by Emma Rose
At first, I was confused, but then I remembered this is how we made promises. I interlocked my pinky with his and shook it gently.
"Pinky promise," Oliver said seriously. Maybe he hadn't changed nearly as much as I thought.
CHAPTER TWENTY-ONE: OLIVER
Okay, so I kind of stole my dad's car, but at the time I did it, I had accepted that I'd never be his favorite. So, I thought, "What's one more mistake to add to my list of offenses against him?"
The thing was I would have done anything to get to spend time getting to know Jemma better. I lost her once and I never wanted that to happen again. I felt like there were so many moments we missed out on spending together and so little time to make up for it.
I remembered the promise I made to Jemma to remain friends and to become nothing more. I loved Jemma so much that I was willing to be just friends for our entire life if that's what she wanted.
Although, the feelings I had for Jemma in my heart were more than that. I knew that if Jemma wasn't the girl for me, there would be no girl for me because there was no way I would ever be able to get her out of my mind.
I sat outside her townhouse in the Jeep with the engine running. It was early in the morning on a Thursday and the sun was just rising over the city. I wondered what the day would hold for us. I checked my back pocket nervously. I was relieved to feel that it was still there. The letter that is. I had kept it all this time tucked away in the back of a special photo album that I had just of my mother and me. I took the photo album almost everywhere with me, but not today. All I needed was the letter because for the first time in a while I felt my mother with me.
Finally, Jemma ran out of the house with a tote bag full of snacks, a Giants baseball cap, and a backpack full of everything else she had hurriedly grabbed for absolutely no reason.
I reached over and pushed the door open for her and she hopped in with a big smile.
"Ready to rock?" I asked, putting the car into drive.
"As ready as I'll ever be," she answered.
"Then, let's blow this popsicle stand," I smiled. As we drove out of the city, we chatted about all the things we had almost forgotten about our childhood. It was fun to reminisce with Jemma even if some of the memories she brought up were embarrassing like the time I peed my pants in second grade after she scared me by popping out from my closet when I had left the room to get snacks.
For the first time since I had reunited with Jemma, it felt like we were getting back to the way things used to be between us.
"Hey, Jemma," I said just around the time we had crossed the border between New York into Pennsylvania.
"Hmmm?" she hummed sleepily.
"I'm sorry."
"For what?" she asked half-heartedly.
"For the time I rejected you to go to the school dance with one of those preppy, superficial girls. I still wish I could go back in time and take you, instead."
"Oh, Ollie, you don't have to be sorry for that anymore," Jemma said, "Keep the past in the past. Let's just focus on the present and what a gift our friendship is now."
"That it is," I agreed with a smile. Jemma was stubborn at times, but she was the best at being kind, a quality I desperately wanted to mirror.
Shortly after my apology, Jemma fell asleep with her head resting on the window and her feet curled up on the seat. She looked like an angel in her sleep.
I decided it would be a good idea to actually decide on a destination at last, so I pulled to the side of the road and googled parks near our location.
French Creek State Park was only twenty-one miles away and it seemed to have lots of secluded areas for hiking or camping and just generally being away from people and so I set course, but only after getting a blanket from the back seat to lay over Jemma.
When I pulled into the parking lot of the park, Jemma stirred and got awake. We looked around at the wooded area surrounding us and not a soul was in sight.
"Are you ready to have the best day of your life," I asked cheekily as Jemma unfastened her seatbelt.
"Yes!" Jemma exclaimed. For once, she was the one not picking up on my sarcasm instead of the other way around.
Together we set out on our adventure. We wandered along trails, past creeks, and waterfalls over fallen trees and stumps with more rings than any person could count. With much teasing and laughter, we made our way around the park. Jemma remarked that we had found wonderland and I agreed. I had never been out of the state of New York since I immigrated from Ireland and being outside in the green land brought me back to my childhood. I felt happy and I felt free especially with my partner in crime by my side.
Eventually, we reached a tall cliff in the shape of a half-circle overlooking a pool of water which was steadily refilled by a narrow waterfall.
Jemma and I stood near the edge and enjoyed the view.
"Have you ever seen anything more lovely in your life?" Jemma asked.
I had, but I wasn't going to reveal to her what that was. I didn't want to break my promise.
"Maybe, but this is pretty good too," I said.
Jemma looked over at me and smiled. She looked so beautiful when she smiled.
"What?" she laughed. "You have that crazy look in your eyes."
"Oh, nothing," I said trying to hide my crazy idea from her. "I just have a question."
"What, Ollie?" she said, rolling her eyes. She had to have known I was up to something.
"Do you trust me?" I asked.
"Hmmm..." Jemma murmured. "You know another Connors boy asked me that question a long time ago and I think I gave him the answer I was meant to give to you."
“And what is that?”
