by kendra Smith
‘Damn,’ he said, peering at the screen. ‘Someone’s not turned up for their shift. It means there’s no one over eighteen there – I have to go.’ He looked anxious, glancing at her as he slowly got up and reached for his now-dry fleece on the floor by the fire. She wandered behind him to the front door. As he got there he turned around to face her. ‘Shall I come round tomorrow? Help you with a few things here? Friday’s my day off.’ He nodded to the pile of tools in the hall.
She smiled. ‘Yes please. Greg,’ she started to say but he quickly swooped down and gave her a peck on the cheek.
‘See you tomorrow.’
After she closed the door behind him, she padded back to the lounge in her bare feet and stood by the window. The storm had settled and patchy streaks of ochre sun had appeared over the horizon. Its rays cut a slice through the swirls of dark silver clouds and lit up sections of the ocean. Her mind was full of unanswered questions. What about his wife? Maddie felt shivery. Then there was— No. How could she? What should she do? She replayed what Greg had said in a loop as she took a deep breath. She had lost a baby…
But did she dare tell him the whole truth now and break the spell? No, she needed to find the right time.
37
‘Right, where do you want this?’
Greg was hauling a dust sheet across the lounge floor to cover up the sofa. He’d arrived bright and early at 8 a.m. to find Maddie still in her pyjamas. She’d bounded upstairs, ridiculously excited, changed and raced back down the stairs with Taffie barking at her heels. She let the dog outside in the garden and looked over at the horizon. It was becoming one of her favourite views. The storm had cleared completely and it was a bright, crystal-clear day – a blessing in December – with the sun bouncing off the greeny-blue sea.
‘Hey, lazy bones! C’mon we need to get the sander.’
Greg had texted her last night once he was off duty and said he’d help her today on one condition – that they took the late afternoon off and headed out for a walk. She’d agreed to it right away.
They’d driven to the hardware store and hired a sander and bought wood stain. With the pale buttercup walls in the lounge and hall that Maddie had painted, all that was needed was to sand the floors in the hall and lounge too. The floorboards were in good condition, but they needed sprucing up.
Maddie glanced at the kitchen as she walked past. It was a job for another time. She had been looking at new kitchens online but they were very expensive. It would have to wait, but she knew she’d need to fit a new kitchen in before she sold the cottage. And where would she go then? She decided not to think about that for now. First, get the cottage ready, and then selling it would release some much-needed money, especially in light of Tim’s revelations.
Greg had put all the furniture to one side of the room and covered it in an old sheet. He handed Maddie a mask.
‘What’s that for?’
‘The dust!’
They both put on the masks as she started to giggle. ‘You look ridiculous!’
‘And so do you!’ Greg burst out laughing. Then, somehow, they were both on their hands and knees on the floor, speechless with laughter, tears gathering in Maddie’s mask from giggling so much. She sat cross-legged on the floor after a while and put her mask on top of her head, wiping the tears away with the back of her hand.
‘I can’t remember the last time I laughed like that!’ She glanced over at Greg who was smiling at her. It was as if some pressure-cooker had exploded in her, releasing the Old Maddie, the girl who used to have fun. Bali had been a starting point, but boy, look at her now!
‘Me neither.’ Greg was grinning, then he stood up, walked over to her and ruffled her hair. She caught hold of his hand in hers, brought it down to her mouth and gave it a gentle kiss. He touched the side of her cheek, looked out to the bay and back at her. ‘Right, Maddie Brown,’ he said, straightening up, ‘I’ll make a start here and you watch.’
Greg turned the machine on and slowly started to make his way across the floor. The once-dark wooden floorboards turned golden underneath as he carefully hovered the machine along each board.
After a while, Maddie started in the kitchen, scrubbing out the cupboard outside and in. She was going to paint the cupboard doors as a temporary facelift before she replaced the whole lot. She had bought some pale mint-coloured paint and had a small roller blind in green and white gingham to freshen up the kitchen window.
When she went back into the lounge to check, sweat was building up across Greg’s forehead. After another twenty minutes Maddie suggested a tea break. He turned the machine off and opened the window; dust was dancing around the lounge, caught in shafts of sunlight.
