“No!” I scream in their direction and run. I run to save the man I love before he is killed by my uncle. “Please don’t, Matt!” I put myself between Jeremy and their guns, blocking them from shooting him. I can feel Jeremy’s front press against my back as I sacrifice myself to save him. If Jeremy dies, Matt might as well shoot me, too. I can’t bear losing someone else again. If he’s gone, then I will be gone with him.
“Get back, Camilla!” The steel barrel of Uncle Matt’s gun is inches in front of my face.
“No! Please let me explain,” I beg.
When Tank lowers his gun and starts to pull on my arm, yanking me out of harm’s way, I dig my feet in the dirt, doing my best to keep myself between Jeremy and my uncle’s gun, but it’s no use. Tank is huge, ripped like a wrestler, and I’m a mere ant compared to him.
Suddenly, my body is being jerked back hard. I can feel an arm around my waist, pulling me away. When I look up, Jeremy has yanked me from Tank’s grasp and has pulled me behind his body. He is holding me steady, not allowing me to move. My face digs into his back as I inhale his familiar scent. It’s a smell that reminds me of a happier time; the smell of car grease, cologne, and mint. The concoction is perfect and all him.
In a desperate plea, I peer around Matt and beg him to listen to me. “Let me explain, Matt. It’s not what you think.” My uncle breaks his lethal glare with Jeremy and fixes it on me. I want to cower away from his menacing eyes, but I come around Jeremy, looking right back at him. “He saved my life.” The color leaves my uncle’s face as he tries to understand. “A few years ago, I was beaten badly and left for dead in an alley. It was Jeremy who found me and took me to a hospital.” I remember how scared I was when he put me in his car, but the soothing sound of his voice calmed my fears. I couldn’t really see him through my swollen eyes, but I remember his voice. I will never forget it. “Then, a few months later, he saved me again from the same man who attacked me. He killed him to save my life.”
My uncle looks to Jeremy, not moving or saying a word. Jeremy only looks brooding in return, anticipating he will need to save my life again.
Matt finally glances back to me and asks, “Why didn’t you say something to me, Camilla? It’s now my job to protect you.”
“Because it’s done and over. I was afraid you might hurt him when he was only protecting me, and I didn’t want to think about it ever again. I was surprised to see him because I haven’t really seen him or talked to him in a really long time. I was shocked is all, but you don’t need to hurt him.” I am begging with my uncle to spare Jeremy.
Matt lowers his gun and tucks it in the back of his pants. He stands firm, processing what I’ve told him. I didn’t lie; I told my uncle the truth, though I did omit the fact he has become my very best friend and we’ve had sex. I don’t think Jeremy would be standing if he knew those details.
“Is this the man you love?” The question is suspended in the air, hanging over my head, weighing down my shoulders. I feel like I have a thousand pounds of concrete sitting on my chest. I’m weighted down from the pressure and scared, but I cannot lie.
“Yes,” I whisper back, knowing I may have sealed our fate. Matt turns to Jeremy, anger once again present in his eyes. He can sense something, but before he can get a word in edgewise, I gain his attention back. “How could I not love him? He is an angel put on this earth to save me. I’d be dead if it weren’t for him. All I could feel for him is love.”
Matt looks down and sees the crucifix necklace pinched between my fingers. After my mother died, I decided I needed to restore the one thing that has always been permanent in my life, which is my faith. I dug my necklace out of my jewelry box and vowed to myself I would get my life together. I enrolled in nursing school and stopped smoking weed and drinking. Then, I reconnected myself with church. I wanted that cornerstone present in my life again because, if there isn’t a God, then someone as wonderful as Jeremy would have never been there to protect me. It was God’s plan to have our paths cross. It was His plan to save me and He sent my savior in the form of a six-foot-two drug dealing killer.
“You remind me so much of your mother.” As Matt looks down and pulls me into his arms, all the anger washes away as he holds me tightly to his chest. Embracing my uncle feels comforting. His arms are as warm and soothing as my own father’s. “She instilled good morals in you, Camilla, don’t ever forget that.” He holds me at arm’s length and I see the uncle I love looking back at me. I hate that I love him despite all his heinous acts, but I do.
