by Fisher, Lisa
“You could look at it as a reminder of all the good things you will have in the future. You’re only twenty-one.”
“Maybe, but look at you. You’re only twenty and you’re holding all your dreams right in your hands.”
I put my hand on his shoulder. “Tell me what happened, East.”
He looked over solemnly. “It was just a stupid accident. God. I’ve replayed that stupid fucking day in my head a million times. If we left a second later, didn’t stop for food. If we did one little thing differently, he could still be here.”
My eyes started watering. My heart broke for East.
“You were playing in Seattle that night.”
I inched back.
“Dad practically forced me to go see you play. I didn’t want to, because, well, you know why.” He wiped the tears away. “We stopped to eat at some restaurant on the way to the show. A T. G. I. Fridays. He had a steak, and I had a burger. Then he asked me to drive, so I did. But, it was so foggy, and I couldn’t dodge it fast enough when a truck crossed the highway. I swerved, I tried to miss it.”
“Oh god, East, I’m sorry.”
“I think the report said the car must have flipped ten times. I’m lucky to be alive. But, Dad? Why? Tell me why, Ais? He was the best person I know!”
“Hey, Ralph. Is East home?”
He grinned and wiped the sweat off his brow, looking up at me from under the hood of his old Chevy truck. “Hello, dear. No he’s still out with his mom.”
“Oh.” My head fell.
“Something I can help you with?”
I shook my head quickly. “No, it’s stupid.”
“I doubt it’s stupid.”
“I’m leaving in five days, and East has been avoiding me.”
Ralph cocked his head to the side and walked up to me. “He’s just trying to deal with it. You know our boy.”
“Yeah, well, I just… maybe I shouldn’t do this, you know? I probably won’t ever be anything.”
“You already are something, Aisley. If you weren’t, that boy wouldn’t be mourning you like you’re already gone.”
I laughed. “You know what I mean. I mean, it’s easy now with East, but what about when I’m gone? It’s going to be so hard.”
“Sometimes, the biggest challenges we face are the ones we learn the most from.”
I smirked. “How do you always know what to say?”
“That’s a father’s job, dear.”
“My dad must not have gotten the memo,” I joked.
“Sometimes, the biggest challenges we face are the ones we learn the most from.”
“That doesn’t fucking help,” East spat.
“It’s something Ralph told me.”
His eyes darted to mine.
“Your dad was a wonderful man, East. I know he’d want you to keep this.” I motioned around the property. “He’d also want you to stop blaming yourself for something that was beyond your control.”
“But it was my fault. I was driving.”
“No. It wasn’t. It was an accident. If anything, it was the other driver’s fault.”
He let out an angry laugh. “He was driving drunk. Broke about every bone in his body and is paralyzed. But he got to live!”
“East—”
“If it makes me a bad person for hating him for it, I don’t give a shit.”
“You’re not a bad person.”
He shrugged. “For a while, I blamed you, too.”
I sucked in a breath. Was this why he was really angry with me when I came back? “I’m sorry.”
“I know it’s not your fault, I do, but—if you weren’t playing that night he’d still be alive.”
“You can’t know that, East. Maybe it was just—”
“Don’t.” He cut me off. “Don’t you dare fucking tell me it was meant to happen. I can’t believe there was a reason this happened. There can’t be a reason.” He broke down in a sob, and I held him close.
“I’m sorry, I’m so sorry.” I wished there was a way to make everything better again.
People say time heals everything—but how could time heal something like this?
***
Chapter 13
“Why didn’t you tell me?” I demanded, barging in Beck’s front door and narrowing my eyes at her.
“I swear. We only hooked up one time. East is not that—”
“What?” I gasped.
“I’m kidding. Geez, you’re easy to mess with today.” She rolled her eyes, and continued flipping through the Cosmo magazine she was reading. “So what didn’t I tell you?”
“For starters, that Easton was in a car accident!”
“Ais—”
“His dad died on his way to see me play!”
“Calm down—“
“No.” I cut her off again. “Why didn’t you tell me?”
“East asked me not to.”
“Why? When?” I shook my head.
“When do you think? When you showed up here out of the blue.”
“I thought you were my best friend, Becks. How could you not tell me?”
“Because he’s my best friend, too. He didn’t just up and leave, never to call again!” she yelled. She must have been holding that in for a while. “When the accident happened, and I called you—you didn’t even call me back to let me know you got my damn message! In fact, I don’t even think we talked more than five times after you left!”
“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean for it to be like that.”
“But it was. And I love you to death, but you didn’t see the way East was after the accident. He was lucky enough to not have been hurt too bad, physically. But mentally, emotionally? There was only so much I could do to help him. He really needed you.”
“And you don’t know how much I regret not coming! It kills me to think it was because of me that Ralph’s dead. And that I didn’t just come home. It makes me sick. I’m a horrible person and friend and—what the hell am I supposed to do? How do I fix this?”
Becks pulled me in for a hug. “I hate to say it, Ais, but there’s nothing you can do. There’s nothing anyone can do. It just takes time.”
