Chapter Nine
After Leland and Vivian drove her home the next day, Elle sat at her kitchen table for a long while debating on what to do. Not that there was a choice, really--she just needed time to process it all when not in an exhausted stupor. Deciding the first thing she need to do was find out once and for all if she was pregnant, she left a couple hours later and picked up a home pregnancy test. After another twenty minutes of sitting on the toilet staring at the little blue line, trying to determine if it really was positive or if she was reading it wrong, she took the second test in the package. Nope. Not reading it wrong. Damned little line was about as positive as it could get.
It all sank in then. She was pregnant with Steve Carver’s child. Any number of women she knew would kill to be in her shoes. Not only was Steve an incredibly sexy man, but his family was very well off. All Jezelle could think about was how she was going to juggle his parental rights without having to see him again. And when he found another woman—and he would find another woman—how would she deal with that?
Shit. There was no way she’d ever be able to deal with that. So what to do?
Later. She’d deal with that later. Get the baby here and healthy first, then figure out how she was going to be able to see Steve Carver on a regular basis without her heart breaking.
Making the doctor’s appointment proved fairly simple. She had an appointment two days out with the advice to start a prenatal vitamin. Two days later, she found out she was thirteen weeks and two days pregnant. Exactly what she’d expected. Hearing the baby’s heartbeat, then actually seeing the little gummy-bear-like shadow on the ultrasound brought it all crashing down around her, made it real. The emotion was nearly overwhelming. It was in that moment she knew that, no matter the cost to herself, she wouldn’t give up being pregnant with this child for anything in the world. Not even to save herself the pain of knowing Steve.
So. Now what? She needed to let Mr. and Mrs. Carver know, because she’d promised. Unfortunately, she felt she owed it to Steve to tell him herself as well. The first conversation went surprisingly well. Vivian wished her well, of course, and made her promise to keep her informed. She also made her promise to let her know if Jezelle needed someone to take her to any of her doctor’s appointments. Jezelle had hesitated about asking for Steve’s number but should have known better. Not only did Vivian give it up willingly, she encouraged Jezelle to make him wait as long as she liked. If he wanted to know, he could damned well hunt her down and ask her himself. It had been the first real laugh she’d had in weeks, but Jezelle had chuckled at that. Unfortunately, talking with Vivian only reinforced how much Jezelle wanted to be a part of that family. Having lost her parents to a car accident when she was twenty, she’d nearly forgotten what it was like to have a close connection like that with anyone. Now, she craved it.
Taking Vivian’s advice, Jezelle didn’t call Steve. Instead, she set about making plans. She had just shy of twenty-seven weeks to prepare for the little bundle of joy. And to decide how much of a role Steve and his family would play in the child’s life.
It wasn’t until a week later that there was a knock at her door. Elle knew before she looked through the peephole who would be there.
“Steve.” Elle was surprised at how badly she wanted to simply run into his arms, let him hold her as long as he would. Instead, she fixed her gaze squarely on the center of his chest as guilt over not calling him assailed her.
“I thought you might call after your doctor’s appointment,” he said. It wasn’t said as a chastisement, but it might as well have been. Elle had already been feeling guilty, but now she had to suppress the urge to apologize.
“I’ve been busy,” she managed. Standing aside, she allowed him into her apartment before closing the door. Her stomach fluttered, her heart beating so hard she thought she might see it if she looked down. Remembering that first night he’d come through that door made her weak. And needy. How could just being near him again have this effect on her? She’d even broken out into a sweat.
Hormones. Had to be the hormones.
“I know. I hated to bother you, but I had to know you were all right.”
“Don’t you mean that the baby is all right?” Elle sounded snippy even to herself.
He sighed, rubbing the back of his neck wearily. “No, Jezelle. I do hope the baby is doing good, but right now I’m so overwhelmed I’m having to focus on one thing at a time. If not, I’ll go crazy. A baby who’s not here yet is much harder to visualize than the woman who is. Right now, I’m worried about you.”
