by E. L. Todd
“Twenty years too long.”
Now she wouldn’t look at me at all. “Take Hawke’s offer and move in with him. He’ll protect you.”
“I’ll never be free.”
“That’s not true,” I said.
“And then Hawke will be involved again…and he’s suffered enough.” She shook her head as her eyes watered.
“He would be willing to do anything to help you. You need to stick together. United, you can’t fall. But separated, you are weak.”
She shook her head again. “Nothing is as simple as words make it seem.”
My tea billowed with steam, and I didn’t take a drink. Was this how Hawke felt every time? Completely hopeless? How did you help someone who was too scared to do anything?
Hawke came and sat in the chair beside me. His eyes drilled into my face.
I turned to him and met the look.
He continued to stare, the anger still heavy in his face. But he was a lot better than he was a few minutes ago. He was so upset and he didn’t know how to channel it. He was angry with the world, not just his father.
I grabbed his hand and brushed his knuckles with my thumb.
The moment I touched him, his eyes softened. The anger drained from his body at my affection, and his body relaxed like he was shedding his former skin. His breathing slowed and he finally reached a state of tranquility. “I’m sorry.”
“It’s okay.”
Abigail watched our interaction silently.
Hawke pulled out my chair then tugged me onto his lap. My legs were across his thighs, and I hooked my arms around his waist. He hugged me to his chest then buried his face in my neck, not giving a damn if his mother saw.
He didn’t give a damn about anything.
***
Hawke smothered me all through the night. His arms acted as steel cages. He pulled me onto his massive chest and anchored me there. While his body felt like concrete, it was warm and still comfortable.
The following morning, Hawke gently rolled me to one side of the bed before he kicked the covers off.
An alarm went off in my mind the second he moved away. My hand reached out to him as I was pulled from my dreams. “Where do you think you’re going?”
“Walk my mother out when my piece of shit father picks her up.” The bitterness in his voice was evident.
I sat up and fixed my hair with my fingers. “I’ll come with you.”
“No.” He didn’t raise his voice, but he sounded terrifying.
I knew this was one instance where I shouldn’t argue.
“I don’t want you anywhere near him.” He threw on a t-shirt and walked out.
All I could hear was the faint sound of voices from the doorway.
“Where’s Francesca?” his mother asked.
“Asleep.”
***
“What’s new with you, dear?” Yaya asked on the phone.
“Nothing much,” I said. “Just school and coffee.”
“And your brother?”
“He’s good. Getting into trouble like always.”
“It’s good to get into trouble when you’re young,” she said with a laugh. “Because you can’t get away with it when you’re old.”
“Well, Axel is pretty old…”
“I guess I’ll always see him as a little boy.”
“Probably because he acts like it.”
Yaya laughed. “Stop picking on him. He’s not even here to defend himself.”
“Thankfully… So what’s new with you?”
She told me a story of how she saw a moose right outside her house. Apparently, it kept coming back for food and water, and now they’re friends.
“That’s so cool,” I said. “Did you name him?”
“Uh…Moose?”
“Yaya, that’s not a name,” I said with a laugh. “That’s like me calling you Human.”
“You’re right. I need more time to think about it.”
I wanted to tell her about Hawke, but I wasn’t sure how to go about it. I knew she would be happy. She wouldn’t have invited him over for Christmas if she didn’t love him. “I wanted to know if you would like to have dinner this week.”
“I would love to,” she said with excitement. “I always want to have dinner with my grandbabies.”
“Actually, I was hoping it would just be me…and someone else I’m bringing.”
“Someone else?” Her voice was full of intrigue. “Frankie…does that mean you have a man in your life?”
I was grateful she couldn’t see my blushing cheeks over the phone. “Yes.”
“Oh! Wonderful! I’m so excited to meet him.”
“You’ll love him.” There wasn’t a doubt about that.
“How long has this been going on?”
“A few months.”
“This is so exciting. I’ll make the perfect dinner. I’ll even get Moose to stick around so he can see him.”
I laughed. “I’m sure he’ll be impressed.”
“Does Tuesday work?”
“Yes, we’ll be there.”
“Oh my goodness, I need to start getting ready.” She kept talking quickly before she hung up.
“Yaya?”
The line went dead.
I chuckled then set the phone on the table. She was so excited she forgot to say goodbye.
***
Hawke walked inside wearing jeans and a long-sleeved t-shirt. His muscled arms were framed by the fabric, and his muscled chest looked like it might tear through his clothes. “Hey, Muffin.”
I loved it when he called me that, despite how ridiculous the nickname was. “Hey, Grizzly.”
His arms circled my waist and he emitted a quiet growl.
I rested my face against his chest and immediately felt warm.
“How’s my girl?” He rested his chin on my head.
“Good now that you’re here.”
“And why weren’t you good a moment before?”
“Because you weren’t here.”
He kissed my forehead and let his lips linger.
I loved the way they felt against my skin. They were warm and soft. “Are you busy on Tuesday?”
“I’m never busy when it comes to you.”
