by kendra Smith
‘Wow, you’ve done so much, seen all these new places! Where’s Adity now?’
‘Back in Bali – her grandmother’s ill.’ He took a bite of his mince pie then wiped his hands on a napkin. ‘Anyway, how are you coping, Mum, you know, alone? Without Dad?’
They’d spent about an hour on Facetime after Tim’s last bombshell about the gambling but she’d edited some of the details for Ed. She didn’t want to shatter all of his ideas about him. ‘Yeah, OK. The cottage is great. Feels like home.’ She shrugged. ‘Well, familiar. But I have to sell it, to make some money, then move on.’ She scratched her head, as the thought unsettled her. Yet how else would she have enough to get by?
‘I can’t wait to see what you’ve done. But where will you go?’
‘I don’t know, Ed,’ she said, biting into the melted cheese. ‘But you’ll always have a home, even when you’re at university.’
He reached over and touched her hand. ‘You’re my home, Mum.’
And there it was. Her life’s work summed up in a single touch. ‘Ed, don’t start me off!’ She could feel the tears prickling again, but she was smiling at him.
‘Actually, I’m absolutely bushed,’ he said, moving his hand away. ‘That twelve-hour flight from Bangkok is taking its toll!’
He did look pale beneath the tan.
She glanced at her watch. ‘There’s a ferry to Fishbourne at twelve, so let’s make our way.’
They travelled down to Portsmouth via a small storage centre, where Maddie had quickly stored a few boxes before she’d gone to Maris Cottage. They popped them into the back of her Clio and rushed to catch the twelve o’clock ferry back. Once they got off, they stopped at the corner shop to pick up a few things: eggs, bread, milk, orange juice, some bottles of Prosecco on offer, Christmas crackers, mince pies and dog food. It shut at 3 p.m., so they were lucky. But what would she do about tomorrow? They had no turkey – perhaps the Christmas Fayre might still be open?
When they got in, Taffie nearly exploded with excitement when he saw Ed. He ran from room to room, not letting Ed out of his sight. ‘Taffie!’ Ed squealed, then knelt down on the floor and they both rolled around for a while.
‘Hey, it’s great, Mum,’ he said, looking up from dog-rugby. Taffie barked and went skittering off to the lounge, skidding on the rug, then looked at Ed. Ed stood next to the fireplace. ‘You’ve done an amazing job. Aunt Olive’s place, it was lovely, you know in an old lady kind of way—’ he laughed ‘—but look at it now!’ He glanced out to the garden. ‘I remember we used to set up the paddling pool…’ Suddenly he stopped, looking at a picture of Olive on the mantelpiece.
Maddie stared at the gold-framed black-and-white photo of Olive leaning on a railing at the seaside, her hair in a beehive, sunglasses on, and a scarf tied around her head. Was it the Isle of Wight? Maddie couldn’t tell. Wherever she was, she looked happy.
Ed was scanning the room. ‘Hey, no tree?’ he said glumly, twisting some of the leather bracelets on his arm. She smiled. He might be nineteen but he was still six years old when it came to Christmas. ‘Well, no, it was just me and Taffie, so I didn’t think I’d bother, sorry.’ She shrugged. ‘I did buy Taffie a Christmas chew, though!’
‘Right. We can’t have that.’ And with that, Ed picked up his money belt and headed for the front door.
‘What about your jet lag?’
‘It will have to wait.’ He laughed, holding the door open for her.
41
They found a spot to park along the coast road and hopped out the car to a brisk wind. The Christmas Fayre was still going so they decided to make their way there. There were stands selling everything from veggie burgers to chai lattes, exotic fruit piled high in plastic boxes to juice, jewellery, mince pies, Christmas wreaths, candles and paintings. It was well after two o’clock and the sweet smell of fried onions and burgers wafted across their noses.
‘I’m starving!’ said Ed as Maddie rolled her eyes. ‘Again?’ She laughed. He pointed at his watch. ‘Jet lag!’ They headed towards a stall selling gourmet burgers to check out the menu and see if they had any veggie burgers. It turned out he’d joined Adity not just with matching tattoos, but in becoming a (sometimes) vegetarian too.
As Maddie passed a few stalls on the way, a watercolour of a pale lemon beach, the washes of blue waves against a stark grey sky, took her eye and she wandered over. It was perched on a table, and she picked it up, looking for the price.
