by Vivian Arend
“I wasn’t telling you to stop. You’re the best lover I’ve ever—”
“Let’s not talk about other people loving you,” Tad gritted through his teeth. He rolled to the side, keeping their legs in contact. “For some reason the thought makes me want to shoot someone.”
Missy stared at him. Was it possible? She knew what she felt. The emotional desire to be with him was even stronger than the physical compulsion. And the physical was off the charts.
She cupped his face in her hands and reached out with her Omega sense into his mind, into the emotions and needs hidden away.
Images flashed—naked bodies twined together, children playing in a field, two hands clasped that were wrinkled with time—Missy gasped.
She’d been wrong all along. She’d assumed her desire for him was a false reading when really she should have known.
He was her mate. Her real, honest-to-goodness, forever-and-always mate.
“Oh, Tad.” This was more overwhelming than she’d ever imagined it could be. With his taste rioting through her body and the images from his mind encouraging her, it was all she could do to stop from stripping off their clothes and jumping his bones.
Not that it was a bad idea.
She trembled in his arms, and Tad came close to losing control. He looked into her eyes, checking to see if she was afraid. Fuck. He must have done something, moved too fast, not shown how much she meant to him. Pain, deep and sharp, thrust into him, and he sucked in a breath.
“Sweetheart, what’s wrong?” Tad tried to untangle their limbs. He tried, but his body wouldn’t cooperate. Leaving the heat of her touch would wrench his heart from his body.
“Nothing’s wrong, everything’s right.”
She cupped his face in her hands again, the softness of her touch washing over him with equal parts of desire and peace. There was something so right about Missy, so far beyond mere sex that his mind grew foggy and it was hard to concentrate on her words.
“Can you feel it?” she whispered. “This isn’t just FirstMate, it’s more. You and I, we’re mates.”
Tad froze. It wasn’t possible. She’d had a mate, yet for some reason she was getting the message they belonged together forever.
Oh bloody hell, it was the frickin’ werewolf hormones again. Somehow she was getting a false positive.
How could this happen? How could it happen without them having sex? She was going to think she was in love with him for the rest of her life, and it would just be pheromones controlling her. He couldn’t do that, couldn’t treat someone he cared about in such a cold, heartless manner, especially Missy.
Tad summoned strength he didn’t know he had from within and dragged himself away.
They both let out low moans as he stumbled across the room to put distance between them. The physical pain that shot through his body was unexpected and nearly drove him to his knees. His eyes blurred for a moment, and the room spun as he grew light-headed.
“I’m so sorry, I really am.” He would do anything to stop from hurting her. His limbs shook as he leaned on the doorframe. His body was on fire, even more than when he was touching her.
She was pale, confusion written all over her face, and he ached for her. The situation was beyond her control and entirely his fault.
“I thought, I mean…” She hesitated before closing her tear-filled eyes and starting to shake. “Don’t you want me?”
A sound of agony ripped from his throat at the thought of denying his need for her. Bloody werewolf genes had messed up his life, and now Missy’s. All he wanted was to hold her and make it all better, but it wasn’t possible. Everything he’d been told over the years meant she had to be mistaken, and unless he stopped now she would suffer forever.
He softened his voice and let his caring come through as he spoke. “Hell, it’s not you, it’s me. Don’t you see? I’m not triggered. We can’t be mates, it’s the pheromones blinding you. You just think I’m your mate. Oh, sweetheart, I wish it was true.” He wished it with everything he had.
“It is!” Missy cried. She was on her knees now, her sweater askew, hair tousled everywhere.
He’d never seen anything as beautiful. It was sheer torture to drop his gaze from her, his heart pounding fast, his ears ringing as blood roared through his head. He forced down his lust to try and reason with her.
“I can’t be. You have a mate.” It never happened twice. A once-in-a-lifetime event, and when they died, a piece of you died.
“I had a husband, Tad. Not a mate. We were married, but it was a political thing forced upon me.” She rose and reached for him.
