Staring at the urn on the mantel, I ate cereal for breakfast the next morning while Dad ran to the store for something. It'd been so comforting to have Mom with me, even if it was in this form. Now that it was time to spread the ashes, the air seemed to hold a heavy sadness. I wasn't ready to say goodbye.
“Hi, Mom.” My food finished, I set the bowl down and rose from the couch, moving to stand next to her. “I'm sure you already know, but I love you so much. I don't know if I'll really have time to tell you goodbye later. Having Dad there will be great, I'm sure, but I wanted to have one last minute with you by myself.” The urn remained silent, of course, but I easily recalled how her smile looked, the way her teeth always seemed so much bigger when she was grinning. Smiling myself, I continued. “Speaking of Dad, I think we could get along fine. When I was on my way here, all I could think about was how you'd always said he wasn't ever concerned with anything that wasn't his treasure hunt. I thought I was coming to meet up with the man who abandoned his wife and child . . . but he doesn't seem like that at all. I guess people can change, right? Maybe it was best to push me to spend more time with him.”
A car drove by on the street outside and I paused to make sure it wasn't Dad. When I felt I could go on undisturbed, I took a deep breath, hating that she would be completely gone after today. “You don't need to feel bad for keeping us apart. I wasn't angry with you for it before, not really. And I'm not angry now. All that time was time I got to spend with you, and I wouldn't have it any other way. I wish I had more of that time.” Choked up, I hesitated, clearing my throat and blinking back tears.
A car door slammed outside and I quickly stepped away, grabbing my dish from where I'd left it and hurrying into the kitchen.
“Sam?” The front door opened and closed, disturbing the silence of the house.
“I'm in here,” I called, checking my face in the blurry mirrored finish of a spoon. As far as I could tell, I looked fine. “Did you get what you needed?”
“Yeah.” Appearing in the doorway, I immediately noticed a bouquet of flowers in his hand. “They're tulips,” he explained unnecessarily.
“Mom’s favorite.” I smiled, surprised at his sentiment.
“I thought we could leave them with her, kind of like a going away present. Is that okay?”
“I think that would be wonderful. I don't have a place in mind, though. Somewhere pretty, of course, so she can enjoy the scenery.”
“I know just the place,” he replied. “It's the perfect spot.”
“Okay. I'll just go freshen up real quick and then we can go.” The words sounded wooden, like I wasn't the one actually saying them. This was it. It was really happening.
Leaving the kitchen, I went into the bathroom in the hall, hoping to at least pass as presentable for the occasion. I was wearing a black, long sleeve shirt and jeans, which I'd originally thought was too casual, but it then occurred to me that spreading ashes in a dress might not be the best idea. I wanted the ability to move freely and over a large area if I could. My brown hair was curled and I’d donned light makeup. The earlier conversation with the urn seemed to have left my nose a bit pink, but it would do. Sighing, I really studied my reflection. There were things from Mom I could definitely recognize in my face, like the way my nose wrinkled when I laughed. I hoped that would always be visible to me, a part of her I could keep forever.
“You ready, Sammy?”
“Yeah,” I stated, stepping away from the counter. “I think I am.”
When I came into the living room, Dad had pulled the urn off the shelf and was cradling it in one arm, the flowers in the other. “You okay?”
Smiling tightly, I nodded, slipping my coat on and reaching out to take Mom from him. “I'm holding up. So, where is this place we’re going to?”
Grinning, he turned and opened the front door for me. “You’ll see in just a bit.”
We drove in silence, myself thinking of all the wonderful times I'd spent with Mom. Even when she was sick, she'd been such a light to me. Countless memories of the times she’d taught me, inspired my love for learning, and grown my empathy for others played through my mind, her laughter whispering in my ears.
After about twenty minutes, we pulled off onto a side road and parked. “It's just a short walk from here,” Dad explained, opening my door for me. Leading the way, I followed as he went down an old path that curved over a small hill, revealing the ocean. When we reached the summit, he gestured to the rocky shore below. “Your mother used to come to this place and tell me that one day she would sail away from this very spot and see the world. I would always laugh at her—where were we going to get the money for a boat? Was she going to learn how to sail? Why not just fly? But she was adamant. Eventually, she did go, but not in the direction she wanted to. She left with you and went home to her family in Arizona. I thought, since I messed so many things up when we were together, that maybe I could finally give her this one thing.”
“Dad,” I said, a little overcome. Any reservations I'd been feeling about spreading her so far from what I considered home had melted away as he spoke. “This is the only place to leave her. Thank you for telling me.”
“Do you think I could have her for a few minutes? To say goodbye?” He gestured to the bottle in my arms, a hopeful look on his face.
“Of course.” Handing it over, I watched as he walked a few steps away, his head bent as he told his lost wife farewell. After a couple seconds, I turned away, wanting to give him some privacy, as I'd had earlier. It didn't feel like I'd said a proper parting to her, but I didn't know what to say. Surely she would still be with me, as she'd promised before her death.
