Trust I Seek

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Trust I Seek Page 17

by Laura Gates


  "What's wrong?" he asked out of breath, calming himself. Evie wasn't sure how to respond pacing the room. "Um… I can sense where this is going, and I'm just not ready for that yet. I am so scared right now. If we continue, that's it. There's no going back. I also don't know if this is all brought on by my freakout last night. I'm scared of getting hurt, I'm scared of myself, and I don't… know...."

  Beau quickly stood up and wrapped his arms around hugging her tightly. Evie began to calm down and wrapped her arms around his waist. "I'm sorry if I jumped the gun. Maybe this is all brought on by what happened." Evie could feel the comfort zone returning as she listened to Beau's heartbeat.

  As he held her in his arms, Beau made a bold move with his words. "What if it wasn't?" he asked.

  The words pierced Evie's core. "What?"

  Beau adjusted to make sure Evie was looking in his eyes. "What if the kiss wasn't brought on by your meltdown? What if I've had feelings for you since the first park outing when we talked about music?" Beau asked.

  "Really? My speech about Bohemian Rhapsody?"

  "Yes, it was that effective."

  Evie lightly chuckled.

  "So, am I the only one who has detected chemistry between us, or…?" Beau tapered.

  "No, you haven't imagined it. For me, it started when this tainted rockstar took time out of his day to go for a walk with a single mother and her two kids explaining the meaning of his tattoos to her little boy."

  Beau rubbed his thumb against Evie's cheek. They kissed each other passionately again wrapping arms tighter. Is this the greenlight, Beau thought to himself. It's happening… It's actually happening…. No, not ready, Evie thought to herself as Beau backed Evie up against the wall. "Wait," Evie said out of breath. "What?" Beau whispered as he kissed her neck, playing those thoughts he had since Halloween. "One of us needs to think straight," Evie said, pushing Beau away.

  Beau felt confused and a little rejected. "What does that mean?"

  "It means nothing more is going to happen tonight," Evie said.

  "So, where does that leave us?" Beau asked still not satisfied, "Do you want me to leave?"

  "No," Evie responded.

  "No?"

  "No."

  "I'm confused."

  "Me too, but all I know is that we…"

  Evie tried to explain what she wanted, but every word sounded like she was all in or stringing him along, and she didn't want to do that to him. "Okay, so what do you want?" Beau asked. "I don't want you to leave tonight, or any night until I leave to visit my family next week for Thanksgiving," Evie said, grabbing his hand.

  "Okay, can you help me understand what all this means? Are we friends, more than friends, in a relationship? Help me out here."

  "We are two very close unplatonic friends spending more time together, watching a movie together, and falling asleep on my bed," Evie said.

  "So an old married couple?" Beau teased.

  "Laugh all you want," Evie teased back before saying, "but this is what I'm comfortable with right now. After my trip, we can discuss what this is." Beau nodded and understood. "I can live with that," he said.

  Chapter 13

  Nothing Else Matters

  The next morning, Beau woke up first and watched Evie sleep for a few minutes. She began to stir a little, so he kissed her on the cheek and said, "Good morning, Beautiful." Evie smiled sleepily. "Good morning," she said, remembering the events from the night before. They had kissed, finally. Beau told her how he felt, and she reciprocated the feelings. However, she let Beau know about her own insecurities, and they agreed to slow it down.

  As Beau kissed Evie's cheek again, Evie found Beau's lips and kissed him. It was a tender kiss. Despite both of them having morning breath, Beau and Evie did not mind one bit.

  Beau spent the night every night at Evie's house for the rest of the week. He enjoyed waking up every morning to Evie sleeping soundly, making breakfast for her, playing with the kids in pajamas, and holding Evie as she fell asleep in his arms at night while watching a movie in her room.

  For the first time in nine months, Evie stopped crying herself to sleep. Beau's presence, as well as the displays of affection, helped with the healing process she had been going through. She enjoyed Beau making everyone breakfast and bringing her breakfast while she was still in bed. He always made sure his first words to her were, "Good morning, Beautiful," making sure Dr. Bennett's prescription for Evie was being utilized. As Beau continued to stay the night, Evie realized how effortless their relationship would be, and her anxiety of it all disintegrated.

