Well, there was no way that was going to be taken away from him.
“Okay, Franky,” said Vale. “There’s the exit. You get your friends to safety. I’ll hold off these ants.”
“That’s okay, buddy,” said Jern. “We can take them.”
Vale shook his head.
“No way,” he said. “Your friends are probably weak from being in prison this whole time. Get them to the surface where they belong. This fight is mine.”
“Oh, no worries,” said Jern. “There were ninety-seven of them in the prison stomach. So we got this.”
“Ninety-seven!” said Vale. “Come on!”
Just then, a swarm of beetles poured into the tunnel. The antibody army stopped dead in its tracks.
“RUN AWAY!”
The ants yelled and scattered into Saphrite’s many stomachs and spleens. The fight was over already. And Vale had done nothing.
Chapter Twelve
Sergeant-at-Nothing
Vale slunk to the end of the tunnel and poked his head out of Saphrite’s belly button.
“Um, Vale?” asked Abigail. “What are you doing?”
“I’m not coming out,” said Vale.
Abigail looked around nervously.
“You have to,” she said. “We don’t have a lot of time to get to the pod and get out of here. Come on.”
“No,” said Vale. “This whole planet, I haven’t done anything well. I’m supposed to be the sergeant-at-arms, but you guys did everything. Even the bug was more of a hero here than I was.”
Finn tried to reason with Vale.
“Come on, buddy,” he said. “That’s not true. Look, Elias and I are out in the fresh air now and we both feel a thousand times better. It only took a second. You gotta get out of there. Get your head right.”
“Yeah, Vale,” said Elias. “Come on. You can’t stay inside an alien. That’s nuts! You’ve been nuts all day!”
“That’s easy for you guys to say,” said Vale. “Abigail is the captain, and she’s always leading us. Finn is the chief detective, and he solved those joke clues. Elias is our technologist, and even he guessed one of the computer jokes right. I don’t do anything. I need to do something to show how courageous I am.”
“Vale, may I?” said Foggy. “I know I’m just a robot, and I don’t know much about your squishy human brains. But courage isn’t just about fighting and battling.”
“Yes, it is,” said Vale. “You don’t know what you’re talking about, Foggy.”
“Says the guy with his head sticking out of an alien,” laughed Elias.
“My point, Vale, my friend,” said Foggy, “is that sometimes the courageous thing to do is not to do something. Sometimes the bravest thing you can do is take a step back and let your teammates shine. Trusting your friends like that takes true courage.”
“That’s such a good point,” said Abigail.
“That’s why we’re a great team,” said Elias.
“Your support of all of us makes you a hero,” said Finn.
Vale nodded and smiled at his friends.
“Nah,” he said.
And he disappeared back inside the belly button.
Chapter Thirteen
A Hero’s Reception
“Foggy, can you go back in after him, please?” asked Finn. “Who knows what he’s getting up to in there.”
“On it, young Finn,” said Foggy. He started to dive back into the tunnel, when suddenly Jern burst out onto the surface.
“Jeez, you jamokes sure like to talk,” said the bug. “Flap gums. Chew the fat. Flip the burgers.”
“Please, Jern,” said Abigail. “Get out of the way.”
“Why, you going after Sergeant-at-Arms Vale Gil?” he laughed.
“Yes!” shouted Finn. “Now please move. We need to get in there.”
“Sure thing,” said the beetle. “But you’re not getting back in there anytime soon.”
Following the beetle, one at a time, were ninety-seven of his closest friends, all scurrying out to the surface. Ten minutes went by before the stream finally ended.
“Okay, here I go,” said Foggy.
“No, wait,” said Abigail. “Vale could be anywhere in there by now. If you go in, then we’ll have lost two of you.”
“What is that jamoke even doing back in there?” said Jern.
“No idea,” said Finn. “But Abigail is right. The best thing we can do is get back to the pod and get it ready to fly out of here. We can’t stand around and wait for Saphrite to notice us again and send her antibodies. We won’t leave without Vale, but let’s give him time to get himself out of there first.”
The troop ran back to the explorer pod. The antibody ants had done a number on it. The outside was heavily scratched. But there were no cracks in the windshield, and when Abigail powered on the pod, there was no doubt it would be able to take off.
“Let’s fly it over to the belly button,” said Elias. “So if Vale gets out, we can grab him and go.”
“You mean, when he gets out,” said Finn.
But truth be told, they were all worried.
Abigail launched the pod and flew it toward the tunnel. But before it got even halfway there, an enormous claw rose from the ground. It swatted at the pod, knocking it off course and bouncing it off the hard ground. Or, off Saphrite’s hard hide. The explorers looked up to find Saphrite’s giant, yellow eye looking right at them.
“She definitely knows we’re here,” said Abigail.