Tad held out a hand to stop her, his mind spinning. She’d never had a mate? She said they were mates. Could she be right?
He sniffed hard. The only aroma that reached him was the faint scent of wood smoke. His sinus passages were plugged, his forehead felt hot. His body ached.
Did he want her? Hell yeah, but there didn’t seem to be the irresistible connection that he’d been warned occurred when true mates met. He wanted to bury himself in her and protect her, but he’d felt that way since they were kids back in high school. The connection, the pull, he felt equally strongly with his human side.
How could this possibly be a true mating if he wasn’t sure? The trickle of doubt that remained tied his hands.
Tied his heart.
Then for one evil, wicked moment Tad was tempted to continue. To take her and make love to her so she’d be trapped forever. He loved her, damn it. She would love him. Did it matter that it would just be chemicals on her side?
His human morals fought a battle of epic proportions against the desires of the wolf raging through him. The lust, the need to be triggered.
A cooling breeze flowed around him, and in that brief second his heart broke. He’d nearly done the one thing he’d sworn he’d never do—take advantage of someone he cared about.
He couldn’t. She had to be set free. All his dreams fell to the ground and shattered. The need that had risen in his body overflowed to his mind and drawing back from her was the hardest thing he’d ever done.
The room blurred again. It was impossible to think straight.
“If you were never mated that means there’s no chance we can safely share FirstMate. I can’t do that to you. I can’t risk making you suffer thinking you’re in love with me for the rest of your life.” His tongue tripped over the words, awkward, painful. He wanted her but he wanted the best for her more.
“But, Tad—”
“Missy, hush.” Tad dropped his voice, calmed his pounding heart. He had to explain he wasn’t rejecting her, but saving her from a grave mistake. “Falling in love with someone for real and thinking you’re in love because your damn werewolf hormones are controlling you aren’t the same thing. Somewhere out there you have a real mate you’ll connect with intimately. If I take advantage of you, I’d be destroying your future. The absolute joy. The complete belonging. I care too much for you to let you give up on all that. We have to stop, now.” Tad snatched up his coat and shoved his feet into his boots haphazardly, the room spinning as he moved. “Keep the fire going. I’ll be back later. Don’t leave the cabin. I’m going to try the radio again.”
“Tad, don’t leave me, I ache… It hurts. Don’t leave—”
He closed the door on the sound of her quivering voice and dropped his back against it to seal it shut.
Sharp knives cut through his limbs. His throat was raw and his heart was a block of ice within his chest. He stumbled down the stairs and back toward the plane. There had to be a way to get out of here soon.
Before he died from the pain of a broken heart.
Chapter Six
Missy fell to her knees, a cry tearing from her lips. How could he leave after being told they were mates?
Damn overly considerate asshole.
Every cell in her body screamed at her to follow, to drag him back into the cabin and force him to finish what they’d started.
She dropped
her head to the floor and concentrated. Her skills as an Omega calmed her so she could think, could function until Tad regained his senses and returned. Long, slow breaths helped relieve the hardest edge of her pain as she stretched the hormone-tightened muscles of her arms and legs. After what seemed to be hours, Missy crawled to the table and pulled herself up.
Stumbling to the door, she forced her legs to cooperate as she drove herself to keep moving. Part of her body wanted to shut down and retreat under the blankets to shake until Tad came back and eased her pain. But if what she’d guessed about him was right, Tad wasn’t aware of all the physical rules for wolves.
He might not want to mate with her, but he had little choice in the matter now. The chemical switch had begun to flip, and they needed each other to survive.
“Just say no” wouldn’t be enough.
She tugged the door open and stared into whiteout conditions. The wind shook the roof of the cabin. It was hard to see the stairs five feet away at the edge of the covered porch as the snow streaked across in sheets.
If Tad was anywhere but in the airplane he was in danger.