“But I have to fix this, Becks, I just have to.”
But she was right. I couldn’t change the past. All I could do was be here for Easton now. The only problem was… I was still leaving in a week and a half.
***
“You’re not going to forget about me when you’re rich and famous, are you?” East joked.
“You think too much of me. Who says I’ll even make it?”
“Come on.” He grabbed my hand and laced our fingers together. “People would have to be both dumb and blind not to love you, Carter. Besides, this whole town’s heard you play, and we all love you.”
I shot him a look. “It’s a pretty small town, East.”
He shrugged. “You were great at every show in Seattle, too. Why else would they ask you to record an album?”
“You’re right, I’m just being stupid.”
“Yes, you are pretty stupid,” he teased.
“Shut up! I guess I’m just scared.”
“It’s okay to be scared, nobody’s fearless.”
“I’m going to pretend to be.” In a few weeks, I’d be in L.A. where I would know nobody. So I’d pretend to be strong. I’d pretend leaving the only life I knew wasn’t terrifying, and I’d pretend being away from Easton would be easy.
“You know what they say, ‘fake it ‘til you make it.’” He laughed.
“You could come with me, you know. We could get an apartment together.”
“As nice as that sounds, Ais, I’m small town. I like it here. And besides, I start at U-dub in the fall.”
“Seattle’s not very small-town,” I reminded him.
“Well, if I don’t like the dorms, I’ll just commute. It’s only like a forty minute drive.”
“They have schools in L.A.”
“Yeah, none of which I applied to.” He let out a si
gh. “I know you can’t understand that I want to stay here, but I do. As much as I hate the thought of not being around you, we are just on two different paths.”
“Maybe. But I know our paths end up in the same place,” I said, matter of fact.
“Oh yeah? Where’s that?”
“Right here.” I cuddled in closer. “Together.”
He laughed and gave me a squeeze. “It’s something to dream about.”
“I love you, East.”
“I love you, too, babe.”
For once, I wasn’t awakened by my mother’s incessant knocking on my door, but by the ringing of my phone… knocking me out of a perfect memory. I looked at my phone and saw that the call was from Devin. Not more than a second after, he sent me a text.
Devin: Call me today. We need to talk about a radio interview.
I groaned. My days here were short, and oddly, I wouldn’t only miss Easton… I would miss my parents—even the way my mom hounded me about breakfast—and I’d miss Becks, and her mom, and Easton’s mom. I’d miss having fun at the lake and going to movies at the park.
I was going to miss being home.
For eighteen years, I dreamed about getting out of here, and now? Now, I didn’t want to go. Only twelve days. I threw my hair up in a messy ponytail and walked downstairs.
“Hey, Mom,” I said, grabbing an apple from the fruit dish. “Dad.”
They both turned to me, expressions serious, and I knew I just walked in on them fighting. I glanced around the kitchen, taking notice that my mom hadn’t made breakfast this morning. I checked the clock on the wall. Ten thirty. She even let me sleep in. “What’s going on?” I asked.
Mom gave Dad a hard look. He grumbled under his breath, and then turned to me. “Sit down, honey.”
I didn’t like the sound of this. I looked around for John, who appeared to be nowhere. “Why?”
“We have something to tell you, sweetie.” Mom looked down at the floor.
Though I really did not want to, I sat down, staring up at them expectantly. “Okay.”
Dad rubbed his neck, nervously. “Sometimes, when people grow up, they grow apart. They end up liking different things, or wanting different things, honey.”
I wasn’t hearing this. This couldn’t be what I thought it was. It couldn’t.
“Your mom and I are getting a divorce.”
“You’re fucking kidding, right?”
“Aisley Marie, watch your mouth,” Mom scolded me automatically.
I ignored her. “You guys seemed normal the whole time I’ve been home. Is this some kind of joke?”
“No, honey,” Mom said softly. “We didn’t know if we should tell you, since we know you’ve been going through a lot.”
“Why? Don’t you love each other?”
“It’s not that simple,” Dad stated.
“I’m moving out when you go back on your tour, sweetie. I’m getting an apartment in town,” Mom said.
“But you don’t even have a job!” This was unbelievable. Tears welled up behind my eyes. “You’ve been married for twenty five years!” People who were married for twenty-five years didn’t get divorced—did they?
“I got a job a couple weeks ago. I’m working at the library.”
“The library?” I gave her a pointed look. “You guys aren’t even going to try and work things out?”
Dad pinched the bridge of his nose. “Sweetie, we’ve tried. We’ve been to counseling. This wasn’t something that happened overnight—it was a long time coming.”
“I can’t believe this!” I crossed my arms over my chest. I looked over at my mother. She was trying really hard not to cry. “So what? You just grew apart? I don’t buy that for a second!”
“Aisley—honey—please understand—”
“No.” I cut her off. “I can’t understand how there’s no way you can work this out.”
“I met someone else,” Dad mumbled, looking at the floor, no doubt in shame.
I looked at my mother, who was trying to mask her heartbreak. Un-fucking-believable. “Mom?”
She nodded.