“As for him…” Matt motions over to Jeremy, “don’t waste your heart on someone like him, or me for that matter. Men like us will only lead you astray.”
I nod my understanding of the true meaning of his words. In his way, Matt is telling me he will never approve of our relationship, thus reminding me I have to give him up once again. My heart shatters to pieces inside my chest, though I only stand frozen as I watch the three large, dangerous men leave me at my mother’s grave, the black backpack resting at my feet.
I have lived to fight another day. It’s been almost four, long years since becoming part of the drug underworld, and I’ve had some close calls on my life, but none closer than what I’ve just experienced. Cami was ready to put herself in front of a moving bullet to save my life, but I wouldn’t allow it. I’d go down in a hail of bullets to ensure her safety.
Matt asked me to accompany him this afternoon. It’s not an unusual request. I go with him all the time on different errands. However, when I saw a beautiful woman mourning at her mother’s grave, my stomach sank to my feet. I was hoping he wouldn’t ask me to get out, but as soon as he waved for me to come, I knew our secret would be revealed. My adrenaline was pumping as I stayed on my feet, not knowing what was going to happen when Cami saw me. Then, like a bullet to the gut, she said she loved me, and I knew right then and there, I love her, too.
I love her warm, perfect smile. The way she giggles for no apparent reason. I love the way she twists her ebony hair around her finger when she is nervous or in deep concentration. Her lips, I love her lips pressed against mine and her legs wrapped around my waist. I love her happiness, her tears, her scars, and her selflessness. I love her. I love Cami. She is an amazing person and her uncle is right; people like me don’t deserve someone as wonderful as her.
She is good and should be allowed all the happiness the world can offer. I will never be able to give that to her. I am tainted by the hell that encompasses Sulfur Heights. A hell that will follow me to my grave.
I turn and walk away from the only person I will ever love, the only person who will ever understand me, but now, I really don’t remember why anymore. Why have I walked away?
***
From the moment I stepped out of Cami’s window eight months ago, I have been on a manhunt for Carter Brown. He is elusive, a chameleon in the shadows, and if one person was going to drag him from the darkness, it was going to be Presley. We’ve been searching in every crack house, dumpster, and back alley in the entire county, only to be left empty-handed. I knew we wouldn’t find him because this is his expertise. Sadistic people have the ability to disappear and blend in with their surroundings. I know this because I am one of those people. I know where to go to escape. I know how to blend into my surroundings and then strike my unsuspecting prey. There’s nothing good about me, though I am one step ahead of Carter. I’ve got an ace in my back pocket in the form of Presley.
Carter is obsessed with her. Nothing will stop him from getting close to her, and now that she is out of rehab, Presley has become my mission. I am never too far away from her. I follow her as she goes to school, runs her errands, and hangs out at the house. I even take her to her treatment appointments with her therapist and volunteer to go anywhere with her. I love Presley like a sister, but I wouldn’t be doing this if I knew Carter was dead.
She is a sweet girl, but it’s not my style to hang around and be social. It’s never been my thing. However, Presley and my family t
hink I’ve turned over a new leaf. I can see they are impressed with my new social skills. But who am I really?
For all intents and purposes, I am the nice guy; the loyal brother and decent citizen. I am quiet and non-confrontational. I am the brother nobody worries about and can always depend upon. To my family, I am the good one. That’s only what they see on the outside, though. Now that my double life is mingling with my family life, it’s hard to know where one life ends and the other begins.
I am exhausted from a night of searching for Carter. More of Matt’s heroin suppliers have been acting shady lately and some have outright refused to do business with him. This is Carter’s influence. He is trying to steal Matt’s empire away, but he’s too smug to stay hidden for long. I am glad this entire situation is giving me a business reason to look for Carter. Matt doesn’t know the real reason I want to kill him, and it will be me killing him. There’s nothing I want more.
