Although everything seemed to be falling neatly into place for the first time in his life, Owen couldn’t seem to shake the constant worrying or the nightmares. He stressed over keeping up appearances at his new school. He worried that someone might find out about his past, worried that he would fail, worried that he would never be normal, worried about the next time he closed his eyes and saw his mother’s face in his nightmares… Anxiety was his constant companion, and he fought every day to overpower it.
Since Owen had moved to a new school in a different part of town where no one knew or cared who he was, he’d worked hard to forge a new identity and a new reputation. Thanks to his traumatic home life, Owen had always been a bit of an outcast, never really belonging to any particular clique or group. He’d learned how to blend into his surroundings and keep his head down, and he’d managed to avoid being bullied for the most part.
Now, however, he was determined to be more ‘normal,’ even if it meant utilizing the social training Vera had beaten into him for so many years. Owen went out of his way to be as charming and charismatic as possible, cashing in on his good looks and novelty status in order to make friends quickly. He joked with the guys, flirted with the girls, and kissed the teachers’ asses like it was his job. They ate it up.
“Hey, Owen,” a feminine voice greeted him. He looked up from the library table and turned toward the voice, summoning the smile she expected from him.
“Hi, Carrie. How’s it going?”
“I’m great as long as we’re still on for this weekend,” she replied with a coy smile.
Her head was tilted up at him, and her dark eyes seemed to devour him. Her jeans were tight and rode low on her hips, and her sweater was slipping artfully off one shoulder, revealing the absence of a bra strap. Carrie Powell was one of the hottest girls in the school, and he had a date with her on Saturday night. They’d been ‘going out’ for a week now, but this would be their first official date.
“Of course,” Owen nodded nervously. “I can pick you up at six?”
“I’m looking forward to it,” she grinned, her tone suggestive enough to make him gulp conspicuously.
“Me too. I, um… I need to get going, but I’ll talk to you tomorrow, okay?”
“Sure. See ya.”
He didn’t see the mild disappointment on her face as she watched him walk away, but even if he had, he wouldn’t have known what to say. Nothing in his life had prepared him for how to have a meaningful conversation with a girl his own age. If anything, his mother had gone out of her way to prevent him from interacting with them at all. Owen didn’t truly feel anything for Carrie, but his friends had been giving him grief about being a virgin. He was determined to at least appear normal.
Carrie could tell that he wasn’t all that into her, but she didn’t mind. He was an unknown quantity amongst their group of friends since he’d transferred from a different school. There was an air of mystery about him, which all of the girls found highly appealing. Several of them had been competing for a date with him, and she was the one he’d asked out. True, their interactions had been a little awkward, and he clearly didn’t like being touched, but Carrie believed that those were things they could work through.
The rest of the week passed quickly for Owen, and the weekend was upon him sooner than he would have liked. He was incredibly nervous, but outwardly, he seemed quite calm. He picked her up in the car Sean and Mary had given him for his sixteenth birthday, another in a long line of debts he felt he owed to them. The Langfords had agreed that he could set up a romantic dinner in their boathouse, and they’d promised not to disturb them. Sean had wanted to give Owen a curfew of some sort, but Mary had overruled him. Owen was the most responsible teenager she’d ever met, and she was thrilled that he was actually behaving like a typical teenager. That didn’t mean that Owen had been spared the safe sex lecture, however, and his ears had turned bright red when Sean had shoved a small box of condoms into his hand.
Mary waved him goodbye as he left to pick up Carrie, and she smiled up at her husband with a gleam of hope in her eyes.
Mary found Owen sitting at the kitchen table the next morning, his head in his hands and his shoulders in a slump. She paused as she entered the room, startled to see him so early. She glanced at the clock to verify that it was not yet seven a.m., and she wondered if he was actually awake.
“Owen?” she said quietly, not wishing to frighten him. His head lifted slowly, proving that he was indeed awake, but the haunted expression on his face alarmed her. “What happened? Are you alright?” He nodded but remained silent. “What’s going on?”
“I… She…”
“Who, dear?”
“Carrie.”
“Is she alright?”
“I don’t know. I… We had an okay time, and we…” Owen blushed, not quite able to discuss the loss of his virginity with Mary. Thankfully, she seemed to understand and nodded for him to continue. “She saw the scars on my back and looked a little freaked out, but she didn’t say anything. Afterward, we accidentally fell asleep for a while. She didn’t have to be home until one. But I… I had a nightmare, and I didn’t realize what I was doing. I didn’t mean to…”
“Is she okay?” Mary asked in alarm, her eyes darting involuntarily to the boathouse. “Did she go home?”
“Yes. I didn’t really hurt her, but I scared her. A lot. When I woke up, I was choking her, and she was trying to push me away. I let go of her right away, but she was so scared… She wouldn’t even let me take her home. She called one of her friends to come pick her up.” Owen closed his eyes in shame and brought his palms back to his forehead, threading his fingers through his tangled brown hair.
“Oh, darling, I’m so sorry.”
“I’m the one who should be sorry!”