She pulled off her clothes, her teeth chattering from more than being cold. Her skin was so sensitive each touch of her own hands tore her body apart with pain. Tad could be as considerate as he wanted some other time. Right now she was going to haul his ass back and force him to take her.
Missy stepped onto the porch naked, skin lashed by ice particles that stung like wasps. She lowered herself to the ground and shifted, the comfort of the change to wolf easing part of the pain even as missing her mate hurt at a deeper core level.
She felt him out in the storm. Tad had tried to deny they were mates, but there was no way to deny the connection. It was like there was a string tied between them that she could easily follow.
She leapt off the porch and listened for a moment, the harsh cry of the wind different to her lupine ears. Little creatures huddled under the porch, their tiny bodies hiding from the winter’s fury. Larger animals roamed in the more protected trees, including at least one natural wolf. He would know she was there. He would know she was one of his kind, and yet not his kind, and he’d be wary.
She let a little of her Omega awareness slip away to reassure him before she turned to track her mate.
The wind had already obliterated a large part of Tad’s footprints, the holes filled with the driving snow. The trail she followed wandered as Tad had staggered on unsteady feet. How he managed to flee so far from her showed incredible strength.
Or stubbornness that bordered on the moronic.
She approached the plane, fear rising within her. She sensed Tad’s heartbeat slowing, not through meditation, but because he was in danger. Ahead, by the ski of the plane, there was a snow-covered mound. She raced up to discover him crumpled face down on the ground.
Missy threw back her head and howled, a long high cry of command, before she stuck her muzzle to the side of his face and sniffed.
The initial hit of his scent raced through her with the impact of shooting a mickey of tequila. Her head spun, her mouth watered and the sexual tension throughout her body flared again just from being in his presence. But she also felt the danger. Tad was burning up. His body shook with fever, and even if she woke him, she’d never be able to carry him. She cried out again, louder this time, more demanding.
Missy used her paws and her teeth to drag Tad closer to the plane and the slight protection of the hillside before she curled around his head, her warm breath on his face. She watched for any sign of movement, in Tad or in the whitened air beyond them.
“Missy?” Tad’s voice was a soft rasp.
She licked his neck.
“I’m sorry, Missy. I’m so sorry.”
Missy’s head flicked to attention.
They came. The natural wolves crept up to where Tad lay, the leader’s eyes on Missy. She stared him down, not moving from her protective position around Tad. Slowly the timber wolf approached and lowered himself to the ground by her paws. He lapped at her mouth for a moment and she gave him a nudge with her head.
They would be all right.
A few minutes later Missy double-checked the pile of furry bodies that covered Tad to keep him warm until she returned with help. She nudged the leader of the group in farewell then turned away.
Pain stroked the back of his neck, wrapped gently around his forehead and then socked him between the eyes. Tad would have groaned but that required too much energy. Panting seemed the limit of his ability to complain at the moment.
“So, zombie boy. You gonna get your ass out of bed sometime this week or what?” His partner’s loud voice echoed like he was using a megaphone.
“You think he’s going to remember anything this time, Shaun?”
“Don’t know, TJ. I think it’s pretty amusing myself. How about we tell him he’s been booked to fly the Queen on her next royal tour?”
They were talking nearby but Tad couldn’t see them. “Hey, guys. Shut up for a minute. Which one of you dropped the anvil on my head?”
“Hmm, good sign. He’s being an asshole,” Shaun said.
“Why can’t I see you?” Tad thought his eyes were open but it was so dark in the room he couldn’t be sure.
A faint shimmer of light came through as Shaun cracked open the curtains. “It’s nighttime and we’ve got your summer light-blocking curtains closed. The pack doctor said with the fever you needed it as dark as possible to avoid complications.” He paced over and sat, the most concerned look on his face Tad had ever seen. “How do you feel?”
Tad tried a slow stretch. He had aches on tops of aches, his head pounded and there was something he needed to remember. “Did I catch the flu or something?”
