by Cs Jacobs
“Can we ride them now?”
“Of course, darlin’. You wanna take Abel out first? He’s our speed demon. I want you to be careful on him.”
“Always, Granddad, let’s go!” I enthusiastically rub my hands together and go to let Abel out. My grandfather laughs at me as he lets Cash out. We saddle them up then grab helmets out of the cabinet. We never ride without helmets. I give Roger a kiss then send him back to the house. I can tell he does not like the horses. Betty is on the back patio waiting for him, always a step ahead that woman. I wave at her then turn to get on Abel. It’s been years since I have ridden a horse, yet once I hop up, it feels like only yesterday I was riding all over the ranch on Betsy. I settle myself in and then go to follow my grandfather.
“Every morning I take each one around the ranch once. It helps them stretch their legs and it helps me to make sure everything is in order. You ready?”
“I was born ready, Granddad, you know that.” I smile at him as he laughs.
“Let’s go then, honey.”
Just like that, we’re off. I fall into an easy stride behind him as we go to the perimeter of the ranch. Once we reach the fence, we follow it. Abel is a lot more cautious than I was expecting. I move to ride next to my grandfather instead of behind him, and just like that, we travel around the ranch. It’s so peaceful. Immediately, I wonder why I waited so long to come down here. It is so serene. It’s just what I needed. We ride in silence the whole time, never slowing, going at an even pace all the way around. The ranch this time of year is stunning. I guess fall everywhere is stunning. The air is crisp and the birds are chirping; it’s like a scene in an old movie. The view while riding is so breath taking.
Once we get back to the barn, we put Cash and Abel back. Next, we get Glenn and Randy ready. We do the same thing, saddle them then head out to the fence and follow it. Now that I have my bearings a little better, I push Randy a little harder so we can go faster. It’s such an adrenaline rush. I beat my grandfather to the barn. I’m closing Randy’s stable when he makes it back. We feed the horses then move to check on the cattle. At this point, Betty sends Roger our way and he enthusiastically follows us. The cattle are grazing as we walk up to them, not caring at all that we are watching. After my grandfather does his morning checks, we head back to the house. Once we get there, my grandfather goes to his chair and reads his paper.
Betty tells me she has to run to town for some essentials and asks me to join her. Of course I do. I rush upstairs to change my outfit into something a little more presentable. While I’m sitting on the bed tying my Converses, my phone beeps. Reaching for it, I see I have a few emails. The first one is from Bill. It’s titled: Stop Thinking About Work! I laugh as I open and read it. He reports all jobs are doing well, and besides being missed in the office, everything is fine and he will see me on Monday. He also told me not to respond. I laugh loudly this time. He knows me so well.
The other few emails are bill reminders and one from Joey. Reading his email makes me want to cry. I miss him. I hadn’t realized how much I rely on him until I arrived here. I read about his modeling jobs and how he went on a hike to take pictures and dropped his bag in mud. He swore he would never go again without me. I laugh, because only Joey would drop such an important bag. I respond to him, telling him about all the delicious food I’m being spoiled with and how I got to ride the horses already. Joey isn’t a country boy, far from it actually, but he’s been to the ranch before. He even bought a whole new country wardrobe while down here; those boutiques are amazing. I hurriedly throw my phone in my purse and head downstairs. Betty is ready and waiting. My grandfather says he has to fix a post and will be working with Roger for the day. I hug and kiss him and then head out to follow Betty to the truck. It’s funny to see her drive this thing, but she has to grab some horse feed so we need this big thing.
“Did you enjoy riding this morning? It sure looked like it from my vantage point.”
“It felt like I never stopped riding. I can’t wait to get out there and really take them for a ride,” I respond excitedly. We both laugh at my enthusiasm.
“Sweet girl, why did you stop visiting your granddad and me?” She sounds sad and tired when she asks me that. I knew the question was coming.