“Yes, I trust you. I trust you to be genuine and I would trust you with my life if it came down to it. I wouldn’t trust you to be able to complete my taxes though.”
“Oh, I don’t even trust myself to my own taxes,” I laughed "But since you said you generally trust me, do you want to try something fun?" I asked.
"Okay..." she said hesitantly.
"Alright, just don’t freak out," I told her before grabbing her by the waist and lifting her off the ground.
"Ollie!" she squealed as I swung her carefully over the cliff holding on to her tightly the whole time as her legs stuck out straight over the edge.
"Well, was it fun?" I asked as I set her back down.
"Yes, in an Oliver sort of way," she laughed, pushing me playfully on the chest.
"You shouldn't be so risky," she scolded, partly serious but partly teasing as we started back down the trail.
"Don't worry. I wouldn't do anything that would ever hurt you, Jemma and if you let me I'll stop anyone who wants to hurt you, even if that person is yourself," I said honestly. I instantly regretted my words though. I thought I might have crossed the line and gone too far. That was a boyfriend thing to say, and I worried my statement might have made her think I wanted something more in our relationship.
Suddenly, Jemma wrapped her arms around me in a big hug.
"Jemma," I laughed, "Warn me next time!" She had surprised me and I almost lost my balance.
"Oliver?"
"Yeah?"
"You're my best friend."
I wasn't expecting her to say that and it hit me hard. I don't think I could have received any better compliment than being told by Jemma that I was her best friend. I suddenly realized that in less than a week my life had changed, and it was all because of her. She was making me into a better person. I remembered what Landon had told me years ago. The person I was, the person who was sleeping around and using drugs to self-medicate, was not the real me, but the person Jemma was starting to bring back out, that was Oliver Michael Connors.
"You're my best friend," I said, reciprocating her comment genuinely.
We walked down the rest of the trail in quiet appreciation of each other's presence. We didn't always have to talk when we were around each other to understand what we were feeling. Our friendship surpassed words.
When
we got back to the car, Jemma got lunch out of the cooler from the trunk and we walked into the woods until we found a grassy patch under two big oak trees. I spread a blanket down and the two of us sat down and ate peanut butter sandwiches with CapriSun pouches, apple slices, and peanut M&Ms. I told terrible knock-knock jokes to make Jemma laugh, and then we played '20 questions' and 'I spy' until we got tired and took a nap both of us on our backs lying side by side looking up at the sky. There is something very magical about being with a person who makes you feel like a kid again but at the same time more grown-up than you've ever been.
We woke up in the late afternoon. Jemma and I sat on the edge of a creek and skipped stones until we got hungry again. We wandered to the campsite area and I built a fire with a little help from Google and the lighter I used to use to light cigarettes. Together we stuck some hot dogs on sticks, roasted them over the fire, and called it dinner. Later, I helped Jemma make her first-ever s'more.
"I want this forever," Jemma said as she finished devouring her third s'more of the night.
"Me too," I said and a rush of hope jolted through me. I wondered if this could really be the start of a future between Jemma, but then I told myself not to push things too far and to be content with things just the way they were because after all my life hadn't been better for a very long time.
After I put the fire out, we laid down on the grass and looked up at the stars. I pointed out all of the constellations we had learned in high school and I felt a little sad for Jemma because I remembered she had missed out on all of that.
Soon enough, Jemma fell asleep as I was explaining to her an old Celtic myth about the stars my dad used to tell me when I was a kid. I looked over at her with her hands behind her head and blonde hair spread across the grass, her pink lips were opened just slightly revealing a little of her white teeth.
I'll be honest, I wanted to kiss her, but I never would have. If there was one thing I learned from my dad, it was to never take advantage. I've done a lot of messed up things in my life but kissing a girl in her sleep is something I would never do unless she was my wife. So, instead, I carried Jemma back to the car, reclined the passenger's seat for her, and laid her down to sleep miraculously without waking her up.
I locked the doors to the car, double-checked the parking brake, and then fell asleep beside Jemma in the driver's seat. Before I fell asleep, I reached into the back pocket of my jeans to make sure the letter was still there and then I dozed off and dreamed of a family with Jemma. It wasn't the most comfortable night of my life, but it was one of the happiest.
CHAPTER TWENTY-TWO: JEMMA
I woke up to the shining morning sun in my eyes. My neck was cramped but I felt strangely well-rested. I remembered falling asleep in the grass listening to one of Oliver's never-ending stories. He must have carried me to the car the night before.
I looked to my left. Oliver was still sound asleep. He looked peaceful. I admired the way his hair looked all ruffled up. I thought he looked cute, almost handsome, but I didn't let my mind go any further than that. If there was one thing I had learned in the last few months, it was that boys are better off as best friends than lovers.
