He scrunches his features. “God, no.”
I toss up my hands. “Well, that was the plan.”
He focuses in on me, or tries to. “Are you sure?”
I roll my eyes. “Just leave me alone, Shane.”
I reach down to get my purse and catch a glimpse of a person sitting on the stone bench in the little nook around the side of the building. That cobalt blue dress color rings a bell. I think it might be Greta.
“No,” Shane whines, “I want to get this settled. You’re like…cool.”
I turn to him like a mom who’s dealt with a toddler all day. “Shane, please go back inside and hang out with your buddies. I will talk to you about this tomorrow, okay? Right now, I don’t want to deal with your stoned ass, and I see a friend who needs me. Can you understand that?”
He looks around. “Where? Is it Miles?”
It dawns on me that I’m not sure Shane does see me as more than a friend. I think I may just be another part of his competition with Miles. I huff a laugh. Well, that’s just the icing on this dog shit cake of a night.
“No, sweetie, it is not. It’s a girlfriend. Now, please, go back in.”
I turn him around and give him a little shove. He looks back at me, and I shoo him along.
I exhale deeply as the doors close behind him, and I head over to Greta. She draws herself inward as I approach, wrapping her arms around herself tighter. She swipes at her eyes to confirm what I already knew…that she’d been crying.
“You’re not okay,” I say, excusing her from answering the obvious question.
She looks me up and down. “Are you…okay? I heard all that…with Shane.”
“I’m fine. He’s just on my nerves…stoned as hell. I can’t talk to people in that state.” I notice two girls huddled together down the way toking it up. “Damn, does everyone at this school smoke weed?”
Greta shrugs. “Pretty much.”
I squint to see better, because I think it’s the girl who was recording me earlier. “Who is that?”
“It’s Gracie and Brooke. Cotillion cluster girls extraordinaire.” She rolls her eyes.
I roll mine in return and then focus back on Greta. “Did Miles do something to hurt you?” I don’t believe that he did, but it seems like the logical question to ask.
She shakes her head and gives a breathy, “No.”
I look around. “Where is he? I thought you were with him.”
“He’s probably looking for me. I told him I was going to the bathroom. He’s probably still waiting for me.”
“How’d you get out here?”
“I climbed through the window.”
I lower my chin. “For real?”
She waves me off. “It comes off the hinges. We used to do it all the time freshman year to sneak an e-cig.”
I nod understanding and sit down beside her. “Do you want to talk about whatever did happen?”
She shakes her head again. So I just sit with her in silence.
She inhales a deep breath. “So, what you were just talking about with Shane. Is that something you’re into?”
I frown. “Being filmed?”
“No, I mean…blowing a guy.” She says it like she’s never said the words before.
I shrug. I don’t even talk to Chloe about my sex life, or potential one, so opening up to Greta about it would be super weird. However, something’s going on here, and I think this girl needs my friendship more than I need my privacy. I drop my hands on my clutch in my lap. “With the right guy, I’m sure it could be kind of cool.”
She lowers her chin. “So you haven’t?”
I shift in my seat, super uncomfortable with this, and not feeling particularly trusting at the moment. “Not…technically. But I totally don’t judge you or anyone else. I mean…I’m into it. I will be into it…soon…I’m sure.”
She huffs a laugh and smiles like she’s just met her long-lost twin sister. “I’ve never done it.”
“Really?” I ask, a little confused.
“No, never.”
I look up in thought. “Then why didn’t you shut Nat down back at the apartment when he tried to act like you were into it?”
She stands and walks in a circle, clutching her arms to her chest. It is cold out here, but I think she’s more wound up than anything else. “Goddamned Nicolette.”
I put my hands on the bench on either side of me. “What does she have to do with it?”
She stops in front of me. “She puts all this pressure on me. She says embracing our sexuality is part of being a feminist. She says we need to own it and not be ashamed of it.”