  The day before Thanksgiving, Beau drove Evie and the kids to the airport. The weather was extremely brisk outside, but everyone was bundled up nice and warm. Beau found a beanie for little boys that Levi was wearing with Death Toll's logo on it, and Harper's ears were covered by ear muffs that Evie had in her stash. Evie’s brown hair, which had grown six inches since moving to the Bay area, was topped with a loose beanie with waves going down. She wore a loose colorblock grey, pink and cream sweater underneath a grey moto-jacket with dark skinny jeggings and booties. Beau was wearing a plaid shirt underneath a black moto-jacket with fitted jeans and work boots. It was a long flight from San Francisco to Annapolis. The weather was cold in San Francisco, and Evie knew it would be colder in Annapolis.

  Beau walked Evie's family to security carrying Harper. He set her down and helped Evie get kids ready to walk through security, and began setting carry-ons on the conveyor belt. Evie took off her jacket, hat, shoes, and pulled all metal objects and her phone out of her pockets. She put them into the little baskets to be scanned. Beau helped Levi take of his jacket and hat. Just as he began reaching for Harper's jacket, Evie said, "She doesn't have to take anything off. I checked." Beau stopped and watched Harper walk towards her mom. He couldn’t help but notice how beautiful Evie was.

  "I will miss you guys," he said. "I will miss you, Beau," Levi said as he wrapped his little arms around Beau's leg. Beau grabbed Levi's arms and lifted him up into a big hug. Levi squeezed his arms very tightly around Beau's neck. He put Levi back down, and Harper lept into Beau's arms. Beau hugged her extra tight and gave her a kiss on the cheek. He put Harper back down and turned to look at Evie. "So, I will see you in three days," Evie said. Beau nodded his head. "I know, but it's still going to be hard having you away," he replied. "Well, work extra hard on your album. Plus, we can always do Facetime" Evie reminded him.

  Beau wrapped his arms around Evie. She wrapped her arms around him. His cologne was very potent, and she soaked up every ounce of it so she could recall it on her trip. Beau inhaled the scent of Evie's hair, which always smelled like roses. He contemplated kissing her but wasn't sure how Levi would react since they never kissed in front of the kids.

  "Beau, you can kiss my mom if you want. I don't care," Levi said. The grown-ups laughed. "Thanks, Buddy," Beau replied before wrapping an arm around Evie, pulling her in, and kissing her sweetly. Evie kissed him back before wrapping her arms around his neck to give him a hug. Beau wrapped his arms around her waist, not wanting to let her go. Finally, they let go of each other. Beau smiled at Evie, and she smiled back.

  Evie picked Harper up and asked Levi, "Will you grab my sweater so that we can walk through the big rectangle?" Levi did just what he was asked to do, and they walked through the metal detector. Once they got to the other side, Evie turned back around and waved to Beau telling the kids to wave at him as well. He waved back and watched the cute little family he had grown to care about gather their belongings.

  Beau walked through the terminal to the parking garage. He found his black Range Rover, climbed in, and pulled out of the parking garage. His mind kept wandering back to Evie. He reflected on the past few months getting to know her. He loved going to do all the mundane outings, Evie would say, with her and the kids, playing Song Styles in the car, and going to Zumba and Strong by Zumba classes with Evie. He loved watching her dance.

  Beau loved Evie's spunk, determi
nation, compassionate nature, and firmness. He remembered the first meeting he had with her and what she said. "Clean up your act, or else I will replace you with any idiot who can sing. If I have to do the singing, I will. You have been through too much already to back-peddle now. Don't let your family die in vain. You cleaned up for them. Now it's time to clean up for yourself and your bandmates. They all love and support you. Take care of yourself again." Those words motivated him.

  Since then, he tried so hard to focus on the music that made him happy. He really worked harder than ever to maintain his friendships with Luke, Kade, and Richard. He did not expect to fall in love with his tour manager.