“Honestly, life stopped me. I forgot I needed a break. Everything felt like it was going fine. Work was going great and life was going well. There was no need to slow down. Truthfully, I had almost forgotten what it was like to be down here.” She looks at me as though I had just sprouted another head. “I know, I know, how could one forget this place? But I did.” I stare out the window looking at all the farms flying past me. “Sometimes I forget him. Sometimes I forget anything bad ever happened. But when I remember, Betty, it’s hard. Being out here reminds me how I got through those bad days and I will get through the rest of my life. I will never forget him or what he did to me, but I can learn to live my life without fear. I’ll take more vacations and have more me time in general. At least, I will try.” I wink at her. Being back here means so much to me. It was here where I finally broke free of my secret and got the help I needed. It was here I always found my solace as a child. I’m realizing perhaps I still need this place as an adult.
“Baby doll, sometimes life gets ahead of us and we forget what’s important. One never feels run down until it’s too late. You’re so young, sweet child. I don’t need you working yourself to death. Just like your granddad in that category, even now I can’t get that man to take a day off.”
I don’t doubt her. He can never sit still for too long; he always has to be doing something. It’s how he became so wealthy. I admire his drive and I know that’s where I got mine from. It doesn’t matter that we’re not blood; we are family. I’ve looked up to him all of my life.
“Do you want to talk about what happened, Angelica?”
I stare out of my window contemplating how to answer her. She gives me time to think it through.
“It caught me off guard. I felt like the rug was pulled from under me. I hadn’t thought about him in so long, not even a nightmare in over a year. Then my mother just calls me out of the blue and tells me like it’s no big deal. You know how she is.” Betty huffs. “I was alone. I broke and called Joey in a panic, and, well, here I am.” She stays quiet. I know I didn’t tell her what she wants to hear, so I admit, “I’m scared.” She reaches over and grabs my hand. I squeeze her hand and let my mind talk. “I’m scared he’ll look for me. That he’ll try to ruin me because he thinks I ruined him. I’m scared he will go after Granddad for more money, or threaten my mother in some way. Most of all, I’m scared he will hurt me. I’ve always felt like he wanted to do me bodily harm, more so than he already did.”
I don’t even realize the tears are running down my face until I stop talking. I wipe my eyes with the backs of my hands, and Betty pulls a handkerchief out of nowhere and hands it to me. We drive the rest of the way to town in silence. When we get there, she parks in the large parking lot at the end of Main Street. I don’t know how long we have been parked before I look over at her and see she is also crying. “Don’t cry, Betty. I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to worry you.” I unbuckle myself and pull her into me for a hug.
“Honey, I worry about you every day. I’m sorry you feel scared and I wish more than anything that man would have been locked up the second we found out what he did to you. He deserves nothing less but to rot in a jail cell. Unfortunately, that is not the way things worked out, four years was not nearly enough time for him to be jailed. But you have to be strong, honey. You know we won’t let him harm you in any way. Things are already in the works as we speak.” She shushes me before I can ask how. “Don’t you worry about that. You knew your grandfather would do something. You’re his life, Angelica.” Now I’m a blubbering mess. We cry in each other’s arms for a while then wipe our tears and head into town hand in hand.
We get back to the ranch six hours later after doing a bit of shopping. Retail therapy is my favori
te. Betty goes straight into the kitchen to prepare dinner while I go to my room and put away my new country attire. I check my phone once I’m finished and notice an email from Blake. My heart flutters.
Enjoying the Froyo?
Angelica,
I hope you are enjoying yourself in Texas. New York is a lonely place without you. My morning runs are no fun without the occasional running into a beautiful woman.
-Blake
Such a flattering man. NYC is hardly a lonely place, especially for an attractive man like Blake. Throw in that he is wealthy and I bet the man never has a minute without women practically throwing themselves at him. Why go through the trouble to keep talking to me when I am not even there? But there’s no harm in playing along, I guess.
