Coren watched them leave. Instead of joining them, he went to his office. He knew he’d messed up with Annie, but he had no idea how to make it right.
Chapter Twenty
Annie knew Coren wasn’t ready to move on, but his reaction under the mistletoe proved it to her. She knew she shouldn’t have thrown herself at him like she had. What kind of a woman did that? One who was falling in love with the man in question, that’s who. Annie was embarrassed that she’d allowed herself to fall in love so easily.
When she met him, Coren was controlling and reacted to everything in anger. Annie had learned his response came from fear. Annie had watched him surrender those fears and become gentler and more loving to his children. She’d even started to think his feelings toward her were shifting. He didn’t see her as just the governess and caretaker of his children, but as a partner and a woman.
Then, in one moment, he’d snatched all that away.
Annie couldn’t understand what she’d done wrong. Was he upset because she kissed him? She’d felt him respond to her. Then he’d jerked away, leaving Annie hurt and embarrassed.
Annie tried to stuff the emotions she felt deep inside during the day, but at night, she struggled. She wondered if she’d made a huge mistake marrying him.
Christmas Eve, she rocked Darren to sleep in the nursery, and watched as Coren tucked his children in for the night. They were all excited and were having a hard time settling.
“It’s already way past your bedtime,” Coren warned them. “You’d better not get out of bed before it’s light outside tomorrow.”
“Miss Annie made cinnamon rolls,” said Danny.
“The cinnamon rolls will be there when we’re ready to eat them.”
“We have to get to church in time for the program. You promised you’d be there.”
Pastor Morris had found a way to include the four older children in the small play they were putting on for Christmas.
“I wouldn’t miss the service for anything,” said Coren. “But you won’t enjoy it if you’re too tired. Now, everyone be quiet.” He crossed to the doorway and turned off the light.
Annie watched as the children flopped on their beds, complaining they couldn’t get comfortable, desperate to stay awake. Darren had been asleep for a while. She was afraid if she put him down, the other children would wake him.
Stillness descended as Vivian, then Ezra fell asleep. Annie tucked Darren in his crib and slipped downstairs.
She found Coren in the drawing room, tucking small packages of candy into the children’s stockings.
“I got them a few small thing, too,” she said and ran back upstairs to retrieve them.
Once all the treats were in place, Coren sat on the couch and patted the spot next to him. Annie flushed, but joined him.
“I owe you an apology,” Coren began. “I’ve been trying to figure out how to say it for days now. I decided tonight that the best way was to just come out and say it. I’m sorry for how I responded when we kissed the other day. I could tell I hurt you and that was the last thing I wanted to do at the time.”
Annie stared at her hands. She didn’t know if she could speak without crying.
“I have to confess, I enjoyed kissing you,” he said.
“That’s a confession?” Annie asked, glaring at him.
Coren held up a hand. “I felt…guilt, when I enjoyed kissing you the other night. I shouldn’t have, but I did. I felt like I was being unfaithful to my first wife. I know it’s irrational. I’ve withdrawn from you since then.”
He slid closer to her on the couch and awkwardly wrapped an arm around her shoulders. “Will you forgive me?”
Annie felt a tear slide down her face. She swiped it with her fingers and nodded, still not trusting her voice to speak.
“Will you give me another chance?” Coren’s voice was next to her ear.
Annie twisted to meet his eyes, only inches from her own. He was so handsome, with his curly brown hair hanging over his forehead and curling around his collar. She wanted to run her fingers through it. Instead, she gripped her fingers together in her lap and nodded again.
Coren grabbed her hand and stood, pulling Annie to her feet along with him. He drew her under the archway where the mistletoe hung. His arms slid around her and he brushed her lips with his.
“You have the softest lips,” he whispered against them. His mouth covered hers again, more possessive than before.
Relief flooded Annie as she kissed him back. She leaned into him and twined her fingers through his hair like she’d imagined doing only moments before. She felt one of Coren’s hands slide up her back and into her hair. His other arm tightened around her back, pressing her close.
The telephone rang. Coren ignored the first two rings, but pulled away with a groan on the third.
“I’d better get that,” he said.
Annie followed him to the office and listened to his end of the call. She knew he’d been called away on Christmas Eve.
“I have to go. I shouldn’t be long. Don’t wait up for me. Someone has to be alert when those children wake up in the morning,” he said.
“You’d better be awake in time for the Christmas program tomorrow.”
“They’d never forgive me if I missed it. I’ll be awake, don’t worry.”
“Do you think they’ll sleep until it’s light outside?”
“I wouldn’t count on it.”
As he stepped past Annie, he brushed his thumb along her cheek. “Is everything okay between us now?”
“Yes,” Annie managed to whisper.
Coren disappeared into the hall. Annie heard him put on his coat and hat and close the front door behind him as he left.
Chapter Twenty-one
The clatter of footsteps on the stairs brought Annie out of a dead sleep. She heard Darren squeal with excitement and knew they were all awake. She forced her eyes open and peeked out the window. Orange light stained the eastern sky.
Annie groaned as she crawled out of the bed and shrugged into her housecoat. She followed the racket to the drawing room. All five children were examining the contents of their stockings.