“And you are, Owen. If you apologize and try to explain the situation to her, she might understand. I’m sure she was frightened, but obviously she likes you enough to go out with you…”
“She already texted and broke up with me. She probably didn’t even wait until she got home to send it,” he said dully.
Mary was at a loss for words and settled for reaching across the table to squeeze his arm. She gently tugged his hands away from his face and waited until he looked at her.
“It could’ve happened to anyone.” When he threw her a disparaging look, she continued, “I’m serious. I once gave Sean a black eye because I thought I was fighting an animal in my dream.” Owen sighed and looked away. “I know what you’re thinking right now. I know you probably feel like you’re too screwed up to have a girlfriend or to just be normal, but I don’t think that’s going to be the case at all. True, maybe you weren’t ready for this just yet, but give yourself some time, Owen. You’ll continue to heal, you’ll move on from your past… You’ll find someone who makes you feel safe. I promise.”
Someone who makes me feel safe, Owen’s thoughts echoed. Aside from the Langfords, there was really only one person who had ever fit that description. Only one person he trusted that much. The little girl with the sea in her eyes and fire in her hair. The girl whose vulnerability had made him feel strong, made him want to protect her. The girl who had never been far from his thoughts in the twelve years since he’d last seen her face.
Ellie.
2009
The Langfords clapped loudly from the audience as the principal read the name ‘Owen Langford.’ Eric did a few loud whistles as Owen walked across the stage to collect his high school diploma and shook the hands of the principal and a few other administrators. He’d been chosen as the valedictorian of his class and had delivered a speech that had left Mary in tears. He’d spoken of the difference a single person can make in someone’s life, and he’d smiled widely when acknowledging that he was lucky enough to have more than one person that had changed his life for the better.
“Congratulations, sweetheart,” Mary told him when they all reconvened outside of the auditorium after the ceremony.
; “Thanks, Mary,” Owen smiled, permitting her to hug him gingerly. She stifled a sigh at his use of her first name, wishing for the umpteenth time that he had chosen adoption rather than emancipation. Mary felt that she should have been his mother from the very beginning, but there was no undoing what had been done.
“We’re so proud of you,” Sean said genuinely, settling for a warm handshake and a pat on the shoulder.
As Owen accepted words of congratulations from Julia and Eric, his chest swelled with satisfaction. Before he’d come to live with the Langfords, no one had ever been proud of him. Or if anyone had, they’d never said the words out loud. In that moment, he realized just how much he’d been needing to hear them. They were a healing balm on the wounds of his past.
Anyone who had known him as Owen Monroe would wonder if Owen Langford was truly the same person. Although his physical appearance may not have changed, the way he thought, spoke, and behaved most certainly had. True, much of his confidence was of the well-rehearsed ‘fake it ‘til you make it’ variety, but he had gradually found it easier to smile and, with the exception of his back, easier to accept physical contact from others. He was a work-in-progress, as his therapist liked to remind him.
Carrie Powell and her parents strolled by on their way to the exit, and Owen noticed that she avoided looking in his direction. After their disastrous date, she had spilled the details of their evening to one of her friends, and the story had spread quickly through the school. How the sex had been good but that he’d gone crazy... How he had practically begged her not to touch his scarred back... How he must’ve been really fucked up from whatever had happened to him… It had been a difficult few weeks for Owen until the rumors died down, and he’d never had the courage to ask another girl out again. He’d pushed himself even harder in school and focused all of his energy on his grades and his part-time job. He told himself, as well as anyone who asked, that he simply didn’t have time for girls, and he wasn’t planning on changing his priorities any time soon.
Since Owen had vehemently protested a formal graduation party, the Langfords insisted on at least taking him out for a celebratory dinner. The five of them filled one of the corner booths at the Verve, Owen’s favorite restaurant. It was privately owned with a moderately priced menu, and the atmosphere wasn’t pretentious.
“So, UDub, huh?” Eric asked around a mouthful of salad. “Didn’t want to leave Seattle? Spread your wings or whatever?”
“I guess I could have,” Owen shrugged. “I just wanted to get through it as quickly and inexpensively as possible. If I had the money to start my business right now, I wouldn’t even bother with college.”
“Dude, you’re still sixteen for another month. Can a minor even open a business on their own?”
“An emancipated minor can,” Sean answered. “But college is important, Owen. Not just the degree, but the experience. You shouldn’t rush through it too quickly. Try to enjoy yourself.”
“Couldn’t agree more, Dad,” Eric raised his glass of soda.
“You could stand to enjoy the experience a little less,” his father muttered. “And consider making your Facebook photos private.” Eric had the good grace to look contrite.
“So, I assume you decided on a major then?” he asked Owen, eager to shift the conversation away from himself.
“Business administration and economics.”
“Two majors?”
“And he’s got enough AP credits from high school to be considered a sophomore when he starts next month,” Mary beamed proudly.
“You mean August,” Eric frowned.
“No sense in waiting that long,” Owen disagreed. “With placement tests, if I take a full course loads year-round, I should be able to graduate in three years, even with a double major.”