“Well, that sounds legit.” I stand up. “But only if you’re into it. Are you into it?”
She lowers her chin and drums her fingers against her nose in almost a nervous tick. She looks up at me and stares into my eyes, like she’s trying to communicate something to me nonverbally. The pieces click together for me.
“You’re just not into it with guys,” I say.
She glances at me and then looks away, breathing deeply. “I didn’t say that.”
“Okay,” I say, and then shut up, letting her process whatever’s running through her head.
“It’s just that being partners with Liam has been so frustrating and so amazing all at once. He’s out and proud and all his friends are in drama, and they’re out and they give zero shits.”
I don’t begin to have a clue what it’s like to be a closeted lesbian, so I just shut up and let her get it all out.
“Of course there’s this whole super cool group of lesbians that also don’t give any fucks, but they’re like…not like me.”
“How so?” I ask.
“Well, they’re not in dance. They’re in production and guitar and piano. One’s in chorus with you.” She says this like an accusation.
“So, why can’t they have one more who’s in dance?”
She tosses up her hands in frustration. “I don’t know them.”
“So get to know them.”
“How? I’m not like you, Jenna. I can’t just walk up to someone and ask if I can be their friend.”
I chuckle. “Do I do that?”
“No, but you draw people to you. Just like that night at The Glass Vortex. You didn’t know any of us, but you just came up and started dancing with us. I would never have the confidence to do something like that.”
I shrug. “I was just dancing.”
She points at me. “See, that’s what I’m talking about. You don’t even try. You just are who you are, and you’re not afraid of anything.”
“Oh god,” I say. “You don’t know me at all. I’m afraid of plenty.”
She looks at me with hopeful eyes. “You are?”
“Oh yeah.” I look over at the fire hydrant near the street. “I’m afraid to death of failing. I’m afraid of humiliating myself in front of the school. I’m afraid of losing these stupid fifteen minutes of fame, which are more like seconds at the moment.”
She huffs. “You don’t seem afraid.”
I smile at her. “That’s the key. Look like you don’t give a shit. The attitude is half the battle.”
She smiles back.
I nod at the gym door. “You want to go in? I saw a few of those girls you’re talking about in there earlier, dancing.” I put my hands up in the air and back up to her. “We can just sort of accidentally bump into them, and then be like, ‘Oh, hey!’”
The smile falls from her face. “Oh no. Not tonight.”
I put my hands on my hips. “Then when?”
“I’ve got to figure out Nicolette.”
“Oh god,” I say. “That’s what’s holding you up? Fuck Nicolette.”
She glances around, eyes wide. “Shh!”
“Are you serious? You’re going to let one person dictate who you hang with…who you are?”
She pushes her bangs out of her face. “It’s just…I have to deal with her every day in dance. We’re alternates for this show now. I can�
�t make this change. Not now.”
“Well, I don’t think there’s a change to be made as far as how you feel inside. That’s always been there, right?”
She nods, tears swelling.
I lift my chin. “I think one day, your desire to be who you are inside will be more important than kissing Nicolette’s ass. When that day comes, if you need a little help with the cool lesbians, let me know and we’ll just happen to bump into them somewhere.”
She giggles, swiping at her eyes again.
I tap my chin. “So let me get this straight. You are letting a school full of people think you like blowing guys so that Nicolette will think you’re straight?”
She giggles harder. “Yeah.”
I give her a look.
She rolls her eyes. “I know.”
“You want to go home?”
Her face falls. “Nicolette’s probably not ready.”
“Screw her. You and I will go back to my apartment. We’ll get the Uber to stop at Ben & Jerry’s on the way.”
“She’ll be pissed.”
I shrug. “I’ll text her that I kidnapped you.”
“Will you text Miles, too? He may be still looking for me. He’s really sweet, you know.”
I smile, thinking about how wrong I’ve been about so many people these past two weeks. “I know. Hey, so what’s the deal with Miles and Shane? They’re all competitive with one another.”