A bleary-eyed Coren joined them a few minutes later.
“Look, Papa! You have something in your stocking!” Vivian brought Coren the stocking.
Coren unfolded the new hat and scarf Annie had made for him and a small bag of peppermints the children had chosen. Coren tried on the hat. “Did you make it?” he asked Annie.
“She’s been working on it every day, but only when you’re gone. She made us promise to keep it a secret,” said Ezra. “It was hard to keep secret. We picked the peppermints at the store.”
Coren held up the bag of peppermints and raised an eyebrow at Annie. She shrugged. “Every doctor I ever saw as a child had a bag of mints in his pocket. We got them for a reward if we behaved.”
“I’ll put these in my bag,” Coren promised the children. “Have all the stockings been emptied? Annie, did you look inside yours?”
“No…I…” Annie felt flustered. She hadn’t expected anything so she didn’t even check. The children had insisted she needed a stocking on the fireplace next to theirs. She’d protested, but hung it after all.
Ava brought the stocking and Annie reached inside. Her hand closed around a small box. She pulled it out, untied the ribbon, and opened it. A heart shaped pendant with an emerald in the center on a gold chain rested on the black velvet pad. Annie’s eyes widened and she looked up at Coren.
Coren raised his hands. “I can’t take credit for that. Kathryn sent it. It was our mother’s necklace. Kathryn thought you might like to have something belonging to her.
“It’s beautiful,” Annie breathed. “I’ve never had anything so lovely.” She lifted it out of the box.
“Put it on, Miss Annie,” said Ava.
“Let me help,” said Coren. He crossed to sit behind Annie on the couch and took the necklace from her. Annie lifted her hair out of the way. Coren�
��s fingers brushed her neck, causing goosebumps to travel up and down her back.
“Thank you,” she said. “And all I gave you was a scarf and hat.”
“You took the time to make it. My old one was falling apart.”
“I noticed.” Annie fingered the pendant. The girls came over to admire it.
“Now, I’d better put breakfast in the oven and you all need to get ready for the program,” said Annie.
The children jumped up and scurried around in excitement. In a flash, the drawing room had been put in order and they’d dashed upstairs to dress.
Annie scooped Darren into her arms. A thought occurred to her. “Coren, what happened to Sarah’s jewelry?”
Guilt flickered across Coren’s face. “I haven’t done anything with Sarah’s belongings. They’re all still upstairs in my bedroom. Why do you ask?”
“Did she have anything Ava and Vivian could wear today? Something simple in case they lose it or it gets broken. It might help them feel closer to their mother.”
“I don’t know why I didn’t think of that.” Coren wrapped his arm around Annie and pressed a kiss to her hair.
Annie longed to lean into him like she’d done the night before, but he was already moving toward the stairs.
“I’ll go see what I can find. I can give it to the girls before we leave for church.”
∞
Darren fell asleep as soon as the Christmas service started. The wood stove in the back of the church did little to permeate the cold air at the edges of the room. Annie snuggled Darren’s warm body into her own and sat as close to Coren as she dared.
Pastor Morris gave a brief message. As he told the Christmas story, the children filed into place to create a nativity scene. Annie beamed at her children on the platform, Ava, ever serious in her role as an angel, Danny and Ezra, the shepherds, and Vivian, a sheep. Her heart swelled. Last year, she’d been uncertain whether she’d even finish her teaching certificate. The intervening time had brought so many changes.
Her thoughts drifted to the children and their memories. Last year, Coren had been sitting with Sarah and the children in a different church. They had no idea of the loss they would face in the coming weeks. Annie dragged her mind back to the sermon, determined not to dwell on the morose.
Afterward, they met the children on the church steps.
“I’m happy to see you Dr. Winslow,” said Pastor Morris when they shook his hand. “Annie said you’d planned to come but have been called away.”
“I’m sorry this is the first chance I’ve had to visit. I attended with my late wife at a church across town. Annie has spoken highly of this church. I’m glad I could finally join you.”
“I hope you can make it a habit,” said Pastor Morris.
“I hope I can, too,” said Coren.
They hurried home so Annie could put the final touches on their Christmas dinner before her parents joined them.
∞
Annie joined Coren in the drawing room in front of the blazing fire. Clouds had rolled in during the afternoon and snowflakes were floating to the ground outside.
“What did you think of your first Christmas with our family?” Coren asked, forcing a smile. His mood had turned dark after her parents left. He’d closed himself in the office until the children’s bedtime. They hadn’t seemed to notice. The long day had taken its toll and they’d been quieter than usual, too.
Annie smiled as she thought back over the day. “I enjoyed it. I hope you did, too. It must have been bittersweet for you.”
“In many ways, it was. I don’t think I allowed myself to think about it until now.”
Annie slipped onto the floor next to Coren’s chair and took his hand in hers. “Do you want to talk about it?”
“Not tonight. Maybe tomorrow.” His eyes held a sadness that broke her heart.
“I think the children were having a hard time this evening,” said Annie. “I should have tried to talk to them but they were so tired. They fell asleep almost as soon as they got in bed.”