“And you’re keeping your job at Troy’s too? When are you planning to sleep, man?” he asked with only a hint of sarcasm.
Owen shrugged. His assessment of the learning opportunities at his part-time job had been solid. Once he’d learned as much as he could without a legal certification to work as a mechanic, Troy had brought him into the office and begun to teach him the ropes there as well. It was there that he had excelled the most, catching accounting errors and making helpful suggestions for improving the business. The experience had made it clear that this was Owen’s arena - building and managing a company, watching it flourish.
“I’ll have fewer hours at the shop, but I’ll manage.”
“Holy shit.”
“Eric,” Mary admonished as Julia giggled.
“Well sorry, Mom, but you gotta admit he sets the bar pretty fu - uh… pretty high. He’s two years younger than I am, but he’ll end up graduating the same year with two degrees, all while working a part-time job.”
“It’s not a competition, Eric,” Owen said kindly. “I just want to start my business as soon as possible. I’m already looking for investors.” The Langfords all looked surprised at that revelation, but only Sean replied.
“College first, kiddo. There will be plenty of time for the rest.”
Owen disagreed with that assessment but kept silent. He’d been tinkering with his business model for months, making adjustments and provisions depending on which industries he might get into. He watched the news and market trends the way most teenagers watched reality television, and each time he found a company that was ripe for a buyout, he was frustrated that he didn’t have the means to jump on the opportunity. He might have been a genius, but the hard truth was that no reputable lender would approve the sort of start-up loan he would need. He would have to spend his college years networking and making the contacts he would need to succeed later.
If all went as planned, Owen would have a college diploma in three years and a successful business in four. Failure was not an option.
Chapter 8
August 2011
Tuesday
Lena cursed aloud as she searched frantically for her car keys, mentally kicking herself for having agreed to go out with her friends the night before in celebration of the new term. She wasn’t hungover, but she was definitely feeling the exhaustion that came with less than five hours of sleep. Lena shouted a ‘thank you’ to no one in particular when she finally located her keys, which had apparently fallen behind her foyer table the night before. She swung her backpack over her shoulder, locked the door to her condo, and headed out of the building to her car. It was the second day of her sophomore year, but due to the nature of college scheduling, it was technically day one for the classes she would attend today. Being late would make for a bad first impression.
Lena had graduated high school at the top of her class and had chosen the University of Washington because staying local allowed her to continue to work for her father at GC. She was majoring in both business administration and communication, and her straight-A record had yet to be broken. With school and GC consuming most of her life, it was sometimes difficult for Lena to make time for her friends. This left her with a feeling of guilt that they had shamelessly exploited when begging her to join them yesterday for a night out.
“Lena!” someone shouted as she crossed the student parking lot on campus.
She turned in the direction of the female voice and was slightly surprised to see her friend Tessa approaching her. They fell into step beside each other.
“What are you doing here so early?” Lena asked jokingly. “I thought you never signed up for any class that started before ten.”
“I usually don’t, but this one linguistics class is only offered in the morning slot on Tuesdays and Thursdays. At least it’s only twice a week,” Tessa shrugged. She took one last drag from her cigarette before putting it out and tossing it into a trash can.
“If you knew you’d have to be here before nine, why were you so adamant that we go out last night? You drank even more than I did.”
“Because I know you, Gardner. If we’d waited for the weekend, you would’ve refused to come. You’d have too much homework
or too much studying to do or too much work to get done for your dad…”
“It’s not that bad,” Lena rolled her eyes. “You make it sound like you never see me. We live across the hall from each other.”
“Yeah, but even then, Mateo and I only see you once or twice during the week. Speaking of Mateo though… He texted you this morning. Said to tell you he’s holding if you need more for the rest of the week.”
“Yeah, I got his text. I just didn’t have time to reply yet.” She waved goodbye to Tessa as they parted ways for their first class, making a mental note to check in with Mateo during the next break period.
Mateo Torres was Tessa’s roommate, and they lived in the apartment across from Lena's. The three of them, along with their friends Adam and Emily, had spent the previous evening drinking and smoking weed at Adam’s apartment. Lena usually restricted such behavior to the weekends, but she knew that the start of a new term was always hectic. It was the first time they’d all gotten together since before the summer break, and she’d missed them.
The bitterness Lena had begun to feel at sixteen had only grown stronger in the last three years, and over the course of her first semester in college, she had gradually come to embrace Logan’s advice of ‘letting go’ once in a while. Granted, the method she’d chosen was not what he’d intended, but since he’d been deployed more often than not over the past few years, there was really nothing he could do about it.
Lena had met her friends almost immediately after she’d started her freshman year, and the time she spent with them had become an outlet for all of the stress and resentment she’d been bottling up for so long. Her life seemed to have split into something like dual realities, or perhaps even dual personalities. When she was in class or around Nate and his colleagues, she was a well-behaved, studious, ambitious young woman. She dressed the part and carried herself with composure, and she was able to at least feign confidence, even if she didn’t always feel it.
Ember (Constant Flame Duet Book 1) Page 9
