The quadrille. The quadrille he had promised to keep free so that Lady Darlington and he could share a little more time together thereafter. Was he willing to give that up so that he might take Miss Sussex onto the dance floor?
Thomas sighed and shook his head. No. He did not feel the urge to know Miss Sussex better to the point that he would give up a few warm moments with Lady Darlington. To even consider such a thing was quite ridiculous.
“Good evening, Lord Altringham.”
He looked up from his card to see none other than the lady of his thoughts now standing in front of him. He was rather surprised that Miss Sussex had come to greet him of her own accord, given just how demure and quiet she had appeared during his two other conversations with her, but perhaps the music of the ball and the liveliness of the dancers had emboldened her somewhat.
“Good evening, Miss Sussex,” he said, noting Lady Newfield standing only a foot or so away. He nodded to her, seeing the tiny smile touch the corner of her mouth as she nodded back. Clearly, Lady Newfield knew of his reputation and was being very careful in watching her charge and whom she engaged with.
Miss Sussex’s cheeks were infused with color, although whether or not that came from his company or merely being at the ball itself, Thomas did not know.
“You wished to dance with me this evening, I believe,” Miss Sussex said, her blue eyes a little unsteady as she tried to look at him. They held his gaze for a moment, then dropped to his shoulder. “I thought to come and seek you out before my card is filled completely.”
“I see.” Thomas cleared his throat and took her card from her, still a little taken aback by her boldness. “That is quite correct, Miss Sussex, of course. I did ask to dance with you this evening.” Looking down her card, he was all the more astonished to discover that her dance card was rather full. Miss Sussex was not, as far as he knew, anyone of particular merit, although clearly with being in the charge of Lady Newfield, she was of the same social standing as the lady. He, being an earl, ought really to be seeking out daughters of earls or marquesses, but there was clearly something about Miss Sussex that others recognized given that they were so eager to fill up her dance card. The ball had only been in full swing for an hour or so and he had not expected her to have so many dances taken already. The first two had already been danced and the third would begin in a few minutes. He did not have a lot of time.
“Do you see none that you like?” she asked, a small note of teasing in her voice. “Or is it that you do not wish to dance with me any longer?”
Darting his gaze up toward her, Thomas found himself smiling back at her, wondering why he found her so interesting when she was not a particular beauty. “I am sure I can find one dance to suit us both,” he said, feeling himself pushing back against this strange interest in her. “After all, Miss Sussex, I fear that I am also very much engaged this evening.”
Her face fell, the smile sliding from her face. “Oh, of course.”
“I do still have the quadrille,” he said slowly, feeling himself pulled in one direction and then the next. On one hand, he had the joy and the pleasure of Lady Darlington’s company, but on the other, the dance he had promised to Miss Sussex.
“And yet you seem less than eager to take it,” she said, her tone now a little unfriendly. “You have someone else in mind for that, perhaps?”
His brows rose as he looked at her, seeing the flash of anger in her eyes. Before he could tell her otherwise, before he could do anything more, Miss Sussex, it seemed, made a quick decision. To his astonishment, she pulled the card from his fingers and gave him a quick bob of a curtsy. “Then you must excuse me, Lord Altringham. I would not have you pulled from any of your other partners, given that they are all of greater importance.” She turned on her heel and left his side almost immediately, with Lady Newfield’s eyebrows lifting high as she watched her charge walk away. Thomas frowned hard, watching her leave and questioning why he felt no sense of relief in what she had done. It now meant that he could spend the time of the quadrille dance with Lady Darlington, which was, he told himself, precisely what he had wished for.
* * *
“That was an excellent dance, Lady Darlington.”
She simpered up at him, her eyes bright and a small, knowing smile tugging at the corner of her mouth. “Indeed,” she purred, her hand tight on his arm. “I enjoyed it very much.”
Thomas kept the frown from his face with an effort. He had never once felt such a guilt over turning a lady away before, and yet now, even though he was with Lady Darlington, the only person occupying his thoughts was Miss Sussex.