I walk up the back steps, looking to get some water and hop into the shower. The grueling nights on the streets and keeping up false pretenses with my family are starting to wear me down. My body is tired and has become decorated with scars, and my hands are constantly in pain. The rough life of a drug dealer is starting to take its toll on me, and pretty soon, I will have to start answering questions my family most likely will be asking.
When I open up the back door, Presley has a bottle of booze pressed against her lips. She can’t do this now. I can’t risk her going back to rehab again. I yank her into my arms and plead with her to talk to me.
“What the hell are you doing? Jesus, Presley, you’re shaking. What the hell happened?”
She is crying her eyes out, trying to get ahold of herself long enough to speak while my gut is telling me this is the moment I’ve been waiting for. He’s attempted something with her. What else would have her freaked out so much?
“C-c-ar-ter. He-he grabbed me when I was picking up Mia.”
I knew it! That slick fucker is trying to evade me, but I will beat him to the punch. I will fucking kill him when I get my hands on him.
I look down to Presley’s arm. There are small finger-like bruises trailing up her bicep. The sight of her wounds only fuels me more to destroy him. And I know exactly where he’s at.
“Did he do this?” When Presley nods her head, I’m out the door and heading straight to her old apartment. “Fuck!”
I run down the back steps and open the door with Presley running behind me, screaming, “Jeremy, no! Please don’t do anything!” She is worried, but like the rest of my family, Presley doesn’t know what I am really capable of. She doesn’t know I am like Carter in every way because I am evil.
I pull her into my chest, living up to the lie I know she’s buying. I lie to reassure her before I can get into my car. “I’m not doing anything to him. I’m only going to have a little chat. I promise.”
“Please don’t go. He has a gun.”
“I know.” I kiss her on the forehead as the worst feeling alarms me. I’m holding her in my arms and this eerie sensation envelopes her. I’ve had experience with this feeling right before I kill someone. It always surrounds the victim as a warning to them or perhaps to others around them that they will no longer be living. As I drive away, I can’t shake the feeling Presley’s time on this earth is limited.
***
I pick up Ronnie and we head over to the apartment where Presley saw him. He is sitting in the passenger seat, flicking the lid to his Zippo lighter up and down. The sound is driving me crazy yet keeping my head in the killing game. We take a few laps around the complex, slowing slightly to check the darkest corners.
“Why are we backing here again, man? We’ve cleared his apartment, and he hasn’t been here since I got you out.” I still haven’t told Ronnie the real reason why I was at Carter’s apartment that night. He has no idea about Presley or their relationship. I decide to tell him now.
“Presley saw Carter today,” As I blurt it out as bluntly as possible, I can see Ronnie turn his head slowly out of the corner of my eye.
“What? How does she even know who he is?” Ronnie hasn’t broken his blue-eyed gaze from the side of my head.
I keep moving slowly around the area of Carter’s apartment, squeezing the steering wheel out of anger. “You know how she was gone for a while?”
“Yeah.” Ronnie glances out at the road ahead of us then back to me.
“She was using. Carter was supplying her with drugs, and the night before she left, Presley OD’d. Darcie found out she was spending a lot of time with Carter. That’s why I was at the apartment that night. I didn’t know shit about the other drug dealer, it was just a random coincidence.”
“So you were going to kill him because he got her messed up on some smack? That’s a little excessive considering, if Matt were to find out, he probably would have killed you.” Ronnie rolls his eyes and goes back to flicking his fucking lighter.
“Will you stop with the fucking clicking already!” I shout at him, causing him to jump in his seat. “Initially, I was just going to fuck him up, but when he told me he’s been stalking her, I lost it. I was going to kill him at that point.”
“What? He was stalking her?”
“Yes. He’s been following her around since she was sixteen.”
“So that’s why you’ve been spending so much time with her, you were smoking him out.” When Ronnie looks over to me like a proud daddy, I lean over, punching him in the arm. He can be a douche sometimes, but in this life, he’s all I’ve got.