“Here, Sam. Thank you.” Turning around, I saw Dad holding the urn out, his face reddened and eyes a little watery. “I'm sure you want to say something before we continue.”
“Actually, I talked with her while you were gone this morning.” Taking the urn, I walked down to the beach, unscrewing the lid as I did so, my heart racing a million miles a minute. Mom was really going to be gone after this, spread across a place she'd once loved. Had I really said enough of a farewell? Thinking of her last year and how the cancer had hurt her so badly, I finally smiled. “Follow your dreams, Mom. See the world, be happy, be healthy, and be free.” Turning the urn over, I tossed the ashes onto the shore and into the ocean, where she could be carried away to the lands she never got to visit. Beside me, Dad lobbed the flowers into the water as well.
Standing there for a while, neither one of us spoke as we watched the bouquet move farther and farther from us. A strange sense of peace filled me and I suddenly knew I was going to be okay. A lifetime still lay ahead of me and my mother wouldn't be gone from it, her memory left behind to guide me. She had given me everything and would continue to do so, no matter where I roamed.
“Thanks again for bringing me here,” I finally said to my dad. “It really was perfect.”
“It was the least I could do.” He shrugged, watching the water in somberness. After a few more minutes of silence, he took a deep breath, which sounded very much like the precursor to something important. “Listen, Samantha, I was wondering if you'd like to stay a while longer. I know you were only planning on doing this, but I'd like to spend more time and get to know you better, if I can. We haven’t really visited the past few years and I’ve royally sucked at being a father. That, and I know you lived with your mom in Arizona and I feel bad letting you go back to her empty house.”
“How long were you thinking?” I asked warily. Staying longer meant I'd be around while he was working and I wasn't so sure I wanted to see that side of him. So far, I had only good memories of this meeting and it would be a shame if that were to somehow be ruined.
Shrugging again, still not looking me in the eye, he licked his lips. “As long as you want. Who knows, maybe you'll like it here and decide to stay. That would be fine with me, too, honestly.”
“Dad, I'm a grown woman. I have a bachelor’s
degree and a job. You don't have to invite me to live with you and take care of me now. I can do it.”
“I know you can,” he replied, blushing furiously. “That's not what I meant, either. I simply thought it would be nice to spend more than a few days with you.”
Mom had said she wanted us to spend more time together, and I was on an extended leave from work so I could take care of family things. No one was really waiting for me to come back. But an indefinite stay? Was that something I really wanted to do? What if I agreed and was ignored while he worked? That would just make me feel worse. What if my job decided I was away for too long and I lost it? What if I ran out of money while I was here and couldn’t get back? On the other hand, Mom probably would’ve pushed me to accept. Hadn't I been thinking what a nice escape this place was anyway? So what if I had to put up with a little treasure talk? At least then I'd be able to find out how it was possible to spend five million dollars a year digging a hole.
Taking a deep breath, the decision made, I answered before I could change my mind. “You know what? I think I will stay. I'm not sure how long, and I'll have to see if I can get my flight refunded, but I think it could be good for us to be together.”
“Really?” He finally turned to me, his eyes lighting with excitement. “You mean it?”
“Why do you always ask me if I'm serious?” I laughed. “Yes, I mean it.”
Happily, he pulled me into a tight embrace. “Everyone's going to be so excited to meet you!”
“What do you mean everyone?” Suspicion pricked at me and I suddenly wondered if he had another family here, or a woman he was seeing. Hadn’t he told me there was no one else?
“I told the guys you were coming to visit. They'll all be at the meeting tonight, but I didn't know if you'd want to come to that. Now that you're staying longer, they'll get to meet you for sure.”
“Oh. I didn’t know I was allowed in your meeting tonight.” Foolish relief flooded through me and I scolded myself for becoming so possessive so suddenly.
“Of course you are! You can come to anything you'd like while you're here.” He was grinning like an idiot by this point, suddenly snapping his fingers as an idea came to him and he released me. “You need a real room. I'll talk to the guys tonight and see if we can have our meetings somewhere else so I can pack up that big table and give you some space. I might be able to borrow some money to see if we can get you the essentials, like clothes and stuff. When my next payment comes in, I'll pay the loan back and save more out so we aren't tight in the future.” He was babbling, obviously excited that I’d agreed to stay, and I didn't interrupt him.
There was a strange thrill of excitement at the thought of staying and trying something new. Stories he’d told me as a child of pirates, knights, and a treasure so large it wasn’t to be believed swirled faintly in my mind. At the same time, I heard my mother’s disapproving voice, whispering that he was a lost soul, obsessed with finding something that didn't exist.
Swept Away (The Swept Away Saga, Book One) Page 4
