Chapter Four
Mathias
Why was Creed always the most stunning person in the room? Tonight was no different to any other night I’d seen him. His style was flawless, so perfectly manicured from head to toe in a way that had always fascinated me. I’d learned just how much time he put into his appearance on the nights I’d spent at his place. I would watch him with fascination as he went through his skincare routine, looking like a real-life mannequin. But Creed wasn’t fake. He was down to earth, funny, intelligent. He had the most contagious laugh I’d ever heard and he could hold his own no matter who he was conversing with. I admired him in so many ways which I think is why it took me so long to realize I was in love with him. I had put him on a pedestal, so high above everyone else that I never thought he would ever really want anything from me. I realized now how lucky I had been. I knew Creed beyond his perfect appearance. I knew how his body responded to kisses and that his favorite candy was Swedish fish. I knew that Dolly Parton was his Queen and that he secretly loved hockey even if he wouldn’t admit to any of his friends. Most of all, I knew that being with Creed could make all my problems disappear, that he could make me feel safe and loved in a way I’d never known before. In a way I never knew was possible.
I sat back on the sofa and watched Creed talk to one of Brooks’ attractive tattooed friends. Of course, Creed could have any guy in the room - gay or straight. He knew it, too. Creed was beautiful and radiant and I… was a fucking idiot.
“Having a good night?” Brooks asked, plonking down next to me and handing me another beer.
“Thanks,” I said, glad to have a fresh one. “It’s a great party.”
“Then why do you look so damn miserable?” Brooks asked, nudging me.
“Not you too,” I sighed.
Brooks’ smiled disappeared and he looked at me with sincerity. “Wanna talk about it?”
“Not really,” I said, still watching Creed across the room. He had a small crowd around him now as he told a story in his usual animated way. I wished I knew what he was saying. Creed always made me piss myself laughing with his stories.
Brooks looked at Creed as well, then back at me. “Wanna go listen?” he asked.
“I’d rather not,” I said bluntly. I sounded like an asshole and poor Brooks didn’t deserve it. “Sorry. It’s just, we don’t exactly get along.”
“You don’t get on with Creed? I mean, I know he’s a little intense but I thought everyone loved the guy.” Brooks swigged his beer.
I cringed at the word love. I know he meant it in a completely platonic way, but it rubbed me up still. “Love. What the fuck is that anyway? Pain and misery if you ask me.”
Brooks looked even more confused. I knew I could trust Creed to keep our relationship a secret. Even after I was a total asshole to him. He really thought Aria would lose her shit if she found out. She might have been annoyed at first but I think she might have actually dug it. Her little brother being just as queer as her and all her friends.
“I used to think love wasn’t real. That was until I met, Leo. Trust me, one day you’ll meet someone who will make you feel differently. Someone who will make everything just… fall in to place,” he smiled.
The dude looked so happy and I envied him. Maybe that could have been Creed and I if I hadn’t been such a coward. “And what if all you do is fuck things up?” I looked at him, wishing he could really tell me the answer. “What if you had that special kind of love already but you fucking ruined it cause you’re a big fat idiot who doesn’t know what’s good until it’s gone.”
“Woah,” Brooks looked like he wasn’t expecting me to say that. I couldn’t blame him, either. We barely knew each other and I was practically pouring my bitter heart out to him. “If I’ve learned anything from my relationship with Leo, it’s that you have to fight for what you want. If you love someone, you don’t give up on them. If you make mistakes, fix them.”
“It’s easy for you two, though. You’re just… perfect. Look at you,” I sighed.
Brooks laughed. “What are you talking about man?” he asked. “I totally fucked things up with Leo in the beginning, but I realized pretty quickly he was someone worth holding on to. I was miserable when we broke up. I did a lot of groveling. I couldn’t lose him and what we had. And I’m glad I put my heart on the line cause if I didn’t, we might not have what we do now.” He looked around the room until he spotted Leo and blew him a kiss. Leo mock caught it in the air, holding it close to his chest. It was ridiculously, tooth-achingly sweet to watch. It was everything.
I looked at Creed again. I thought I was ready to move on and accept that I’d ruined any chance of having something between us but Brooks’s words made me want to at least try. I didn’t know what to say to him, but I had to start somewhere. Sorry, would do.
“Thanks,” I told Brooks, standing up from the couch. “You’re right. I’m not done fighting yet.”
Chapter Five
Creed
I walked to the door to get a breather. I had thrown myself into conversing and story-telling and now that I’d expended all my energy into entertaining other people, I suddenly felt like I was all used up. I walked out the front door to the closed-in courtyard at the front of Brooks’ and Leo’s home. The air was brisk but I didn’t mind. I sat on the bench seat that was to the side of the front door, pushed against the brick building. Sinking back against the wall, I let out a long sigh. Seeing Mathias again hadn’t made me angry like I thought it might. If anything, it made me sad. It was like the most delectably sweet dessert being placed on the table in front of me, and I was a diabetic, unable to take a bite. I cursed under my breath. So much for ringing in the new year on a high note.