‘Hi there!’ The stallholder stood up. It was the man who’d come into the café. ‘You found me.’
‘Hi! Lovely painting,’ Maddie said, turning it round in her hand. ‘I see what you mean about dreams. How much is it?’
‘It’s Brightwater Bay painted in January last year. Beautiful sky. It’s seventy quid,’ said the stallholder, smiling at her.
‘Nice,’ she replied, but she couldn’t justify seventy quid on a painting. She held the canvas for a bit longer, marvelled at the way the colours melded into one another. She’d always wanted to rekindle her love of painting; she’d been moderately talented at art at school, but had given it up to go to university and study a ‘proper’ degree as her father had said back then. As an only child, all her parents’ ambitions had been foisted onto her. Maybe now was the time to reclaim some of her desires? She didn’t owe her parents any explanation anymore, and she felt a surge of hurt when she recalled her mother’s part in keeping her and Greg apart all these years. And yet, there was more to it than that, wasn’t there? her conscience reminded her sharply. She glanced at the sketchpads and paints on the table, little palettes of colour and some fine brushes.
‘Not as hard as you think.’ The stallholder interrupted her thoughts and she tilted her head to the side. ‘Sorry?’ She smiled at him as his gold earring glinted.
‘Painting.’ He nodded at the paints.
‘No, it’s probably not. I was good at school, but then… Maybe I’ll try it again some time.’ She grinned at him and noticed how green his eyes were and his tanned skin. Not as hard as you think. She looked out to the black dots of surfers towards the horizon and took a deep breath of damp sea air. She’d not only managed to get back on a body board herself, but she’d started to renovate a cottage. Tim had never even let her lift a screwdriver before. You won’t manage it, Maddie.
She’d moved on to a stall selling silver jewellery and was fiddling with some bangles when Ed came up behind her. ‘Mum, I’ve found some small trees. Shall we get one?’
‘Of course!’ She laughed as she hooked arms with him, the scents of strong coffee, deep-fried burgers and fried onions wafting tantalisingly under their noses.
‘And then we’ll get some food. I’m hungry now too.’
She glanced across at the food stalls then wandered over alone and ordered a skinny latte.
And that’s when she heard him. There was no other deep voice that could put a shudder through her body the way his did. Always had.
‘How are you?’ Greg grinned at her, touching her elbow gently.
She looked up at him, at those tiny flecks of amber in his eyes.
How was she going to explain this to Ed?
‘Ed’s come back, a surprise visit, and we’re just buying a tree. Coffee?’
‘Really? He’s back? Yeah, sure,’ he said, a slow smile emphasising the crinkles next to his eyes.
They bought three coffees and some freshly made mince pies dusted with icing sugar and sat at a small makeshift table with a heater perched next to it.
Maddie bit into the buttery, flaky pastry of the mince pie and savoured the sweet mincemeat with brandy, walnuts and cherries. She waved to Ed. He came wandering over grinning, clutching a small, bushy tree. It was perfect. Greg stood up and held out his hand.
Maddie cleared her throat. ‘Ed, this is Greg; Greg, my son Ed.’
The two of them shook hands as she held her breath. Then she exhaled as Ed sat down. She pushed his coffee over to him.
Greg nodded at Ed’s
tattoo. ‘Where have you been travelling?’
‘Bali, other parts of Indonesia, Thailand, and we’re—’ he looked over at Maddie ‘—going to carry on when I get back. Adity’s going to meet me in Vietnam.’
Maddie looked sideways at him and nodded. ‘Sure.’
‘We want to see more of Asia, but I wanted to see you over Christmas.’ He squeezed Maddie’s hand.
We.
‘Because of, well, after all the Dad stuff… then I want to travel a bit more before I take my place up at Exeter uni in October.’
She noticed Greg flinch – was it the mention of Tim or Exeter? ‘I’m glad you came to visit.’ She reached over and squeezed Ed’s hand. ‘Greg and I met at Exeter, actually.’ She fiddled with her earring.
‘I didn’t realise.’ Ed took a bite of his mince pie. ‘Pretty cool you two stayed in touch. How come you’re on the island?’ He looked up at Greg.
