The moment Matt heard the words he stepped toward his father. A primal rage consumed him. His mother had been an angel. Being kind had been her downfall. She’d always made excuses for his father. In the end it had been her undoing.
“Matt! No! He’s not worth it.” Marissa stepped in front of him, effectively stopping him from doing something rash.
He locked gazes with Marissa. “You’re right. He’s not. There’s nothing he can do to hurt me anymore.”
Maybe a few years ago he would have lashed out with physical violence at his father, but he was no longer that man. Having God in his life meant he could feel a righteous fury toward this man but not act on it. He would never sink to his level.
Marissa’s support meant everything to him. He could have faced down his father on his own, but doing it with Marissa at his side felt incredible.
“Stay out of my way. And don’t ever speak ill of my mother again.” Without another word he grabbed Marissa's hand and stalked out of the room, heading straight for the exit.
“Matt!” Ruby called after him, her long black hair rippling as she ran towards them. Apologies tumbled out of her mouth, words he couldn't bear to listen to as long as Kohana was somewhere on the premises. He needed to get away fast. He couldn't stand being anywhere near such evil.
Matt held up both hands and deflected her attempts to explain why their father was walking around her clinic like he owned the joint. His head was throbbing; He needed to get out of there fast before he exploded. Marissa watched him warily, as if she expected him to blow up at any moment. There was a war going on inside of him, and he was doing everything in his control to win this battle. In order to do so he needed to get as far away from his father as humanly possible. Because if he cracked wide open and released all the years of fury and loss, he'd have violated the sacred code he lived by as a Sheriff. And Kohana would be a dead man.
Once they got back in his truck he gunned the engine and roared around the Reservation, his mind taking him in a million different directions as he tried to stabilize his mood. The image of his father standing in the doorway of Ruby's office looking as if he had every right to be there seared into his brain. He'd thought Kahona had left Texas for good years ago, dragging his dysfunction and his cruelty along with him. Clearly he'd been mistaken. Somewhere along the line he'd returned to Briarwood and the Rez, no doubt to sponge off Ruby and whatever relatives were still speaking to him.
The entire time he drove around Marissa didn't say a word. From time to time he could feel her eyes on him, questioning him, but he didn't trust himself to speak. His anger was too over the top; It burned too deeply inside of him, like a wildfire he couldn't extinguish. He didn't want to unsettle her any worse than he already had. She probably thought he was crazy, he realized. A crazy, out of control Sheriff who she'd trusted to keep her alive and out of the hands of a killer.
After a half hour of driving around he pulled the car into a shaded grove of trees, his breathing ragged and uneven as if he'd just run a marathon. He jumped out of the car and began walking down the pathway, pausing for a moment to gaze upon the huge American beech tree, his eyes scouring the bark for the place where he'd carved his initials. He found the spot about an inch above eye-level, marveling at the fact it had withstood the test of time. MC. He'd been thirteen years old at the time and angry at the world after his mother's death. Although other kids had carved their initials as a couple surrounded by a heart, he'd done it solo, as a testament to the fact he was alive and breathing. Him against the world!
A few feet away he saw the simple, worn sign announcing “The Falls”. He walked a few feet further then stopped in his tracks as the vivid scenery took his breath away. He raised his gaze upwards, marveling at the waterfall that cascaded fifty feet down to a breathtaking pool of aqua-green water. He stood there transfixed by the aqua green pool, torn between a desire to jump in and a longing to climb to the top and freefall down. At the top of the canyon where the falls originated there were caverns and vast ledges, private spots for jumping or sightseeing.
He felt her presence before he saw her. Something in the air shifted the moment she joined him by the pool. Perhaps it was the way she smelled or the raw energy she exuded. The hairs on his arm began to prickle and he knew she was there. Before he saw her, he heard her sharp intake of breath and knew instinctively she was blown away by her first view the Falls. He turned towards her, not wanting to miss a moment of her reaction to one of life's natural wonders.
