The teapot whistled and Annie poured two mugs full of it. She didn’t know if she was ready to face Coren yet. With a sigh, she picked up the hot mugs and turned to carry them to the office. Coren entered the kitchen before she could leave.
He took the mug Annie offered him and handed her an envelope. “This came for you while the children were so sick. It got buried under paperwork on my desk. I’m sorry I didn’t give it to you sooner.”
Annie recognized Emily’s handwriting immediately. The envelope felt lumpy and heavier than normal.
“It’s hardly your fault. I’m not sure I’d have noticed if you’d given it to me then. We were all so tired.”
Coren shifted from one foot to the other, uncertainty written on his face. Annie could sense he wanted to say something, continue their conversation from earlier. She wasn’t ready for it.
“Thank you for bringing it to me. I’ll take it upstairs to my room and read it.” She met his eyes and forced a smile.
Coren’s face fell, then he forced himself to smile in return. “Of course. I hope you rest well.”
Annie closed herself in the guest room and prepared for bed. She curled up under the covers with Emily’s letter and her lukewarm cup of tea. A key slid out of the envelope when Annie slit it open. Puzzled, Annie unfolded the letter.
Dear Annie,
It’s already so hot here, I can barely stand it. Added to the heat is the miniature person growing inside me. I’m just miserable. We’ve had so many dust storms this year. A couple weeks ago, the sky turned completely black. We thought thunderheads were headed our way for the first time in…I can’t remember when. Then we saw the wall of dust. When it hit, it was completely black outside for hours. We couldn’t even see the schoolhouse from our place.
I hate to complain to you, Annie, but I’m beginning to feel like if I don’t get it out, I’ll go crazy. I’m so tired of the dust and the brown, of never seeing anything green or growing. When will we finally start getting rain like we should? What have these good, honest people done to deserve this?
I long to see the ocean right now. To feel the cool breezes blowing off it. To wander in the woods around my parent’s home. I’ve never been this homesick, Annie.
Yet, I hold out hope things will improve. They must. We hear of jobs in other states. Many of our men have already moved away in search of them. Carl’s brother and their family moved away last month. His mother sobbed as she watched them go. But what can they do? The farm hasn’t produced anything of substance for years. It’s not enough to support one family, let alone two.
Now I’ve gotten all that off my chest, I feel so much lighter. I hope I haven’t overburdened you, my sweet friend. What about your family? You wrote you were on scarlet fever watch. Such a horrible disease. I hope it bypassed your entire family.
I wrote to Nellie Burke about you and yours. She sent me the key to their house in Hollis with instructions to tell you to use it any time. They won’t be able to leave Boston this summer. Hollis is an easy drive from where you live. If you get the chance, you should visit. Enjoy the ocean on my behalf. Have the children draw pictures and mail them to me.
Annie picked up the key and examined it. She thought of the children’s pale faces and how tired she still felt when she awoke in the morning. If they could find a way to afford it, a trip to the seashore was exactly what their family needed.
Chapter Thirty-three
Annie knew their family had been blessed. Many children with scarlet fever had contracted rheumatic fever. Because of all the sickness in their community, two weeks passed before Coren could make arrangements to get away.
Annie didn’t need to say much to convince Coren their family needed a few days near the ocean. One look at their pasty, thin faces and he readily agreed.
The late spring day was unseasonably warm. Five children piled into the car, along with the belongings they would need for their short time away. Annie stared over her shoulder at the silent children behind her. Ava stared out the window on one side, Ezra on the other. Danny hugged his knees in the middle and refused to look at anyone. All three absently picked at the skin peeling off their fingers. Even Vivian and Darren were quieter than normal. Vivian crowded next to Annie on the front seat and Darren sucked his thumb against her shoulder.
“Have you ever been to the ocean, Mama?” asked Vivian.
“I attended school in Portland for a couple years,” said Annie. “I saw the ocean then.”
“What about you, Papa?” Vivian turned to Coren.
Coren shot Annie a pained look over the top of Vivian’s head. “I went with your mama after we got married,” he said.
“You mean Mama Sarah, not Mama Annie?” the little girl asked. “Because you’re going with Mama Annie after you got married to her.”
Annie flushed and bent to kiss Darren’s head. He’d fallen asleep on her lap. She rested her cheek on his soft head and stared out the window, waiting to hear Coren’s answer.
“Mama Sarah and I were able to visit the ocean as soon as we got married. We traveled there by train the next day,” Coren said.
“Is the ocean cold? Will we be able to play in it?”
Annie smiled at the little girl’s line of questioning. Coren answered one question after another. Annie stopped listening to the conversation taking place beside her. Her mind drifted back over the last two weeks. She felt like she and Coren had reverted back into their old patterns, two strangers living in the same house. At least now they were cordial to each other.
Sometimes, she saw him reach for her hand, then stop as if uncertain whether he should touch her or not. Annie caught him watching her when he thought she wasn’t looking.
She longed for his touch, for their evening conversations, for the simple pleasure of time spent together. But Annie was still so tired. She’d started going to bed at the same time as the children so she’d be rested when they woke. She never slept well. Most nights she tossed and turned, her sleep filled with strange dreams.
