by L K Walker
“It was more than that. No, it was completely different to that. When I think of Mike and Luke, it's like a hole opens up in my chest, and I have to fight so hard not to fall in. I know it’s because I loved him—them,” she corrected herself, “… that it feels like this. What radiated from that man didn't have an ounce of kindness in it. It felt vengeful. Bitter. Just thinking about it makes my skin crawl. I guess it’s safe to say you didn’t feel it?”
“If I’d felt what you’re describing, you would have known about it right then and there. That guy gave me the creeps. The regular creeps. Which is saying something since he was so fricken hot.”
Ari huffed out a laugh. Hot or not, the man was hostile. Nevaeh needed to know more and Ari’s nerves twisted as she continued.
“It gets worse. That's not the first time I’ve felt it. I think I might have seen him before.” Ari wrung her hands, her knuckles paling under the pressure.
“Creepy guy. You’ve already met him? You said you didn’t know him,” Nevaeh said.
“Not exactly met him. Remember the night I crashed at your place after the party?”
Nevaeh nodded.
“I tried to wake you. Remember? I thought I saw those figures in the backyard.” Ari paused, scared to divulge her secret. “I felt it then too,” she blurted out.
Nevaeh took a sharp breath. “At my house? He was at my house?”
“So you believe me?”
“You’ve always had a bit of ESP or some crap when it came to people in trouble. When we were first friends, it weirded me out a bit. You were always so good to me, so I guess I got over it. As you got older, I didn’t notice so much. Maybe you got better at hiding it, or I got better at ignoring it. I’m not sure. But when we were younger, I didn't share that side of you with Mum or Dad or, well, any of our friends. No offence, but I didn't want people thinking my friend was a little odd, and me by association.”
“Can we keep it that way? I don’t want people to know.” Ari was more than a little relieved.
“Of course. Not sure anyone would believe me anyway. I’m not sure I believe me,” Nevaeh finished, with a weak smile.
“Thanks.” Ari was a good deal grateful and a whole lot relieved.
“Now, back to the figure in my garden. You really think it was him?” Nevaeh asked.
“I never saw his face. But it felt exactly the same. He felt the same.”
“How the hell am I going to be able to sleep? Do you think it's even safe?”
“He would’ve come back by now if he was going to. Today, at the church, he didn't even look at you.”
“I guess,” Nevaeh conceded. “He was pretty intent on you.”
“If he does show up, promise you'll call me, even if you’re not one hundred percent sure it’s him, okay? Even if it’s two ‘o’ clock in the morning.”
“If I see that guy in my backyard, sorry, but I'm calling the cops. I'm not waiting around for you to come save me.”
Ari had to agree.
“Didn’t you say there were two figures in my yard?” Nevaeh added.
Ari thought back to the night she had stayed at Nevaeh’s house. She remembered the other vibes that had somehow calmed her and filled her with hope. If the man at the church radiated the dark feelings, then it would make sense that those positive, good feelings were coming from the other figure.
“There was a second silhouette, but I don't think that one was nasty.”
There was a loud knock. Both girls jumped in their seats.
“Who is it?” Ari called out in an apprehensive tone.
“It's Lisa.”
“And Kel.”
Ari got up to let her school friends in. Lisa came armed with a box of chocolates and a tub of Hokey Pokey ice cream. She walked into the house holding them out to Ari like an offering.
“You left so suddenly. We wanted to make sure you were okay,” she said, handing them over.
“Come in. I'll get some bowls.” Ari pointed them towards the lounge where Nevaeh sat waiting.
Their company halted any further talk of strangers.
*****
In the days following the funeral, Ari kept to herself. She often found herself telling people she couldn't go out because she had to swat for the end of year exams. Her excuse to be alone, nothing more. It was hard enough dealing with her own grief. She couldn’t face being barraged by the grief of others as well. Two weeks on and that hadn’t changed. It was becoming uncomfortable turning down invitations, so much so that she had started ignoring text messages too. Unlike her other friends, Nevaeh ignored her requests for solitude and visited from time to time, just to check she was all right.