We spend most of the afternoon and evening looking for Carter. By the time dark rolls around, I am ready to call it a night. I drop Ronnie off at his car and head down toward my street, still driving slow, keeping an eye open for anything suspicious.
As I pull into the driveway and exit my car, I look in the shadows coming off the side of the house and something in the hedges gets my attention. It’s lurking against the house, trying to blend in with it, however I see it. Better yet, I see him—Carter fucking Brown.
When our eyes connect, he knows I see him, so he stands, making himself known. The beast inside me comes to life as I straighten my stance and ready my body for battle. I will kill him, there’s no doubt about that. Afterward, I will throw him in the trunk of my car and drop him on Matt’s door step.
As Carter makes his way closer to me, I clench my fist, knowing this will be a battle of the fittest. However, he’s not here to fight; he’s here for a proposition.
The menacing Carter Brown winds his way up my driveway, his golden eyes gleaming with evil, but his body is practically broken down. The time he’s spent in hiding, Carter has been using, and pretty heavily by the look on his face. Sores and scabs are surrounding his lips and he’s lost a lot of weight. He’s a total fucking junkie. I’ll be doing this town a service when I kill him. It’ll simply be one less drug addict to rob you, kill you, or hurt your family.
With snakelike movements, Carter slinks his way up to me, getting within inches. As my blood boils under my skin, I envision it like bubbling lava. My fury is hot and on the verge of exploding out of my body. Carter only looks at me with a sneer on his face, and I am trying with all my energy not to kill him this minute. Drake’s car is in the driveway, and if he finds out Carter is out here, all hell will break loose. I need to get him away and do it without my family knowing.
“So I’ve finally been caught.” Carter’s voice is condescending and replicates the snakelike persona he has. “And I see you’ve become Matt’s new right hand man.”
The rage is building with every word spewed from his mouth. “You’re a stupid, fucking idiot for coming here. I’m not the only one who wants you dead, but I’m sure you already know that.”
“I didn’t come here to talk about the Rykers. You have something I want, and it has nothing to do with those assholes, although it’s been fun watching Matt squirm.”
“I don’t give a shit what you want. Why did you start selling for someone else?” I a
sk.
“Like you, I suppose, I needed more money and I needed it quickly. I had the opportunity to sell a high grade heroin product. It’s been a huge seller and putting a considerable amount of money in my pocket. I’m just being a smart business man.” Carter scratches the back of his head then runs his long, shaky fingers down his face. He keeps sucking in extra saliva and running his tongue along his teeth. The very sight of him is disgusting. He is a full-blown addict. “So do you want to know what I want, or are we going to stand around here and beat each other’s dicks?”
“I don’t give a shit what you want. You’re not getting a thing unless you count my fist in your teeth, then sure, I’d be glad to deliver that to you.” I lift my hands and thread my fingers together. I flex them back and pop the knuckles in my hand. They were stiff and sore, but once I relieve the pressure, my hands feel brand new, ready to plow into his jaw.
Carter steps even closer. His face is within inches of mine and our chests are almost touching. We both are holding our ground. I can do it. I could kill this fucker right here and now, but I cannot risk my family finding out how closely I’ve worked with Carter.
He licks his chapped lips. “I know all about you, Jeremy.” The sneer has not left his face. My forearms are tight and my fists twitch. I want to knock him lifeless. “I know the perception your family has about you. My darling, Presley, was very forthcoming when she was desperate for a taste of what I had. How do you think Reggie would feel if he found out his little brother—the good brother—was a major card in the drug game? Do you think he’d be accepting of this, Jeremy?”
“Fuck you.” My tone is low and laced with hate. It’s getting harder and harder to reign in the beast beating against my chest, struggling to get out.
“How would dear old Reggie feel if he knew how much like me you really are?” The smell of his pungent breath grazes my face as he gets even closer to me. “But I can make all of this go away. I will disappear forever and leave you with your secrets and as Matt’s pride and joy, if you do one thing for me.” I only glare at him, refusing to answer because there is nothing to say. I only want to destroy. “Presley, Jeremy. I. Want. Presley.”
Redeemed Love Page 10