The front door opened and I sat up straight, not wanting anyone to see that I was out here having a moment. When the tall, strong figure turned under the porch light, I realized it was Mathias. He closed the door behind him and looked at me. For a second, my heart stopped. I didn’t know what to say or do. I was frozen in place.
“Hey…” Mathias said, slowly making his way over to me. “Can I sit here?” he asked, pointing to the space on the bench beside me.
“Sure,” I croaked. I felt like my throat was closing up. Like I’d forgotten how to breathe. Why was he here? Why did he want to sit outside with me in the freezing cold?
“I saw you come out here. Figured it was my only chance to get you alone…” Mathias sighed. “I’ve been wanting to talk to you all night but the truth is, I don’t know what to say.”
“Ha,” was all I managed to say. I didn’t know what to say to Mathias, either. At this point, it felt like he held all the power. I didn’t even know where to begin.
“I guess I could start with an apology,” Mathias whispered. “What happened that night you came to visit me. I was an idiot. The truth is, I was scared. I hadn’t told anyone about us. About me… You know, it’s not exactly easy being the gay guy on a sports team. I never wanted anyone to find out, or at least not like that. I wasn’t ready. When you showed up, I thought I’d been exposed. The fear of what other’s thought… I didn’t know how to react. I wish I could go back and do things differently. I’m truly sorry, Creed. I wish you knew how sorry I am. And how ashamed I am too. That I let you down.” He looked at me and I believed him. I’d never known Mathias to be insincere.
“Why’d you wait until now to tell me, though?” I asked, desperate to know why he had been such a coward. I could have forgiven him if he’d called. If he’d told me all this right after it happened. I would have understood.
“Because I thought you hated me. I thought you’d never want to talk to me again after how I treated you,” Mathias looked at me with desperation.
I looked away. It was too much to take on right now. Had all this pain been for nothing? Was he missing me as much as I was him this whole time?
“I don’t know what to say,” I admitted. “You hurt me, that’s one thing, but the fact that you never called. Never made
contact with me for months…”
Mathias stood up and paced in front of me. “I’m still in love with you, Creed. I never even got the chance to tell you but I can’t go on with my life without you knowing. Believe me, I’ve tried. I’ve tried everything to get over you… To forget.”
“I still love you too,” I croaked, trying to fight back the tears. It was exactly what I had wanted to hear these last few months. That Mathias loved me. That what we had shared wasn’t all one-sided. Not just a figment of my wild imagination. This was real.
The two of us just stood there and stared at each other in this haze of both relief and wondering what came next. Inside at the party, we could hear the guests start chanting. Shit. The New Year’s countdown had started.
“We should—,” I started but before I could finish Mathias grabbed my hand and pulled me up.
He led me through the front door and back to the party where the room of people were gathered around yelling the countdown.
“Five… Four… Three… Two…,” Mathias pulled me into him and I let my body relax, closing my eyes. “One! Happy New Year!”
His lips crashed against mine as everyone around us cheered, those with partners going in for a kiss and the singletons popping bottles of champagne and cheering loudly still. Mathias knocked the air right out of me as we kissed, our tongues tangling frantically as our mouths and bodies got reacquainted. My God. He still did it for me. My body responding to him with burning desire and pulsing electricity.
When we broke free, Aria was just a few inches from our faces, her mouth dropped open in complete shock. “You two! You fucking two! All this time? All this moping? That was over each other?” she yelled at us, hands on hips as he shook her head.
I laughed nervously, still stunned from Mathias’s confession along with the breathtaking kiss. I hadn’t expected any of this.
“I’m… gay,” Mathias told his sister. “And I’m in love with Creed.”
“Holy fudge,” Leo announced, as he caught onto what was happening.
I hung my head, embarrassed that my friends had found out about Mathias and I this way. He put his arm around my shoulder and pulled me close, letting me know we were in this together.
“Well if it means the two of you are going to stop moping, I’m into it,” Aria declared. “Where the fuck is the champagne?” She sauntered off to the kitchen, leaving me and Mathias both completely stunned as we looked at each other. We burst out laughing.
“I think she approves,” Leo said with a shrug and a grin. He handed us two glasses of champagne. “Happy New Year.”
Chapter Six
Mathias
As soon as Creed and I had kissed and made up, we left the party and headed back to his apartment. When I got through the door, I was flooded with memories of all the nights we’d spent holed up in here with takeout and movies. Making out and making love all night. It was in this apartment that I had fallen in love with Creed in the first place. Where it all began.
“Want a drink?” Creed asked me, closing the door behind us and locking it.
I shook my head. “Just want you,” I told him, pulling him in for another kiss.
I had wanted Creed back for so long that it was now hard to keep my hands off him. I wanted to hold him. To touch him all over. I never wanted to be apart from this beautiful man ever again. I held Creed’s beautiful face between my hands and looked at him. He was flawless. His olive skin had this luminosity about it and his big, brown eyes looked like they held all the secrets of the universe inside them.
