“You have made an enemy there.”
Thomas chuckled as his friend, Lord Fairfax, sat down beside him.
“You can hardly think me troubled by the loss of Lady Steele’s affections and her company,” he said with a shrug. “I care nothing for her, as you well know.”
Lord Fairfax nodded. “I am well aware of your lack of consideration for anyone but yourself,” he said, a slight note of distaste in his voice, “but I must agree with you that she is no great loss to your company. Although,” he continued, before Thomas could say anything, “you should be careful of the rumors and the like she could spread about you.”
Again, Thomas let out a laugh, drawing the attention of Lady Steele, who narrowed her eyes all the more.
“I think myself quite safe in that regard, Lord Fairfax, I assure you,” he said with a grin. “Rumors mean nothing to me. There are always whispers surrounding me, are there not?” Shrugging, he lifted one hand in a throwaway, uncaring gesture. “It means nothing to a rake such as I.”
He watched Lord Fairfax carefully as he said this, noting how his friend frowned. It was certainly an odd friendship, given that Lord Fairfax was rather upright in his behavior and would never even consider conducting himself in a manner that could be thought of as that of a rogue or a rake, whilst Thomas himself was nothing other than the latter and was, in fact, a little proud of being spoken of in such a manner.
And yet, he thought, a trifle uneasy now, he had to admit that he had lost some of his eagerness now that he had been wed. This was a matter of a little concern for him, for he had thought to come to London to continue with his life in the very same manner, only to find himself hesitating when an opportunity to steal a kiss or the like was presented to him.
“And how is your wife?”
Thomas tensed as he looked back at Lord Fairfax, taking in the man’s sharp eyes and feeling himself grow uncomfortable at the question.
“I do not know,” he said honestly, not wanting to pretend that he felt anything for the lady in question. “I sent her to my estate and have no intention of returning there any time soon.” He shrugged. “I may remain in London for the little Season, if not for the following year’s Season also.”
Lord Fairfax frowned. “You intend to stay away from your estate simply because you now have a wife?”
“Because I can manage all of my business from London and my steward does a most excellent job back at the estate,” Thomas answered quickly. “I much prefer London, as you know, and I feel no desire to return home.”
Again, Lord Fairfax frowned, his brows furrowing low. “And your wife?”
Thomas looked at him sharply. “What of her?”
“What are her feelings on such a decision?” he asked, leaving Thomas to frown hard at him. “She does not want you to return?”
“She has no say in the matter,” Thomas replied without hesitation. “I did not want to marry her, as you well know, but had no choice but to do so.”
Lord Fairfax snorted. “It was entirely your own fault,” he said pointedly. “You were in your cups and kissed a lady you thought to be another. She is not the one who did anything indelicate or incorrect now, is she?” Arching one eyebrow, he glared at Thomas as though angry with him that he should feel any sort of frustration over what had happened to him. “If you had not been so foolish, you would not now find yourself in the state of matrimony that you appear to despise so greatly. Quite frankly, I believe you quite unworthy of her.”
Thomas wanted to send back a harsh retort but found himself quite unable to do so. There was nothing Lord Fairfax had said that was incorrect, and thus he had to allow the sting of what had been said to hit hard against his skin. The truth was, he had been far too deep in his cups, had been foolish in his actions, and had kissed a lady he had thought to be Christina—a lady of low title who had been much too free with her favors. When he had awoken in the morning, his head groggy and his throat burning with fire, he had been horrified to discover that news of his betrothal had been flying around London.
“At least you did the honorable thing and married the girl,” Lord Fairfax muttered begrudgingly. “Although I do think it is very wrong of you to leave her at your estate whilst you return here.”
“Come now,” Thomas replied, forcing an easy smile to his face. “Surely you must know that I am not capable of doing more than one good thing at a time!” He chuckled, rising to his feet as he did so in order to remove himself from this conversation. He did not want to talk any further with Lord Fairfax for his words were becoming a little too much to bear, although Thomas was making quite certain that his friend did not know such a thing. “Do excuse me. I must go speak to Lord and Lady Forester.”
He turned his back quickly on Lord Fairfax, weary of the pangs of guilt that Lord Fairfax was—either wittingly or unwittingly—forcing into his soul. He did not want to think of his wife, did not want to even recall that he was married. The best thing he could do was continue to enjoy all that society had to offer, without even a single consideration for her.
“Good evening, Lord Altringham!”
A broad smile settled across his face as he greeted Lady Forester, bowing first to Lord Forester and then to the lady. She was a lady always glad of his company and certainly something of a flirt, although he had never once attempted to take anything from her. A rake he was, yes, but he would not steal kisses or affections from a lady already married. Especially not when the husband was an acquaintance of Thomas’.
“And where is your dear wife?” Lady Forester asked, after some small pleasantries had been exchanged. “I was hoping very much to be introduced to her!”
A flare of irritation burned in Thomas’ heart but he steeled himself with an effort, putting a smile on his face that he did not truly feel.