Nevaeh had turned up five minutes ago, uninvited, and sat, cup of tea in hand, at Ari’s dinner table.
“I still miss him, Nevaeh,” Ari said.
“I know hon. We all thought you and Luke would get together one day.”
Ari hadn’t told anyone about their kiss. It was her memory. She would never tell anyone; she would never let anyone taint it.
“You need to get back out in the real world,” Nevaeh said.
“I know.”
“Well, get moving. We’re going out.”
“What? No.”
“Ari,” Nevaeh warned, “get off your butt and get your wallet, we’re going out for lunch.”
Ari’s mum appeared around the corner clutching her purse. She delved in and pulled out a couple of $20 notes.
“My shout,” she said, handing them to Nevaeh.
“Were you in the hallway listening?” Ari asked her mum.
“I was coming to make a drink for your father and heard you were going out. Now, away you go.” She smiled.
With a roll of her eyes, Ari dragged herself from the seat.
*****
“Are we still going to Thailand?” Nevaeh asked as Ari finished chewing her last mouthful of chicken wrap. “I mean—do you still want to go?”
“Of course, I do.”
“It’s just, with all that’s happened and you not leaving your house unless forced, I thought maybe you didn’t.”
“I really do. Just let me get these exams out of the way.”
“Yeah, and then we can leave this shitty situation behind and be a couple of carefree kiwis on a beach.” Nevaeh spent the rest of their time together updating Ari on her holiday research.
eight
It was a relief when exams were finally over. They had become a landmark for her to reach. Ari told herself she would step back into reality once they were over, so much so that she began believing it. She didn’t even care how the exams went or what marks she received. She had survived. Luke's death had blown a hole in her heart. And yes, now, when she looked for the hole, it was still there, but she had learnt to walk around its edges and, as a result, the pain had lessened.
Ari decided to make more of an effort and go out to enjoy herself. With exams over, her focus was on her holiday; golden beaches, warm water, cheap food and the biggest draw—being away from all the pitying looks she’d had to endure. Freedom and fun were calling, and she had only two weeks to wait.
Ari hadn't seen the stranger from the church yard again, although the feeling he provoked seemed to occasionally flitter around the edges of her consciousness, getting a little more intense before receding as quickly as it came.
When it happened, she would close her eyes and focus on the sensation. It didn't take her long before she could tune into it and pinpoint the direction it came from. It was like an early warning signal. But it was exhausting, constantly trying to feel him out, to follow his movements. She kept at it, kept looking for him. There was security in knowing where he was.
So when she hadn’t caught a flicker of him in four days, she became nervous. If that man was out there, she wanted to know where. Ari lay on her bed looking up at the ceiling. She closed her eyes and reached out to find him; she really forced it. The feeling was faint, but it was enough of a handhold for her to grasp. There you
are. She let the sensation recede again, happy to let the angry feeling dissipate.
Ari's thoughts lead her to the other figure in the garden. Perhaps I can find the other one too. She closed her eyes and tried to search for the positive feelings she now associated with the second person. In her mind, she held the image of the silhouette. She searched, finally glimpsing a trace of it somewhere off in the distance.
The two sensations were such a contrast to each other. Both so distinguishable, both so different to the vibes radiated from people she knew, her friends and her family. No one else could affect her the way the two strangers did.
For now, they were nowhere near her and that brought relief. She had been living cautiously, in fear of one of them showing up.
If somebody wanted to find me, it wouldn’t be that hard, they’d be here already, she told herself.
She pushed the shadow figures to the back of her mind, no longer searching for them. In fact, she went so far as to hide them away. Years of practice meant she could ignore all but the most severe emotions around her. Looking for them had become an addiction. She had to stop. It was time to get on with life.