Enjoying it Too Much
Blake,
As soon as I get back, I’m sure you’ll be plowing into me a lot… (Perv, not what I meant) I have gained at least twenty pounds. This southern food is the most fattening, delicious food in the world. I can’t say no. I will be running every day for the rest of my life to make up for it.
NYC lonely? For you? I find that to be very doubtful, Mr. Harper. I am sure there is plenty of… umm, shall we say, “company” ready for your beck and call. No need to lie to me.
-Ang
His response was almost immediate.
Enough
Angelica,
You are so far away, yet you still push me away. Why? Why is it so hard to believe I might actually only want to talk to YOU. Only want to be with YOU. Only want to think about YOU. I need YOU to understand that. I like you. ONLY YOU! Do I need to fly down there and prove it to you? I don’t care if there are women trying to get my attention. I don’t want them. I want you. Can you please believe that? Please, for me, just try.
-Blake
Wow.
Shit.
Wow.
Did that just happen? Did he really tell me he likes me and only me? It’s like he read my mind and saw all the insecurities I have in there. Why can’t I believe he wants me? I know I don’t look like a model, but I am pretty. Perhaps it’s my sizeable portfolio? When a woman has a lot of money it can scare a man, or bring out their insecurities. They like to be the wealthy ones. They need the woman to need them and their money. Or maybe he wants my money? No, that’s stupid. The man has as much money as I do, if not more. Okay, definitely more. He doesn’t need my money. God, what do I do? I want to let him in. I want to be with him, but it scares the shit out of me. Damn it. Why can’t this be easy? Why can’t I be like the women who meet a man then instantly fall in love? Instead, I push men as far away as possible so I can never feel heartache. Hmm, well I guess that’s it. My heart is fragile, so I keep it locked up. Maybe it’s time to unlock that part of me, let him in. What do I have to lose?
Difficult
Blake,
My header wraps me up in a nutshell. I don’t know why I push, but you’re right, I do. It’s not only hard for me to believe out of all the women out there you’d choose me, but it’s also hard for me to let anyone in. But I will try, for you. I’m not saying it will be easy. I will most likely be a pain in your ass and still push you away, but know I am trying. :)
-Ang
Thank You
Angelica,
That’s all I ask. Let me in and let me show you how you deserve to be treated. Let me prove to you that all the thoughts in your head about what is probably going to happen are not going to happen. I want to make you happy. Let me. I won’t let you push me away. I will be printing this email out and showing it to you when you start to push. I’m not going anywhere; don’t forget it.
Now go enjoy your vacation. Please let me know your flight information, as I would love to be the one who picks you up from the airport. Talk to you soon.
-Blake
Shit, what did I get myself into? I have butterflies and I’m scared shitless all at the same time. Only one person can help me sort this out. I grab my phone and make a call.
“AP, baby girl, I miss your ass so bad. Hope you’re eating yourself silly.” Joey’s voice instantly calms me; it’s has always had that effect on me.
“Ugh, JoJo, you have no idea. I’ve gained twenty pounds in my ass alone.”
“Honey, you and I both know there is no more room in that ass for any more.”
“Fuck you!” We both laugh. Only Joey could get away with saying shit like that to me.
“What’s up, baby girl? I know there is a reason behind this call.”
“What, a girl can’t call her best friend?”
“Yes, a girl can, but this girl has something to say. Stop stalling; I’m waiting.” Damn it, this man is good.
“So Blake and I have exchanged a few telling emails today, and I don’t know for sure, but I think we might be sort of dating.”
“What do you mean sort of? Read me the emails.” So I read them to him, word for word. “Oh, baby girl, you are dating. I’m happy for you. But I’m going to have to have a talk with Blake, knock him down a little.”
“Joey, do not even joke!”
“You think I’m going to let someone date you without getting a lecture from me? Fat chance in hell and you know it.” He’s right. I do know it. He would never let me actually date someone without talking with him. This is a big step for me and he knows it. “He’s a smart man; he’s probably expecting me to call him.” I’m sure he is.