“Alas, she has remained at the estate,” he explained, hoping that she could hear the pang of regret that he had forced into his voice. “She was quite weary and thus chose to remain for the rest of the Season.”
“I am a little surprised that you are here, then,” Lord Forester replied, not keeping his thoughts to himself in any way. “Would you not wish to be in the company of your new wife? To know her a little better rather than return to society?” He lifted one eyebrow. “Particularly after the way that you were flung together.”
Thomas forced a laugh that hid his frustration. He did not want to talk of his wife. He did not want to have others speaking of his wife. Instead, all he wanted was merely to enjoy the evening without thought or mention of her and yet no matter where he went, he seemed dogged by her even though she was not present.
“There is plenty of time for us to know each other better, I am sure,” he said with a flippant wave of his hand. “After all, marriage is not of a short duration, usually.”
Lady Forester’s eyes gleamed although Thomas did not know what such a thing might mean. Putting a hand on her husband’s arm, she looked up at him, pulling her gaze from Thomas.
“Do not berate him just because he is not as enamored with his bride as you once were,” she said, a note of teasing in her voice. “And Lord Altringham is quite right. There is a lifetime for both he and Lady Altringham to know each other better. Allow him to enjoy what is left of the Season without any such guilt being placed upon his shoulders.”
Lord Forester opened his mouth to protest, only to shrug, smile at his wife, and pat her hand gently.
“Very well, I shall refrain,” he said with a half-smile. “Now, I must make my excuses, Lord Altringham, for I am to take my wife to play a hand of cards.”
Thomas smiled and inclined his head, turning his head in the hope that he might find someone within the room who would not wish to either speak of his marriage or question as to where his wife might now be. This was an evening assembly and it was meant to be nothing more than dancing, conversation, cards, and a good deal of excellent champagne—at the expense of their hosts, Lord and Lady Tillsbury—and he wanted simply to enjoy it without th
ought of his wife.
“Oh, do excuse me!”
He started violently, reeling back as he realized that, in his depth of thought, he had walked directly into the path of a young lady. She had stumbled back but had, thankfully, managed to keep her feet. Her eyes caught his for just a moment, only for a quiet gasp to pull at her lips as she dropped her gaze.
“Pray, excuse me, my lady,” Thomas said at once, bowing low and reaching out one hand toward her. “Might I enquire as to whether or not you are all right?” He put a warm smile on his face and looked directly into her blue eyes, using all of his charm to put her at ease. The lady blushed and looked away, her cheeks pink, and Thomas felt himself smile inwardly. There was no harm done. A little smile, some flicker of concern in his eyes, and she was already warming to him.
“I am quite well, I thank you,” she said, her voice low and quiet, her eyes still darting anywhere but his face. He made to say more, only for her to tug her hand away, tendrils of fair hair bouncing around her temples as she lifted her chin. It was a little astonishing to have her react so, especially when he thought he had managed to smooth things over almost at once.
“Do excuse me.”
She said nothing more but swung around on her heel and moved away from him, gliding swiftly across the floor as though some sort of ethereal spirit was within the room. Thomas frowned hard, looking after her and wondering why she did not want to linger in his company. It was very rare for a lady to remove herself from his presence in such a firm manner when they had not had too long to converse. Something like frustration bubbled up within him as he watched her walk away, his teeth gritting together hard as he fought to keep his face impassive so that no one watching him would notice his change in expression.
And yet, despite that, his hands were curling, his jaw tight. Whatever had occurred, Thomas found himself greatly irritated with the way the young lady had behaved. Yes, he had inadvertently walked into her but that was no reason to pull herself away from him as though his company were distasteful!
Shrugging, Thomas turned away and blew out a breath, trying to tell himself that he need not concern himself with such things and that he ought not to care. Setting his shoulders, he lifted his chin and made his way toward the card room, quite certain that there, at the very least, he would be able to enjoy himself without interruption.
Chapter Three
“Did you see his face?”
Julianna sank down into the chair, looking at her grandmother with a heavy heart.
“I did not,” Lady Newfield answered gently, leaning forward so that she might look at her granddaughter a little more carefully. “But you will recall that I was not present at the time you saw him.”
Julianna did not know what to say, her stomach twisting this way and that as embarrassment seeped into her heart all over again. When Lady Tillsbury had invited both Julianna and Lady Newfield to her evening assembly—their first foray out into society since arriving in London—Julianna had already been more than a little anxious as to what would occur. She had thought she would see her husband, would greet him as warmly as she could, and explain her reappearance in London.
Instead, she had managed to be knocked back by him, given that he had accidentally walked directly into her path, and thereafter, had been both horrified and astonished to realize that he did not know who she was.
“He looked at me as though I were a complete stranger,” Julianna whispered, covering her face with her hands and feeling quite wretched. “I was not known to him.”
“Then the fault is his,” Lady Newfield said firmly. “You have no blame in this, Julianna.”
Julianna swallowed hard, only just managing to hold back her tears. She wanted to burst into floods of tears, to let her shoulders shake and her body rack with sobs, such was her shame and mortification, but with an effort, she steeled herself, took in a deep breath, and lifted her head.