  Suddenly, his phone rang, causing him to jump. He read his dashboard, noticing that Luke was calling him. Beau answered, "Hey, man. What's up?" "Hey, can you head back to the studio? Rick has this cool bass riff you need to hear," Luke said. "Yep. I just dropped the Longs off at the airport. I should be back in 20 minutes," Beau said. "Cool. See ya, man!" Luke said. "Bye," Beau ended the call.

  Beau headed to the studio as quickly as possible. Despite his longing to see Evie again, he knew he had to work. Beau was also interested in what Rick came up with. He loved improvising with his bandmates because it was their writing style. Beau pulled into the parking lot, climbed out of the Rover, and walked inside the studio.

  Beau walked through the doors into the recording room and sat down among his guitars, amps, headphones, and notepads. He put the headphones on so he could hear what Rick came up with. "Okay, let's hear it," Luke said. Rick went on to play this riff on the bass that was very Van Halen-esque with more their style. Eventually, Beau started messing around on his guitar, and eventually come up with a riff that complimented the bass. Luke immediately began a thrash metal drum beat. Kade listened to everything and finally started soloing. "Okay, pause!" Beau shouted and signaled, "Everyone write down what they just did. Rick, what notes did you play?" Rick responded, and everyone wrote it down. After about one hour, they had a song written and ready to record for the next day. "Okay, guys. Let's take a break," Luke said. Everybody set their guitars down.

  Everybody got up to go get a drink, but Beau stayed sitting. He picked up his custom Gibson guitar and began noodling around with some arpeggios,, which reminded him of Evie, her eyes, her smile, her selfless nature, her talents as a violinist, and how attractive she was. Beau began playing the E minor arpeggio but very legato. He soon improvised playing a solo that went along with the chord changes in the same style. Beau liked what he heard and quickly wrote it down repeating the riff over and over again. Then Beau began to embellish the theme even more.

  The song was unusual for the band's style, but Beau wanted this song to be different than the others. He hadn't written a love song in years since he met Phoebe. None of the songs ever made it onto an album because they were too sappy, but Beau had a feeling about this song.

  After the Intro was written, he decided to pause and write lyrics while he was on a role. He thought about his and Evie's current circumstances. They were, as Evie put it, unplatonic friends, but there were a lot of unspoken words Beau wanted to say to her.

  His phone started ringing, causing him to jump. He pulled it out of his pocket and saw that Evie was video-calling. He smiled and immediately picked it up. "Hey!" he said. "Hi, Beau!" Levi shouted as their faces appeared on his screen. Levi was sitting in the window seat while Evie sat in the next chair with Harper on her lap. "Hi, Beau!" Harper said in her broken up toddler language. Evie smiled at her kids. "We just got in our seats. We will be taking off in about 15 minutes," she said.

  "That's good. Everything going all right?" he asked.

  "As good as they can be in my position, but I will be pulling out iPads soon to watch movies."

  "All right. I am just at the studio. We have one new song to record."

  "Already? That is awesome! I can't wait to hear it."

  "It's a blend of our old stuff and new stuff more on the thrash side. I know you prefer a different style… "

  "Hey, I have an open mind about music. I once listened to a concerto for orchestra and a florist. Nothing surprises me."

  "A concerto for orchestra and florist?" Beau said, wondering how that would go.

  "My reaction exactly. Went completely over my head."

  Beau laughed. "I will have to look that up."

  "Not without me. Maybe there is something I missed about it."

  They both laughed. "Evie," Beau began. "Yeah?" she responded. "I miss you. I miss all of you, but I especially miss you," he said. Beau watched Evie do that girly thing she always did whenever Beau gave her a compliment; blush, smile, and bite her bottom lip.

  "I miss you, too. Do you miss Beau?" she asked her kids. "Yeah!" they both said very enthusiastically. Beau smiled even bigger, but Evie could see his eyes weren't sparkling as much as they normally do.

  "Want me to cut my trip short?" she asked.