I shook my head. “I’m out of here.”
“Aisley, wait—”
I didn’t stick around to hear anything more. I hurried through the living room and out the door. Instinctively, I started walking in the direction of Easton’s house. I could hear footsteps behind me, but I didn’t have to turn around to know whom they belonged to. “Sometimes a little alone time is nice.”
“Yeah, well, you don’t get that luxury, kid.” John picked up his stride to catch up.
I scowled at him.
At least East only lived a few blocks away.
I knocked on his door ferociously. I was so angry with my parents, well, my dad mostly. How could he cheat on my mom? Didn’t he love her at all?
The door swung open wide. “Aisley—what’s wrong?”
I sunk down on his porch steps without a word, and he joined me. “My parents are getting a divorce.”
“I’m sorry,” he said throwing an arm around my shoulder.
“My dad cheated! Can you believe this, East? He wants to be with someone else!”
He just shook his head, knowing I had more to say.
“I used to think he was this great man, and now? What am I supposed to think?” I buried my face in my hands.
“You’re supposed to think he’s human,” East said quietly. “People fuck up. We all make mistakes.”
“I know you’re right, but I won’t forgive him for this.”
“Come on, haven’t you done something you regret?”
“That’s the thing, though—he doesn’t! If he did they would be working it out!” I looked up at him. “Twenty five years they were together. That should mean something.”
“Yeah, it should.” He nodded. “I’m not saying it shouldn’t. I’m just saying you only have one father. Don’t let this ruin your relationship with him.”
I felt bad for Easton. He would do anything for even just one more argument with his dad, and I couldn’t even look at mine.
My mother came walking up the driveway. “Hello Easton, can I talk to my daughter for a second?”
He nodded and kissed the side of my head. “I’ll be inside, okay?”
“Okay.”
When the door slammed behind him, Mom sat down next to me. “I know your upset, honey.”
“How could he do this to you?”
She shrugged, and started to shed a few tears.
“This was why you were upset the other day, wasn’t it?”
She nodded. “It happened about six months ago. Someone he met at work. I should have known. He was staying late, working Saturdays. I was just so caught up in being the perfect housewife that I didn’t notice how distant he was becoming.”
I wiped away a tear that escaped. “I’m so sorry, Mom.”
“Me, too. I loved your father, so much. My entire adult life was spent trying to keep him happy. Well, that, and raise you.”
“How did you find out?” I asked.
“He got a text one day, and I happened to read it. When I asked him about it, he told me everything. We went to counseling, but only because I begged him. His heart was already somewhere else.”
“I’m just so mad at him.”
“Me, too,” she admitted. “But, I’ve had time to come to terms with it. When I did that, I felt a lot better. Some days are still hard though, honey.”
“Let me help you, Mom. I can give you some money, or buy you a house. Just tell me what you need.”
“Sweetie, the only thing I need—is for my daughter to be happy—and healthy.”
“But how are you going to afford everything on your own?”
“I’ll manage.” She gave me a stern look. “I’m supposed to take care of you, not the other way around.”
I wanted to argue, but once my mother’s mind was made up, there was no talking her out of it.
“I’m so proud of you, Aisley, you know t
hat?” She wrapped her arms around me and hugged me close. “You chased your dreams, fearlessly. I wish I were more like you, honey.”
I started to cry.
“Do you remember when you asked me why I didn’t want a career when you were younger?”
I sniffed. “Yeah.”
“When I told you I was happy with being a housewife and mother, I meant it. But, now, my one big regret is not being anything else. It’s the worst feeling in the world when you depend on someone else so much that you don’t know what to do when they leave.”
“Mom, I’m so sorry.”
“It’s not your fault. Just don’t take what you have for granted. It’s a good thing to know you don’t need to rely on someone else.” She kissed the side of my head. “And I know you’re mad at your dad, but he loves you so much. I hope you can forgive him.”
After she walked away, all I could think about was how I never wanted to end up like that. And for a split second, I almost wanted to throw my entire career away just to be with a boy. Just to be with East. But I couldn’t do that. I had to keep following my dream. I had to leave East behind again, no matter how much it would hurt.
If it hurt like hell last time, it would damn near kill me this time.
***
I hadn’t seen Dad since I yelled at him. When I got home the night before he was in bed, and when I got up this morning he had already left. That was probably for the best. I wasn’t ready to forgive him yet.
My phone started to ring. When I called Devin back yesterday, he told me a radio show in Seattle would be calling for an interview. This must be it. I answered, and I was then placed on hold, waiting for the DJ’s to be ready for me. Phone interviews always weirded me out. I preferred talking to someone in person, rather than through a telephone. Finally, I heard one of the hosts come on the line.
“With us now is superstar Aisley Carter. She’ll be playing live at the Tacoma Dome one week from today, so stay tuned and we’ll let you know how to win tickets. Aisley, how are you doing?”
“I’m great, how about you?”
“We’re doing great. We hear you’ve been on vacation for the last few months, how’s that been?”
I cringed. Vacation. “Yes, I’ve actually been visiting my parents for the last couple months.”