Turning away from him, she mumbled, “Sorry. That was mean.”
“No, baby. It wasn’t.” He tugged her arm until she faced him once more. “Sit with me a while. Will you do that?”
She hesitated, then nodded, letting him lead her to the couch. He put his arm around her shoulders, tucking her against him, and she let him. Being in his arms again felt so damned good, how could she not allow it? Sighing, Elle gave up, letting herself relax against him. She snuggled into his side as if she belonged there.
“I’m really sorry, Jezelle,” he said, his chin resting on the top of her head. “That doesn’t even begin to cut it, but I need to say it.”
“I actually understand,” she admitted reluctantly. “I suppose you were as overwhelmed as I was. People deal with stress differently. Given your occupation, I suppose that feeling came as a bit of a shock.”
“Yes. Still doesn’t change the fact that what I did was wrong.” He wasn’t making excuses. Most men Elle knew would. She expected him to use the military card again. Even though what he’d explained to her that day at his parents’ house had actually made sense to her, she still felt like he was hiding behind it to absolve himself of responsibility.
“No,” she agreed, not wanting him to think he was gaining any ground. Fact was, she was defenseless around him. It was only a matter of time before she gave him another chance, but would be very clear when she did. If he didn’t intend to stay, he needn’t waste his time. “Look.” She shifted to face him. “I’m not blind to the fact that you made your grand re-entrance into my life before you knew I might be pregnant. I also noticed you did it with your entire family circling the wagons. You had no intention of giving me a choice in the matter.”
Steve didn’t even have the good grace to deny it. He simply grinned at her. Damn if he didn’t have the most intriguing dimple on one side of his face when he did that. “I’d apologize for that too, but it wouldn’t have the same sincerity as the other one. I needed the full support of my family to give me the strength to face you. They all knew something was up; they just had no idea what it was.”
“At least you admit it,” she grumbled. “I need time, Steve. I’ve got so much to think about and prepare for I can barely wrap my mind around it all. You’re going to have to give me time to figure out what I want.”
Elle thought she heard a barely suppressed growl start inside his chest, but she couldn’t be sure. That would be the dominant, demanding male she’d fallen in love with that first night. Too bad that didn’t appeal to her anymore. At all. Not in the least.
“I figured as much. Doesn’t mean I have to like it, but I made my own hole there.” His voice was soft, lulling, his body warm and comforting next to hers. More than anything, Elle wanted to believe him, to trust him to take care of her needs both emotional and physical. But she didn’t dare. Not yet. Too much was riding on her future to trust it to Steve this soon after his abandonment.
Staring up into his eyes, Elle realized she was in trouble. A woman could get lost in eyes that blue. They weren’t a light, clear blue, but a deep sapphire that seemed to sparkle when he looked at her. Dark and mysterious. So much like the man they belonged to.
Steve shifted his position a little, pulling her more fully against him, his arm tightening just a little as if afraid she would try to get away from him. The fingers of his other hand skimmed her cheek, his thumb brushing the high bone structure gently.
His path followed her jaw line until he brushed her bottom lip. Elle had to resist the urge to wet her lips, to lick at the digit he presented to her. Just that fast, sexual desire swamped her, her body readying her for his in a gush of moisture.
“Jezelle,” he rasped, his voice gone husky, “I’m going to kiss you. If you don’t want me to you’d better say so now. Because once I start, I intend on doing a thorough job of it.” He moved toward her slowly, stopping just shy of her lips. He was so close he was practically brushing his against hers.
There was no way she could stop him. Hell, she wasn’t even sure she wanted to stop him. Jezelle had always been one to live in the moment, and damn the consequences. But this was important! If she didn’t lay the ground rules now, she’d be lost in him yet again, setting herself up for heartache.
“This doesn’t change anything,” was all she could manage. “I’m still mad at you.”