‘I’ll just go and empty the bag,’ he said, fiddling with the machine as Maddie put the kettle on. When he returned Maddie had made two cups of tea and placed them on the kitchen table.
‘How long do you think the rest of it will take?’ she asked, taking a sip of tea.
‘Probably be finished after lunch. It’s not too big an area. Then this afternoon we start staining it, but it has to dry before the second coat.’ He stood up and put his tea cup down on the draining board.
‘Well, it doesn’t look too difficult.’
His eyebrows were dancing as he turned back round to her, ‘You think? Your turn next!’ He walked past and squeezed her shoulder.
‘You’re on! How hard can it be?’ Maddie put her tea down, walked into the lounge, clipped back her face mask and turned the machine on. It was so easy, being with him.
She could hardly move it. ‘Jesus, this is heavy!’
She looked round to see Greg leaning on the doorframe, biting his lip.
‘OK, you win.’ She threw her hands in the air. ‘This is bloody hard!’
He grinned and walked towards her, stopping by the fireplace as he picked up the picture of Olive and Ed in the garden, turning it around in his hand.
‘This taken here?’
Maddie nodded. Ed had loved it here, the happy times in the garden, taking him across the beach when the tide was out. They’d turn over rocks looking for creatures; Ed used to love the sand hoppers. He’d scream as they popped out from under a rock.
‘Yes, it was taken outside. The dahlias are in full bloom, probably July some time. It was when Ed was about four. He adored coming here. Olive loved him, and we…’
Greg put the photo back, then came over to her and put one arm around her. ‘You loved her too, didn’t you?’
She nodded, leaning into him. ‘Yes, we did. She was like – well, like my family really. I wonder what she’d make of all this.’ Maddie nodded to the room.
‘I think she’d be pretty proud,’ Greg said, squeezing her shoulder. Then he released her and started up the machine again. She let Greg finish off the floors, marvelling at how much brighter they looked as she painted the kitchen cupboards.
She had just given them their first coat when Greg popped his head round the door. ‘Done! I need some fresh air. I’ll zip to the shops and get a few things, OK?’
She stood, holding a paintbrush, playing the scene in her head. It was like they were a normal couple, doing DIY. But things weren’t normal, were they? Emotions and secrets lay buried deep in her heart and she knew she had to face the truth soon. A thousand emotions flitted across her brain. She smiled. ‘Sure.’
When he returned, she had done the first coat of paint over the kitchen cupboards. ‘Hey, that looks fabulous. Good colour for in here.’ Then he laid out his makeshift picnic of bread and cheese and started to cut some bread for them both, humming quietly.
‘Greg?’
He was slicing a white cob loaf. She breathed in the aroma of yeast and newly cut bread. ‘Tell me about your wife.’
He stopped mid-cut for a moment, then started to saw at it again in silence, the knife glinting with each methodical slice through the virgin white loaf. She couldn’t quite read his expression. Surely she had a right to know.
‘It’s a
long story,’ he finally said, putting the knife down.
‘I’m listening,’ she replied cocking her head to one side.
He handed her a slice. She took it from him and started to pull bits of the bread between her fingers; she twisted the white flesh of the bread from within its crust as the atmosphere shifted.
‘We’ve separated.’
A weird feeling shot through Maddie’s stomach.
‘But at the hotel, after Olive’s funeral, it was her name flashing up on the screen.’
‘She was trying to contact me – about our settlement.’
Maddie studied his face as he closed his eyes and leant back in his chair. Then he opened them and stared straight at her. ‘We’ve come to end of the road, Maddie. We had a long time ago, if I’m honest; it’s just we’ve both been too proud to admit it.’ He sat up in his seat.
‘But she’s – well, perfect?’ She ripped a huge chunk of bread from the crust, but she’d lost her appetite.
‘What do you mean? Perfect? You don’t know her,’ he said shaking his head.
‘No, well, obviously,’ she stuttered. ‘I mean, on um, Facebook – I’ve seen her.’ Maddie could feel the colour rise up her face. ‘I looked at your profile you know, after the reunion, and well, your whole life seemed perfect.’