“Well, we’re having dinner at Yaya’s.”
“We are?” He pulled away and looked down into my face. “As in…like this?”
I nodded. “She doesn’t know it’s you, but it’ll be a nice surprise when you walk through the door.”
Unease spread across his face. “Are you sure you should catch her off guard like that?”
“Axel may be a dickface about us but Yaya won’t be. She’ll be really happy. She loves you, Hawke.”
“When it comes to a woman’s grandchild, things change.”
“Don’t worry about her.” I kissed his cheek. “She’ll be very happy. I promise.”
“You promise, huh?”
“And I never make promises I can’t keep.”
He brushed his lips past my cheek and landed them on the corner of my mouth. “Okay.”
His lips set me on fire. “So…you want to go to bed?”
He chuckled. “It’s six o’clock and I just got here. Don’t you want dinner or something?”
“I have dinner.” My hand moved down his chest purposefully.
Amusement came into his eyes. “You’re an easy date. You skip to all the good stuff.”
I grabbed his hand and pulled him into my room. “Only because you’re sexy and cute at the same time.”
“Grizzlies aren’t cute. They’re terrifying.”
When we were in my room, I pulled my shirt over my head then moved to my jeans. “Not this one.”
Hawke leaned against the closed door and watched me undress with dark eyes. His eyes roamed freely over my body like he’d never seen it before. Whenever he looked at me, it was always in a way that made me feel sexy.
I unclasped my bra and dropped it on the ground.
His gaze imm
ediately moved to my tits, and a hungry expression came over his face.
Then I removed my panties.
His eyes lowered to the area down below.
I wrapped my arms around my waist and shivered. “Brr…it’s cold. I wish someone would keep me warm.” I spoke in a high-pitched voice like a damsel in distress.
Hawke continued to lean against the door.
I walked to the bed then got on my hands and knees. Then I glanced at him over my shoulder. “You coming or what?”
He walked farther into the room and undressed himself. Once everything was off, his long and hard cock sprung out like he was ready to go. He stared at my ass like he wanted to take a bite out of it. Then he crawled on the bed behind me, his cock pressed against me.
His arm hooked around my waist then he abruptly flipped me onto my back. “I want to look at you.” That was all he said in explanation. He moved between my legs then wrapped his large arm around my hips. Then he lifted me slightly off the bed and inserted himself.
“Hawke…” My head rolled back because he felt so good. He stretched me to capacity, and the fullness hurt slightly but in a good way. My nails dug into his forearms like a cat. I wasn’t usually this vocal in bed, but with him, I couldn’t keep my mouth shut.
He continued to pull me up and down his length, groaning quietly under his breath. His eyes were on my face and nothing else. “Beautiful.” He pressed a warm kiss to my lips and continued to thrust inside me.
“You have the most beautiful soul.” I didn’t think about what I said before I said it. It just came out like it was on the tip of my tongue.
Hawke stilled at my words but his eyes never left my face. Then he started up again, moving faster and harder. “No. That’s your soul you’re seeing—inside of me.”
***
Marie came home an hour later but Hawke and I stayed in my bedroom. We were both naked and under the sheets, so neither one of us wanted to move. It was getting late and we hadn’t eaten.
“I’m going to need to actually eat you very soon.” He held me close to him on the small queen bed. The mattress was big enough for me, but definitely not large enough for a big man like him.
“I’ll make you something when Marie goes to bed.”
“Like what?”
“Whatever you want.” I rubbed his chest. “How about some breakfast?”
He raised an eyebrow.
“I know you like waffles.” I smiled at the memory.
“I’d always hoped you’d make me breakfast one day.” He kissed my neck gently before he returned his face to mine.
“So…have you heard from your mother?”
“Not since she left.” His eyes darkened noticeably at the mention of her.
“She seemed nice…”
“She is nice. I’m angry with her all the time and sometimes I forget she’s a good person. She’s just weak, and I hate weak people.”
I rubbed his chest and comforted him the only way I knew how. “Maybe you should just call the police next time it happens.”
“I’ve done that. Mom lies and says nothing is going on.”
My eyes fell in disappointment. “Perhaps a therapist?”
“I could never get her to do that. I can barely get her to leave the house because he’s so controlling.”
Maybe there wasn’t a solution to this problem.
“The only way I can make this go away is if I kill him.” He said it without emotion. “And I’ve considered it.”
Hawke was angry and had every right to be, but he wasn’t a murderer. “But you would never do it.”
“I’ve had the chance—several times. I’ve knocked him out and left his body on the floor. All I had to do was step on his skull until it caved in. Or I could have beaten him with a bat just like he used to do to me.” His eyes grew distant as he relived his painful childhood.
“You’re better than him, and you would never do that.”
“The only reason why I haven’t is because of the repercussions. If he died and I went to jail, there would be no one to take care of my mother.”
It was clear he’d given this some serious thought. “Maybe one day she’ll finally realize she needs to leave.”