She remembered the night she’d slept with Coren curled against her back and wondered if she’d sleep any better with him beside her. She was afraid to suggest a new sleeping arrangement, even though Coren had already broached the subject. Then she thought about his relationship with Sarah, their shared history, even the fact they’d gone to the ocean together after they married. Her heart clenched with jealousy and she tried to shove it down. She wanted to hear him say he loved her.
Annie’s awareness returned to the occupants of the car and how quiet it had become. When she glanced down, she saw Vivian was sound asleep against Darren’s back. The others were sleeping in the back seat.
“How long will it take them to improve?” she asked Coren. She knew her own eyes mirrored the worry she saw in his.
“I’m hoping they’re better by the time we return from this trip,” he said. “The sun and fresh air should do them a world of good.”
The silence lengthened between them. Annie felt herself grow drowsy. She rested her head against the window.
“I miss you, Annie.”
Coren’s soft words dragged Annie away from the edge of sleep. She sat up turned to face him. His eyes never left the road but she could see the same longing and pain she’d seen there so many times in the past weeks.
“I miss you, too.”
“I hope your strength returns while we’re on this trip. I’m worried about you.”
Tears sprang to Annie’s eyes at the concern in his voice. “I’m fine. Really. I probably need the change of scenery as much as they do.”
Annie met Coren’s concerned glance with a smile. She hoped he didn’t notice it was forced.
∞
The Burke’s cottage was the perfect size. They unloaded their belongings into the house. All the children claimed a bed except Darren, who would use the crib set up in the master bedroom. Annie knew Nellie Burke had several small children but she wondered if any still fit in the crib. All the same, she was thankful to
have the tiny boy close.
Ava, Danny, and Ezra disappeared into the woods with admonitions from their father to stay close enough they could hear Annie when she called them for dinner. They returned a few minutes later, faces stained from blackberries. Annie sent them back out with a bucket to fill with the berries.
They put the children to bed early that night with promises of blackberries for breakfast and a trip to the ocean if the weather was fine. Darren settled into his unfamiliar bed without any problems.
“Is he asleep?” Coren asked when Annie joined him in the sitting room.
Annie nodded. “He didn’t even complain about the new bed.”
“What about Danny?”
“He still didn’t let me hug him when I tucked them in for bed.” Annie’s brow lowered. “How much longer do we wait for him to recover? He’s as morose today as he was before he got sick.”
“I don’t know, Annie.” Coren rubbed his face with his hand. “I wish I could force him to talk to us. I’m concerned about him.” Coren stood. “I’ll grab my things and a couple blankets and plan to sleep on the couch.” He moved past Annie into the hall.
Annie laid her hand on his arm. Coren stopped. His eyes met hers, filled with questions.
“Don’t sleep on the couch. It’s not big enough for one thing. For another, we all need the rest. You won’t sleep well out here.” Annie swallowed hard. She felt like she needed to be honest with him. “Besides, I’ll probably sleep better if you’re with me. I’ve been restless ever since…” She didn’t finish her thought.
Coren covered her hand with his own. “Are you sure?”
“I don’t want…” Annie felt herself turn bright red and she choked before she could say another word.
Coren squeezed her hand. “I understand.” His eyes were gentle. “Thank you. I’m exhausted. The thought of trying to sleep on that tiny couch made me want to pack up and head home.”
The night was chilly despite the warmth of the day. Annie curled up against Coren that night, grateful for his warmth. Darren’s soft snores lulled her to sleep, the best she’d had in weeks.
Chapter Thirty-four
The heat of the sun glaring on the sand was offset by the stiff breeze blowing off the ocean. The children had frozen in place when they saw the ocean for the first time. Even Annie, despite the fact she’d seen it before, stared in awe at the waves rolling up and down the shoreline.
All of the children, except Danny, had charged into the waves and come shrieking back onto dry sand when they encountered the cold water. Darren stubbornly ran in and out of the surf, his tiny legs pumping to stay ahead of the cold water, which sometimes splashed him in the face and left him spluttering and spitting. Coren stayed nearby, ever watchful, but Annie hung back, away from the shore, and let the smell of the salty air, and the sound of the waves scraping the sand wash over her in a different way. It was all so huge. She felt insignificant in its presence. Peace washed over her, carrying away the fear and uncertainty that had been her ever-present companions for months.
They’d spread a blanket on the grass above the beach. Danny sat on the blanket, staring at his brothers and sisters in the water. Annie approached and dropped onto the blanket beside him. They sat in a silence broken only by the sound of the wind and waves.
Then Annie noticed a warm presence beside her. She glanced down. Danny had closed the distance between them and rested his head against her shoulder. Annie was afraid to move.
“Miss Annie, Mama, are you still angry with me?”
Annie’s heart almost broke at Danny’s words. “Oh, Danny, my sweet boy, I’ve never been angry with you. You frightened me. I worried about you when you were sick. But I’ve never been angry. Are you angry at me?”
Danny shook his head and sniffed loudly. “I can’t figure out why you’re nice to me even when I’m mean and awful to you.”