‘Well, it isn’t.’ Greg stood up and pushed his chair back. ‘Life’s not like it seems on Facebook, Maddie. So, no. It wasn’t perfect at all. We both wanted—’ He stopped abruptly and looked out to the view. ‘We put those photos up for the business. Marketing.’ He half-laughed. ‘It certainly didn’t reflect our actual lives. And now, well, now I have to walk away from the centre I’ve built up. I can’t stay there anymore.’ He picked up a glass from the draining board and started to fill it up with water. He downed the whole lot, as she watched his Adams’ apple move up and down. Then he placed the glass on the draining board and stared at her.
What had she said?
‘Sorry, Greg.’
‘It’s not your fault,’ he said shaking his head. ‘Look, let’s start staining the floors, shall we?’ He strode back to the hall.
Maddie wanted to avoid any more awkwardness so she collected up the plates and quietly set them on the draining board. She put her hands out on the metal sink and leant against it, feeling the cold metal under her skin. What just happened there? It was as if some rule had been broken, yet she didn’t know what or how it had altered.
They spent the rest of the afternoon working in silence, each of them staining their own patch of floorboard, each of them immersed in their own inner world. Maddie watched the stain of her brush painting an indelible inky brown onto the floorboards, mesmerised with how the amber liquid seeped into the grain of the floorboards, bringing out the hues and whorls of the wood. The room was silent, apart from the drag of the brushes and the ticking of the clock on the mantelpiece.
38
Eventually, Greg stood up and put his hands on his lower back and arched it. ‘I think we’re done.’
Maddie stood back in the kitchen where the floor was dry and looked at the hall and lounge. The stain now showed up the beautiful patterns of the wood in a golden honey brown. The cottage felt warmer, cosier.
‘I love it.’ She smiled. ‘Thank you.’
‘We can paint the second coat tomorrow, but this needs to dry first.’ He took her paintbrush from her and stepped carefully into the kitchen and placed them both in the paint cleaner in a jar on the windowsill.
When he popped his head back out, he grinned at her. ‘Walk on the beach?’
Maddie nodded and went to fetch Taffie’s lead. As soon as Taffie heard it being unclicked from the hook in the kitchen his head was up from his basket and he was barking noisily.
They walked back along the path that had been a death-trap a few days ago. The violent white water was gone and the tide was out, an empty beach stretching out before them. He stood and held her hand, taking in the late sun and peaceful, brooding waters. ‘Bit different from last time.’ He looked out to sea and then turned and smiled at her. She nodded.
He squeezed her hand and released it just as they came to the stone steps leading down to the beach. Taffie ran excitedly ahead, thrilled to be off the lead, and bounded along the beach, his fluffy tail wagging. Maddie followed Greg down, glancing at the top of his messy curls. His shoes crunched in the sand on the steps as he descended in front of her.
They made their way along the beach and Maddie gazed out to the horizon. The sun was pretty low in the winter sky and sent slivers of golden light across the ocean. It was chilly and their breath twisted like white snakes around their faces. He pulled down her woolly hat playfully, grinning at her, like he used to do all those winters ago. They walked side by side for a while, their footsteps in time, until slowly Greg linked his arm with hers.
She turned to look up at him. They were now quite a distance from the cottage and had wandered closer to the shoreline.
‘I didn’t mean to upset you earlier.’
‘You didn’t upset me, Maddie, it’s just the situation. Our life. Things in the past I can’t fix.’
‘Tell me about Tiggy – the place you’ve built up.’ She had to know, it was a morbid sort of curiosity. Part of her was desperate to know about this other woman, yet part of her wanted to shut it all out of her mind and have Greg all to herself.
He wandered on a bit further. ‘The place in Cornwall was Tiggy’s parents’ place. We inherited it from them, and it seemed too good an opportunity to pass up. We started off running it as a B&B, but eventually, most of the clients came for the windsurfing in the bay. We were making more money with the water sports and the B&B was a sideline. We’re on an ideal spot – and it’s private – so, after I did my qualifications it seemed natural to offer water sports, training, RYA certificates, that kind of thing. I hired a bunch of lads in the summer to help me out and we’ve built a good reputation in the local area.’