She pulled up on the levers, but Saphrite’s claw swiped again, knocking the pod back down to the ground where it skidded to a stop.
Abigail tried to lift off again, but Saphrite caught the pod in her paw like a baseball.
“What do we do?” said Abigail. “Every time I try to outmaneuver her, she’s quicker than our ship.”
BOOM!
Saphrite slammed the pod to the ground, just beside the belly button. The bugs, scared to be caught up in Saphrite’s rage, all scattered.
“Okay, it’s okay,” said Elias. “Let’s just think.”
“Yes,” said Foggy. “We just need to put our heads together and puzzle this out.”
CRACK!
Saphrite began to squeeze the pod, pressing it down into the ground. She was trying to crack the pod open like an egg.
CRACK! CRACKCRACKCRACK!
“That does not sound good,” said Finn.
“I don’t know how much more of this the ship can take!” said Abigail.
CRACK! WHOOOOOP!
An alarm began to sound on the explorer pod. The ship was going to break open any second.
“Think!” Finn said to himself. “Think. There has to be a way out of this.”
“I don’t think there is,” said Elias.
Suddenly, there was a strange cry from Saphrite’s belly button.
“BWWWAAAAAIIIINNNNSSSS!”
A hand poked out of the belly button. It was followed by an arm, and then another arm. It looked like a zombie climbing out of its grave.
“BWWWAAAAAIIIINNNNNNSSS!!” came the voice again.
Vale’s head poked out of the belly button. And just a second later, he leapt to the surface of the planet. On his back, holding on with all four of his arms, was the alien who had greeted them in the first stomach.
“Hey, guys!” shouted Vale. “I’m back. Thanks for waiting. Remember this guy? The zombie guy? Guess what? Turns out his name is Elav. That’s like my name backward. Hey, are you guys okay? You look worried. Were you worried about me? Oh, that’s so sweet.”
The explorers were all stunned. They couldn’t think of a single thing to say, even as Saphrite continued swatting at their ship.
“I’m just kidding,” said Vale. “I know you’re really worried about the pod. One sec. Elav, give me a hand?”
Vale and the thin alien ran toward Saphrite’s paw.
“Vale, no!” shouted Abigail. Saphrite swung at Vale.
“Triple-dip-flip!” yelled Vale, and he jumped,
soaring between the claws and then flipping so he could grab on to a giant knuckle. Elav pulled off the same gymnastic stunt.
“Here,” said Vale, pointing at a spot on Saphrite’s paw. Vale used his two hands, and Elav his four hands, to scratch the thousand-year itch on Saphrite’s toe.
“This one’s for you, sixteenth brain,” said Vale.
Saphrite was so relieved, she closed her massive yellow eye. She lay her paw on the ground. And that rumble across her mountains just might have been a purr.
Chapter Fourteen
History in the Making
On the long ride back to the Marlowe, the explorer pod shook and shuddered. Saphrite had definitely done some damage. But the ship would make it. The explorers would make it. And they would have one great story to tell.
Elav was along for the ride. He didn’t have a home planet anymore, but the kids couldn’t just leave him on Saphrite. So they agreed to drop him off at their next stop.
“Vale, you’re out of your mind,” said Finn. “What were you thinking?”
“I’m sorry, guys,” said Vale. “I don’t know why I got so obsessed with being the hero of this trip. It’s just that you guys all have these really cool things you do. And, you know, I want to be able to say I do cool things, too.”
Abigail shook her head.
“Vale, you’re helping us all the time,” she said. “Just because you don’t always defeat the big bad guy doesn’t mean you’re not a hero.”
“I know that now,” shrugged Vale. “What Foggy said really hit me. All his talk about being part of the team. I know it probably looked like I wasn’t listening. And you probably thought I went back in to be a hero.”
“It did look like that,” said Elias, “because you said, ‘Nah,’ and ran off.”
“True blue,” laughed Vale. “But what you guys were saying about being a team really hit me. And it made me think of old Elav over there. He was all alone in that half-a-house. And he’d been that way for two thousand years!”
Vale paused to look over at the four-armed alien.
“I just couldn’t imagine that,” he said. “And I felt like we couldn’t leave him behind.”
“That’s really sweet, Vale,” said Finn. “We should write this whole story down. They can teach it to future explorer troops. How Vale Gil risked his own life—”
“And the lives of his friends,” laughed Abigail.
“How Vale Gil risked everything,” said Finn, “to save just one alien who was alone in the universe. That would make an amazing story.”
“Nah, that’s okay,” said Vale. “I don’t care about that stuff anymore.”
“Really?!” said Elias. “I don’t believe you.
“Really,” said Vale. He put his arms behind his head and closed his eyes. “I don’t need all that fame stuff. I’m a legend in my own mind.”
The troop all laughed.
“We’ll definitely tell everyone how you got covered in Saphrite’s mucus,” said Abigail.