“You are the only Danny we will ever have and I love you. I will always love you. No matter what.”
Danny wiped his nose on the back of his hand. He stared at the ocean. “I guess I better go see what this ocean thing is all about. It looks like it might be way better than any old climbing tree. Or even puppies.” He shoved himself to his feet and tromped through the sand to the water line.
∞
They played hard that week. The weather held, beautiful and warm. Color returned to the children’s faces, along with their appetites. Coren explored the woods with the older three while Vivian and Darren napped. Annie found herself dozing with Darren almost every afternoon. And every night she fell asleep to the soft sounds of Coren and Darren snoring. By the end of the week, she felt like herself again.
They squeezed in one more trip to the ocean the morning before they left. Annie had wet her feet in the water a time or two, but she didn’t want to go swimming.
“Come on, Mama,” said Ava that last morning. She grabbed Annie by the hand and pulled her toward the waves. “You need to get wet.”
Annie wrinkled her nose at the thought. “It’s full of seaweed and fish.”
“And fun,” said Vivian, grabbing Annie’s other hand.
Annie gasped as a wave splashed her above the knees. “It’s cold!” she cried.
“Only until you get used to it,” said Ava.
The next moment, a breaker drenched Annie in water. She gripped Vivian’s hand tighter, but the little girl came out of the water laughing and spitting.
“Isn’t this fun?” Vivian charged the next breaker head first and without fear.
Annie glanced behind her in time to see Coren headed their way. She didn’t notice the whitecap behind her. It hit her, knocking her into the ocean, washing salt water up her nose, into her ears and eyes. Annie staggered back to her feet in time to get hit by another wave.
Then Coren’s strong arms were around her. He lifted her and carried her to safety. Annie clung to him, feeling as though her life depended on him. She coughed the water out of her mouth and nose. Coren’s hands smoothed her hair away from her eyes.
“Are you okay?” he murmured. One strong arm stayed wrapped around her waist.
Annie finally managed to lift her stinging eyes to his. Somehow, they were filled with both concern and laughter. Annie glared at him.
Coren chuckled. “After all it took us to get you into the ocean and you almost drown on your first attempt.”
Annie had to laugh with him. Then she remembered Vivian. “Are the children okay?” She glanced around until she saw them. Vivian stayed close to Danny in the surf and Darren played well above the water line on the beach. Annie brought her gaze back to Coren’s and saw a familiar warmth.
“You’re so beautiful,” he murmured. He smoothed her hair off her cheek and tucked it behind her ear. His fingers brushed her neck. Annie felt her pulse quicken at his touch.
He pulled her closer. “I’ve missed you, Annie. We’ve been so busy caring for sick people that we haven’t had time for each other.”
Annie wanted to explain her hesitations but she didn’t know where to start. She’d allowed the specter of Sarah to grow between them. It wasn’t fair to either of them. “Coren, I…”
Coren laid a finger on her lips. “I need to tell you something first. I love you, Annie. I have for a long time. I’ve tried to show you, but I remembered something my grandma told me. I can show you I love you all I want, but sometimes you need me need to tell you.”
He stroked his finger across Annie’s cheek. His thumb followed. The wind whipped against them, the waves splashed their feet. Annie didn’t register any of it. She and Coren were the only ones in the world.
Coren slid his fingers along her arm. Annie shivered at his touch. She’d missed it so much the last few weeks.
Coren went on. “I love you, Annie. Not because you’re good with the children, which you are, or because you make amazing food, which you do, or because you run our house like you’ve been doing it all your life. I love you because you’re you. You’re strong and smart. Yo
u know how to stand up for what you think is right and you aren’t afraid to state your opinion. You’re beautiful. So beautiful.”
Coren’s eyes caressed Annie’s face and she shivered again. She felt as though a weight had been lifted off her chest and she could breathe again. Coren loved her. Annie brought her hand up and stroked his cheek. She could feel the stubble from his beard, rough against her hand. “No one has ever told me I’m beautiful before. I like hearing you say it.”
“I love you, Annie. And I always will.”
Annie’s eyes were stinging, whether from tears or the salt water she couldn’t tell. “I love you, too, Coren. I have for a long time, almost since I met you. Though why I fell in love with that angry, hard-headed man, I’ll never know.”
Coren rested his forehead against hers. “I admire your patience in putting up with me. I was having a hard time putting up with myself.”
Coren closed the distance between them. His lips brushed Annie’s with soft kisses that left Annie breathless.
“The children,” Annie gasped, gently pushing on his chest.
But Coren was not so easily deterred. He grinned and kissed her on the lips again, a kiss that left no doubt how he felt. When he drew away, he whispered, “Let them watch. They need to know their Papa and Mama love each other.”
Annie glanced over her shoulder. Five sets of eyes grinned at them from the beach. Darren toddled over and lifted his hands to be picked up. Annie obliged
“Mama?” he said as he snuggled close between the two people he loved most in the world.
Coren stroked Annie’s cheek with his thumb. His eyes held hers containing promises Annie hoped he would keep.
Loving Annie Page 17