“He did not even know me,” she said again, as though her grandmother did not understand. “When he rested his gaze directly upon me, there was not even a flicker of recognition.”
Lady Newfield let out a long, slow breath, her brow furrowed. “It is something I did not expect, I will be honest,” she said. “But we must take this as best we can.”
Spreading her hands, Julianna shook her head. “What is there that I can do?” she asked slowly. “Speak to Lord Altringham and inform him that the lady he walked into last evening was, in fact, his wife?” She shook her head. “I do not think I could bear the embarrassment.”
“Then what else is there for us to do?” her grandmother asked gently, looking at Julianna with an open expression. “Do you wish for us to continue on as we are in the hope that one of your husband’s acquaintances will inform him of the truth of your identity?”
Julianna sighed and dropped her hands, closing her eyes tightly for a moment. “I-I think we should return to the estate,” she said hopelessly. “I cannot see anything else to do.”
“No!” Lady Newfield’s sharp response filled Julianna with surprise. Lifting her head, she was astonished to see her grandmother’s face etched with anger, her brow furrowed, her cheeks coloring, and her eyes gleaming with evident fury. “No, Julianna! I will not allow you to go running back to your husband’s estate in order to hide away from the difficulties that now face you. You have done enough of that already, Julianna!”
Julianna caught her breath, her eyes flaring as she looked back into her grandmother’s face, seeing her in a way that she had never done before.
“I do not mean to be harsh with you, but I must tell you now, Julianna, that you must show a little more gumption.”
She swallowed hard. “Gumption?” she murmured tremulously, blinking back hot tears that had sprung, unbidden, to her eyes.
“Indeed,” Lady Newfield said resolutely. “Gumption. Courage. And determination and strength. Those things are what you need to find deep within yourself, my dear girl, if you are going to do what needs to be done.”
Julianna let out a long breath, her shoulders lowering as she did so. Her grandmother had never spoken to her in such a way before and now to hear such fierceness from her was quite extraordinary. Indeed, she did not even know how to react.
“You have been under your father’s strict rules for too long,” Lady Newfield said in a much gentler tone. “You have tried your very best, I know, but your hopes have died completely, have they not?”
A single tear fell onto Julianna’s cheek and she quickly brushed it away. “My father is not well-liked within society, as you well know, Grandmama,” she said, her voice a little broken. “Thus, it comes as no surprise to me that my new husband wants not even to look upon me, given not only the manner of our meeting but also my father and my background.”
Lady Newfield rose from her chair and walked smartly across the room toward Julianna. Reaching out, she tipped up Julianna’s chin and Julianna had no other choice but to look into her grandmother’s eyes, seeing the firmness in her gaze.
“I must ask you, Julianna,” she began quietly. “Do your father’s sins mean that you also bear the guilt and the weight of them?”
A flicker of a frown crossed her brow. “I share no guilt in my father’s corrupt ways, if that is what you mean,” she said, a little confused.
Lady Newfield’s smile became a little sad. “Then why do you continue to behave as though you have no worth simply because of what your ridiculous and foolish father has chosen to do?”
It was a question that Julianna had never been presented with before. Her grandmother touched her cheek and then stepped away, going to ring the bell for tea. The question that her grandmother had just asked her seemed to hang about her as though a cloud of smoke surrounded her chair, holding her tightly. It was true, she realized, that she had spent her time these last few years hiding in the shadows, afraid of what her father would do next, terrified that she would sink even lower within society. She had never behaved incorrectly, had never chosen to do anythin
g other than what society—and her father—expected. And yet, she was the one who cringed in shame, who hid in the shadows, afraid to step out into the light. Even though she knew that society did not want to look at her, did not even want to glimpse her, Julianna began to realize that it had become something of a protection for her, allowing her to hide in the way she had always done.
Of course, now she had a husband and still, she realized, she was trying to hide from everyone including Lord Altringham. But what else could she do? Just how much strength and courage did she have? Enough to do as Lady Newfield was pushing her to do?
“What is it that you think I should do, Grandmama?” she asked quietly as Lady Newfield dropped back into her chair, no longer appearing as angry as before. “I will try to be as courageous and as determined as you wish me to be.”
Lady Newfield’s smile was gentle. “It will take a great deal of strength from you, I know, but I do believe it will be for your best, my dear girl.”
“I have never had anyone truly considering me in such a way before, Grandmama,” Julianna answered, her eyes filling with tears—but tears of happiness rather than of sorrow. “I do want to try and improve, if you think it will help.”
Lady Newfield nodded, tilting her head. “Not only for you, my dear Julianna, but also for your husband.” She leaned forward in her chair, her eyes sharp. “For my intention for you is that you pull your husband toward you in a manner that will prove to him that you are of more worth than any of his other acquaintances. And for him to realize that the lady he has come to regard deeply and with perhaps even affection is, in fact, his wife.”
This made Julianna frown. She could not quite understand how her husband would come to consider her in such a light when surely, she would introduce herself to him as such.
In Search of Love: Convenient Arrangements (Book 2) Page 3