“You do not look pleased, Lord Altringham,” Lady Darlington cooed, looking up at him with bright eyes. “Is there something about my company that displeases you?”
Clearing his throat, he smiled at her and tried to laugh. “Indeed not, Lady Darlington,” he said, leaning down toward her meaningfully. “I am very glad indeed to be in your company.”
“You are not considering Lady Guthrie at this moment, I hope?” Lady Darlington’s voice had become a little cooler now, her eyes narrowed. “I know that she, too, is a favorite of yours.”
Thomas lifted her hand and pressed his lips to it. “I think only of you, Lady Darlington,” he said, not wanting the lady to pull away from him now. “Truly, there is no other lovelier than you.”
“Good,” Lady Darlington murmured, leading him toward the open door that led to the gardens—the dark, secretive gardens where many a kiss could be stolen by a gentleman who dared to try it. “Perhaps you will bring me a gift next time we meet.”
A little surprised, Thomas glanced at her. “A gift?”
“Indeed,” Lady Darlington laughed, although there was still a seriousness in her eyes that did not fade. “I am sure you purchase gifts for others but I, as yet, have been given nothing from you.” She sighed heavily, one hand against her heart as though his lack of attention pained her. “Indeed, it has been much too long since we have been together, Lord Altringham. I am sure I have been pining for you!”
A small, lackluster smile crossed his lips, no spark of excitement flooding him despite his best efforts. Her changeability was becoming a little boring. “I see,” he said, making Lady Darlington frown as she looked up at him.
“You have not pined for me, I presume,” she said a little tartly as she narrowed her eyes and looked up at him. “Is that what you are trying to say by such a remark, Lord Altringham?”
Thomas tried to collect himself, tried to smile and find his usual charms so as to set her back into a warm and contented state. “No indeed, Lady Darlington,” he said, patting her hand and giving her what he hoped was a knowing look. “I have not pined for you. I have ached for you.” Their steps became a little slower as they drew near to the doors, with Lady Darlington guiding them into the shadows by the door rather than stepping outside. “I have yearned for you. And now to be in your company again, it is the fulfillment of every desire I have held within me for so long.”
This, thankfully, seemed to content Lady Darlington for she let out a soft laugh and pressed her hands flat against his chest, looking up at him with dark eyes. Thomas pressed all thoughts of Miss Sussex away from him, lapping up Lady Darlington’s presence and feeling his heart begin to beat a little quicker with the promise in her eyes.
“Can you only linger until the end of the quadrille?” she murmured, reaching up to run her fingers lightly down his cheek. “Or might you wish to join me later this evening?”
He pressed his hand over hers, trapping it against his cheek. “I should very much like to—”
Someone caught his attention. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw none other than Miss Sussex standing, stock-still, staring at him with a horrified expression on her face. He had thought himself well hidden in shadow, but evidently, it had not been dark enough to conceal him completely. Lady Darlington did not notice Miss Sussex or Lady Newfield, who had come to stand beside her, given that her back was to them, but
Thomas felt the full force of their stares.
“Lord Altringham?”
It was as though he were fixed to the spot. Staring at Miss Sussex, unable to drag his eyes away, he felt his heart pound furiously and his mouth go dry. He could not speak. He could not move. All he could do was stare back at Miss Sussex, knowing now that she saw the full reason for his reluctance to dance with her in the quadrille. In his foolishness, he had not thought that she, too, would be without a partner in the quadrille and had presumed she would be dancing, but it seemed he was quite incorrect in that matter.
Lady Newfield said something to Miss Sussex, her hand tight on her arm, and slowly, Miss Sussex turned away. Lady Newfield linked her arm though that of her charge and together, they walked away from Thomas and Lady Darlington.
“I do not know what is the matter with you this evening!” Lady Darlington huffed, pulling back from him, her hands now planted on her hips, her eyes narrowed. “You are behaving in a most ridiculous and uncertain manner and I simply cannot understand what is going on.”
Thomas tried to protest, tried to explain, but it was clearly much too late. Lady Darlington threw her hands up in frustration and stepped away from him, leaving Thomas to stand alone in the shadows.