“This is breathtaking,” she breathed, her face filled with amazement as she drank in the sheer beauty of the waterfall.
“The most beautiful place on Earth,” Matt said, his voice filled with reverence. “I used to come here a lot as a kid, mostly to get away from what was going on at home. Somehow I convinced myself that there had to be good things in the world if this place existed. It’s one of God’s masterpieces.”
Her mouth hung open in wonder. “I've never even heard of these Falls. It's Briarwood’s little secret, I guess.”
Matt swiveled his head towards her, his eyes full of stark pain as he said, “I shouldn't have brought you here. I'm sorry you were caught in the middle of that mess.”
“You don't have to apologize. After everything you've done for me, please don't apologize. Families are messy sometimes. I know that all too well.” Her eyes were full of compassion and sweetness, and it made his gut clench to realize he cared what she thought of him. It mattered to him what she thought of his messed up father and his tragic past.
At the moment all of his emotions were heightened, intensified by his run-in with his deadbeat dad and the memories that rose to the surface whenever he stepped foot on the Rez. “I can't come here without thinking about my Mom. Her name was Sparrow. I see her face everywhere. She was the one who brought me to the Falls for the first time.”
“Tell me about it,” she asked, somehow knowing he needed to talk about her, to relive the happy moments of his past instead of wallowing in the sad ones.
“It was just the two of us. It'd been one of those hellish days when Kohana made our lives unbearable. She brought me here to rid of us of all his negative energy. I was seven years old. She called these waters healing waters. We dove in right over there,” he said as he pointed to the ledge above them, “and we swam for hours just the two of us.”
“You miss her,” she said as she reached out and touched his arm. “You'll always miss her. But by remembering her you're honoring her memory.”
“She should be here!” He spit the words out as tears misted his vision. “She shouldn't be just a memory!” Finally, after so many years of rage over the loss of his mother, he was able to give voice to his feelings. And strangely enough, Marissa wasn't looking at him as if he was out of his mind.
She reached out for him, pulling him into her arms and hugging him tightly against her until he felt as if he wanted the embrace to go on forever. It would be a little bit of paradise to stay like this, to take in all of her goodness. His pride made him want to pull away, to resist what he knew must be pity, but he couldn't bring himself to disentangle himself from her. He inhaled the scent from the back of her neck. She smelled like baby powder and vanilla. It was heavenly. Her dark hair was a riot of curls gently cascading over her shoulders and giving off the mysterious scent of jasmine. She pulled away, pausing to gaze into his eyes as if she was looking to see if he was all right. Her eyes were warm and tender, and he found himself being pulled into her orbit.
He closed the short distance between them, placing his lips over hers in a soaring, romantic kiss. She placed her hands on both sides of his face, her fingers wandering to the back of his neck as she kissed him full on. Marissa wanted to heal all of Matt’s hurts, to show him that there was still goodness in the world he could latch onto. Her lips moved over his with a tenderness she hoped conveyed her budding feelings for him.
Matt broke off the kiss, pulling back so he could gaze directly into Marissa's eyes.
“Come with me,” he coaxed as he grabbed her by the hand and led her along the ledge so that they were standing at the base of the waterfall.
“Are you actually going in there?” she asked, her expression a mixture of amusement and surprise.
“Yes,” he said with a wide grin showing his impossibly straight, white teeth. “And I hope you are too.”
She shook her head at him as if he was crazy. “Noooo...I don't think so.”
“C'mon, Marissa,” he said in a silky voice. “You only live once.”
***
Marissa watched as Matt dove into the Falls, pants and all. She clutched her sides at the sight of him. He was acting way goofier than she’d ever imagined. And thoroughly enjoying himself in the process. He needed this moment of levity, she realized. Feeling adventurous, she waded into the water up to her knees, then dipped her head down so her hair could get saturated with the refreshing water. She smiled as Matt swam around like a fish. Marissa shook her finger at Matt as he began to circle around her like a shark. She had no intention of getting soaked. She carefully made her way past the rocks back to land, content to just sit and watch Matt frolic in the water.
