cherished every fucking second.
I’m a bad person. I took advantage of my friend, of someone who has spent his life making mine better. Nik trusted me. I was the one person in his life that if he couldn’t trust then there was no one else. And I destroyed that trust.
Four months ago I was weak and selfish. But up until today, this second I wasn’t sorry about it. Had only ever let myself think about it when I was alone in my hotel rooms. When my love and need for Nik overwhelmed me to the point that I had no choice but to relive my stolen night with him.
--
For once we had made it a whole day before a concert. I was glad because there was a storm brewing outside and I hated being on the bus during a thunderstorm. Even at twenty-one years old I was still terrified of thunder.
I huddled under my blanket and tried to keep my mind off the growing rage of the storm outside, but it was no use. So I grabbed my room key along with the others and ran from my room. The lights flickered as I ran the length of the corridor and opened the door to Nik’s room. I knew I shouldn’t, that I was chancing walking in on him with some groupie, but the thunder was just too much for me.
The Rocker That Holds Me Page 4