He shook his head. “If she hasn’t realized it by now, she never will. She claims she loves him, but she just fears him. He’s brainwashed her into thinking his violence is an expression of love.”
“Stockholm syndrome.”
“Exactly.” The light left his eyes as he examined my face. A million things raced through his mind at once. His emotions were easy to read just by looking into his eyes, but his thoughts were another story. “If I ever—”
“Don’t go there.” He would never hurt me. He was an idiot for even thinking it.
He continued like I hadn’t said anything. “I don’t want you to forgive me for it. I want you—”
“I would beat the shit out of you.” I held his gaze as he spoke. “I wouldn’t take it lying down. I would bash your skull in and murder you in the middle of my kitchen. I’m not like your mother. I don’t put up with bullshit. But that will never happen, Hawke.”
He didn’t blink. “Promise me.”
“Promise you what?”
“That if I ever hurt you, you’ll kill me.”
This was a stupid conversation to have. “You would never lay a hand on me.”
“Promise me.” He became more forceful with his tone.
“I give you my word.”
He finally released the air from his lungs and relaxed. “Thank you.”
“You would never do something like that. How could you possibly think that?”
“I think about killing my father every day.” There was no remorse in his eyes.
“But he deserves it. You lose your temper sometimes, but you’ve never hurt anyone. Stop assuming you’re him. There’s no comparison.”
“I’d like to believe you…but I’m not sure if I can.”
“Hawke.”
He stared at me silently.
“I’m not scared of you. You shouldn’t be either.”
He turned on his back and faced the ceiling, severing the connection between our eyes.
“Don’t turn away.”
He didn’t move.
I crawled onto his chest then looked down at him. My hair fell past my shoulder and landed on his neck. “I feel safe with you, not afraid.”
His hands moved to my hips. “You do?”
“Yes.” I kissed him softly and felt my chest press against his. “I always feel safe with you. You’ll always doubt yourself until you believe in yourself. You need to stop comparing yourself to him. You’re nothing like him.”
Hawke stared at me with an unreadable look. His eyes were closed off to me and I couldn’t decipher his thoughts.
“One day you’ll believe me.”
“Maybe,” he whispered. “Someday.”
No Escape
Hawke
I finished my research for Citibank and compiled the portfolio for their recent stock trades. They invested in life insurance companies, and were getting a major return on their investment. The best thing about this job was insider information. I knew where to put my money and when to do it. With the small amount of funds I’d invested a long time ago, I’d managed to grow some considerable balances. But I kept everything in savings because I wasn’t sure when I might need it.
Sitting in my cubicle was boring. Three thin walls surrounded me, and I could overhear my neighbors talk on the phone and type on their computer. I dreamt of having my own office with a view. I’d sent out a few resumes to stockbrokers around the east coast, and quite a few in New York City, but I hadn’t gotten a call back.
And I probably wouldn’t.
Large companies hired from the inside. It was much easier than going through a stack of resumes. They might hire one person from the outside, and the probability of it being me was low.
At the end of the day, I packed up my satchel and
prepared to leave when Axel approached my desk. We interacted sometimes, mainly via email on work related matters. But we hadn’t had a personal conversation in weeks.
“Yes?” I asked as I pulled my bag over my shoulder.
He stood with his hands in his pockets. “Can we get a drink?”
He wanted to talk? Was he finally going to stop acting like a little bitch? “Sure.”
“Cool.” He rubbed the back of his neck awkwardly like he didn’t know how to behave around me.
After we clocked out, we left the building and reached the sidewalk.
“Want to go to The Grind?” It was too early to hit up a bar.
“Sure.”
“Hawke?” Her face came into my ear, and it immediately made me clench my jaw.
I turned to see Jessica walking toward me, wearing her fancy clothes and heels.
Seriously? She had to bother me right now? “Jessica, leave me alone. I’m sick of your clingy bullshit.” How long did I have to be a dick before she finally got the hint?
Axel stared at her suspiciously before he turned his angry eyes on me.
“It’s not how it looks,” I said quickly even though it made me look guilty.
Axel continued to glare at me.
I turned back to Jessica. “Fuck off. What language do I need to speak in for you to understand?”
Offense didn’t move into her eyes like it should. “Who the hell is this girl? Why is she answering your phone?”
“She’s my girlfriend. And she can answer my damn phone all she wants.”
“Girlfriend? When did you start doing that?”
“When I found the right woman.” I was a dick, but I wasn’t usually vicious. But now she was making me into an even bigger ass than ever before. “I’m sorry. I don’t know what else to say.”
“But, we’ve been together for almost a year.”
Uh, no. “We were never together. I told you we were just fucking around. I’m sorry you assumed it would lead somewhere.”
“I don’t understand…” Her eyes watered. “Why not me? Why her?”
I wanted to grip my skull and scream. “I don’t know, Jessica. There’s nothing wrong with you. But Francesca…I just know. I can’t explain it better than that. I didn’t mean to hurt you, and I’m sorry for that. But you need to stop calling me and following me around.”
She crossed her arms over her chest and blinked her eyes quickly.