He waited there alone, expecting to feel irritation at Lady Darlington’s departure and anger toward Miss Sussex for her interruption of what had been a most enjoyable moment, but instead, all he felt was a slow, burning sense of shame.
Thomas did not like it. It was not a sensation he was used to and certainly not one he liked. There was no reason for such a feeling, he told himself. He did not owe Miss Sussex anything and she herself meant nothing to him! Why now should he feel such a strange sense of guilt?
His lip curling, Thomas turned and strode through the ballroom, his face black with anger. Anger at how he felt, anger at this unwanted and unmerited sense of shame. Anger that a lady who was neither beautiful nor engaging had caught him in such a strange fashion. And anger, most of all, at his own foolish behavior in throwing aside the delectable Lady Darlington.
It was all most frustrating.
Chapter Five
Julianna tried her best to keep her spirits up, to find her courage and her strength as her grandmother had encouraged her to do, but the difficulty of seeing her husband entangled with another lady was rather hard to bear.
“You are doing very well, Julianna,” her grandmother murmured as they walked through Hyde Park, greeting various ladies and gentlemen whom her grandmother appeared to know. Julianna did not know very many of them at all, or if she did recall their faces, she did not remember their names. Her mind was much too caught up with what she had seen last evening, her heart sinking into her toes as she thought of it again.
To see a lady draped against Lord Altringham had been a sword to her heart. She had been foolish enough to forget that her husband was nothing more than a rake, reminding herself, as her grandmother led her away, that this was entirely to be expected, and yet it had injured her more than she wanted to admit. The courage it had taken to go up to Lord Altringham in the first place had been difficult enough, but to first of all find herself snubbed in place of someone unknown—for Lord Altringham’s disinclination to give her the quadrille had been apparent—and then see him with yet another young lady only drove the pain into her heart all the harder.
“Good afternoon, Lady Newfield.”
Julianna looked up to see Lady Tillsbury and her daughter, a lady she had been introduced to once before, approaching them. Lady Tillsbury had a warm smile on her face and the young lady was watching Julianna with interest.
Julianna flushed at the scrutiny. No doubt the lady knew full well of what Julianna was doing, given that her mother had needed to be informed by Lady Newfield of Julianna’s new identity.
“Good afternoon, Miss Sussex.”
“Miss Sussex,” the young lady repeated, giving Julianna a warm smile. “You see, Miss Sussex, I have not forgotten.”
Julianna smiled back, albeit rather tentatively, trying to recall the lady’s name. “You are very kind.”
“Indeed you are, Miss Glover,” Lady Newfield said, throwing Julianna a quick glance as though she knew that she had struggled to recall the lady’s name. “You and your mother are the only two in all of London who know of Julianna’s true identity.”
Julianna’s gut twisted. “It appears I am quite forgettable,” she said, a little regretfully. “No one else in all of London seems to recall my true name.”
“And not even your husband!” Miss Glover exclaimed, one hand at her heart. “That is most unfortunate and certainly quite ridiculous, Miss Sussex. I am sure that must be very trying for you.”
Trying to keep her composure, Julianna inclined her head but dropped her gaze to the ground. Because of this, she did not see the sharp look that Lady Tillsbury sent toward her daughter, or the way that Miss Glover dropped her head.
“Pray, Miss Sussex, will you not walk with me for a time?” Miss Glover asked suddenly, as Julianna lifted her gaze back to the lady. “I am sure my mother and your grandmother would like to converse for a time and I should very much like to acquaint myself with you a little better.”
Such was the sweetness of her request and the genuine look in her eyes that Julianna found herself unable to refuse. Nodding but not saying a word given that she did not trust her voice, Julianna walked toward the girl, who turned about and began to walk alongside her, so that Lady Newfield and Lady Tillsbury might walk behind.
“I am sorry if I upset you just now,” Miss Glover said at once, looking keenly at Julianna, who was a little surprised at how bold the lady was with her apology. “It was rather carelessly spoken and I do apologize.”