She tilts her head to the side. “They’re the best in our school. Number one and number two.”
“Which is which?”
She shrugs. “Gotta wait for the talent competition to find that out.”
“Guess so,” I say. Too bad they’ll have to settle for second and third.
Chapter Eighteen
Miles
We get out of the limo at Jenna’s apartment, and I hand the driver the tip money my dad gave me for him. We’ll have to Uber home because our time is up. I would have had him take us straight home, but I’m worried about Greta. She went in the bathroom and never came out. I had to go get Jasmine to check on her, and it turned out she’d climbed through the window. Jasmine is as worried as I am.
Nicolette knocks like a bulldozer. “Jenna? Greta? What’s going on? We’re all here.”
Jenna opens the door in a big hoodie and leggings, her hair up in a loose ponytail on top of her head. “We’re just hanging out,” she says.
Nicolette cranes her neck to look around Jenna. “Where’s Greta? Is she okay? We’re all worried.”
Jenna opens the door farther. “Geez, I’m not holding her hostage. We’re just eating ice cream.”
Everyone files in behind Nicolette. I meet Jenna’s gaze. “We’re not staying. I really just wanted to check on Greta.”
“I’m totally fine,” Greta says. “I just got a little sick from the beer, and we didn’t eat dinner.”
“I’ll order us pizza,” Nicolette says.
Jenna steps up to her. “All these people aren’t staying here. It’s just me and Greta.”
Nicolette’s face turns red, and she looks Jenna up and down. “Since when did the two of you become BFFs?”
Greta stands up. “Us girls will go to Nicolette’s like we planned.”
Nicolette sort of sashays around the room. “How about instead, we stay here.”
Jenna eyes her. “Nicolette.”
Nicolette holds up both hands. “I promise we’ll send the boys home by midnight.” She bites her lower lip. “Besides, I kind of told my mom I was staying with Greta, so we kind of have nowhere else to go.”
Jenna frowns. “Nicolette, I told you—”
“I know. We’ll all set the alarms on our phones, and we’ll head back to my house early so your dad can still pick you up from there.” She pleads with me with her eyes. “Come on. This is so cool, and you said your parents were going to be giving up their lease on this place soon. This is our last opportunity to stay here.”
Jenna rubs her hand up her forehead and across her hair. “Fine.”
Nicolette wraps both arms around Jenna and jumps up and down with her. Jenna cuts her eyes at Greta.
Nicolette hands Dev her keys. “Will you please go get our bags out of my car?” She orders pizza while Jasmine pulls Greta into the kitchen. Dev and Nat head to the car.
I jab a thumb behind me. “Can I talk to you a second?”
Jenna nods and we step outside.
I narrow my gaze. “Everything’s okay with Greta?”
She nods. “Totally.”
I cock my head to the side. “Okay, because she climbed through a bathroom window to get rid of me, so…”
Jenna giggles. “That totally cracks me up. Sorry.”
I raise my eyebrows at her.
She touches my arm. “No, it’s not like that. It wasn’t because you did anything. She thinks you’re really sweet.”
Somehow, I’m not sure that’s a compliment. “I’m going to choose to trust you.”
She raises an eyebrow. “You’re good at that.”
“You, not so much.”
“I fell into your arms Monday, didn’t I?”
I lean against the railing and cross my arms over my chest. “After the whole class had to get involved.”
She rolls her eyes with a lazy smile at the end that wakes something up in my stomach. I’m not sure if I liked her better in that strapless dress earlier, or if she’s hotter now in that giant hoodie swallowing her whole. Man, I’d like to kiss her right now.
She grabs hold of the railing next to me, and I like that she’s not ready to head back inside just yet.
“So was Shane cool with you ditching him?” I ask.
She lets her body droop down and then she stands back up straight. “Let’s just say Shane is on my shit list.”