The past week had been such a crazy ride with him but I wouldn't have changed it for the world. When I was around Oliver, something deep inside of me felt complete and that completeness could never be replicated by any other person or thing.
It was then that I noticed a piece of paper on the floor next to Oliver's feet. I was naturally curious so I picked it up and started reading.
Dear Jemma,
I just finished listening to your album. I loved it. It was beautiful. I always knew you could sing. Remember when you wanted to ditch your choir audition and I made you do it anyway?
I guess I just want to say I'm really proud of you. You're a better person than I am. I like you much more than I like myself right now. I know we haven't seen each other for a while and you might not want to see me, but here's the thing: I've never stopped thinking about you. There was not one day since I met you that I haven't thought of you Jemma. On my good days, I wish that you could be with me to celebrate. On my bad days, I wish that you could be with me to make me strong again.
I don't know why God gave you to me on the playground that day in kindergarten, but I do know one thing. I love you, Jemma. I love you more than anything in the world, and honestly, I just fucking miss you. I needed you to know that.
Love your old pal,
Oliver
I started tearing up as I read his handwritten words. I wondered when Oliver had written the letter and why he had never shown it to me. I supposed he was planning on giving it to me soon because it was in the car.
Suddenly, all of my conscious feelings and thoughts toward Oliver changed. He was my best friend and he would always be my best friend, but clearly he had loved me more as more than a friend for years. All of my doubts and questions about his sincerity vanished.
Quickly, I put the note down on the floor where I had found it. I knew Oliver would want to show it to me on his own time. I promised myself I would wait for that special moment.
Now, I wanted to rescind the agreement we made to remain only friends. I realized that there was no other boy in the world that I would want to be with other than, Oliver. Sure, I didn't need a man and I certainly didn't need a romantic relationship, but I would always need an Oliver.
I looked into the side-view mirror and wiped my tears. I didn't want Oliver to get suspicious of anything and think I had seen his letter.
My phone buzzed as I was still using the side view mirror to put my hair up in a messy ponytail. I hadn't checked my messages for hours, which was rare for me. Reluctantly, I opened up my texts. Of course, Will just had to message me on my holiday. That workaholic didn't know the meaning of a day off.
Damn it. He wanted to meet tonight at his apartment to talk about producing a third album. I was not in the mood for that at all, but what could I do? Saying no to Will wasn't something I did.
I looked at the time on my phone. It was already nine in the morning. It would take a few hours to get back to the city depending on traffic and then of course we'd have to unpack and get ready for dinner and conversations I didn't want to have at Will's.
It suddenly dawned on me that Will had no idea Oliver was staying with me. The fact that I had been undermining Will this whole time made me feel a bit empowered and a bit rebellious. It kind of felt like hanging out with Ollie was revenge for all of the hell he had put me through.
I glanced back at Oliver and gently ran my fingertips against his cheek. I liked the way his stubble felt and enjoyed the sound of his slow, steady breathing. Then, I remembered the dream I had of Oliver and me when I was just a little girl in the shelter. We were married and had a family in the dream. I wanted that more than ever now. I suddenly realized that the only future I wanted to live out was a future with Oliver by my side. Will was going to have to find out about us sooner or later. I couldn't hide Oliver from him for the rest of my career.
Will needed to forgive his brother already anyway. Oliver was messed up, but so was Will. The difference was Oliver was messed up in a way that the whole world could see, but Will was only messed up in a way that the ones closest to him got to witness.
Then, I got one of the wildest ideas of my life. I could take Oliver to dinner with me and not tell Will. Will wouldn't turn down his brother if he showed up at his doorstep, right?
I reached over and gently shook Oliver on the shoulder. He was a sound sleeper and didn't wake up right away so I pushed him a little more and he eventually started stirring.
"Good morning," I hummed.
"Morning," he mumbled slightly grumpily. He was not a morning person.
"Listen," I said, trying to get him to stop dreaming and to pay attention to me.
"What is it, Jemma?" he asked wearily, rubbing his eyes.
"Your brother-" I started but was interrupted by a groan from Oliver in protest. "Will you
just hear me out, please?" I laughed. I understood why Ollie wouldn't want to talk about his brother because frankly, I didn't either. "He wants to have dinner with me tonight and I-I want you to come with me."
Oliver looked at me and raised his eyebrow. "Are you sure about that? Will's not the biggest fan of me anymore."
I nodded my head, "Yes," I said, "I'm sure."
Oliver took a deep breath in and bit his lip while shaking his head slowly, "I just don't know if this is the best idea, Jemma."
"Hey," I said crossing my arms, "Didn't you say just yesterday you'd protect me against anybody and now you're too afraid to go to dinner with me and your brother." I knew saying this would get under his skin and change his mind instantly.
"Fine," he conceded, "but I'm going because of you, not because I want to see my brother. Let's be clear on that."