  Beau shook his head. "No. I know you've missed your parents, your sister, and you need to meet your niece. Levi and Harper need to see everyone as well. Besides, I have to work anyways. We are a couple songs away from completing our album."

  "True," Evie agreed.

  "So, I better get back to work. I started working on this melodic power ballad that I want to show you when you get back. It's in 6/8 time," Beau said.

  "That's different. I can't wait to hear it!" They both smiled at each other. "Okay, say bye-bye to Beau."

  "Bye-bye!" all three said, waving. "Bye!" Beau said, waving back. He pushed the end button, and his phone went dark.

  He sat for a moment thinking about the distance that would soon be between them, and how easy it was to talk to Evie in person, over the phone, text, and video calls. Distance won't change our relationship, he thought to himself. He suddenly wrote down the first line about how close their friendship and hopefully their relationship would be once they talked about it. Beau also wrote about how heartfelt, vulnerable, and open he had been with Evie. He knew just how much she mattered to him.

  A melody came into his head that went along with the guitar. He sang the words along with it, picked up his guitar, and sang it again while playing the accompaniment. He started to reflect on the past couple of months. He remembered his first Zumba class with Evie, watching her dance, going to the park with her and the kids, giving her a refresh on how to play the guitar, learning how to play the violin, and watching her take care of the kids.

  He remembered his talks with Evie about his underlying issues as well as hers the past few days. He remembered the trust they built with each other and how much he trusted her. He quickly wrote the words down about their many "mundane," as Evie would put it, adventures. However, the various trips never bored Beau.

  On the contrary, he loved every single outing with the Longs whether it was storytime at the library or trips to the pier watching the kids play on the playground next door to the aquarium. He remembered holding Evie's hand extra tight that day. Beau knew they had a strong relationship and bond. He also mentioned in his lyrics about how he doesn't say these sorts of things to anyone. He realized he needed to tell Evie how he truly felt about her whether by listening to this song or just a simple conversation.

  Beau began contemplating what the repercussions of dating Evie would be since she was Death Toll's tour manager. What would the band think? What would her parents think? Would Jude fight extra harder to take the kids away if he found out his ex-wife was dating an addict? Suddenly, two thoughts came to his head. He didn't care; He loved her. I love this girl, he thought for the first time, and I love those kids.

  Beau included not caring about what anyone thought in the lyrics. He felt like the lyrics were pretty complete. Beau would just repeat the verse again because the words had a particular emphasis on them.

  However, he felt the final chorus needed an extra punch. Beau wanted to really emphasize that he didn't care what anyone thought whether it was Evie's parents, the band, or Jude; especially Jude. Beau knew
all the trouble, pain, heartache, and drama he caused for Evie, and he wrote them down. Beau played around with the phrases a bit to make it as poetic as possible. He soon started writing a melody for the chorus that complimented the verse. He kept going with melodic lines and harmonies for the guitar solo and interludes.

  Luke was the first one to walk back into the studio to his drums. He heard the opening melody and noticed the 6/8 time. Luke sat down on his stool and listened to Beau play the melodic riff. He hadn't heard this much passion come from Beau's playing in about 8 years.

  Luke decided to compliment the guitar with a simple downbeat on his bass drum, and snare drum with the typical cymbal hit on counts 2, 3, 5, and 6. He occasionally played on the bass drum on other counts.

  They played together through half of the song before Beau realized what Luke was doing and stopped. They both stared at each other for what seemed like forever. "Did you not want me to come in?" Luke asked.

  "I wasn't expecting you. I was in the zone. You played the kit just the way I heard it in my head. I got caught up in the moment, but soon realized it was real. I think this is why we work so well together, man," Beau concluded.

  Luke pointed at Beau with a drumstick. "Twelve years and counting!" Luke said.

  "Can you write down what you just did so that we don't forget?" Beau asked.

  "Yep," Luke responded as he grabbed a notepad and pen.

  "What is this song called anyways?" Luke asked.

  Beau examined the lyrics, and a phrase jumped out at him. "Nothing Else Matters," Beau responded. "Nothing Else Matters," Luke said, writing the title on top of his paper.

 

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