It took a few days, but then she started getting back into her normal routines. She needed to rid herself of all the worry. After all, there would be no point going on holiday if she was too scared to leave the hotel room.
*****
Ari had been a crappy friend to Nevaeh these last few months and was set on making up for it before they went away together. Nevaeh had had her final shift at the garden centre the previous week. It would be a safe bet she would be at home now. Just to be sure, Ari flicked Nevaeh a quick text, letting her know she was on her way.
Ari pulled at the bottom of her navy blue shorts. They put her legs on display, nearly all the way up, but they were so comfy to run in, and that was what she intended to do after seeing Nevaeh.
“Hey stranger,” Nevaeh wrenched open her front door before Ari had a chance to knock. Red glass panels in the middle of the blue wooden framing reflected a cheerful glow. Nevaeh pulled the door wider, until it rested against the hooks of the coat rack behind it. Ari kicked off her shoes, adding them to the pile, and stepped inside.
“I'm just getting something for breakfast. You want some?”
Ari followed Nevaeh to the kitchen, watching as she tried to flatten out the knots of hair on the back of her head. Her pyjamas, red and black oriental shorties and singlet, were well worn, the hem frayed.
“No thanks, I'm heading out for a run after this. But I'll have a drink,” Ari replied. Going by Nevaeh’s attire and the crease line on her left cheek, Ari assumed her text had proved to be the incentive for Nevaeh to get up. Not a big surprise, considering it was only 9:00 am.
Ari heaved herself onto a bar stool and rested her elbows on the kitchen bench, watching her friend fix herself some porridge.
“Hello, Ari,” Mrs van Houten’s face brightened. “Have you come to take Nevaeh out for a bit of exercise?”
“Not likely Mum,” Nevaeh screwed up her nose. “Not at this ungodly hour.”
“A bit of fresh air would do you good, love.”
“I’m saving my lungs for the Phuket fresh air.” Nevaeh put an arm around her mother and gave a squeeze.
Nevaeh’s focus rounded on Ari again.
“Oh, that reminds me, I've got something to show you.” She bounded out of the kitchen.
“How are you going, Ari?” Mrs van Houten asked.
“Getting better by the day.” She’d been saying that since the accident, and it was finally beginning to feel true.
“I’m happy to hear it. We miss seeing you around the place.” She gave Ari’s arm a motherly rub. Nevaeh reappeared at the doorway with a flourish.
“Ta da.” A new bikini hung from a small coat hanger. “What do ya think?”
“Bloody hell, that’s bright,” Ari said.
“Sweet aye?”
“Very nice.”
“Nice if there was more of it,” Mrs van Houten chipped in.
“Mum.” It was more of a whine than a name.
“Okay, I’m leaving. Lovely to see you Ari.”
“You too,” Ari called back.
“This is way too exciting. Only a few days to go and we'll be outta here.” Nevaeh rubbed her hands together.
“I know. I dragged my suitcase out yesterday.”
Nevaeh seemed visibly shocked.
“Is that it? I've had mine out for, like, two weeks. There's so much stuff in my bag I'm going to have to repack it all over again to get it to fit. I haven't checked the weight yet though. I don't know what I'll do if it's over.”
An hour later, Ari emerged from Nevaeh’s house. As she moved towards the front gate, something shifted at the corner of her eye. Ari only caught a glimpse, enough to know it was a person, who had stepped back out of her line of sight when her head whipped round. She edged forward and peered down the street. A couple of parked cars on either side but otherwise the street was empty.
Ari’s first thoughts went to the man at the church. She let the feelings she had hidden away resurface, expecting to be confronted by the full force of his anger. It wasn’t him, not even close, but whoever it was she could sense their contempt. Ari’s heart pounded furiously as she inched out further. Small, slow steps. More movement, further away. This time, there was nothing obscuring her view of Michelle sliding into a white sedan, ten metres up the road. Ari sprinted up to the car and slammed the palm of her hand into the driver’s side window. Michelle kept her gaze fixed on the road ahead and narrowed her eyes, but gave no other response. Ari repeatedly pounded her fist on the window. Eventually, it slid down, stopping half way; merely enough to ensure Ari couldn’t do anything rash. Only then did Michelle turn her head. Sullen eyes stared back at Ari.