Blinking in surprise, Julianna felt a smile playing about her mouth, finding herself rather enamored by this young lady. “You are very kind to say so, Miss Glover,” she said quietly. “I am grateful for your consideration.”
“I should very much like to be your friend,” Miss Glover continued, in as open a manner as before. “You are quite mysterious, if I might be permitted to say so!”
A little surprised at this, Julianna laughed and Miss Glover smiled. “I do not feel mysterious at all.”
“Oh, but you are,” Miss Glover said firmly as they moved a good deal more quickly along the path than Lady Newfield and Lady Tillsbury. “I find myself quite honored to meet you and to know of your circumstances—although they must be dreadfully difficult, of course.”
Julianna found herself liking Miss Glover immensely. She had only been introduced to her at the evening assembly some days ago and had not had much of an opportunity to talk, but now that she was doing so, she found the lady to be warm and friendly, albeit with a rather blunt manner of speaking. Julianna did not think she had met anyone like her—aside from Lady Newfield, of course.
“I do hope that Lord Altringham returns to you with shame and disgrace once he realizes who you are,” Miss Glover continued, linking arms with Julianna without so much as asking her if she wished to walk arm in arm. “I think you are incredibly brave, Miss Sussex, to do what you are doing at present,” she finished with a shake of her head. “I should like to help in whatever way I can.”
“That is very kind of you,” Julianna said, rather overwhelmed and humbled by the lady’s wish. “I do not know what to say, truth be told, for I am not even certain what it is I am to do next!”
Miss Glover laughed, pressing Julianna’s arm. “Then that is precisely what I shall do first in order to help you,” she declared. “What is it that—oh!”
Being dragged to a sudden stop, Julianna looked all about her to see what it was that her new friend was now gaping at, only to see, much to her shock, that the very gentleman in question was just now alighting from a carriage a little away from them. In the instant she saw him, her whole body reacted in a most uncomfortable fashion. Her legs became weak, her shoulders slumped, and her stomach began to churn. Turning her face away in an atte
mpt to hide her face from him, she saw Miss Glover looking at her with interest.
“You are afraid of him?” she queried, but Julianna shook her head.
“Not afraid, no,” she answered slowly. “I think, instead, I am a little afraid of my own reaction to him.” Shrugging, she tried to explain herself. “I have no courage. I have no determination or any great strength of character. Instead, I am fearful and uncertain. I have spent a lifetime being filled with such feelings and to try and change them now has been rather difficult indeed. And then, when I do try to show some strength of will, I find that even with such confidence, my husband still will not think well of me.” Some hot tears filled her eyes but Julianna blinked them away quickly. “It is foolish to think that just because I might have a little confidence, he would then seek me out or put me before his own wishes and attentions. Instead, I was swiftly reminded that he is nothing more than a rake and has no desire to change such behavior.”
Miss Glover frowned, watching the way that Lord Altringham made his way toward another gentleman and two ladies who were standing together. “He is very arrogant, Miss Sussex, I will say that.” She shot Julianna a sidelong glance. “I do hope that does not injure you.”
Julianna laughed, her tears gone. “No, indeed not,” she answered honestly. “Not when I am aware it is the truth. I…” Her mouth suddenly went dry as she stared out at Lord Altringham, noting how someone was moving toward his carriage, looking directly at him but seemingly not inclined to hurry quickly toward him.
“What is it?” Miss Glover asked as Julianna’s grandmother and Lady Tillsbury joined them. “Is something wrong?”
“I am not certain,” Julianna murmured quietly. “I-I can see a figure approaching Lord Altringham but in a very slow manner. It is as if he does not want to be seen. He… good gracious!”
Miss Glover had seen it also. “He has stopped his approach and climbed into Lord Altringham’s carriage!” she exclaimed, sounding rather horrified. “That is quite improper. We must go to it at once.” Making to stride forward, she was quickly restrained by the warning hand of her mother.
In Search of Love: Convenient Arrangements (Book 2) Page 5