Stayed in touch. Didn’t really cover it, did it? Didn’t really begin to explain the emotional roller-coaster, but Ed didn’t have to know all that. For now, she was in a festive bubble, surrounded by the fragrance of mulled wine and the heady smell of cinnamon and roasting chestnuts. She didn’t want it to burst. Ever.
‘You live on the Isle of Wight?’ Ed addressed Greg.
‘No, not normally, I work at the water sports centre – they needed a short-term placement. The manager got ill, so I’m standing in for him, till he’s better. My own place, that’s in Cornwall.’ Greg shifted his beanie on the top of his head.
‘Cool. I’ve always wanted to sail – that kind of thing. Dad was – well, let’s just say he was more into cars than boats.’ Ed shrugged. ‘But I got the surfing bug in Bali.’ He grinned. ‘Never thought I’d see you on one, Mum!’ And with that Ed playfully punched Maddie’s arm.
Greg arched his eyebrows at Maddie.
‘Actually, your mum used to be quite good, you know – at uni – body surfing. It was bloody freezing, but great fun. Widemouth Bay?’ His eyes twinkled.
Don’t say too much.
‘We’d spend the day there,’ continued Greg. ‘It was perfect.’
And it had been.
She turned and stared at Greg sipping his coffee, his curly hair escaping from his beanie as he looked up at her, and Ed, sunglasses optimistically perched on his head in mid-December, an earring in one ear. She couldn’t help beaming. Sometimes life’s dark and light shades came together, melded into something wonderful.
‘Right,’ she said pulling back her chair, ‘we’ve got a tree to decorate!’
She looked at Greg. ‘Coming?’ She held her breath.
‘You bet.’
42
When they got back to Maris Cottage with the tree, a bag full of hastily bought decorations and a turkey that had been half price at the market, Greg and Ed set about making the fire. Greg went out to the little shed at the side of the house and cut down some firewood. He then started to assemble the fire as Ed looked on. ‘Hey, can you give me a hand?’ Greg turned to Ed. ‘The tree’s stump is too fat for the holder. Let’s go outside and cut a bit off.’
The two of them disappeared outside as Maddie went into the kitchen, humming, and opened a bottle of red wine then fetched glasses for everyone. It was, after all, Christmas Eve. The cork popped open loudly and she smiled.
When they came back, laughing at each other, they placed the tree into its little holder. The smell of fresh pine filled the room. Greg methodically laid out all the lights on the floor and started to check each bulb. Maddie put their wine glasses on the mantelpiece, stood back, and watched the yellow flames in the hearth gather pace and lick and roar around the wood.
‘You must like it here, Greg?’ Ed asked as he helped Greg unravel the lights.
Greg visibly stiffened and then leant back on his haunches.
‘Yes, I do. But I’m going to need to go back to Cornwall soon – I, er, we are closing down the business.’
‘Why?’
‘Long story,’ Greg sighed. ‘My wife and I are separating.’
Maddie held her breath. She wondered if he’d say any more, but he suddenly picked up the lights and started to lace them around the tree with Ed’s help as Taffie ran around in circles. He’d managed to get glitter all over his nose from hauling tinsel out of the decorations bag.
‘You monster, Taffie! I’ve missed you.’ Ed affectionately tickled Taffie’s tummy then stared to roll on the floor with him.
‘Taffie, come here!’ she said and went into the kitchen and filled up the terrier’s food bowl. Just the sound of the packaging was music to Taffie’s ears and he came scuttling in, making a beeline for the bowl. She bent down and scratched him behind the ears as he devoured the lot.
She put together a tray of ham and cheese croissants from the market, pieces of stollen cake, cheese straws, olives, some freshly cut salami and some figs, brought the tray through and placed it on the little table next to the fire. ‘A Christmas picnic!’ When she looked up she blinked a few times. ‘Wow! The tree’s just beautiful.’ Don’t cry. Tiny angels with wings made of indigo bird feathers perched on a few branches, gold and silver tinsel cascaded down the tree and her few baubles from the market glistened in the firelight. She’d bought a tiny ceramic Santa, a box of silver stars and some purple icicles. The fairy lights, like multi-coloured jewels finished it off. Greg casually squeezed her shoulder as she glanced at Ed, but he was looking at the tree.