“Are you trying to break my window or something? Back off,” she shouted.
“What are you doing here?” Ari growled in reply.
Michelle rolled her eyes. “Little miss prissy thinks she owns the roads now.”
“Oh, suck it, Michelle. What were you doing checking out Nevaeh’s house?”
“I ditched that idiot Matt. He was way too clingy. He said he was going to try his luck with Nevaeh, and I wanted the pleasure of watching him crawl back to her. Now get those filthy, little knuckles off my window.” The serrated edge in Michelle’s voice took Ari by surprise.
She took a step back and gasped, “You are the most callous person I’ve ever met.”
The car lurched forward before speeding off, leaving Ari standing in the middle of the road feeling confused. The sting in Michelle’s voice echoed on, and Ari felt like she’d had a set-to with a banshee.
nine
It was only a twenty-minute drive to Forest Park and, in that short space of time, the landscape changed drastically from residential suburbia to a rural vista with wide open fields complete with grazing stock. As she neared the park, Ari wound down the window, letting in the fresh air to rid herself of the pent up animosity Michelle had left behind. The scent of pine nipped at her nostrils, forcing her to take a deep breath to get the full effect.
She negotiated the speed humps at the entrance to the car park. Towering over her, a plantation of tall pine trees stood like soldiers. Among the dense foliage numerous trails braided the ground; some heading to the beach that lay on the far side of the park and some looping through the flat terrain to end up back at the start.
Ari was a creature of habit. She’d been running the same route for the past couple of years. It was the perfect length, usually taking her just under an hour. Long enough that she would feel tired but not so much as to feel desperate to be home.
Ari wedged a well-worn Yankees cap onto her head, threading her ponytail through the back of it. When her headphones were plugged comfortably into her ears, she hit play on her MP3 and started down the track. She was quickly engulfed by the shade of the trees.
The first fifteen minutes of the run were pure freedom; no
thoughts, no worries, just the music beating in her ears, and her feet padding unhindered along the dirt track. A trickle of sweat ran down the side of her face. Her hand swiped it away, transferring the salty fluid to the front of her shirt. But it didn’t last. The lack of exercise over the last few months started to become evident. Her body began to protest. More sweat broke free from her brow, the brim of her hat not able to hold it. Normally, she could push through the bad patch, but her mind felt weak, trying to renege before her legs had a chance to. Her stride length quickly diminished. The next ten minutes were half-hearted, turning into a slow jog at best. The number of people she passed dwindled the further she ran from the car park. In the last five minutes, she hadn’t seen anyone on the path, which wasn't all that uncommon. The timer on her watch suggested she should have reached the halfway point by now. Not even close.
I’m not going to make the whole loop.
She took another look around. Not a soul in sight.
At least, no one is here to see me turn around.
Three strides back towards the car. That’s as far as Ari got before the change in her feelings registered. Even tucked away as they were, she couldn’t ignore the anger swelling inside her. She stood still, eyes focussed on the track in front of her. A gentle breeze tousled the pine needles on the trees. Branches undulated above her. She yanked the headphones from her ears, the bass of the music still audible, coming from the earbuds in her hand. She switched off the MP3 player and tucked the cord into the waistband of her shorts. Now, there was no noise beyond the rustle of leaves, no sight beyond the trunks of the trees. The sturdy shafts no longer bestowed a sense of freedom. As Ari looked around, it was like peering through prison bars. Sweat ran down her face, threatening to hinder her vision. She tried to wipe it away with the bottom of her singlet. But, as soon as she did, a fresh layer formed.
Ari tried to slow her breathing, to silence the loud exhalations. With the whisper of the wind being the only contender, her breath boomed like thunder.