I tighten my arms to my chest in protective mode. “Did he do something to you?”
She lets out an exhausted breath. “Not him. He’s probably innocent. Just his little bitchy friends.”
I know the ones. “Bianca and those girls?”
“Yeah. Can you believe they were trying to get me to do that stupid theatre thing with him so they could video it?”
I inhale a sharp breath, a little embarrassed at how loud it was. But the idea of her and Shane in that way lights me up like a Christmas tree. I raise my eyebrows but don’t respond.
“Oh yeah,” she says. “Even had their phones going while they were trying to convince me of it. God, little bitches were probably making a whole movie of it.” Her face is flushed red, and she grips the railing so tight her knuckles turn white.
“That’s unbelievably shitty,” I say.
She shakes her head, looking off at the hint of Twenty-First Avenue we can see through the alley. “I’m so sick of dealing with girls like that I could literally puke. Who does something so stupid anyway right there in the theatre in front of whoever wants to walk in and see you, phones blazing?” She turns to me. “Sorry, if you’ve done it.”
I stand stiff, not really knowing how to respond. I don’t want her to think I have, and I don’t want her to think I haven’t. I just sort of do a shrug, headshake thing.
“Have you?” she asks me, point blank.
I kind of gnaw on my lip and scratch a few itches. “No, not the theatre initiation.”
There. That was vague enough…I hope.
She nods, but now she looks curious, those big green eyes surveying me.
My cheeks sizzle. “I didn’t want to get videoed…like you said.”
Nat and Dev bound up the steps and join us…thank god. We follow them back inside.
Nicolette and Jasmine get changed in the bathroom and Greta and Jenna talk in hushed voices in the kitchen, giggling and shushing one another. It’s the most alive I’ve seen Greta in a long time. Jenna seems to have the knack with her.
We eat pizza and drink beer and then sit around her living room picking on each other, basically. All the girls except for Jenna do a dance for the rest of us while Nat
and Dev salivate over their respective loves. I have to admit, it’s pretty damn hot.
“Man,” Nat says. “You three were robbed of a spot. If you would have done that one at tryouts no doubt you would have made it.”
Dev pulls Nicolette down to him. “I don’t want other guys seeing my girl move like that.”
Nicolette settles in next to Dev. “It’s stupid they only have ten spots.”
“Well,” Nat says. “Eleven with Jenna.”
I turn to him with the glare to end all glares.
He closes his eyes really tight. “Oh shit.”
Jasmine furrows her brow. “What are you talking about, eleven?”
Nat tosses up his hands. “I’m sorry, I swear to god it just slipped.”
“What slipped?” Nicolette turns to Dev. “What’s going on?”
Dev holds up both hands. “Don’t pull me into this.”
Jenna squeezes her eyes shut, pinching her forehead.
“They’re gonna find out about it Monday, anyway,” Nat says. “Hell, I’m surprised they don’t already know the way word gets around.”
Jenna motions at Nat.
He rolls his eyes. “There was a problem with the monitor during Jenna’s performance. It cut out and she couldn’t hear herself. I figured it out earlier today and let Barclay know. So they’re letting her have an eleventh spot.”
Nicolette jumps up, fists clenched shut. “No!’
We all sort of jerk back.
“Nicolette,” Dev says in surprise, and I’m proud of him for growing a pair for a change when it comes to her.
“What?” she asks him. “This isn’t fair. She’s stealing our spot. Now if anyone gets sick or whatever, they’ll just keep it at ten. This is ridiculous.”
Jenna just stares at Nicolette with a wary look on her face.
Nicolette tosses a hand in the direction of Nat. “How can you even be sure she was affected?”
He pointed at Jenna. “She had her fingers in her ears half the performance.”
Nicolette puts her hands on her hips. “Then why didn’t you say something right away?”
Nat blinks, looking at Jenna for help. They just stare at one another.
“You did say something right away, right Nat?” I ask.
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