“I know,” he breathed. Then his lips met hers and she forgot all the reasons why she should keep her distance.
Before, he’d kissed her with demanding urgency, taking as well as giving but doing it in an almost brutal way. This time, however, there was nothing but tenderness in his touch. His fingers slid from her face to tunnel through her hair, cupping the back of her head. When she sighed, his tongue slid smoothly inside to dab at hers with the lightest of touches. The sharp contrast from that first time was just as erotic to her as when Steve had taken what he wanted with strength and dominance. The shiver coursing through her body tightened her nipples until she moaned into his mouth.
With a careful mastering, Steve claimed her then. His touch was still gentle but where before he’d been coaxing, now he urged her to give herself to him more fully. All with a simple kiss.
Who was she kidding? Elle was so in over her head with this man she couldn’t even begin to describe it. The touch of his lips to hers, his tongue sliding into her mouth to caress and taste, were only the tip of the proverbial iceberg. That hard, hard body of his seemed to beg hers to melt against him.
Before she realized it, her hands were sliding up his chest to clutch the muscles there. He growled low in his throat as he pulled her over his lap so she straddled him. Strong arms held her tightly to him. One hand slid through her hair to cradle her head in his big palm, moving her to allow him to kiss her more deeply.
Elle tasted the desperation in his kiss, the need she felt herself as he continued. The nearly overwhelming urge to let him take her to another place, back to that place of passion they’d once shared, frightened her with its intensity. Dammit, she knew the consequences! Everything was riding on her staying strong and not giving in to Steve's sexual aggression until she knew he was fully committed to the business of them. Unfortunately, she couldn’t make herself pull away from him. It felt too good--she needed it too much.
As if he read her mind, Steve stood with her still wrapped around him. As if she weighed nothing, he carefully moved so that she lay on her back on the couch with him over her. For long, long moments, they lay like that simply looking at one another. Elle was wound so tight she thought she’d go mad if he didn’t do something fast. He still held her tightly, bracing his weight on one arm so he didn’t crush her, but his delicious heaviness still pinned her to the couch. Was she a freak for loving that?
“I want you so badly I ache,” he rasped, his face tight with tension, his voice barely above a whisper. “I’d give anything to just strip you down so that hot little body was naked and ready for me.” Elle swallowed. She should be protesting or something. Right? “I’d taste that sweet pussy again before fucking you until neither of us could stand.” He rocked against her, his cock rubbing against her sex through both their jeans, hitting her clit with every stroke. “You need gentle, so I’d do my best to be,” he continued, his lips trailing across her cheek to her ear. “But I’m not a gentle man. Before the night was over, I’d take you rough, ride that little body of yours so hard you screamed when you came.”
Just like that, she was lost. Pleasure seemed to come out of nowhere, her clit pulsing where the hard ridge of his cock pressed against her. Her hands slid up to grip his shoulders, her legs tightening around him. Unable to suppress her cries of passion, Jezelle clung to him, squeezing her eyes shut as the spasms coursed through her and the pleasure sent her flying to that elusive place she’d only ever found with Steve Carver.
*****
Somewhere deep in Steve’s mind, he knew he shouldn’t have taken that kiss any farther. Now that she clung to him trying to catch her breath, he couldn’t bring himself to be sorry. Oh, she’d come to herself and give him hell in a few minutes, but it was worth it. Steve knew he was no closer to winning her than he’d been before, but giving her pleasure just seemed…right.
He stroked her hair, her cheek, praising her for her body’s responsiveness the way he could never do with words. Jezelle blinked several times, obviously trying her best to focus on him. She even shook her head slightly before meeting his gaze with clear eyes.
“That was a dirty trick, Steve.” Her voice held no rancor though, her face soft instead of hard with fury. Or hurt.
“I honestly didn’t mean for that to happen,” he said around a grin. “But I’d be lying if I said I was sorry.”