God, she loved this man!
Love? She loved Matt Cruz?
The thought ran through her mind like a runaway train; The very moment it flashed into her brain she tried to push it away with all her might, as if rejecting it would make it untrue. Was it even possible she could have fallen so hard for him in such a short space of time? Or perhaps she'd always loved him, right from the start. Love? Real, honest to goodness love! Try as she might, she couldn't escape it. Yes, she loved him.
The weight of it hit her full force, leaving her stunned and breathless.
“What's wrong? You look upset.” Matt was standing a few feet away from her, dripping wet from the Falls. Wanting to hide her emotions, she turned away from him. He gently turned her around, his ink colored eyes searching her own for any signs of distress.
She avoided eye contact, her chin trembling as she shook her head. “No, it's not that. I just started thinking about Ronnie and his killer. I felt a chill sweep across my back.” She hated lying to Matt, but she didn’t want to lay her feelings on the line. Everything was happening so fast it made her head spin.
“Don’t zone out on me. Stay with me in the moment. I need you.”
His words slammed into her gut with the intensity of a sledgehammer. I need you. She felt weak in the knees upon hearing his words. They mirrored her own feelings – she needed him. More than she'd ever dreamed possible. How had this happened? It was terrifying to be facing these out of control emotions, all the while unsure of what Matt was feeling for her. He needed her. But how? In his life? As a sounding board?
At the moment she didn't have time to question things. Matt was staring at her intensely, his dark eyes full of an emotion she couldn’t quite identify.
Before she could stop herself, Marissa blurted out the words that were crashing around inside her head. “Of course I’ll stay with you. I love you, Matt.”
Chapter Ten
I love you, Matt.
The words hung in the silence for a few minutes as Matt struggled to make sense of what he'd just heard. He'd never imagined that four little words could rattle him so badly. Right after her declaration he'd searched her eyes for the truth. What he'd seen there had scared him. Sincerity. Emotion. And love. He'd seen love reflecting back at him from Marissa's warm brown eyes. He felt almost giddy. Euphoric. On top of the world.
And then the doubt had set in. Why did she love him? Because she was a frightened witness in his custody and they'd bonded during their time together? Did she feel sorry for him after seeing the disastrous reunion between him and his so-called father?
“I didn't mean to freak you out,” Marissa said sheepishly as she bashfully lowered her eyes.
“You didn't. It's just that -.” He was struggling to explain himself, unsure of how much of himself he wanted to reveal in this moment.
Marissa reached out and placed her hand over his mouth. “Shh. You don't have to explain anything. I told you how I felt. You don't have to say anything back to me.”
“I-I've never...I'm not good at this.” He was fumbling badly for words. Why couldn't he just say how he felt? That he loved her too. The words sat heavy in his throat like quicksand, unwilling or unable to come out. Heat suffused his face and he felt as if he was suffocating, strangling under the pressure of this intimate moment. He was a disaster at this. Utterly useless.
“Thank you,” he finally murmured.
“For?” she asked with a raised eyebrow and a slight smirk.
“For standing in between me and my father,” he said with a satisfied smile. “I don’t think I would have acted on my anger, but you stepping in like that…no one has ever done that since my mother passed.”
“My pleasure,” she said with a grin as she shook her hair in his direction, deliberately spraying him with the water that bounced off her curls. She indulged in a throaty laugh as water landed on his face. He splashed her back in retaliation, enjoying the way she let out a high pitched scream. For a moment he just stared at her, letting his eyes roam leisurely over beautiful face and figure. She was a work of art, like a famous sculpture. Her beautiful skin glistened in the afternoon sunlight like a freshly baked pie. He reached for her, pulling her to his side so he could plant a kiss on the top of her forehead.
In many ways this was an afternoon he would remember for the rest of his life. Although he'd suffered the nasty shock of coming face to face with his deadbeat dad, he'd also enjoyed a magical moment with Marissa at the Falls. He watched as Marissa squeezed all the water out of her hair and gracefully wound her hair into a sleek bun.