‘It just wouldn’t be Christmas without a tree!’ Ed grinned and clapped his hands for Taffie. ‘And you, crazy dog—’ he leant down and patted him on the head, then produced a tartan collar from a bag on the sofa ‘—are getting this present early!’
‘Nice collar!’ Greg laughed.
‘Well, the breeder we bought Taffie from was Scottish,’ explained Maddie, ‘but we got him when Ed was eleven years old and wearing a brace, so he couldn’t pronounce his real name, which was Tattie. He’s been Taffie ever since,’ Maddie continued, sitting down on the sofa and taking a sip of wine.
Could life get any more perfect? Maddie wondered. The two people I love the most are with me for Christmas. Maddie stared from the tree, to the bay outside the window – the purplish grey clouds swirling above looked like they heralded snow.
‘Olive would be proud, Mum.’ Ed nodded to the tree. ‘And of the cottage, of what you’ve done.’
‘Well, I had a little help from Greg here.’ Maddie smiled at Greg who had his back to the fire. Ed sat down next to her and within two bites had demolished a whole croissant. Taffie came up to him and he patted the fluff ball. ‘And what else will be under the tree for you, Taffie?’ Ed said. Then Ed sat bolt upright. ‘Shit! I need to go out! Last-minute shopping!’ And with that, he looked at his watch, and stood up.
‘Ed, there’s no need. We’ve got everything, I think?”
‘Er, there is, Mum! Santa’s forgotten something!’ He laughed. ‘Won’t be long!’ He grabbed his coat from the chair and headed to the door.
Maddie tidied up some dishes from the table as Greg took the tray from her and started to pile them next to the sink. He stared out the window to the bay, lost in thought.
‘Shall we go out?’ he asked, turning to her. ‘The dishes can wait.’
*
She took his hand and it felt so natural. His warm fingers interlaced with hers and he squeezed her hand tightly. They’d been walking on the beach for about half an hour. It was high tide, which meant they had to stick to the small ribbon of sand next to the sea wall. There were ring-billed gulls out to sea, swooping and diving into the dark water, then gently soaring upwards. The slate-grey clouds had become darker. Maddie shivered.
‘I think there will be snow, it was forecast this morning.’
Greg squeezed her hand again and smiled. ‘Snow for Christmas, that would be perfect. Two things that would be perfect.’ He lifted her hand up to his mouth and gave it a brief kiss. Her eyes prickled with tears as they carried on in silence a little more. No
you don’t, Maddie.
‘It would.’ She looked up at him. ‘And do you know what else would be more perfect?’ She stopped walking. ‘For you to come over tomorrow for Christmas, with me and Ed.’
‘You sure?’
She couldn’t be more sure of anything. Yes, there was a huge splinter in her heart that she needed to pull out, to make better, but she needed time to figure out how to explain.
‘Are you happy, Maddie?’
‘At the moment, yes.’ She swung his hand back and forth and carried on walking along the sand, aware that they were in step, not wanting to change the mood. The beach was deserted. Most people were probably doing things like wrapping presents, making stuffing, laying tables. She thought of all the Christmases she’d had with just Ed and Tim in Little Rowland. Sometimes Tim’s dad and the latest wife would come. By the end of the day, her cheeks were usually hurting from all that forced smiling, and she wondered how she’d put up with those Christmases of chit-chat and simmering tensions. Over the last few years, Tim and his father had fallen out and they hardly saw one another, a relief at Christmas.
After their walk, they settled in the lounge. The Christmas tree lights flickered on and off in the cosy living room as the cinnamon flames roared in the grate. Greg leant against the sofa, his long legs stretched out in front of him. She was desperate to quieten the little misgivings that were niggling her, have a proper conversation, but it wasn’t the right time. It was Christmas Eve and, right now, she’d been given the biggest gift of all.
43
Maddie woke up with a start and looked at her watch: ten o’clock. Goodness, she’d been more tired than she realised. After their walk on the beach, Ed had brought back some parcels, which he’d quickly stashed in his room with a grin, as well as pizza that they’d shared by the fire with some more red wine, chilli olives and hummus from one of the stalls. Greg had to leave soon after as he was manning the phones at the centre, and she and Ed had watched La La Land on TV – her choice. Taffie had been snoring by the fire.