Tad watched TJ and Shaun exchange glances. “Yeah, or something. Remember that guy you flew around for hours? He came down with a bad case of the nasties, and since you had the pleasure of his company in close quarters, you were a nice little time bomb waiting to happen,” Shaun explained.
TJ snorted. “Of course racing into a freaking blizzard didn’t help matters. The only reason you survived is—”
“TJ, go make some coffee. Thanks.” Shaun turned his back on TJ in dismissal.
Tad attempted a laugh as TJ left the room. “How did you do that? I thought no one could get TJ to shut up when he gets started.”
Shaun reached for Tad’s forehead. “It’s a wolf thing. I rank higher and I only use the authority when it’s needed.” In slow motion Shaun touched his skin.
Giant invisible ice picks appeared and starting jabbing him everywhere. He jerked away from Shaun’s hand, swearing under his breath. His head spun and his skin crawled. “What the hell is that about?”
“You really want to know?”
Tad threw a pillow at Shaun. “What kind of stupid-ass remark is that? Of course I want to know. My head is throbbing and I feel like I’ve been tied to an ant hill after being dipped in honey.”
“Ooooh. Nice analogy, flyboy. You remember where you got the honey from?”
Tad got ready to yell at Shaun to tell him to start making sense and then… “Oh shit, is Missy all right?”
Shaun clapped his hands together with exaggerated enthusiasm. “Finally, the right question. You are on the cutting edge of sanity this time. Yes, Missy is as good as can be expected.”
“What’s that mean? And why are you acting so weird?” Tad threw back the covers and swung his legs to the floor, intending to get dressed. The room had other ideas as it spun in a one-eighty, and the roof flipped to the floor. Tad found himself flat on his back, this time on the carpet.
“Let’s try this again. How are you feeling, Tad?”
Nothing was working right and his brain felt like it was iced up. “Good grief, what’s wrong with me?”
Shaun’s voice grew quiet with an annoying “I’m being patient” undertone. “You’ve been sick, Tad. You caught the flu from the guy you flew around—”
Fuck that. “Ye
ah, you told me.” Tad held a hand out to Shaun to get a pull upright. Shaun hid his arms behind him and Tad cursed. He rolled to his belly and gave a painful push onto his knees.
“Not that I don’t want to help but listening to you scream in pain every time someone touches you lost its appeal after the first dozen times.” Shaun sat on the chair next to the bed.
Tad crawled back onto the mattress and covered himself. The pressure of the quilt on his skin hurt less than the cold seeping into his bones. His mind cleared a little, enough to grow concerned. “Am I going crazy?”
Shaun shook his head. “Sorry if I seem a little short but I’ve explained what’s wrong five times already. I’m not sure you’re going to remember whatever I say so it’s difficult to get excited about sharing this again. But in the hopes six is the charm, here goes. It’s Thursday. You were—”
“What?” Tad exclaimed. “Missy and I did the set-up on Monday before we got stuck in the cabin.”
Shaun raised a brow. “Well done. First time you’ve been able to remember that without prompting. You remember anything else you did with Missy?” Tad swore and Shaun pumped his arm into the air. “All right, it seems we are getting somewhere. I know it drives your poor little human sensitivities wild, but I’m going to speak plain wolf for a bit. You began FirstMate with her and for some stupid, idiotic reason you stopped. You can’t stop a trigger in mid-pull, Tad. All you’ve managed to do is get the bullet in motion and you’ve hit a time warp. Until you finish what you started, neither you nor Missy will be able to touch another person without pain. That’s number one. Number two is none of us knew Missy is an Omega wolf and—”
“A what?” The pain in his body faded slightly as he remembered being in the cabin with Missy. How he’d almost decided to trap her forever.
“Omega. Instead of dealing with the authority and leadership of the pack like the Alpha and Beta, she helps set the emotional track. She knows what needs to happen by instinct. Packs without an Omega often have wolves go feral or head into the illegal side of things. You don’t even know they are there if they do their job right.”