“I think that's your phone,” she said, pointing towards the buzzing sound emanating from his shirt pocket.
He let out a groan. “It's either Ruby or Evie. Either way I'm not up to talking to either one of them right now. Evie will be fretting about Beau's stitches or something equally ridiculous, and if it's Ruby she'll be apologizing for Kohana. I'm not in the mood for either,” he said darkly, a scowl overtaking his lighthearted mood.
“It could be important,” she cautioned, her face on edge as if she was expecting bad news.
She was right, he reasoned. He couldn't ignore the call. He was still Sheriff of Briarwood, and as such, he needed to be accessible at all times. For the last hour he'd been caught up with Marissa. Although it had been a wonderful experience, he needed to get back to reality.
In his reality, a killer was still out there hunting for Marissa and seeking to silence her. Matt reached for his shirt and fumbled in the pockets till he located his chirping phone.
“What is it, Evie?” he said into the phone once he saw her number pop up on the screen. He was silent for a moment, his brow furrowed in concentration as he listened in rapt attention. After a few moments he held up his hand and shouted, “Whoa, Evie. Slow down. They found who? What? When did it happen?” He paused for several minutes so he could listen to his deputy and her breaking news.
Marissa looked at him anxiously, her face reflecting fear and dread. He nodded his head and mouthed the words “It's okay,” wanting to make her feel as safe as she'd felt a few moments ago in his arms. Her features relaxed a bit, yet she continued to watch him carefully and listen to every word he spoke. He wanted to reach out and pull her into his arms, to let her know she was safe and he'd never let anyone hurt her. She was still running scared, he knew, tormented by the thought that someone was lurking in the shadows waiting to take her out. Having lost her memory of the shooter, it only served to intensify her fear, he guessed, since she had no idea of who was hunting her.
“Okay, I'll be there in forty minutes or so.” He ended the call and palmed his phone, his mind whirling in a million different directions. He needed to tread carefully with her, to be mindful of the fact that she was still harboring memories somewhere within her subconscious. She'd been so
strong since this whole ordeal began. Perhaps too strong, he realized. There was no telling how close to the breaking point she might be.
She regarded him warily, as if she sensed he was about to break some news. She bit her lip, nervously chewing it as she waited for him to speak. “Tell me,” she said as the seconds dragged on and he still hadn't spoken.
“We need to get back to town,” he said gently. He watched her face carefully, braced for an emotional reaction from her. “It seems as if our shooter has been identified.” He saw her eyes go wide, watched her flash of panic as she tried to process the information he was giving her. She was still gripped in fear, her body shaking with uncontrollable tremors. He reached out for her, grabbing hold of her hands and looking directly in her eyes as he spoke.
“He's dead, Marissa. The shooter killed himself. You don't have to be afraid ever again.”
“How? Who was it? Help me, Lord. Why can't I remember?” she asked in an agonized voice.
“Shhh,” he crooned as she pulled her towards his chest and held her in a tight bear hug, gently rocking her from side to side. “Take it easy. You suffered a traumatic event, Marissa. You witnessed the worst act a human being can commit. Just like Cherry said, sometimes our minds protect us from harmful memories. You'll get it all back in time. I'm sure of it.”
She pulled away from him, searching his eyes for answers. “Who was it? Who killed Ronnie?
“Cree Robinson. One of Ronnie's partners in crime.”
Marissa looked at him with vacant eyes. “I don't know him. That name means nothing to me,” she said, her voice full of confusion. “Shouldn't it mean something to me?”
“Robinson was one of the names Tony tossed out when he was being interrogated. Seems Tony has had a few dealings with him, as well as Ronnie. “
She bit her lip. “Are they sure it was him?”
“He left a note behind confessing to Ronnie's murder. The gun he killed himself with was the same gun used to kill Ronnie. His prints are all over the weapon. That's pretty solid evidence.”
Guarding Her Heart (Guardians Inc. Book 1) Page 11