‘And no kids to share it with?’
He stopped in his tracks and jammed his hands into his pockets, looking at the shore. ‘No.’
She followed his gaze. Little waves were lapping at their feet, then being pulled back by a universal force, back into the sea, leaving a trail of shells and bubbles in their wake.
He turned to look at her and she could feel his eyes on her. He touched her cheek with his thumb and she shivered. She looked down at the sand crumbling around his shoes, the way he stood next to her, solid and real. It was, in some ways, as if time had stood still. It was now, and yet it was twenty years ago.
‘Remember this?’ She yanked at her neck and pulled out the soft scarf.
‘You kept it?’
‘Of course I kept it.’ She pulled it out further and stroked her cheek with the soft silk. ‘I love this scarf. It reminds me of you.’
He pulled the scarf from her hand gently. Then, he threw it back over his head and around hers, linking his hands behind her head. He leant in and kissed her on the lips, sending a huge fizz down her spine as the scarf fluttered over their heads.
He was looking at her, grinning. ‘Remember Widemouth Bay? Remember what we used to do!’
Maddie laughed.
‘Remember the surf there?’
She nodded. ‘I remember it being freezing!’
‘We had a way to warm up…’ He blinked at her a few times. Was he going to cry?
‘I went body surfing recently. Hadn’t done that for twenty years.’
‘Here?’ He was scuffing his boots in the sand, forming little piles of sand, then kicking them over, he looked up at her.
‘No.’ She shook her head. ‘Bali – it all came back to me.’
‘Bali?’
‘With Ed.’ She shrugged, as they started to walk along the shore again. ‘Long story, but he was in trouble and I went to help. I just took a leap of faith. Tim… he… he wasn’t going to go, but I had to. He was my son… Ed was fine in the end. Turns out it’s a bit like riding a bike, body surf
ing – you don’t forget.’ She paused for breath, thought about how alive she’d felt in the sea – how completely alive she felt now.
Suddenly, he ran ahead of her with Taffie. She watched the broad shoulders, the long legs, and was taken straight back to Widemouth beach. He turned and beckoned her over, holding out his arms wide. When she laughingly got to him, he lifted her up high and twirled her round. She held on to the back of his neck, then slid back down alongside his firm body and put her head on his shoulder, breathing him in, feeling the rough weave of his jumper on her skin. Never wanting to let go.
This was what she missed. Being part of a team. Not feeling alone, even when you were. She felt invincible. It wasn’t that he was some knight in shining armour – she was too old for that kind of thing now. In fact, with his slightly crooked nose and floppy brown curls, he was hardly classically good-looking, but that wasn’t the point was it? He was her Greg. And that’s all that mattered. He ‘got’ her in a way few other people did.
‘Hey!’ Greg had placed her down in the sand and had pulled her hat over her eyes. ‘Race? Back to the cottage? Ready?’ Taffie was barking at their heels, running around in circles on the sand.
‘You bet!’ she said lifting her hat up, and with that she started to run, as fast as she could towards the cottage, towards another future. One that included Greg Baker.
*
When they got back to the cottage the floors were still slightly wet.
‘We’ll have to wait till tomorrow to put another coat on,’ Greg said, bending down to the floor and touching it gently outside the kitchen. ‘It’s still a bit tacky.’
‘Right. Wine?’ Maddie impulsively suggested as he came up, standing to face her. He nodded. She busied herself with opening the cupboard in the kitchen, got paint on her hands, then laughed, dropped a glass, and picked it up as he stood, leaning against the table, arms folded and watched her. Eventually, she poured out two glasses of Merlot and handed one over. They both took a gulp. She enjoyed the warmth of it down her throat, its musty, blackberry aroma filling her nose, and how the heat radiated into her stomach. The silence in the kitchen was overwhelming; all she could hear was Taffie breathing in his basket. Greg put his glass down on the counter and moved towards her, reached out and placed a hand on the back of her neck. She stood, motionless, as a sensation built up in the pit of her stomach. She felt exhilarated and terrified.