“You can leave that part out,” said Vale.
“Or how you made best friends with an armpit beetle,” said Elias.
“How dare you speak of Cool Franky like that!” shouted Vale.
“Oh yeah, and we’ll definitely tell everyone about how you scratched Saphrite’s itchy, flaky, gross toe,” said Finn.
Vale’s eyes opened, and he shuddered as a chill ran down his spine.
“Never,” he said.
“Yeah, I think you still have some flakes on your forehead,” laughed Abigail.
“Eww!” cried Vale. “Get them off!” He slapped at his forehead, but there was nothing there. All his friends were laughing so hard, the little explorer pod shook.
“Very funny,” said Vale. “We shall never speak of the toe again.”
Hall of Alien Stomachs
DESPITE TRAVELING THROUGH AN IMPRESSIVE AND DISGUSTING ARRAY OF STOMACHS, EXPLORERS TROOP 301 ONLY SAW A HANDFUL OF SAPHRITE’S MANY DIGESTIVE CAVES.
HERE ARE SOME OF HER MORE FAMOUS TUMMIES.
THE COMET CHAMELEON
Saphrite has been known to pluck a comet out of the starry sky and pop it in her mouth. Once in her stomach, the comets, with their long tails and changing colors, resemble sleeping lizards. They’ve been known to crawl out of the comet stomach and into other lairs, blending in with their surroundings.
THE BALLOON BALLROOM
The explorers were lucky not to encounter any of Saphrite’s many bladders. They fill with all manner of fluids. What fluids, you ask? Do not ask such questions. You do not want to know.
HAMSTER WHEEL
It’s just a big hamster. In a giant wheel. Running. No one is sure what the hamster wheel is powering, but one thing is for sure: the hamster is in great shape.
STARBELLY
Saphrite loves to eat planets, but all those crusts can give her indigestion. When she needs to do a cleanse, she swallows a couple young stars to help settle her stomach.*
*Eating stars is not FDA approved and is not guaranteed to improve your digestion. Consult with your doctor before eating a star. If you’ve eaten a star and feel gassy, call your doctor. Side effects may include glowing skin, fire breath, and explosion.
Acknowledgments
When I first got started as a writer, I made a huge mistake: I wrote for grown-ups. But, as we all know, grown-ups are boring. And they make very serious faces when they read. And they read books with titles like The History of How Wallpaper Makes Me Feel. And do you know what grown-ups like to do when reading at night? Fall asleep!
Ridiculous.
I have since sworn off adults and I’ve never been happier. So I’d like to thank every kid who has ever listened to the Finn podcast or read one of these books. The kids I have met through the Finn universe have made my world infinitely brighter and I can’t thank you enough.
Now, having said that, maybe a grown-up is reading this to you now. Or maybe they bought this for you. Or maybe they helped you check it out from the library. That makes this a little awkward. But please put on a very serious face and tell them I’m sorry I called them boring. And then thank them. Stories are incredible gifts, and the people who bring them to us are very special.
So I would like to thank a very special person to me: my mother, Susan, who always encouraged me to read. Thank you for pretending not to see the flashlight beam under my covers as I stayed up way past my bedtime reading late into the night.
About the Author and Illustrator
Photo by Maria Villanueva
JONATHAN MESSINGER makes podcasts and books in Chicago, where he lives with his wife and two sons. He also lives with a robot named BeeBop, who is always interrupting him when he’s writ—
Photo courtesy Aleksei Bitskoff
ALEKSEI BITSKOFF lives with his wife, son, and little daughter in Woking, UK—although sometimes you can find him on a small mushroom planet floating southwest of the Andromeda Galaxy.
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Copyright
THE ALIEN ADVENTURES OF FINN CASPIAN #4: JOURNEY TO THE CENTER OF THAT THING. Text copyright © 2021 by Jonathan Messinger. Illustrations copyright © 2021 by HarperCollins Publishers. Illustrations by Aleksei Bitskoff. All rights reserved under International and Pan-American Copyright Conventions. By payment of the required fees, you have been granted the nonexclusive, nontransferable right to access and read the text of this e-book on-screen. No part of this text may be reproduced, transmitted, downloaded, decompiled, reverse-engineered, or stored in or introduced into any information storage and retrieval system, in any form or by any means, whether electronic or mechanical, now known or hereafter invented, without the express written permission of HarperCollins e-books.
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Cover art © 2021 by HarperCollins Publishers
Cover art by Aleksei Bitskoff
Logo and cover design by Jessie Gang
Library of Co
ngress Control Number: 2021933142
Digital Edition AUGUST 2021 ISBN: 978-0-06-293225-9
Print ISBN: 978-0-06-293224-2
ISBN 978-0-06-293223-5 (pbk.)
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FIRST EDITION
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