“That’s what happens when you wake with the sun.” Coren slid the fingers of his free hand through Annie’s hair.
Annie welcomed the intimacy of his touch. She wondered if he was aware he was doing it. She rested her cheek on his knee. Fatigue settled over both of them, like the blanket of snow covering the ground outside.
Annie sighed and sat up. “I need to go to bed so I’m ready to greet the day before those early birds upstairs.”
“And I only slept about three hours last night.” Coren pushed himself to his feet. He stirred the fire until it began to die down. “Annie…”
Annie paused in the archway and faced Coren, waiting for him to speak.
Coren took his time putting the poker away and adjusting the brass screen in front of the fireplace. He rested his elbow on the mantle and rubbed his face with his hand.
“Last Christmas was difficult. I want you to be aware of that if you talk to the children. Sarah was due with Darren the week before Christmas but he didn’t come on time. She was heavy with child and very uncomfortable. It was the first Christmas we’d ever spent without family nearby and we were lonely. Money was tighter than usual. There were so many things.”
Annie crossed the room to stand next to Coren. “You mean more things to add to the guilt you already feel.”
Coren turned eyes dark with grief and guilt on Annie. “Yes. I should have provided better for her.”
Annie took his free hand in her own and squeezed it, while Coren watched the dying fire. His thumb stroked her knuckles. Annie knew he wasn’t thinking about the action, but it still sent a thrill up her arm.
Several minutes passed before Coren took a deep breath and looked at Annie. “I need to let you get to bed,” he said.
“You’ll probably feel better after some sleep, too,” Annie reminded him.
Coren gave her a sad smile. “One can only hope.”
Annie left him there in the drawing room, brooding by the fire. She knew he’d wait until it died down enough that it was safe to leave it for the night. She readied for bed as quickly as she could. But despite her fatigue, she had a difficult time falling asleep.
Chapter Twenty-two
The dreariness of winter pressed in on them once Christmas was past. They put the decorations away and chopped the tree into kindling. The snow melted, leaving a muddy mess in the yard.
Darren’s first birthday came and went. Ava helped Annie make a small cake in celebration. But Annie knew the day was bittersweet for them all. Darren was a year old, but this was the anniversary of the day they lost their mother. Annie listened to the children talk about it after school while Darren was napping. They each shared memories of the day. The older children cried for the first time in months and Annie held them until their tears were spent.
Darren took his first steps the week of his birthday. In a matter of days, he was trying to run everywhere. The staircase terrified Annie. She started closing them into the school room so she’d know where he was all the time.
March roared in like a lion, blowing the last remaining dead leaves off the trees. The weather warmed for a few days. Then another snowstorm came and dumped several inches of the white stuff all over everything. The children were tired of the snow. They didn’t want to go out and play in it and Annie didn’t have the heart to force them.
Annie knew everyone needed a change of scenery, but she didn’t know how to give it to them. Their weekly trips to the library didn’t help. In fact, they struggled to get along on the trip there and back and refused to cooperate with her inside the library.
One afternoon, when Darren woke from his nap, she bundled the children into coats and hats and took them to her parent’s house. Annette was surprised to see them. She was ironing her daily laundry and couldn’t spare the interruption.
“Don’t worry, Mama, I’ll show Ava how to iron and we can help you.” Annie settled the boys at the table with a checker board. Danny knew how to
play and he showed Ezra. Annie set up the other ironing board and soon Ava was ironing table cloths like a pro. Annie caught up on her mother’s news.
When the shadows lengthened, Annie bundled the children up to take them home.
A stiff breeze had picked up while they were inside her mother’s warm kitchen. They fought it all the way home. Instead of dying down, the wind blew harder while Annie prepared dinner and while they ate. It howled around the cupola and rattled the bedroom windows when Annie tucked the children in bed.
“It’s creepy,” said Danny. “It sounds like ghosts howling outside.”
“Danny,” said Annie, a warning in her tone. “Remember Ezra and Vivian.”
“It is a little scary,” Ava said. “Do you think it will blow the roof off the house?”
“It might break branches out of the trees and knock down power lines, but I think the roof is safe.” Annie kissed Ava’s forehead. “Don’t worry about it. We’re safe here inside the house.”
“This wind is worrying me,” Coren told Annie after the children were in bed. “I wouldn’t be surprised if we lose power. It could get cold in here tonight. I’m going to bring more wood inside just in case.”
Coren stacked wood next to the drawing room fire and in the kitchen where Annie could put it in the stove if necessary. The howling wind lent an eery atmosphere to the evening. Annie felt exhausted listening to it. She tried to read but eventually gave up and went to bed, where she laid awake listening to branches clatter against the house and the wind whistling through the window sash.
She’d no sooner fallen into a fitful sleep, when a tap sounded at her door. Annie groaned. She didn’t want to leave the warmth of the covers to see who it was. But if the children needed her… She forced herself out of bed and into her dressing gown.
Coren stood outside her door. “Good, you’re awake.”
“I am now,” Annie grumbled.
Coren didn’t seem to notice. “I’ve been called away.”
“Tonight? Couldn’t it wait until morning? Is it safe for you to be out in this weather?”
Loving Annie Page 11