“I love you,” I told him again. “I am such an idiot for ever doubting that.”
“It’s okay,” Creed whispered. “We both made mistakes. Let’s just focus on right now.” He smiled at me.
His smile did all sorts of things to my body. My cock ached, wanting so badly to be inside him. I kissed him again, this time with a frantic, desperate need as I pushed him back through the living room to his bedroom door.
“Fuck,” Creed said, breathless and obviously as affected by our make-out session as I was. “Oh, baby. I need you right now.” He kicked the door to his bedroom open and I continued steering him towards the bed.
As usual, it was immaculately made and the two of us resumed our usual mission of tossing the dozen decorative cushions on to the floor. We both caught each other and laughed. It was little moments like these that I missed more than anything. Things that only we knew and shared.
Once the bed was cleared, the two of us met again, falling onto the mattress and finding each other’s mouths. I hadn’t been with anyone since we’d broken up. I’d tried to find someone to take my mind off Creed. To find a casual hook up or someone to get off with. It didn’t work. There was no use in me ever trying to forget or replace Creed. He meant too much to me. I hoped now that we were back on, it would be forever.
I moved on top of Creed’s body, my hands finding the buttons of his shirt. I watched over him as I worked each button undone, revealing his flawless skin. Creed helped me shrug out of his shirt and I lifted my own sweater over my head, allowing my undergarments to stick to it so they all came off in one motion. Creed reached up and stroked my abdomen, sending goosebumps in all directions. It was so good to lie with Creed like this. Skin to skin. Right where we needed to be.
Creed’s hand moved to the crotch of my jeans, palming my erection. I was straining against the denim, desperately want to be released. “Take off your pants,” Creed said. “Now.”
I did as he said, finding balance on my knees as I tugged them off. Creed worked his own down until we were both perfectly naked. I took him in, in all his glory. Creed truly was the most beautiful man in the world. Lean muscle and luminous skin. Freckles dusted his shoulder like constellations of stars designed by the gods.
“I love you,” I told him, moved by the moment.
“I love you, too,” Creed said, looking so vulnerable beneath me. “I always will.”
I nodded. “Me too. And I promise I won’t hurt you again.”
Creed smiled. “I believe you, baby. But right now. I wish you’d just fucked me.”
I laughed, coming down on top of him and kissing his neck. “Jesus, here I was trying to be romantic and take things slow.”
“It’s been months, Mathias. I can’t wait any longer,” Creed said, his eyes half-shut and dreamy.
“Alright then,” I said, leaning over to his nightstand where I knew he kept condoms and lube. I pulled them out and placed them on the bed beside us.
I moved my attention to Creeds cock, teasing it with my hand before coming down with my mouth. I sucked him in, tasting salt. My tongue swirled the tip, remembering just how he liked it. Creed moaned in encouragement. I needed him horny enough so that when I fucked him, he was begging for it.
My fingers found his entrance and as I sucked his cock lovingly, I teased his hole. Once I had worked him into a frenzy, I reached for the lube. Creed made a noise of protest when I squirted the cool liquid over his crease.
“Shh,” I told him, rubbing it over his hole before pressing a finger inside. Creeds muscle tightened around my finger before loosening, allowing me to stretch him open and get him ready for my cock. My slick fingers moved in and out of his gently, leaving Creed writhing and clutching against the blankets beneath us. When I curled my fingers upwards and grazed against his prostate, he started begging for more. I smiled, glad to give him it. My own cock was straining, rock hard and leaking as I teased it with my free hand.
I removed my fingers from Creed and reached for the condom, tearing the foil packet open with my teeth before rolling it down my length. I lined myself up against Creed, bringing my body over his so I could look him in the eyes as I entered him.
“Oh, fuck,” Creed moaned, his eyes rolling back as I filled him to the hilt. I bit my lip, watching the pleasure wash over his face. He felt exquisite. He always did. His arms clung to me as I thrust gently in and out of him, our bodies creating the perfect rhythm for both of us.
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“Don’t ever leave me again,” Creed cried. “I don’t want to ever go without this. Without you. Oh fuck. You’re so good.”
“I won’t,” I promised, trying to hold off my release as long as possible. I was on the brink of coming undone but I needed to stay with Creed. Needed this to happen for both of us.
“I’m gonna come,” he told me, reaching his hand down to his cock and jacking himself. “Any fucking second.”
“Me too,” I groaned, still trying to contain myself.
“Then what the fuck are you waiting for?” he asked, crying out as he let himself go.
“Creed,” I cried as I let myself go with him, filling the condom with my heat. “I love you.”
I collapsed on top of him, feeling his heart beat against mine. Feeling all the love we shared. This time, I wouldn’t let him go.
Afterword
Thank you for reading my short story, Countdown.
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If you would like to read more from me, check out my novel about Leo and Brooks - Sacred Skin
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