“I meant what I said. Nothing’s changed. I still need time to think, to figure out what I want.” She sighed then, smiling. Her hand found his cheek and she brushed it tenderly with shaking fingers. “But I’d be lying if I said I didn’t enjoy it.”
“I can live with that.” Steve kissed her again, lingering for long moments before he sat up, pulling her with him. “Besides, I’ve come up with a new plan of attack to win you back.”
“Steve--”
“Don’t worry. I’m not expecting anything from you. Not yet. I was just thinking about something my mother told me.” He shifted in his seat, unsure how to approach this with her. Jezelle had made it abundantly clear she wanted time, time that didn’t include him being in her life. “I know you have doubts. Given everything I put you through, I completely understand. All I’m asking for is a chance to make things right with you. Not for me. For us.” He took her hand because he couldn’t help himself. Kissing her palm, he closed his eyes, momentarily losing his train of thought. When he looked at her again, he saw hesitation in her gaze, but definitely interest as well. “My mother told me she and Dad didn’t exactly hit it off great at the beginning. But they had the same connection we have, the same…attraction. I have to believe this only happens once in a lifetime. I know I’ve never felt anything like what I feel for you. I can’t control it and I’m not even sure I want to anymore. All I know is if we don’t explore this further, we’ll both regret it. I can see it in your eyes when you look at me. You want it as badly as I do.”
There was a hesitation on her part before Jezelle sighed heavily, her eyes tearing up. When one fell silently down her cheek, Steve felt as if someone had gutted him. Was he forever destined to make her cry?
“Yes,” she whispered. “God help me, I need it, Steve.” He reached out to brush the tear from her cheek. She let him, but took his hand in hers once his thumb had swiped the offending moisture away. “But I want one thing perfectly clear. If you break my heart again, I’m going straight to your mother.”
Chapter Ten
The next several weeks were a blur for Elle. Surprisingly, Steve had settled in with her easier than she’d expected. He hadn’t pushed his way into her home or been all overbearing like she’d expected him to be, though. Whenever he was around and she got nauseated or sick, he would hold her hair back or get her ice water or a cold towel. A time or two, she noticed that wide-eyed look men get around pregnant women, but he always breathed his way through it, only breaking a sweat every now and then. Elle thought about trying to get him to talk about it, but figured he’d say something when he was ready. Without fail, he made sure she got home from work okay, that she had everything she needed. If she’d had a particularly bad day, he stay
ed. But he never slept in the same bed with her unless she invited him, and never did more than give her a lingering kiss, though there were plenty of times they both wanted more. She wasn’t ready for it, and he was doing his best to abide by her wishes. All in all, she was encouraged by his actions.
Up until the first of March, Elle had been wearing pretty much normal clothing. She bought a few things a couple sizes larger than normal and, though they didn’t fit exactly right, she wasn’t uncomfortable. After the holidays and a couple more months of the baby growing, however, she knew it was time to make the move to maternity clothing for the spring.
Not wanting to go all-out on her fixed budget, she opted for two pairs of pants and five different tops. Work clothing was a bit harder. Naturally, the Daisy Dukes were out. Instead, she was able to find some nice-fitting maternity jeans to go with her T-shirts. While she had to leave the shirts down instead of knotting them at her waist, the look wasn’t unflattering. She knew it was only a matter of time before she’d have to forgo the T-shirts altogether, though. They might technically fit her if she kept getting them larger and larger, but even the new ones she'd purchased didn't feel right. They were too big in the arms and shoulders while still stretched over her ever expanding belly. Oh, well. She’d cross that bridge when she came to it.
For the first time since she found out about the child she was carrying, Jezelle actually looked pregnant. It was now the middle of April. She was now twenty-six weeks along...and getting nervous. Steve hadn’t yet seen the cute maternity tops she’d bought, so when he unlocked the door with an overly loud, “Honey, I’m home,” he got what Elle was certain was the second worst shock of his life.
A Hero to Dance With Me Page 5