“Ugh, please don’t embarrass me.”
“Ha, I make no promises.”
“I’ll fucking hurt you so badly, Joey! Damn it, you make up for me having no pain-in-the-ass parents or siblings.”
“Damn right I do and I’ll never stop.”
“I love you, JoJo.”
“I love you more, Angie. Stop stressing. This is going to be good for you. It’s about time you start dating and stop fucking every hot guy with a big dick. The worst thing that could happen is it doesn’t work out and you two go your separate ways. You’ll be just fine if that happens. You don’t give yourself nearly as much credit as you should, baby girl. Everything will be fine. Now stop stressing and enjoy the rest of your vacation. Please bring me back food.”
“I will. Thanks for always talking me down, Joey. I wish I could repay you in some way.”
“Just be happy, Ang. That’s all I need. Now go, I’ll talk to you soon.”
“Bye, JoJo.”
“Bye, Angie.”
Already I feel so much better. Wow, what a difference a few emails and a phone call can do to a person. I put my laptop and phone away, and head downstairs where I can now smell amazing food coming from.
“Yum, that smells amazing!”
“Chicken potpie, honey. Hope you love it as much as you used to.”
“Are you kidding me, Betty? Of course I do. I make it at home for Joey and me all the time, although I don’t make it as amazing as yours, but I try. Speaking of Joey, he would like me to come back with some homemade goodies made by none other than yourself.”
“Oh, stop. I’m sure your potpie is amazing. I like to think I taught you right. Oh, that boy knows how to flatter a woman, or a man I’m sure. I will be sure to bake up a storm and freeze up some pies before you leave.” Betty looks over her shoulder and winks at me. I head to the back door to see if I can see my grandfather. “He’s out there tinkering with something, I’m sure. Roger is with him too. That dog hasn’t left his side since you got here.”
“He’s not used to this kind of land. My backyard is tiny. We go for a run every morning, but I know it’s not enough. I need to get him out more.” As if hearing me talking about him, I spot Roger running in my direction. I open the door and greet him. “Hi, big guy, you having fun out there?”
“He sure is,” Granddad yells from the yard. “I think he likes me more than you now,” he says with a sly smile.
“You wish! Get your own dog!” I yell back at him. He reaches the porch and pulls me in for a comforting hug. He smells of the ranch. That smell makes me feel l
ike I’m ten again. It makes me feel safe. I hug him tighter.
“You okay, darlin’?”
“Better than okay.” We smile at each other then head in to help set the table for dinner.
Dinner is delicious and the company is great. Living alone, you forget how nice it is to be able to eat and talk to people; it’s comforting. I’m enjoying every minute of this trip. Although I miss working, this was needed. After dinner, I convince Betty to let me clean up the kitchen and Granddad offers to take her to town for a movie. So cute those two. I turn on the radio in the living room once they leave and then get to work on the kitchen. Luckily for me, Betty cleans while she cooks, so there is really not much for me to do. Once I finish, I turn off the radio; then Roger and I head up to my room. It’s only seven pm but I am drained. I think this vacation is making me lazy.
I go through my bedtime routine before hopping into bed with my laptop and going through emails. The first to catch my eye is from Blake.
Annoying
Angelica,
Is that what I am already? I know I just told you to enjoy your vacation, but here I am again bothering you. I just wanted you to know that I cannot stop thinking of you. I’m anxious for you to get back into town. Until then, sweet dreams… I know mine will be. ;)
-Blake
Never
Blake,
You could never be annoying. My dreams might not be sweet… I was thinking more along the lines of naughty… Night.
-A
xoxo
UP
Angelica,
Yes, there is a double meaning in that. You expect me to be able to go to bed after that last one? Please tell me about your naughty dreams. Maybe I could join you… in the dream.
