by W. W. Jacobs
to his feet as a long,thin wailing sounded through the house. A note of temper crept into itand strengthened it.
"Wot is it?" demanded Mr. Billing again. "It's--it's Mrs. Smith'sCharlie," stammered his wife.
"In--in my bedroom?" exclaimed her husband, in incredulous accents."Wot's it doing there?"
"I took it for the night," said his wife hurriedly. "Poor thing, whatwith the others being ill she's 'ad a dreadful time, and she said if I'dtake Charlie for a few--for a night, she might be able to get somesleep."
Mr. Billing choked. "And what about my sleep?" he shouted. "Chuck itoutside at once. D'ye hear me?"
His words fell on empty air, his wife having already sped upstairs topacify Master Smith by a rhythmical and monotonous thumping on the back.Also she lifted up a thin and not particularly sweet voice and sang tohim. Mr. Billing, finishing his supper in indignant silence, toldhimself grimly that he was "beginning to have enough of it."
He spent the evening at the Charlton Arms, and, returning late, wentslowly and heavily up to bed. In the light of a shaded candle he saw asmall, objectionable-looking infant fast asleep on two chairs by the sideof the bed.
"H'sh!" said his wife, in a thrilling whisper. "He's just gone off."
"D'ye mean I mustn't open my mouth in my own bedroom?" demanded theindignant man, loudly.
"H'sh!" said his wife again.
It was too late. Master Smith, opening first one eye and then the other,finished by opening his mouth. The noise was appalling.
"H'sh! H'sh!" repeated Mrs. Billing, as her husband began to add to thenoise. "Don't wake 'im right up."
"Right up?" repeated the astonished man. "Right up? Why, is he doingthis in 'is sleep?"
He subsided into silence, and, undressing with stealthy care, crept intobed and lay there, marvelling at his self-control. He was a soundsleeper, but six times at least he was awakened by Mrs. Billing slippingout of bed--regardless of draughts to her liege lord--and marching up anddown the room with the visitor in her arms. He rose in the morning anddressed in ominous silence.
"I 'ope he didn't disturb you," said his wife, anxiously.
"You've done it," replied Mr. Billing. "You've upset everything now.Since I joined the Purnip lot everybody's took advantage of me; now I'mgoing to get some of my own back. You wouldn't ha' dreamt of behavinglike this a few weeks ago."
"Oh, Joe!" said his wife, entreatingly; "and everybody's been so happy!"
"Except me," retorted Joe Billing. "You come down and get my breakfastready. If I start early I shall catch Mr. Bill Ricketts on 'is way towork. And mind, if I find that steam-orgin 'ere when I come 'ometo-night you'll hear of it."
He left the house with head erect and the light of battle in his eyes,and, meeting Mr. Ricketts at the corner, gave that justly aggrievedgentleman the surprise of his life. Elk Street thrilled to the fact thatMr. Billing had broken out again, and spoke darkly of what the eveningmight bring forth. Curious eyes followed his progress as he returnedhome from work, and a little later on the news was spread abroad that hewas out and paying off old scores with an ardour that nothing couldwithstand.
"And wot about your change of 'art?" demanded one indignant matron, asher husband reached home five seconds ahead of Mr. Billing and hid in thescullery.
"It's changed agin," said Mr. Billing, simply.
He finished the evening in the Blue Lion, where he had one bar almost tohimself, and, avoiding his wife's reproachful glance when he arrivedhome, procured some warm water and began to bathe his honourable scars.
"Mr. Purnip 'as been round with another gentleman," said his wife.
Mr. Billing said, "Oh!"
"Very much upset they was, and 'ope you'll go and see them," shecontinued.
Mr. Billing said "Oh!" again; and, after thinking the matter over, callednext day at the Settlement and explained his position.
"It's all right for gentlemen like you," he said civilly. "But a man.like me can't call his soul 'is own--or even 'is bedroom. Everybodytakes advantage of 'im. Nobody ever gives you a punch, and, as forputting babies in your bedroom, they wouldn't dream of it."
He left amid expressions of general regret, turning a deaf ear to allsuggestions about making another start, and went off exulting in hisfreedom.
His one trouble was Mr. Purnip, that estimable gentleman, who seemed tohave a weird gift of meeting him at all sorts of times and places, nevermaking any allusion to his desertion, but showing quite clearly by hismanner that he still hoped for the return of the wanderer. It wasawkward for a man of sensitive disposition, and Mr. Billing, beforeentering a street, got into the habit of peering round the corner first.
He pulled up suddenly one evening as he saw his tenacious friend,accompanied by a lady-member, some little distance ahead. Then he sprangforward with fists clenched as a passer-by, after scowling at Mr. Purnip,leaned forward and deliberately blew a mouthful of smoke into the face ofhis companion.
Mr. Billing stopped again and stood gaping with astonishment. Theaggressor was getting up from the pavement, while Mr. Purnip, in anabsolutely correct attitude, stood waiting for him. Mr. Billing in aglow of delight edged forward, and, with a few other fortunates, stood bywatching one of the best fights that had ever been seen in the district.Mr. Purnip's foot-work was excellent, and the way he timed his blows madeMr. Billing's eyes moist with admiration.
It was over at last. The aggressor went limping off, and Mr. Purnip,wiping his bald head, picked up his battered and dusty hat from theroadway and brushed it on his sleeve. He turned with a start and a blushto meet the delighted gaze of Mr. Billing.
"I'm ashamed of myself," he murmured, brokenly--"ashamed."
"Ashamed !" exclaimed the amazed Mr. Billing. "Why, a pro couldn't ha'done better."
"Such an awful example," moaned the other. "All my good work here thrownaway."
"Don't you believe it, sir," said Mr. Billing, earnestly. "As soon asthis gets about you'll get more members than you want a'most. I'm comingback, for one."
Mr. Purnip turned and grasped his hand.
"I understand things now," said Mr. Billing, nodding sagely. "Turningthe other cheek's all right so long as you don't do it always. If youdon't let 'em know whether you are going to turn the other cheek or knocktheir blessed heads off, it's all right. 'Arf the trouble in the worldis caused by letting people know too much."
